In the contemporary world, there is a popular opinion among teachers and parents that children must be able to play a musical instrument. Even though it has a lot of benefits and can give many opportunities for kids, I disagree with this statement. From my perspective, it should be a personal choice of a child and this type of additional activity or hobby might be unsuitable for some of them.
To commence with, rarely do parents want to provide their children with a better life and improve their abilities in many areas. Therefore, usually, they prefer to give their child a musical knowledge. However, people should notice that everyone even children, has their preferences and hobbies. For example, sports activities, chess, dancing, or drawing. It means, that if there is no desire, then the child will easily abandon this business and waste his time. And the parent’s concern might come up with negative consequences.
Additionally, learning how to play a musical instrument like guitar, piano, violin requires a lot of time, patience, and perseverance. Since some people cannot sit in one place for a long time and professionally control their bodies, the musical area might not suit those children. For example, people who play the piano should have an ear for music and be able to skillfully control their fingers. Since it depends on the character and personality of each person, educators cannot teach children what does not suit them and do not like.
In conclusion, I can say that each person has the right to choose the sphere where he wants to improve in the future. That is the reason for adults to notice the children’s preferences and interest in hobbies before teaching something.
LOEY In the contemporary world, there is a popular opinion among teachers and parents that children should be able to play a musical instrument. Even though it has a lot of benefits and can give many opportunities for kids, I disagree with this statement. From my perspective, it should be a personal choice of a child and this type of additional activity or hobby might be unsuitable for some of them.
To commence with, rarely? Often do parents want to provide their children with a better life and improve their abilities in many areas. – topic sentence should contain only 1 idea.(better life or abilities). Secondly there is no thesis in it. What is your argument? Therefore, usually, they prefer to give their child a musical knowledge. – you mean all parents dream to provide a musical knowledge to their kids? Overgeneralization However, people should notice that everyone even children, has their preferences and hobbies. For example, sports activities, chess, dancing, or drawing. It means, that if there is no desire, then the child will easily abandon this business and waste his time. And (“and” particle links the sentences, never use it as a start in academic writing) the parent’s s’(plural?) concern might come up with negative consequences.
Additionally, learning how to play a musical instrument like guitar, piano, violin requires a lot of time, patience, and perseverance. – Thesis??? Since some people cannot sit in one place for a long time and professionally ? (not clear) control their bodies, the musical area might not suit those children. For example, people who play the piano should have an ear for music and be able to skillfully control their fingers. Since it depends on the character and personality of each person, educators cannot teach children what does not suit them and what they do not like.
In conclusion, I can say that each person has the right to choose the sphere where he wants to improve in the future. That is the reason for adults to notice the children’s preferences and interest in hobbies before teaching something. TA – 5,5 (not fully opens the question, repetition of the same ideas) CC – 5,5 (attempts to be consistent but fails in many parts) GR – 6,0 (lack variety of sentence structures) LR – 6, 0 (medium vocabulary with some awkward application) Overall – 5,5 Work on your mistakes and publish edited version 3
Music and art play a vital role in a persons' life and are quite beneficial, especially to be a well-rounded individual. Due to this, some teachers are convinced that students must be taught to play musical instruments. I do not agree with this statement since not every person has a talent for art as well as a desire to learn it.
On the one hand, learning how to play a musical instrument can be useful in a way that would improve the mental health of a child. It is scientifically proved that music and art engage almost all brain parts during learning. However, when a person finally learns it, the brain parts lower their activation and become relaxed due to the strong neuro connections. As a result, children would relax by focusing on the instrument, find peace and harmony with themselves in it.
On the other hand, sometimes children are not born to play instruments and to be in a musical sphere. They have their own desires, perhaps like to concentrate on sciences or find harmony and peace in solving the equations. Likewise, children would waste their time by learning how to play instruments against their will. Instead of that, they could concentrate on more important things for them, hone their skills, which can be necessary for the future.
In conclusion, each student has the right to act according to his/her wishes and should not be forced to learn playing instruments. I believe that, if children wanted to be taught to it, they would learn it anyway - without any enforcement.
Music and art play a vital role in a persons' ‘s (singular) life and are quite beneficial, especially to be a well-rounded individual. Due to this, some teachers are convinced that students must (are to) be taught to play musical instruments. I do not agree with this statement since not every person has a talent for art as well as a desire to learn it.
On the one hand, learning how to play a musical instrument can be useful in a way that would improve the mental health of a child. It is scientifically proved that music and art engage almost all brain parts during learning. However, when a person finally learns it, the brain parts lower their activation and become relaxed due to the strong neuro-connections. As a result, children would relax by focusing on the instrument, and find peace and harmony with themselves in it.
On the other hand, sometimes children are not born to play instruments and to be in a musical sphere. They have their own desires, perhaps like to concentrate on sciences or find harmony and peace in solving the equations. Likewise, children would waste their time by learning how to play instruments against their will. Instead of that, they could concentrate on more important things for them, such as honing their skills, which in turn can be necessary for their future.
In conclusion, each student has the right to act according to his/her wishes and should not be forced to learn playing instruments. I believe that, if children wanted to be taught to it, they would learn it anyway - without any enforcement. TA – 8 (well done) CC – 8 (well done) GR – 7 (some minor errors) LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary) Overall – 7,5 Edit and publish version 3
Some pedagogues consider that children must be educated to play a musical instrument, while others argue that it should be children’s own choice. From my perspective, despite the benefits of playing musical instruments, every child has a right to choose how to spend their spare time.
First of all, pupils have various talents such as singing, dancing, composing poems, playing football and eloquent public speaking. As independent individuals, children have an opportunity to devote their time to favourite activities. It is essential to give children freedom of choice as it assists in building pupils’ personality in their junior ages. Every student must have an opportunity to choose their extracurricular activities and balance this with academic subjects.
Secondly, pushing boys and girls to learn musical instruments could bring daunting consequences. For example, a child, who has not an ability to play one of the instruments, may feel apprehensive, lose his/her confidence and lose aspirations. Moreover, they may waste time as this activity can be unnecessary in the future. For instance, some students may be engaged in science and want to spend their time in laboratories or in the library instead of learning how to play in the musical instrument. Consequently, they lose their concentration on science and have less time for activities that make them delighted.
