Task 14 Version 3 Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.
To what extend do you agree or
disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and support your arguments with examples and
relevant evidence.
It is argued that who have been in jail and become exemplary violence afterward and it is often assumed that these persons the best option to tell the young generation to gain the hazardous of performing the offense. I totally agree that past offenders can speak with offsprings about perpetration. First, this position will be proven by an analysis of telling life stories about how crime broke their lives. A discussion of prisoners could have favorable impacts on society, such as reducing the government expenditure on education will also support the view stated above.
The main reason why criminals might have a conversation with teenagers is by telling them how misdemeanor destroy their life. This is because by year to year in our society crime is rising between teenagers. If offenders describe their life after the crime, it will affect the teenager's minds. As a result, society would have an increasing amount of offense. For example, this method is already practiced in the USA and it benefits the community and school administration.
Another reason why we may allow conversations with former criminals is that it might affect the community in a positive way. This is because, some psych do not know what should they say to children about crime, therefore we need some prisoner volunteers to describe it. As a consequence, it may save money allocated by the government. For instance, this strategy applying by several schools in European countries and it gives a positive effect on society.
In conclusion, taking into account all written above, I am firmly convinced that a conversation between prisoners and the young generation is a perfect idea. This is due to the fact that telling life stories about how crime broke their lives and prisoners could have favorable impacts on society, such as reducing the government expenditure on education.
Hello, simple panda! First of all, I would like to say that if you want to sound more natural, please, reconsider this word collocations:"become exemplary violence", "to gain the hazardous of perfoming the offense", "speak wirh offsprings about perpetration", "crime is rising between teenagers", "amount of offense" an so on. Try to use words properly otherwise you will not express your ideas clearly. Secondly, you have to be careful with grammar and sentence structures. For example, reconsider this sentence:"It is argued that who have been in jail and become exemplary violence afterward and it is often assumed that these persons the best option to tell the young generation to gain the hazardous of performing the offense". Also, try to use tenses in a more logical way. Third thing that I would like to mention is you coherence and structure of your essay. Take your time and learn chunks and stucture of IELTS essay. For instance, I did not really get what you wanted to say in a last sentences of your introduction. Generally, your essay is great, however work on aspects that I mentioned. Good luck!
Many feel that asking ex-prisoners to have a talk with teens is an efficient educational method.However way it can be conducted is often a subject of debate in our time. I completely agree with the idea that giving such people permission to speak to adolescents about their experience is the best way to prevent them from law-breaking.
To begin with,ex-offenders may inform students about possible consequences of breaking law. Their experiences are convincing which can affect students easily.These wrong-doers are real instances of people who have paid for doing something illegal. Therefore, crime education by offenders may increase awareness about results of law-breaking between young people. A great example of effective criminal education is kazakh television show about the life of prisoners after punishment. It is a show where ex-offenders describe their life in prison and promote to not do something illegal.
However, also with this method might be used other methods to achieve better results. One option is police officers will visit schools to talk with youngsters. Representatives of law can better explain to adolescents what will happen if they do not comply with the law. A second option suggests a school psychologist or parents to speak to teens about crime, however young people may not take their experience as credible information about the topic. Finally, some movies might be useful to improve awareness of students about crime. One example of such a movie is Freedom Writers. The film describes crime between youth and shows what illegal actions can lead to.
Taking everything into consideration, I support the point that people who have changed their lives after serving in prison could help to prevent teenagers from committing crime.
It is a really good essay. You have the following admirations from me: * English is really good * Example is given and well written to express ideas * The flow of giving proofs and the flow of the ideas are just in place * Keep up the good work
Some consideration and suggestions that you might consider * Some statements are written very long that I have to pause and read it slowly so that I can get the whole idea. Consider revising these statements or instead of one statement, make this two statements (example: A second option.....) * What do you mean by the following: 1. However way? Do you mean whatever way it can be conducted? 2. ........effective criminal education is kazakh television show. Do you mean A great example of effective criminal education is the series (or documentary or show) named ______ which is shown in the Kazakh Television that shows the life of prisoners..... 3. however, with with this method.....Do you mean..... However, aside from this method, other methods can be utilised to achieve better results.
* It will be good to name the show that is shown in the Kazah television so that example is very specific * I just want to be clarified why do you have to start in another paragpraph with this one....However, also with.....
Please consider the suggestions and no doubt this will become a great essay. Keep up the good work!
Hi, Brilliant dumdumbullet!Thank you for taking the time to write a comment.I really appreciate it.:)Your feedback was very helpful to me. Here I rewritten the essay based on your suggestions.:) I didn't change the idea and structure of the essay, I only edited the parts that you specified.
Many feel that asking ex-prisoners to have a talk with teens is an efficient educational method.However, whatever way it can be conducted is often a subject of debate in our time. I completely agree with the idea that giving such people permission to speak to adolescents about their experience is the best way to prevent them from law-breaking.
To begin with,ex-offenders may inform students about possible consequences of breaking law. Their experiences are convincing which can affect students easily.These wrong-doers are real instances of people who have paid for doing something illegal. Therefore, crime education by offenders may increase awareness about results of law-breaking between young people. A great example of effective criminal education is a documentary series which is shown in the Kazakh Television that presents the life of prisoners after punishment. It is a show where ex-offenders describe their life in prison and promote to not do something illegal.