To conclude, it is clear that playing a musical instrument makes children better-rounded and enhances verbal skills. Personally, I reckon that every child must have a choice to choose their extracurricular activity which they are interested in.
Lucky lady Some pedagogues consider that children should be educated to play a musical instrument, while others argue that it should be children’s own choice. From my perspective, despite the benefits of playing musical instruments, every child has a right to choose how to spend their spare time.
First of all, pupils have various talents such as singing, dancing, composing poems, playing football and eloquent public speaking. – poor topic sentence. Where is the thesis? As independent individuals, children have an opportunity to devote their time to favorite activities. It is essential to give children freedom of choice as it assists in building pupils’ personality in their junior ages. Every student must have an opportunity to choose their extracurricular activities and balance this with academic subjects. – This sentence fits as a topic sentence!!!
Secondly, pushing boys and girls to learn musical instruments could bring daunting consequences. – Excellent topic sentence! Where is elaboration/explanation sentence? You are giving example immediately without explaining your thesis. For example, a child, who has not an ability to play one of the instruments, may feel apprehensive, lose his/her confidence and lose aspirations. Moreover, they may waste time as this activity can be unnecessary in the future. For instance, some students may be engaged in science and want to spend their time in laboratories or in the library instead of learning how to play in the musical instrument. Consequently, they lose their concentration on science and have less time for activities that make them delighted.
To conclude, it is clear that playing a musical instrument makes children better-rounded and enhances verbal skills. – But you didn’t mention these points. Personally, I reckon that every child must have a choice to choose their extracurricular activity which they are interested in. TA – 6,5 (not fully answers the question) CC – 5,5 (revise the paragraph structure) GR – 7,0 (some minor errors) LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary) Overall – 6,5 Edit and publish version 3
The education in schools is changing due to the growing feeling that students have to take classes not only in science subjects but also in music-related ones. The proponents of this idea claim every child should be able to play an instrument by the time they finish school. Personally, I think the implementation of such a practice is both feasible and benefial, but the administration should leave students the choice.
It is no secret that not in all schools, music instruments are offered for the students. The budget of an education department of the country is unevenly allocated, therefore such classes can not be maintained. However, if it becomes obligatory, educational institutions will be provided with instruments and teachers of the musical sphere will be hired. Overall, people who advocate this idea merely committed to bringing that positive development in schools.
On the other hand, students do not have to be forced to learn how to play a musical instrument unless they do not show a desire to do so. It is a crucial factor in that question of either they should take such classes or not. If their reluctance is noticed, then neither school administration nor their parents ought not to exert any amount of pressure on them. Afterall, obviously, when children do what they would like to do, it makes them more eager to engage with the material.
In conclusion, encouraging students to be versatile is one of the great ideas that people came up with. However, in my opinion, it is better when different options are available and also children capable to decide if he or she need those classes.
Is secret countable? Is can not one word? unless they do not show a desire - Can you revise the usage of Unless? Do we use not after it? I see lots of repetition of "do". Read this essay outloud, record it and listen to it.
Raj from your dreams The education in schools is changing due to the growing feeling that students have to take classes not only in science subjects but also in music-related ones. The proponents of this idea claim that every child should be able to play an instrument by the time they finish school. Personally, I think the implementation of such a practice is both feasible and beneficial, but the administration should leave students the choice.
It is no secret that not in all schools, music instruments are offered for the students. – topic sentence lacks thesis The budget of an education department of the country is unevenly allocated, therefore such classes can not be maintained. – needs more explanation However, if it becomes obligatory, educational institutions will be provided with instruments and teachers of the musical sphere will be hired. – and then what will it bring? Overall, people who advocate this idea merely committed to bringing that positive development in schools. – How and why?
On the other hand, students do not have to be forced to learn how to play a musical instrument unless they do not show a desire to do so. It is a crucial factor in that question of either they should take such classes or not. If their reluctance is noticed, then neither school administration nor their parents ought not to exert any amount of pressure on them. Afterall, obviously, when children do what they would like to do, it makes them more eager to engage with the material. – which can be said about any subject at school.
In conclusion, encouraging students to be versatile is one of the great ideas that people came up with. However, in my opinion, it is better when different options are available and also children capable to decide if he or she need those classes. TA – 5,5 (partially attempts to cover the topic) CC – 5,5 (inconsistent ideas, revise paragraph structure) LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary) GR – 7,5 (good job) Overall: 6
It is thought by some pedagogues that music and art play are the most significant factors affecting the development of children. Kids ought to learn to play musical instrument. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement, because the choice should always remain with the child.
For are variety of reasons it would be incorrect to force coming generation to learn how to play musical instrument. Everything depends on student and child’s abilities to play an instrument. For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players. Undoubtedly, playing musical instruments has enormous impact on our brain and thinking abilities. However, not everyone might be interested in it.
Another point to consider is that musical instruments are quite expensive. So, there is a little chance that all public schools or private education centers will be provided by necessary equipment. Also, a family might not have enough money if a child wants to learn piano or buy a quality guitar. There are also related expenses that include the fees for private lessons. There is a study done by Canadian scientists in 2020 on the topic “Impact of acoustic music on a child's emotional growth”. According to the statistics, more than half of participants of this survey acknowledged that they don’t have an access to quality equipment. They admitted that they would rather enroll their children in sport sections.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that playing or not playing musical instrument is a choice of every individual and especially every child. So, it would be proper to give children an opportunity to choose their hobby.
kid- is not an academic word, please don't use it. don’t have- and especially every child.- missing word their hobby.- are we talking about hobbies? to learn piano- correct this please For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players.- Can we use here expression such as to be into or keen on? to play musical instrument- is this a countable noun?
Heisenberg It is thought by some pedagogues that music and art play are the most significant factors affecting the development of children. Kids (children/adolescents/teenagers) ought to learn to play musical instrument. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement, because the choice should always remain with the child.
For a variety of reasons it would be incorrect to force upcoming generation to learn how to play musical instrument. Everything depends on student and child’s abilities to play an instrument. – this sentence should follow explanation of what abilities are required, not with the example. For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players. – And what? Explain or elaborate! Undoubtedly, playing musical instruments has enormous impact on our brain and thinking abilities. – How? However, not everyone might be interested in it.
Another point to consider is that musical instruments are quite expensive. So, there is a little chance that all public schools or private education centers will be provided by necessary equipment. Also, a (some) family might not have enough money if a child wants to learn piano or buy a quality guitar. There are also related expenses that include the fees for private lessons. There is a study done by Canadian scientists in 2020 on the topic “Impact of acoustic music on a child's emotional growth”. – doubtful data! According to the statistics, more than half of participants of this survey acknowledged that they don’t have an access to quality equipment. They admitted that they would rather enroll their children in sport sections. – Nice paragraph!
In conclusion, I strongly believe that playing or not playing musical instrument is a choice of every individual and especially every child. So, it would be proper to give children an opportunity to choose their hobby. TA – 5,5, (partially covers the topic points) CC – 6,0 (some inconsistency and lack of elaboration) LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary) GR – 6,5 (minor errors) Overall - 6,0
In contemporary world, there a lot of ways of improving children's thinking skills.Many mentors think that all children should know, how to play at least on one musical instrument. I totally disagree that every child should play on musical instrument, because, it depends on human's desire and interests, there a lot of other ways of mental development, administration should leave students the choice.
First of all, children should do what they want to do. Every student or child has own interests and educators should give them the right to choose own way. For instance, some children prefer to play video or computer games instead of playing on musical instruments. Video games also can be useful for children's mental development.The study found that students who played online games almost every day scored 15 points above average in maths and reading tests and 17 points above average in science. Turning to the other side of an argument, playing on musical instruments is really useful for children. Musical instrument like piano,guitar can bring down stress and good affect for memory of children. But, they are useful only for some part of children.Other part has own interests, it is why I am disagree that every child should play on musical instruments. In conclusion, I think that musical instruments are good affect for children,however every child should choose own way of mental development and having a fun,but not what the teacher said.
Rakamakafo In contemporary world, there a lot of ways of improving children's thinking skills. Many mentors think that all children should know, how to play at least on one musical instrument. I totally disagree that every child should play on musical instrument, because, it depends on human's desire and interests, there a lot of other ways of mental development, administration should leave students the choice.
First of all, children should do what they want to do. Every student or child has own interests and educators should give them the right to choose their own way. For instance, some children prefer to play video or computer games instead of playing on musical instruments. Video games also can be useful for children's mental development. The study found that students who played online games almost every day scored 15 points above average in Mathematics and reading tests and 17 points above average in science. Turning to the other side of an argument, playing on musical instruments is really useful for children. Musical instrument like piano, or guitar can bring down stress and affect positively on memory of children. But, they are useful only for some part of children. – never start your sentence with particle “but”, as it is a linker Other part has own interests, that is why I disagree that every child should play on musical instruments. In conclusion, I think that musical instruments are good affect for children, however every child should choose own way of mental development and having a fun, but not what the teacher said. Underlenght!!!!!!!!!!!! TA – 5,0 (attempts to answer the question) CC – 5,0 (difficult to follow writers idea) LR – 6,0 (below average vocabulary) GR – 4,5 (primitive grammar Tenses, prepositions, etc) Overall – 5,0
Many tutors argue that teaching students to play a musical instrument is indispensable part of a school education.From my perspective,I totally agree that having such a skill from school years has a crucial effect on their future. Not only playing a musical instrument develops creativity and Ńonnects with art, but also teaches patience and discipline - important qualities for study other subjects too. First of all, introducing music in the school years can help foster a positive attitude toward learning and curiosity. Artistic education develops the whole brain and develops a child’s imagination. Moreover, by making students all rounded this skill also increases their chance to apply to the best universities and to get a good job. Secondly, playing an instrument means having to persevere through hours, days and possibly years of practice.Schoolers will have to take the time to practice and discipline to master their instrument.In fact, according to Oxford University research,lack of discipline is one of the main reasons young people don’t perform well in education and other areas of life. In conclusion,taking into account all written above, I strongly agree that having a subject in the school curriculum for studying playing a musical instrument is beneficial for the child and has great advantages.
The majority of pedagogues reckon that each individual should be able to play a musical instrument. Obviously, such capability has a plenty of benefits including development of memory capacity, social skills and exposing new cultures. As for me personally, I agree that contributing children to become well-rounded students by pushing them to acquire at least one musical instrument is crucial, however they have to choose music independently, without forcing by parents or educators.
There are dozens of avails of playing a musical instrument and because of them it is worth to be tought as other basic science subjects at school. First of all, music is a reflection of history and throughout studying it students broaden their horizons gaining cognizance about cultures such as baroque. Secondly, when a person can play some out of the way instruments, it attracts others and always has an advantage which might sometimes help to admit a college. And finally, music promotes human’s artistic side which is tightly connected with creativity. Accordingly, enhanced critical thinking allows kids to easily expand their problem-solving skills. Thus, I can surely say that playing a musical instrument would never be redundant.
Although we must consider children’s own desires and avoid forcing them to be engaged only in the sphere of music just because it is valuable. There are many other activities that are not less wholesome than music. For instance, playing football or any different type of sport is also beneficial. Therefore, primarily we have to get introduced aspiration of a child.
To summarize, I want to say that playing a musical instrument has a lot of benefits such as development of math skills and memory and simultaneously we cannot force all kids to study it as well as they might be not interested in it.
The vast majority of teachers think that every kid ought to possess a basic knowledge of musical instruments. I strongly agree with this claim and believe that it could be handy for children in their development, therefore, they would be versatile, and cultural.
Initially, music, that is being taught, introduces a new area of art to children. It is often believed that children's abilities could be developed by teaching new things to them. Therefore, not only does this basic knowledge expands the knowledge horizon, but it also makes a child versatile in the long run. For instance, a group of scientists in 2014 has revealed that youngsters who play musical instruments show more performance in different scientific tasks, especially critical thinking than children who do not play. As a consequence, playing guitars, pianos, "dombyras" provide new aspects, areas in life, school to learn on and be familiarized in the near future.