However, aside from this method, other methods can be utilised to achieve better results. One option is police officers will visit schools to talk with youngsters. Representatives of law can better explain to adolescents what will happen if they do not comply with the law.The second option offers a school psychologist or parents to talk to teenagers about crimes.This method could be effective if not for the skeptical attitude of teenagers to the experience of these people.Finally, some movies might be useful to improve awareness of students about crime. One example of such a movie is Freedom Writers. The film describes crime between youth and shows what illegal actions can lead to.
Taking everything into consideration, I support the point that people who have changed their lives after serving in prison could help to prevent teenagers from committing crime.
People who have gone through the prison regime and started leading an ordinary life are considered to be the best people to advise the new generation about the importance of maintaining civil laws. I completely agree with the statement. In this essay, I will discuss why ex-prisoners are the best people to teach teenagers about the possible dangers of committing a crime and give relevant arguments.
Nowadays, one of the most precious things that human beings possess is freedom. That is why breaking civil laws is often followed by the deprivation of freedom depending on how much negative impact citizens give for society. People who have been in prison can share the experience of living in terrible conditions and suffering from hunger and lack of hygiene. For most of them, the jail was survival, where they have to fight to live. They understand the value of freedom of actions which is mostly limited by federal law. Ex-prisoners can discuss that with teenagers who will listen to them due to their experience.
Another vital argument would be that parents or teachers cannot affect teenagers’ minds as ex-prisoners can, simply because most teenagers will listen to people who can understand them. According to the New York Times Review, the majority of the ex-prisoners were also teenagers with criminal backgrounds, this is why they can view that point of view. For most teenagers, committing a crime it might be a cool thing to do, which would give them the following status and feeling of superiority over their peers. In the eyes of teenagers, ex-prisoners are heroes who dare to go against the law. It will be way easier for them to affect teenagers’ actions.
In conclusion, I completely agree with the statement about ex-prisoners are the best people who can talk to teenagers about possible outcomes of committing a crime. They can have a greater effect on teenagers due to their status and can share a valuable experience about living in prison.
Great work. You have me in this essay because of the following good points: * The English is really good * The arguments is really good * The flow of ideas are in place * The end is good
Just consider my suggestions on how to make this essay a great piece of work * I have suggestions in the first paragraph because in my own point of view, you do not need to mention ...in this essay for the reason that you are making an essay and that you need to give an argument. You can write in this manner I strongly believe that people who have gone.......... They are the best people to teach teenagers......
In this way, the first paragraph is expressed in shorter form but greater impact.
* When you are citing a fact that is coming from a paper , It will be good to state the date and the name of the article or review. For example. According to a review written on New York Time last December .....on ........ In this way, your example is very credible because you give details and not just by naming it. If you want to include facts in your essay, you say to it that this is really true by citing the source because this will give the reader the idea that you did your research on the given issue. Good job.
* You need to rephrase the statement about ... That is why breaking civil laws is often followed by the deprivation of freedom depending on how much negative impact citizens give for society. - I cannot really get the whole idea especially on the last part about how much negative impact citizens give for society. I do not know what to suggest, but please make it simplier so that we will get the whole idea.
I am giving my suggestions as a reader of the essay. Please consider the suggestions and this will be a great essay already. Good job!
It is true that some people have changed themselves to become better after being released from prison. And it is believed that they better explain to young people about the negative consequences of crime. I personally agree with this statement, and in the next essay we will discuss it in detail.
To begin with, the public usually has a negative attitude towards former prisoners, but not all former prisoners have a bad personality. As some prisons provide their prisoners with technical skills, psychology services and personality development programs, many of them successfully follow these positive programs. These courses changed the character of the prisoners and gave them adequate skills, so they were accepted in society. Many of them learned lessons during their imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than ordinary people. In addition to psychopathic criminals, an ordinary person who has committed crimes and sentenced to imprisonment often understands the value of life and, thus, changes radically.
But in many countries, the crime rate among the younger generation has grown significantly over the past decades. I believe that the best way to reduce the level of attack is to hold several meetings and receive feedback from former prisoners who have changed their lives. We hope that with their insights this will open and broaden the understanding of young people about the dangerous side of the crime. They would also become an effective mentor because they understand the condition of these teenagers, as they have already faced the same situation before. We hope that under their guidance many teenagers will improve their lives and become better.
In conclusion, I completely agree that some former prisoners who changed their lives would be a good example for the younger generation. Their unpleasant experience will be a valuable lesson for young people, and they hope that adolescents will not commit a crime in the future.
Overall, your essay is nice. You need to keep working on collocations and usage of prepositions. * have changed themselves- This is look like a translation and it is not clear what you want to say. Did they change their appearance? * in the next essay- Did you google translate this? next essay means you are going to write one more essay apart from this one and you will explaint it there. * You could add here an adverb because it will raise your score for grammar: "so they were accepted in society". You could also use "reintegrate into the society" since it is a vocabulary of the Crime and punishment topic * In addition to psychopathic criminals, - In addition is not correctly used here. You could say : " Apart from psychopathic criminals. I suggest you to learn the meaning of preposition "APART" * But in many countries,- On the other hand/ However. Do not start your sentences with "But" *They would also become an effective mentor- effective mentors because you wrote "they" * who changed their lives - make this clear, change does not contain a word "positive" or "negative" * Rewrite this "they hope that adolescents will not commit a crime in the future.' who is they?
It is often believed that ex-inmates become law-abiding citizens after serving a sentence. Moreover, others argue that they could explain the whole hazard of offending to juveniles. I strongly agree with that, because prisoners would rethink their own future perspectives. Furthermore, these people have known all about the crimes, and they are only one who can deliver this point to the younger generation. On the one hand, ex-prisoners would become a loyalist rather than committing one more crime. This is because prison is considered as a place to ponder past sins and own mistakes. Hence, the majority of offenders becoming good citizens. However, not only does it have such an effect, but prisoners also do not repeat past faults that could have led to jail. On contrast, having carried out a test among offenders in the UK, psychiatrists have revealed that they had not an evil intention anymore, on the contrast prisoners had wished only the freedom. As a result, this way from a crime to a jail real affects people’s behavior in the long run. Another point to consider is the ex-prisoners are the best people to make a conversation with teenagers. This is because, rarely do people realize about its importance, but inmates are the only ones who can precisely describe the crimes and its adverse consequences. Moreover, ex-prisoners have passed this way at a psychological level too. Thus, by explaining all dangers of offending to youngsters, would decrease juvenile delinquency in the long term. For instance, after serving, people have an invaluable experience to share with children. However, even though they have committed a crime, their importance to teenagers cannot be emphasized too much. To sum up, people who have served a sentence in jail become good citizens and they are the best people to talk with teenagers about the future risk of committing a crime. This is because they change inside, rethink their lives, and only who passed this horrible way and could share with own experience.
There is a considerable debate among population whether ex-prisoners should give a talk to young generation about the future threats of committing a crime. While some people believe these are the most suitable people to have a conversation with teenagers, others assert that not an every reformed offender becomes an upstanding citizen after a prison. I totally agree that ex-offenders should have a chance to meet with adolescents, as they are finest personalities to talk with.
The main reason why this strategy ought to be implemented is that this is a golden opportunity to share the life experience of rehabilitated delinquents. In other words, the true-life story of a person, who has struggled with severe consequences of crime, might be very helpful to prevent a youngster from potential dangers. For instance, according to the twelfth United Nations congress on crime prevention, the past experience of Brazil depicted that this method is beneficial to youth in terms of providing food for thought to comprehend the future threats of the offence .
Another reason why it is superior to adopt this method is that it will serve as an untraditional way of educating pupils. Therefore, student`s interest and willingness would be increased very much, thus being an effective tool of removing dispel ideas of youth. In addition, by allowing ex-prisoners to act for the sake of people they are going to be granted with a great chance of successfully integrating back to community. As a result, there will be an enormous advantage to both members of society.
To conclude, I am firmly convinced that it is an excellent idea to give reformed offenders an opportunity to make a contribution to the development of the community by educating young generation to avoid committing a crime.
I enjoyed reading the essay because you captured my attention because of the following really good points: * The English is really good * The introduction is really great * The choice and use of words are really good and in place. * The use of your vocabulary is really good. * You have strong arguments which are all valid because you gave evidences * The end is good
For now, I could not find something that you need to work on for this essay because as what I said, you got me in this essay. Instead, I am encouraging you to continue writing in this manner because I think you have the gift for this. Great job. Looking forward for your other essays.
Dear, brilliant dumdumbullet, I am truly grateful for your response! Thank you very much! It is a great honour for me to get such a positive feedback from you. Yes, I will definitely try my best for other essays, too ;)
It is believed that some former prisoners become solid citizens after a time, and they are the most influential people to teach teenagers about the risks of committing a crime. I totally agree that ex-prisoners might become a role models in demonstrating younger generation the negative influence of committing offences. The main reason why ex-inmates can provide an essential example of criminal participation is that they can share their own crime-related past. By contributing experience, these people can demonstrate what it leads to. The stories of former prisoners would be a huge help to youth to interpret the implications of delinquency and fosters a conscious and role model personality. For example, special organizations can invite young adults to the meetings with law-breakers, so they could be aware of difficulties that can be faced and its hazardous effects on their future by taking a lesson. Another reason why it is significant for teenagers to talk with some who was an offender is that ex-criminalists can be the only ones who will be able to understand the thoughts of young people who have similar thoughts as people who are going to commit a crime. These people have the same ideas and mindset. For example, people who used to be interested in crime know how it works and what can be done to stop the pernicious thoughts and actions. Therefore, it’s possible to prevent the acts that can be committed by teenagers by talking and explaining them the negative sides. If they work with each other, it also will decrease the level of juvenile delinquency. In conclusion, I absolutely agree that conversations between ex-inmates and teenagers should be considered as an effective way to deal with the crime among young generation. This is due to the fact that adolescents will clearly be able to understand the devstating effect of committing an offence.
Hello, Cooper! You improved so much! Now your essay became more clear and structured. Also, you use a wide range of vocabulary and word collocations properly. Generally, it is very great! Keep working in this way! Good luck!