Secondly, there are no secrets that music is closely related to every nation's culture. Thus, studying and continuing this "tradition" has a valuable role in teaching to play musical instruments. Take for example widely known African cultures are closely bonded with it and based on a whole epoch of musical tools such as shakers, gongs and bells, which emphasize their uniqueness. Moreover, instruments were used to develop spiritually and settle down. Therefore, the importance of music in culture and history cannot be emphasized too much even in our days. As a result, it would be grateful to teach youngsters the thing that is going on for a thousand years.
In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that children ought to be taught how to play musical instruments, it was considered that it provides a plethora of opportunities for youngsters.
There is a claim suggested by pedagogues that each student should be able to play music. I totally agree with this statement because it would give children way of self-expression and benefit their personality.
Initially, new professions of our time demand a variety of skills from employees as imagination and thinking out of the box. Consequently, youngsters could develop themselves by playing a guitar or violent. According to British scientists in Norfolk, children who have mastered art in young ages have better degree of memory, task-solving and thinking in extraordinary way in comparison to those who haven’t. Despite the fact that sense and taste of music occurs in elder ages, it is vital to start working with younger students who have more free time as well as less stress due to the lessons in higher classes.
Secondly, music is the essential part of our lives and history. Rarely have people rejected to listen to music. Furthermore, a plenty of great people and royalty learned to play music due the fact that it is the way of expressing thoughts and ideas by instruments. Our ancestors created them for this purpose before creating language, government and far more melaenas ago. Therefore, youth would be able to discover art deeply, get rid of stress and establish strong personality.
In conclusion, I am of the view that such skills are worth of learning because of their necessity in human community as well as human nature. However, I would dismiss idea of forced learning of music what would rather distract them from major subjects than teaching them.
The benefits of pushing students to learn at least one musical instrument starting from a primary school have become an issue of broad interest. Therefore, some people consider that the role of playing a musical instrument should be reinterpreted in modern society. In my opinion, early exposure to music is crucial in shaping a well-rounded personality of a child. I totally agree that the leisure time activity of playing an instrument should be incorporated into a student`s daily life.
On the one hand, practicing to play a musical instrument requires a proper amount of time commitment, which might be a problem for children that are already overwhelmed by homework. However, this does not have to be hours and hours each day. Even though one ought to spend adequate time practicing, it all depends on the organizational skills of a learner.
On the other hand, involvement in musical performance has proven to enhance people`s brain development. When one is taught to play an instrument, he or she is granted an opportunity to read, decode the notes, play the instrument as well as listen at the same time. As a result, this practice maximizes brain activity by improving the cognitive skills of individuals. There are considerable examples of this concept in history such as Einstein, who played the violin as did Donald Glaser, who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1960 for his Bubble Chamber invention. Not only does this boost the critical thinking of a student, but it also enables them to shape a personality by contributing to the development of responsibility and passion.
In conclusion, with the right time management, if children are encouraged to play an instrument, they are more likely to benefit a lot from this valuable experience.
It is thought by some people that the skills to play musical instruments are vital for every single child. I disagree with that belief because it should depend only on the child’s desire and concerns, and of course, sometimes it can affect negatively on the attitude to the music. Firstly, parents should be aware of the activities and hobbies that can be fascinating for their child. They should ensure certain conditions to find interests in a variety of fields. For example, they can go with their offspring to the football clubs, or to the swimming sections, where a person will realize what to expect and the motivation to be engaged in further. Undoubtedly, this tremendous contribution to the future development of children should improve the establishing child’s desire and prevent huge problems as their interests were not taken into account. Another point to consider is that parents’ decision to force their offspring to be taught playing musical instruments can lead to the reluctance to learn it. If it happens, children will start to hate the sphere of music, which also has a negative influence on their attitude. Moreover, children will not be focused to work hard, so that the entire efforts of parents are going to be ruined. To conclude, parents should not force their children to do what they do not want to, and attend the undesired lessons. Instead, it is vital to assist children to choose their hobby which inspires and develop their skills.
Leave a space between paragraphs in your next version. It is a must do in IELTS writing if you are not indenting your paragraphs. - affect negatively on the attitude- affect does not require preposition Instead of firstly use first and foremost -to the football clubs - revise usage of articles -to the swimming sections- why section? What does section mean? -where a person will realize what to expect and the motivation to be engaged in further. -reconsider -also has a negative influence- may have so that the entire efforts- change this connector. What does so that mean?
Some pedagogues support the idea of music education. I partially agree with this statement, as despite its benefits as improving cognitive skills and personality, this lesson might be unnecessary for other students who are likely to study other subjects.
First of all, I believe that any extracurricular activity has a positive impact on children’s development, and playing a musical instrument is not an exception. Learning process will increase the brain activity which is significant for enhancement of creativity, memory and patience along with exploring new cultures. In spite of the fact that this subject requires extra effort, I am of the view that music classes will teach juniors how to become more responsible and even inspire them and assist in finding their direction in this life. For instance, not all the parents are aware musical abilities of their child, and classes such as this will reveal young talents. Moreover, music rooms can be considered as a great way to relieve the stress after a long school day.
On the other hand, mandatory lessons might be challenging for some students due to the lack of necessary skills and interest. This will lead to undesired consequences such losing motivation or negative impact on academic performance. I cannot deny the benefits of performing music, however schools should not force children to investigate it, and instead provide them with a wide range of additional activities or arts depending on students’ favor. Unfortunately, another point is that music rooms often requests quality musical instruments or even individual sessions which costs expensive, and not all the families can afford such expenses.
To sum up, from my perspective, music programs is crucial point in child’s growth but learners should be passionate about them and have the right to make a choice. Factors including youngster’s enthusiasm, mastery and financial position should be primarily taken into account.
In the contemporary world, there is a popular opinion among teachers and parents that children must be able to play a musical instrument. Even though it has a lot of benefits and can give many opportunities for kids, I disagree with this statement. From my perspective, it should be a personal choice of a child and this type of additional activity or hobby might be unsuitable for some of them.
ReplyDeleteTo commence with, rarely do parents want to provide their children with a better life and improve their abilities in many areas. Therefore, usually, they prefer to give their child a musical knowledge. However, people should notice that everyone even children, has their preferences and hobbies. For example, sports activities, chess, dancing, or drawing. It means, that if there is no desire, then the child will easily abandon this business and waste his time. And the parent’s concern might come up with negative consequences.
Additionally, learning how to play a musical instrument like guitar, piano, violin requires a lot of time, patience, and perseverance. Since some people cannot sit in one place for a long time and professionally control their bodies, the musical area might not suit those children. For example, people who play the piano should have an ear for music and be able to skillfully control their fingers. Since it depends on the character and personality of each person, educators cannot teach children what does not suit them and do not like.
In conclusion, I can say that each person has the right to choose the sphere where he wants to improve in the future. That is the reason for adults to notice the children’s preferences and interest in hobbies before teaching something.
LOEY
DeleteIn the contemporary world, there is a popular opinion among teachers and parents that children should be able to play a musical instrument. Even though it has a lot of benefits and can give many opportunities for kids, I disagree with this statement. From my perspective, it should be a personal choice of a child and this type of additional activity or hobby might be unsuitable for some of them.
To commence with, rarely? Often do parents want to provide their children with a better life and improve their abilities in many areas. – topic sentence should contain only 1 idea.(better life or abilities). Secondly there is no thesis in it. What is your argument?
Therefore, usually, they prefer to give their child a musical knowledge. – you mean all parents dream to provide a musical knowledge to their kids? Overgeneralization
However, people should notice that everyone even children, has their preferences and hobbies. For example, sports activities, chess, dancing, or drawing. It means, that if there is no desire, then the child will easily abandon this business and waste his time. And (“and” particle links the sentences, never use it as a start in academic writing) the parent’s s’(plural?) concern might come up with negative consequences.
Additionally, learning how to play a musical instrument like guitar, piano, violin requires a lot of time, patience, and perseverance. – Thesis???
Since some people cannot sit in one place for a long time and professionally ? (not clear) control their bodies, the musical area might not suit those children. For example, people who play the piano should have an ear for music and be able to skillfully control their fingers. Since it depends on the character and personality of each person, educators cannot teach children what does not suit them and what they do not like.
In conclusion, I can say that each person has the right to choose the sphere where he wants to improve in the future. That is the reason for adults to notice the children’s preferences and interest in hobbies before teaching something.
TA – 5,5 (not fully opens the question, repetition of the same ideas)
CC – 5,5 (attempts to be consistent but fails in many parts)
GR – 6,0 (lack variety of sentence structures)
LR – 6, 0 (medium vocabulary with some awkward application)
Overall – 5,5
Work on your mistakes and publish edited version 3
Music and art play a vital role in a persons' life and are quite beneficial, especially to be a well-rounded individual. Due to this, some teachers are convinced that students must be taught to play musical instruments. I do not agree with this statement since not every person has a talent for art as well as a desire to learn it.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, learning how to play a musical instrument can be useful in a way that would improve the mental health of a child. It is scientifically proved that music and art engage almost all brain parts during learning. However, when a person finally learns it, the brain parts lower their activation and become relaxed due to the strong neuro connections. As a result, children would relax by focusing on the instrument, find peace and harmony with themselves in it.
On the other hand, sometimes children are not born to play instruments and to be in a musical sphere. They have their own desires, perhaps like to concentrate on sciences or find harmony and peace in solving the equations. Likewise, children would waste their time by learning how to play instruments against their will. Instead of that, they could concentrate on more important things for them, hone their skills, which can be necessary for the future.
In conclusion, each student has the right to act according to his/her wishes and should not be forced to learn playing instruments. I believe that, if children wanted to be taught to it, they would learn it anyway - without any enforcement.
Music and art play a vital role in a persons' ‘s (singular) life and are quite beneficial, especially to be a well-rounded individual. Due to this, some teachers are convinced that students must (are to) be taught to play musical instruments. I do not agree with this statement since not every person has a talent for art as well as a desire to learn it.
DeleteOn the one hand, learning how to play a musical instrument can be useful in a way that would improve the mental health of a child. It is scientifically proved that music and art engage almost all brain parts during learning. However, when a person finally learns it, the brain parts lower their activation and become relaxed due to the strong neuro-connections. As a result, children would relax by focusing on the instrument, and find peace and harmony with themselves in it.
On the other hand, sometimes children are not born to play instruments and to be in a musical sphere. They have their own desires, perhaps like to concentrate on sciences or find harmony and peace in solving the equations. Likewise, children would waste their time by learning how to play instruments against their will. Instead of that, they could concentrate on more important things for them, such as honing their skills, which in turn can be necessary for their future.
In conclusion, each student has the right to act according to his/her wishes and should not be forced to learn playing instruments. I believe that, if children wanted to be taught to it, they would learn it anyway - without any enforcement.
TA – 8 (well done)
CC – 8 (well done)
GR – 7 (some minor errors)
LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary)
Overall – 7,5
Edit and publish version 3
Some pedagogues consider that children must be educated to play a musical instrument, while others argue that it should be children’s own choice. From my perspective, despite the benefits of playing musical instruments, every child has a right to choose how to spend their spare time.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, pupils have various talents such as singing, dancing, composing poems, playing football and eloquent public speaking. As independent individuals, children have an opportunity to devote their time to favourite activities. It is essential to give children freedom of choice as it assists in building pupils’ personality in their junior ages. Every student must have an opportunity to choose their extracurricular activities and balance this with academic subjects.
Secondly, pushing boys and girls to learn musical instruments could bring daunting consequences. For example, a child, who has not an ability to play one of the instruments, may feel apprehensive, lose his/her confidence and lose aspirations. Moreover, they may waste time as this activity can be unnecessary in the future. For instance, some students may be engaged in science and want to spend their time in laboratories or in the library instead of learning how to play in the musical instrument. Consequently, they lose their concentration on science and have less time for activities that make them delighted.
To conclude, it is clear that playing a musical instrument makes children better-rounded and enhances verbal skills. Personally, I reckon that every child must have a choice to choose their extracurricular activity which they are interested in.