Nowadays, it is significantly important to raise teenagers’ consciousness of crime. In that case, some people believe that ex-prisoners who become decent residents are the best people to adolescents to tell about the threat posed by a crime. I partly agree with this statement and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly, criminals are the people who knows a lot about the risk of crime. The time they spend behind the bars usually forces them to think about their commitment, so in the end, prison works as a particularly good way to rehabilitate most of criminals. For instance, when prisoners understand the negativity of that they harmed other people, they may want to repay society by teaching would-be criminals or teenagers to not offend. Therefore, it is important to let inmates talk about their experience as it does not only enrich the knowledge of adolescence about crime, but also helps criminals to start fitting in back into society.
Turning to the other side of the argument, It should be noted that а teenager can react in a number of different ways to the speech told by prisoners. Teens tend to interpret the stories as they want. Nowadays, due to the internet and TV, criminals’s role, image of them are changing and unfortunately it causes a lot of biases and stereotypes among adolescence. So, offenders can become a new idol for them if they meet them, for example. As a result, this idea when people talk about the dangers of crime fails because the reaction of teenagers are unpredictable.
In conclusion, I agree that some prisoners who completely changed their life can be a good advisor for the young generation. They will make valuable lessons for them. However, in the age of computer, criminals’s image is ambiguous for teenagers, so they can show different reactions after meeting them.
This is good work Raj. You have used a few idioms and you have nice sentence structures, which is commendable. It is however advisable to take one side of the argument and support it throughout your essay. You may lose points if you try and support both sides of the argument. I have highlighted some corrections below. Paragraph 1, line 3 – quite some repetition; ‘best people to adolescents to tell’ should read ‘best people to tell adolescents’ Paragraph 2 line 1 – people who ‘know’ not ‘knows’ (3rd person present); line 3 – rehabilitate most criminals not most ‘of’ criminals. Line 4 – ‘the negativity of that they harmed other people’. This sentence should be rephrased to look like ‘the negativity of what they had done to other people’. Note that harm is already a negative aspect and so try to avoid repetition. Line 7 ‘fitting in back into’ should just read ‘fitting back into’. Again, this is repetition. Paragraph 3, line 2 ‘speech told’ should be ‘speech made or speech given’, remember a speech is a formal talk so again, repetition. Line 3 Criminals’s is incorrect. Since the noun is plural (or ends in s), just add an apostrophe after the s to show the possessive form. Do not add an extra s. Your conclusion is good, however it leaves the reader not sure whether you did support the motion or not. This should be clear right from the beginning. Overall, a good essay, word count is perfect, keep up and do more practice.
Good afternoon, simba! Thank you a lot.I really appreciate your feedback. I tried to consider all things that you mention and have written a new version of my essay: Nowadays, it is significantly important to raise teenagers’ consciousness of crime. In that case, some people believe that ex-prisoners who become decent residents are the best people to tell adolescents about the threat posed by a crime. I agree with this statement and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly, criminals are the people who know a lot about the risk of crime. The time they spend behind the bars usually forces them to think about their commitment, so in the end, prison works as a particularly good way to rehabilitate most criminals. For instance, when prisoners understand the negativity of what they had done to other people, they may want to repay society by teaching would-be criminals or teenagers to not offend. Therefore, it is important to let inmates talk about their experience as it does not only enrich the knowledge of adolescence about crime, but also helps criminals to start fitting back into society.
Another reason why I agree with this idea is that prisoners’ meetings with teenagers can be considered effective. Those teens tend to have a lot of question, so inmates will have a powerful influence on the fresh minds if they answer properly. Also, it is efficient because students will not accept that as class lectures where they usually forced to be and dismiss information, but as a meeting where real-life stories told. As a result, educating teenagers through stories can result in increasing their consciousness.
In conclusion, I agree that some prisoners who completely changed their life can be a good advisor for the young generation. They will make valuable lessons for them can be considered as great teachers in this topic of crime.
Great improvement seen here Raj. Good piece. You have clearly supported one side of the motion which is commendable. Your flow is also great. Just a few grammatical eras, nothing much to worry about. Paragraph 2 line 5, I'd have preferred if you used 'not to offend' rather than 'to not offend'. Paragraph 3 line 1-2, this sentence is incomplete. You are expected to give the reason before you conclude your sentence. For instance; ....considered effective is that teenagers tend to have a lot of unanswered questions(use plural), and so inmates..... Line 5, paragraph 3, not clear what you mean by 'dismiss' information. Your conclusion is very impressive. Well done. Keep practicing. As you know, practice makes perfect.
Citizens with a crime sentence who had been able to reestablish and return back to the normal life are considered to be the best mentors for adolescents in providing information about dangers of breaking the law. I totally agree with the statement as former prisoners are well-experienced with the consequences of committing a crime, and their communication with the youth could benefit not only the fresh minds but also ex-prisoners themselves.
To begin with, ex-criminals have had a hand-on trial about the prison life and conditions that offenders are living in. Hence, they are capable to share this experience and picture it in details. Moreover the adolescents are more likely to take accept advice from someone who speaks from a real life situation. It would be a valuable chance for every adolescent to be aware of how people get involved into committing a crime and now they feel going through this tough part of their lives. The most educated people who can answer every question about this kind of sensitive topic are no one but former criminals. Therefore, they are suitable to teach and guide teenagers.
Moreover, the former law-breakers are going to benefit from this arrangement too, because telling their own stories might bring them some sort of mental relive, they would sense a deeper connection with society and feel great from doing something that is right, which will prevent them from recommitting crime again. Communication with adolescent and the process of educating the youth might help the former prisoner with their further reintegration in society.
In conclusion, experience of real ex-criminals and advantages of bilateral training and assistance are the best for preventing law-breaking among young adults.
Hello hopeful girl. This is a very good essay as you have dwelt on supporting only one side of the coin. This is how these essays are to be approached. This is commendable. However, consider to revise the highlighted sections hereunder. Paragraph 1, line 1; use hyphen in re-establish. However, re-establish refers to inanimate things and so you could also use rehabilitate rather than re-establish since you are referring to prisoners. You could also use ‘re-establish back’ into society not re-establish and ‘return’ back(repetition), you could say ‘turn’ back instead. In line 3, well-versed would sound better than well-experienced, although it can still be used. Paragraph 2, line 1; ‘hands-on’ not ‘hand-on’. Line 5, ‘how’ not ‘now’ since now brings in mixing of tense. I believe this is a typographical error. Last line, ‘no one but’, I would prefer ‘no other than’. Paragraph 3, line 2; ‘relieve’ not ‘relive’. This is a simple spelling mistake. Your conclusion is simple and clear, and you word count is perfect. You have shown excellent use of language and included a wide range of good vocabulary and idioms. This is good work, keep practicing your language and you shall do extremely well. You have brilliant ideas clearly explained. Keep up.
Some people believe that by participating in conversations with decent residents who have been imprisoned in the past, adolescents will be fully warned that every act has a huge responsibility. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.
There are many reasons why offenders who have been released can contribute to raising youth awareness of the dangers of crime. The first reason is that the stories of ex-offenders may attract additional attention compared to regular parental exercises. As a result, the teenager realizes the seriousness of the consequences of his actions, and understands the message that adults are trying to convey to him. In addition, participating in these conversations, adolescents will have the opportunity to discuss with a person who has violated the law. Since each student has a personal point of view, he can draw his own conclusions.
In addition to the practical advantages mentioned above, the participation of offenders in the education of adolescents can have a beneficial effect on society, for example, reducing government spending on education. If past criminals play a critical role in student learning, the state budget will not be spent on instructors. For example, after his term in prison, Jordan Belford, an American financial criminal, visited various universities in the United States to tell his story and its negative consequences, as well as the punishment he suffered. Thanks to these helpful warnings, students can become aware of the dangers they face in committing a financial crime without any significant cost to schools.
In conclusion, I believe that both students and the public could benefit from the participation of former criminals in education.
Hello Heisenberg. A good introduction here, you clearly support the motion. This is a well-ordered sequence of events in an article. Good job. However, consider the few points below. Paragraph 2 line 2 …youth awareness ‘of’… replace ‘of’ with ‘about’…. Same line;…’the stories’ could be replaced by ‘the experiences’. Line 3 ‘parental exercises’ could be replaced by ‘parental advice’. You have developed your argument well but at the end of the second paragraph you seem to let the adolescents decide for themselves. I would have preferred if you stated that these prison experiences are likely to make teenagers avoid crime. This supports the argument in your introductory paragraph. In paragraph 3, you have sighted an excellent example which practically supports your argument. This is superb since it shows you did some research on this. This definitely improves your score. The sentence structures and flow are very good here. The conclusion is good but you need to draw attention to the arguments you have displayed in the main body of the essay. Overall, this is a very good essay, keep practicing and you will perfect.
Some individuals claim that the most effective way to educate young people to avoid crime by ex-detainees , who is being good people after their first punishment.I disagree fully with this assertion as I believe that ex-prisoners remain one of the most dangerous individuals in society even after their extreme punishment. I recognize that certain ex-criminals, but not all of them, become decent men.In jail, convicts do not do much valuable, they play poor card games, vape and even plot a new offense for other experienced criminals, for example in the United States about 55 per cent are prisoners who committed offences second, third or fourth. I firmly agree that the only one that should educate juveniles to avoid breaches of the law is their mother, instructors or police officials, even those who truly matter about their children should encourage them to comply by rule. Without any preparation,ex-offenders even cannot say something to children. The only vocabulary ex-offenders that can use is dirty vocabulary.It is why,I think that children should avoid the contact with any ex-covicts. Finally, I agree deeply that if a suspect is not necessarily a convict, but who is a true criminal is not willing to alter his mind. Even children can be guided by parents and instructors, but not criminals.
It is true that some ex-inmates can become law abiding citizens.Moreover,it is thought by somes that those people may urge teenagers not to commit a crime by conversation about its dangers.I totally agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to prevent future crimes.This essay will discuss its influence on young generation mind including efficiency, some risks and comparison with other methods of struggle.
To begin with, teens are more likely to take advice from someone who can speak from experience. Criminal offenders can tell young people how they began to engage in criminal activity, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison really looks like.I believe that it would be extremely interesting for teenagers to hear the stories of the former criminal. Not only can it prevent a lot of crimes planned by young people but also will have a strong influence on them.
Although there are some risks of the fact that not mature adolescents will begin to imitate such activities, in most cases they can turn away from this thought, the consequences of which are hazardous and terrible . On the other hand,other methods aimed at reducing juvenile delinquency rates such as documentary films and lessons with police or other government officials.However, it shows less efficiency.