Lucky lady
DeleteSome pedagogues consider that children should be educated to play a musical instrument, while others argue that it should be children’s own choice. From my perspective, despite the benefits of playing musical instruments, every child has a right to choose how to spend their spare time.
First of all, pupils have various talents such as singing, dancing, composing poems, playing football and eloquent public speaking. – poor topic sentence. Where is the thesis? As independent individuals, children have an opportunity to devote their time to favorite activities. It is essential to give children freedom of choice as it assists in building pupils’ personality in their junior ages. Every student must have an opportunity to choose their extracurricular activities and balance this with academic subjects. – This sentence fits as a topic sentence!!!
Secondly, pushing boys and girls to learn musical instruments could bring daunting consequences. – Excellent topic sentence!
Where is elaboration/explanation sentence? You are giving example immediately without explaining your thesis.
For example, a child, who has not an ability to play one of the instruments, may feel apprehensive, lose his/her confidence and lose aspirations. Moreover, they may waste time as this activity can be unnecessary in the future. For instance, some students may be engaged in science and want to spend their time in laboratories or in the library instead of learning how to play in the musical instrument. Consequently, they lose their concentration on science and have less time for activities that make them delighted.
To conclude, it is clear that playing a musical instrument makes children better-rounded and enhances verbal skills. – But you didn’t mention these points.
Personally, I reckon that every child must have a choice to choose their extracurricular activity which they are interested in.
TA – 6,5 (not fully answers the question)
CC – 5,5 (revise the paragraph structure)
GR – 7,0 (some minor errors)
LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary)
Overall – 6,5
Edit and publish version 3
The education in schools is changing due to the growing feeling that students have to take classes not only in science subjects but also in music-related ones. The proponents of this idea claim every child should be able to play an instrument by the time they finish school. Personally, I think the implementation of such a practice is both feasible and benefial, but the administration should leave students the choice.
ReplyDeleteIt is no secret that not in all schools, music instruments are offered for the students. The budget of an education department of the country is unevenly allocated, therefore such classes can not be maintained. However, if it becomes obligatory, educational institutions will be provided with instruments and teachers of the musical sphere will be hired. Overall, people who advocate this idea merely committed to bringing that positive development in schools.
On the other hand, students do not have to be forced to learn how to play a musical instrument unless they do not show a desire to do so. It is a crucial factor in that question of either they should take such classes or not. If their reluctance is noticed, then neither school administration nor their parents ought not to exert any amount of pressure on them. Afterall, obviously, when children do what they would like to do, it makes them more eager to engage with the material.
In conclusion, encouraging students to be versatile is one of the great ideas that people came up with. However, in my opinion, it is better when different options are available and also children capable to decide if he or she need those classes.
Is secret countable?
DeleteIs can not one word?
unless they do not show a desire - Can you revise the usage of Unless? Do we use not after it?
I see lots of repetition of "do". Read this essay outloud, record it and listen to it.
Hi! Thank you so much for this feedback, I will reconsider whst you said and write version 3.
DeleteRaj from your dreams
DeleteThe education in schools is changing due to the growing feeling that students have to take classes not only in science subjects but also in music-related ones. The proponents of this idea claim that every child should be able to play an instrument by the time they finish school. Personally, I think the implementation of such a practice is both feasible and beneficial, but the administration should leave students the choice.
It is no secret that not in all schools, music instruments are offered for the students. – topic sentence lacks thesis
The budget of an education department of the country is unevenly allocated, therefore such classes can not be maintained. – needs more explanation
However, if it becomes obligatory, educational institutions will be provided with instruments and teachers of the musical sphere will be hired. – and then what will it bring?
Overall, people who advocate this idea merely committed to bringing that positive development in schools. – How and why?
On the other hand, students do not have to be forced to learn how to play a musical instrument unless they do not show a desire to do so. It is a crucial factor in that question of either they should take such classes or not. If their reluctance is noticed, then neither school administration nor their parents ought not to exert any amount of pressure on them. Afterall, obviously, when children do what they would like to do, it makes them more eager to engage with the material. – which can be said about any subject at school.
In conclusion, encouraging students to be versatile is one of the great ideas that people came up with. However, in my opinion, it is better when different options are available and also children capable to decide if he or she need those classes.
TA – 5,5 (partially attempts to cover the topic)
CC – 5,5 (inconsistent ideas, revise paragraph structure)
LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary)
GR – 7,5 (good job)
Overall: 6
It is thought by some pedagogues that music and art play are the most significant factors affecting the development of children. Kids ought to learn to play musical instrument. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement, because the choice should always remain with the child.
ReplyDeleteFor are variety of reasons it would be incorrect to force coming generation to learn how to play musical instrument. Everything depends on student and child’s abilities to play an instrument. For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players. Undoubtedly, playing musical instruments has enormous impact on our brain and thinking abilities. However, not everyone might be interested in it.
Another point to consider is that musical instruments are quite expensive. So, there is a little chance that all public schools or private education centers will be provided by necessary equipment. Also, a family might not have enough money if a child wants to learn piano or buy a quality guitar. There are also related expenses that include the fees for private lessons. There is a study done by Canadian scientists in 2020 on the topic “Impact of acoustic music on a child's emotional growth”. According to the statistics, more than half of participants of this survey acknowledged that they don’t have an access to quality equipment. They admitted that they would rather enroll their children in sport sections.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that playing or not playing musical instrument is a choice of every individual and especially every child. So, it would be proper to give children an opportunity to choose their hobby.
kid- is not an academic word, please don't use it.
Deletedon’t have-
and especially every child.- missing word
their hobby.- are we talking about hobbies?
to learn piano- correct this please
For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players.- Can we use here expression such as to be into or keen on?
to play musical instrument- is this a countable noun?
Heisenberg
DeleteIt is thought by some pedagogues that music and art play are the most significant factors affecting the development of children. Kids (children/adolescents/teenagers) ought to learn to play musical instrument. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement, because the choice should always remain with the child.