In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who change their lives after serving their sentences in prison can help deter teens from committing crimes.
* What does "somes" mean? Reconsider these sentences please: "It is true that some ex-inmates can become law abiding citizens.Moreover,it is thought by somes that those people may urge teenagers not to commit a crime by conversation about its dangers". * After putting full stop leave a space. Overall, it is well-written essay with a range of good vocabulary and grammar. However you need to work on how to write an introduction part since it is crucial.
The public believes that the culprits that have reformed after prison are reliable sign of the adverse consequences breakings the law. I fully agree with this statement due to they had seen all the difficulties of prison life; also know the price of freedom.
The prisoners have an experience in committing a crime whether it is minor or major. Once they have broken a law, it will lead to the various kinds of punishments such as imprisonment, where they would do some unpaid community service. People, who have overcome all of this, would know how it is better live in freedom, independently. In jail, a person will be far away from his/her immediate relatives, which leads to feel homesick and lonely. Likewise, ex-prisoners could be the most relevant and appropriate people to talk to teenagers.
Offenders know that the person’s momentary action does not worth the penalty that would destroy his/her future. As we know, for the felons, it is really difficult to find a job, and build their career. In majorities of cases, people do not trust them; moreover, regard them as unreliable and dangerous. For the criminals, that served their sentences in prison, are deprived most of the opportunities. Therefore, by committing crime, a person may block the chances for the bright future.
In conclusion, I believe that people should take into account the experiences of some people. Parents should make their children talk to lawbreakers, that know the consequences of disobeying rules and the value of free life, could prevent teenagers from destroying their life.
Many people say that those who have been through a prison sentence, and changed their behavior for the better, are among the best people to consult regarding the risks of going against the law with teenagers. I totally agree with the opinion stated above.
According to social studies conducted throughout the years and referenced in “tengrinews”, personal experience is one of the deciding factors when consulting others about topics such as dangers of committing a crime. Considering the amount of knowledge of crime related dangers either exaggerated or downplayed by the media, the person who has already broken the law at least once will be able to point out the truth. Just as the theoretic knowledge contains differences from practical knowledge, the information obtained through rumors differs from the first-hand information.
Another vital factor to examine is the effectiveness of the advisor's recommendations. Advice from the former prisoner on the dangerous sides of not abiding by the law will not only contain more credibility, but bigger practical value as well. As is already proven by history, teenagers are more likely to listen to those with bigger authority on the subject. Thus, ex-prisoners willing to reform will be held in higher regard than conventional teachers would, which increases the efficiency of their teachings. Nevertheless, leaving the wrongdoers and delinquents with the undeveloped minds is a large risk. Underage exploitation is one of the worst possible outcomes of such practice. Whether this method is efficient or not, in either case the practice should be done with supervision.
Overall, it is not wrong to utilize the prisoners and their knowledge to assist the child education, but only if the children are monitored at the time of education.
A large number of people consider that offenders, who have served their prison sentence, are justified to share their experiences with adolescents since they are presumed to have been corrected. However, I strongly disagree with this suggestion since ex- offenders with criminal background are not the best instructors for younger generation and in some case, their guidance may even be hazardous. First of all, the information of criminals is not guaranteed to be reliable, in addition, young adults are not also sure that they will learn only useful parts of their lesson. I consider that a prison affects prisoners in destructive way, for example, their psychology usually worsens throughout a prison sentence and they gain mental disabilities. Formerly convicted people who have not reformed tend to relapse into criminal behaviour. If they will spread their knowledge to students, the latter may learn an inappropriate experience. Furthermore, more helpful people would be found if there was need for teaching of teenagers by experienced people. Well-known celebrities, who have come a long way to achieve a success would have much to share with younger learners. For example, our school invite respected businessmen, scientists, physicians and sportsmen and they tell us about principles of well-educated persons, the possible obstacles and the ways to overcome them. In comparison to criminals, who have committed crime once, we believe their words and try to repeat their success. In conclusion, ex-offenders are not trustworthy individuals to allow them to teach a people at the early ages. Instead, adolescents should pay more attention to the words of authorities, who deserve it
Hello, lazypotato, your essay seems better than it was and I can say that you did a great job. However, I have noticed some grammar mistakes that you should pay attention to not repeat them in your next writing work. - criminal backgroundS (introduction part)- plural form of the noun - for THE younger generation (intro part) - an article - in some caseS (intro) - plural form - in A destructive way ( BP 1 ) - an article, since the word way is countable - A need for THE teaching( BP 2 ) - an article - our school inviteS (BP 2) - since the word schoolis a collective noun - committed A crime once (BP 2) - an article, crime is a countable noun - to teach people (BP 2) - without any article, the word people is plural - if they spread khowledge (BP 1) - after "if", we never write "will" - also, in your example of BP2, you have used quite a lot "and", try to separate your sentence. I hope that you will look at this feedback as well as work on it. Good luck!