For a variety of reasons it would be incorrect to force upcoming generation to learn how to play musical instrument. Everything depends on student and child’s abilities to play an instrument. – this sentence should follow explanation of what abilities are required, not with the example.
For instance, some children tend to pay more attention to mathematics or from childhood, some kids might be noticed as talented football players. – And what? Explain or elaborate!
Undoubtedly, playing musical instruments has enormous impact on our brain and thinking abilities. – How?
However, not everyone might be interested in it.
Another point to consider is that musical instruments are quite expensive. So, there is a little chance that all public schools or private education centers will be provided by necessary equipment. Also, a (some) family might not have enough money if a child wants to learn piano or buy a quality guitar. There are also related expenses that include the fees for private lessons. There is a study done by Canadian scientists in 2020 on the topic “Impact of acoustic music on a child's emotional growth”. – doubtful data!
According to the statistics, more than half of participants of this survey acknowledged that they don’t have an access to quality equipment. They admitted that they would rather enroll their children in sport sections. – Nice paragraph!
In conclusion, I strongly believe that playing or not playing musical instrument is a choice of every individual and especially every child. So, it would be proper to give children an opportunity to choose their hobby.
TA – 5,5, (partially covers the topic points)
CC – 6,0 (some inconsistency and lack of elaboration)
LR – 6,5 (average vocabulary)
GR – 6,5 (minor errors)
Overall - 6,0
In contemporary world, there a lot of ways of improving children's thinking skills.Many mentors think that all children should know, how to play at least on one musical instrument. I totally disagree that every child should play on musical instrument, because, it depends on human's desire and interests, there a lot of other ways of mental development, administration should leave students the choice.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, children should do what they want to do. Every student or child has own interests and educators should give them the right to choose own way. For instance, some children prefer to play video or computer games instead of playing on musical instruments. Video games also can be useful for children's mental development.The study found that students who played online games almost every day scored 15 points above average in maths and reading tests and 17 points above average in science.
Turning to the other side of an argument, playing on musical instruments is really useful for children. Musical instrument like piano,guitar can bring down stress and good affect for memory of children. But, they are useful only for some part of children.Other part has own interests, it is why I am disagree that every child should play on musical instruments.
In conclusion, I think that musical instruments are good affect for children,however every child should choose own way of mental development and having a fun,but not what the teacher said.
Rakamakafo
DeleteIn contemporary world, there a lot of ways of improving children's thinking skills. Many mentors think that all children should know, how to play at least on one musical instrument. I totally disagree that every child should play on musical instrument, because, it depends on human's desire and interests, there a lot of other ways of mental development, administration should leave students the choice.
First of all, children should do what they want to do. Every student or child has own interests and educators should give them the right to choose their own way. For instance, some children prefer to play video or computer games instead of playing on musical instruments. Video games also can be useful for children's mental development. The study found that students who played online games almost every day scored 15 points above average in Mathematics and reading tests and 17 points above average in science.
Turning to the other side of an argument, playing on musical instruments is really useful for children. Musical instrument like piano, or guitar can bring down stress and affect positively on memory of children. But, they are useful only for some part of children. – never start your sentence with particle “but”, as it is a linker
Other part has own interests, that is why I disagree that every child should play on musical instruments.
In conclusion, I think that musical instruments are good affect for children, however every child should choose own way of mental development and having a fun, but not what the teacher said.
Underlenght!!!!!!!!!!!!
TA – 5,0 (attempts to answer the question)
CC – 5,0 (difficult to follow writers idea)
LR – 6,0 (below average vocabulary)
GR – 4,5 (primitive grammar Tenses, prepositions, etc)
Overall – 5,0
Many tutors argue that teaching students to play a musical instrument is indispensable part of a school education.From my perspective,I totally agree that having such a skill from school years has a crucial effect on their future. Not only playing a musical instrument
ReplyDeletedevelops creativity and Ńonnects with art, but also teaches patience and discipline - important qualities for study other subjects too.
First of all, introducing music in the school years can help foster a positive attitude toward learning and curiosity. Artistic education develops the whole brain and develops a child’s imagination. Moreover, by making students all rounded this skill also increases their chance to apply to the best universities and to get a good job.
Secondly, playing an instrument means having to persevere through hours, days and possibly years of practice.Schoolers will have to take the time to practice and discipline to master their instrument.In fact, according to Oxford University research,lack of discipline is one of the main reasons young people don’t perform well in education and other areas of life.
In conclusion,taking into account all written above, I strongly agree that having a subject in the school curriculum for studying playing a musical instrument is beneficial for the child and has great advantages.
The majority of pedagogues reckon that each individual should be able to play a musical instrument. Obviously, such capability has a plenty of benefits including development of memory capacity, social skills and exposing new cultures. As for me personally, I agree that contributing children to become well-rounded students by pushing them to acquire at least one musical instrument is crucial, however they have to choose music independently, without forcing by parents or educators.
ReplyDeleteThere are dozens of avails of playing a musical instrument and because of them it is worth to be tought as other basic science subjects at school. First of all, music is a reflection of history and throughout studying it students broaden their horizons gaining cognizance about cultures such as baroque. Secondly, when a person can play some out of the way instruments, it attracts others and always has an advantage which might sometimes help to admit a college. And finally, music promotes human’s artistic side which is tightly connected with creativity. Accordingly, enhanced critical thinking allows kids to easily expand their problem-solving skills. Thus, I can surely say that playing a musical instrument would never be redundant.
Although we must consider children’s own desires and avoid forcing them to be engaged only in the sphere of music just because it is valuable. There are many other activities that are not less wholesome than music. For instance, playing football or any different type of sport is also beneficial. Therefore, primarily we have to get introduced aspiration of a child.
To summarize, I want to say that playing a musical instrument has a lot of benefits such as development of math skills and memory and simultaneously we cannot force all kids to study it as well as they might be not interested in it.
The vast majority of teachers think that every kid ought to possess a basic knowledge of musical instruments. I strongly agree with this claim and believe that it could be handy for children in their development, therefore, they would be versatile, and cultural.