Hello Lazypotato. I can see great improvement compared to your previous article. Good job. You have a very good introduction, clearly stating that you are against the motion. You have developed the argument very well and you go ahead to give alternatives to the ex-convicts coming into society and teaching the youth. This is commendable. Remember to include a break between paragraphs and try to draw some information from research which may support your motion. This will increase your score. I will not comment on grammar since it has been outlined above. Overall, this is an impressive essay. Keep writing and you will soon perfect.
Some people state that in order to prevent juvenile delinquency, an offspring should have conversation about it with felons who become good citizens after their release from a jail. I partially agree that this is the best way to rise good individuals.
First of all, children would benefit from being aware of consequences of crime from prisoner who had committed crime before. This practice would explain them how harmful as well as disastrous is any crime and teach them to be more responsible and well-minded persons. The reason is that they will see the cause-consequence relationship between a wrongdoing and ruining life. To illustrate this, I was told by one person who have been in jail, who said me that he would have never do what caused him to be condemned, if only he could.
On the other hand, not always this kind of action is capable to prevent “early crime” because scientists from USA who have studied about death penalty and its impact on the crime stated that the fact that they will be killed after the crime didn’t stop them. Consequently, if the stiff penalty could not stop this sort of people, why we consider the conversation with the ex-prisoners as possible way? Moreover, juvenile delinquency is the effect of low education, bad parenting, harmful society or other economic as well as social issues that make them to go and robe someone. Good evidence is the fact that the regions, where teenagers have committed crimes more are undeveloped areas with high rate of death, poverty or starvation.
In conclusion, the practice may decrease a crime among youth, but not in all regions because the main cause that leads to crime is low living standards. Consequently, to solve this issue, authorities should consider the problem of living in conditions of family tribulation.
It is argued that who have been in jail and become exemplary violence afterward and it is often assumed that these persons the best option to tell the young generation to gain the hazardous of performing the offense. I totally agree that past offenders can speak with offsprings about perpetration. First, this position will be proven by an analysis of telling life stories about how crime broke their lives. A discussion of prisoners could have favorable impacts on society, such as reducing the government expenditure on education will also support the view stated above.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason why criminals might have a conversation with teenagers is by telling them how misdemeanor destroy their life. This is because by year to year in our society crime is rising between teenagers. If offenders describe their life after the crime, it will affect the teenager's minds. As a result, society would have an increasing amount of offense. For example, this method is already practiced in the USA and it benefits the community and school administration.
Another reason why we may allow conversations with former criminals is that it might affect the community in a positive way. This is because, some psych do not know what should they say to children about crime, therefore we need some prisoner volunteers to describe it. As a consequence, it may save money allocated by the government. For instance, this strategy applying by several schools in European countries and it gives a positive effect on society.
In conclusion, taking into account all written above, I am firmly convinced that a conversation between prisoners and the young generation is a perfect idea. This is due to the fact that telling life stories about how crime broke their lives and prisoners could have favorable impacts on society, such as reducing the government expenditure on education.
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DeleteHello, simple panda!
DeleteFirst of all, I would like to say that if you want to sound more natural, please, reconsider this word collocations:"become exemplary violence", "to gain the hazardous of perfoming the offense", "speak wirh offsprings about perpetration", "crime is rising between teenagers", "amount of offense" an so on. Try to use words properly otherwise you will not express your ideas clearly. Secondly, you have to be careful with grammar and sentence structures. For example, reconsider this sentence:"It is argued that who have been in jail and become exemplary violence afterward and it is often assumed that these persons the best option to tell the young generation to gain the hazardous of performing the offense". Also, try to use tenses in a more logical way. Third thing that I would like to mention is you coherence and structure of your essay. Take your time and learn chunks and stucture of IELTS essay. For instance, I did not really get what you wanted to say in a last sentences of your introduction. Generally, your essay is great, however work on aspects that I mentioned. Good luck!
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMany feel that asking ex-prisoners to have a talk with teens is an efficient educational method.However way it can be conducted is often a subject of debate in our time. I completely agree with the idea that giving such people permission to speak to adolescents about their experience is the best way to prevent them from law-breaking.
ReplyDeleteTo begin with,ex-offenders may inform students about possible consequences of breaking law. Their experiences are convincing which can affect students easily.These wrong-doers are real instances of people who have paid for doing something illegal. Therefore, crime education by offenders may increase awareness about results of law-breaking between young people. A great example of effective criminal education is kazakh television show about the life of prisoners after punishment. It is a show where ex-offenders describe their life in prison and promote to not do something illegal.
However, also with this method might be used other methods to achieve better results. One option is police officers will visit schools to talk with youngsters. Representatives of law can better explain to adolescents what will happen if they do not comply with the law. A second option suggests a school psychologist or parents to speak to teens about crime, however young people may not take their experience as credible information about the topic. Finally, some movies might be useful to improve awareness of students about crime. One example of such a movie is Freedom Writers. The film describes crime between youth and shows what illegal actions can lead to.
Taking everything into consideration, I support the point that people who have changed their lives after serving in prison could help to prevent teenagers from committing crime.
It is a really good essay. You have the following admirations from me:
Delete* English is really good
* Example is given and well written to express ideas
* The flow of giving proofs and the flow of the ideas are just in place
* Keep up the good work
Some consideration and suggestions that you might consider
* Some statements are written very long that I have to pause and read it slowly so that I can get the whole idea. Consider revising these statements or instead of one statement, make this two statements (example: A second option.....)