ReplyDeleteInitially, music, that is being taught, introduces a new area of art to children. It is often believed that children's abilities could be developed by teaching new things to them. Therefore, not only does this basic knowledge expands the knowledge horizon, but it also makes a child versatile in the long run. For instance, a group of scientists in 2014 has revealed that youngsters who play musical instruments show more performance in different scientific tasks, especially critical thinking than children who do not play. As a consequence, playing guitars, pianos, "dombyras" provide new aspects, areas in life, school to learn on and be familiarized in the near future.
Secondly, there are no secrets that music is closely related to every nation's culture. Thus, studying and continuing this "tradition" has a valuable role in teaching to play musical instruments. Take for example widely known African cultures are closely bonded with it and based on a whole epoch of musical tools such as shakers, gongs and bells, which emphasize their uniqueness. Moreover, instruments were used to develop spiritually and settle down. Therefore, the importance of music in culture and history cannot be emphasized too much even in our days. As a result, it would be grateful to teach youngsters the thing that is going on for a thousand years.
In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that children ought to be taught how to play musical instruments, it was considered that it provides a plethora of opportunities for youngsters.
There is a claim suggested by pedagogues that each student should be able to play music. I totally agree with this statement because it would give children way of self-expression and benefit their personality.
ReplyDeleteInitially, new professions of our time demand a variety of skills from employees as imagination and thinking out of the box. Consequently, youngsters could develop themselves by playing a guitar or violent. According to British scientists in Norfolk, children who have mastered art in young ages have better degree of memory, task-solving and thinking in extraordinary way in comparison to those who haven’t. Despite the fact that sense and taste of music occurs in elder ages, it is vital to start working with younger students who have more free time as well as less stress due to the lessons in higher classes.
Secondly, music is the essential part of our lives and history. Rarely have people rejected to listen to music. Furthermore, a plenty of great people and royalty learned to play music due the fact that it is the way of expressing thoughts and ideas by instruments. Our ancestors created them for this purpose before creating language, government and far more melaenas ago. Therefore, youth would be able to discover art deeply, get rid of stress and establish strong personality.
In conclusion, I am of the view that such skills are worth of learning because of their necessity in human community as well as human nature. However, I would dismiss idea of forced learning of music what would rather distract them from major subjects than teaching them.
The benefits of pushing students to learn at least one musical instrument starting from a primary school have become an issue of broad interest. Therefore, some people consider that the role of playing a musical instrument should be reinterpreted in modern society. In my opinion, early exposure to music is crucial in shaping a well-rounded personality of a child. I totally agree that the leisure time activity of playing an instrument should be incorporated into a student`s daily life.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, practicing to play a musical instrument requires a proper amount of time commitment, which might be a problem for children that are already overwhelmed by homework. However, this does not have to be hours and hours each day. Even though one ought to spend adequate time practicing, it all depends on the organizational skills of a learner.
On the other hand, involvement in musical performance has proven to enhance people`s brain development. When one is taught to play an instrument, he or she is granted an opportunity to read, decode the notes, play the instrument as well as listen at the same time. As a result, this practice maximizes brain activity by improving the cognitive skills of individuals. There are considerable examples of this concept in history such as Einstein, who played the violin as did Donald Glaser, who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1960 for his Bubble Chamber invention. Not only does this boost the critical thinking of a student, but it also enables them to shape a personality by contributing to the development of responsibility and passion.
In conclusion, with the right time management, if children are encouraged to play an instrument, they are more likely to benefit a lot from this valuable experience.
It is thought by some people that the skills to play musical instruments are vital for every single child. I disagree with that belief because it should depend only on the child’s desire and concerns, and of course, sometimes it can affect negatively on the attitude to the music.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, parents should be aware of the activities and hobbies that can be fascinating for their child. They should ensure certain conditions to find interests in a variety of fields. For example, they can go with their offspring to the football clubs, or to the swimming sections, where a person will realize what to expect and the motivation to be engaged in further. Undoubtedly, this tremendous contribution to the future development of children should improve the establishing child’s desire and prevent huge problems as their interests were not taken into account.
Another point to consider is that parents’ decision to force their offspring to be taught playing musical instruments can lead to the reluctance to learn it. If it happens, children will start to hate the sphere of music, which also has a negative influence on their attitude. Moreover, children will not be focused to work hard, so that the entire efforts of parents are going to be ruined.
To conclude, parents should not force their children to do what they do not want to, and attend the undesired lessons. Instead, it is vital to assist children to choose their hobby which inspires and develop their skills.
Leave a space between paragraphs in your next version. It is a must do in IELTS writing if you are not indenting your paragraphs.
Delete- affect negatively on the attitude- affect does not require preposition
Instead of firstly use first and foremost
-to the football clubs - revise usage of articles
-to the swimming sections- why section? What does section mean?
-where a person will realize what to expect and the motivation to be engaged in further. -reconsider
-also has a negative influence- may have
so that the entire efforts- change this connector. What does so that mean?
Some pedagogues support the idea of music education. I partially agree with this statement, as despite its benefits as improving cognitive skills and personality, this lesson might be unnecessary for other students who are likely to study other subjects.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I believe that any extracurricular activity has a positive impact on children’s development, and playing a musical instrument is not an exception. Learning process will increase the brain activity which is significant for enhancement of creativity, memory and patience along with exploring new cultures. In spite of the fact that this subject requires extra effort, I am of the view that music classes will teach juniors how to become more responsible and even inspire them and assist in finding their direction in this life. For instance, not all the parents are aware musical abilities of their child, and classes such as this will reveal young talents. Moreover, music rooms can be considered as a great way to relieve the stress after a long school day.
On the other hand, mandatory lessons might be challenging for some students due to the lack of necessary skills and interest. This will lead to undesired consequences such losing motivation or negative impact on academic performance. I cannot deny the benefits of performing music, however schools should not force children to investigate it, and instead provide them with a wide range of additional activities or arts depending on students’ favor. Unfortunately, another point is that music rooms often requests quality musical instruments or even individual sessions which costs expensive, and not all the families can afford such expenses.
To sum up, from my perspective, music programs is crucial point in child’s growth but learners should be passionate about them and have the right to make a choice. Factors including youngster’s enthusiasm, mastery and financial position should be primarily taken into account.