* What do you mean by the following:
1. However way? Do you mean whatever way it can be conducted?
2. ........effective criminal education is kazakh television show. Do you mean A great example of effective criminal education is the series (or documentary or show) named ______ which is shown in the Kazakh Television that shows the life of prisoners.....
3. however, with with this method.....Do you mean..... However, aside from this method, other methods can be utilised to achieve better results.
* It will be good to name the show that is shown in the Kazah television so that example is very specific
* I just want to be clarified why do you have to start in another paragpraph with this one....However, also with.....
Please consider the suggestions and no doubt this will become a great essay. Keep up the good work!
Hi, Brilliant dumdumbullet!Thank you for taking the time to write a comment.I really appreciate it.:)Your feedback was very helpful to me. Here I rewritten the essay based on your suggestions.:)
DeleteI didn't change the idea and structure of the essay, I only edited the parts that you specified.
Many feel that asking ex-prisoners to have a talk with teens is an efficient educational method.However, whatever way it can be conducted is often a subject of debate in our time. I completely agree with the idea that giving such people permission to speak to adolescents about their experience is the best way to prevent them from law-breaking.
To begin with,ex-offenders may inform students about possible consequences of breaking law. Their experiences are convincing which can affect students easily.These wrong-doers are real instances of people who have paid for doing something illegal. Therefore, crime education by offenders may increase awareness about results of law-breaking between young people. A great example of effective criminal education is a documentary series which is shown in the Kazakh Television that presents the life of prisoners after punishment. It is a show where ex-offenders describe their life in prison and promote to not do something illegal.
However, aside from this method, other methods can be utilised to achieve better results. One option is police officers will visit schools to talk with youngsters. Representatives of law can better explain to adolescents what will happen if they do not comply with the law.The second option offers a school psychologist or parents to talk to teenagers about crimes.This method could be effective if not for the skeptical attitude of teenagers to the experience of these people.Finally, some movies might be useful to improve awareness of students about crime. One example of such a movie is Freedom Writers. The film describes crime between youth and shows what illegal actions can lead to.
Taking everything into consideration, I support the point that people who have changed their lives after serving in prison could help to prevent teenagers from committing crime.
People who have gone through the prison regime and started leading an ordinary life are considered to be the best people to advise the new generation about the importance of maintaining civil laws. I completely agree with the statement. In this essay, I will discuss why ex-prisoners are the best people to teach teenagers about the possible dangers of committing a crime and give relevant arguments.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, one of the most precious things that human beings possess is freedom. That is why breaking civil laws is often followed by the deprivation of freedom depending on how much negative impact citizens give for society. People who have been in prison can share the experience of living in terrible conditions and suffering from hunger and lack of hygiene. For most of them, the jail was survival, where they have to fight to live. They understand the value of freedom of actions which is mostly limited by federal law. Ex-prisoners can discuss that with teenagers who will listen to them due to their experience.
Another vital argument would be that parents or teachers cannot affect teenagers’ minds as ex-prisoners can, simply because most teenagers will listen to people who can understand them. According to the New York Times Review, the majority of the ex-prisoners were also teenagers with criminal backgrounds, this is why they can view that point of view. For most teenagers, committing a crime it might be a cool thing to do, which would give them the following status and feeling of superiority over their peers. In the eyes of teenagers, ex-prisoners are heroes who dare to go against the law. It will be way easier for them to affect teenagers’ actions.
In conclusion, I completely agree with the statement about ex-prisoners are the best people who can talk to teenagers about possible outcomes of committing a crime. They can have a greater effect on teenagers due to their status and can share a valuable experience about living in prison.
Great work. You have me in this essay because of the following good points:
Delete* The English is really good
* The arguments is really good
* The flow of ideas are in place
* The end is good
Just consider my suggestions on how to make this essay a great piece of work
* I have suggestions in the first paragraph because in my own point of view, you do not need to mention ...in this essay for the reason that you are making an essay and that you need to give an argument. You can write in this manner
I strongly believe that people who have gone.......... They are the best people to teach teenagers......
In this way, the first paragraph is expressed in shorter form but greater impact.
* When you are citing a fact that is coming from a paper , It will be good to state the date and the name of the article or review. For example. According to a review written on New York Time last December .....on ........
In this way, your example is very credible because you give details and not just by naming it. If you want to include facts in your essay, you say to it that this is really true by citing the source because this will give the reader the idea that you did your research on the given issue. Good job.
* You need to rephrase the statement about ...
That is why breaking civil laws is often followed by the deprivation of freedom depending on how much negative impact citizens give for society.
- I cannot really get the whole idea especially on the last part about how much negative impact citizens give for society. I do not know what to suggest, but please make it simplier so that we will get the whole idea.
I am giving my suggestions as a reader of the essay. Please consider the suggestions and this will be a great essay already. Good job!
It is true that some people have changed themselves to become better after being released from prison. And it is believed that they better explain to young people about the negative consequences of crime. I personally agree with this statement, and in the next essay we will discuss it in detail.
ReplyDeleteTo begin with, the public usually has a negative attitude towards former prisoners, but not all former prisoners have a bad personality. As some prisons provide their prisoners with technical skills, psychology services and personality development programs, many of them successfully follow these positive programs. These courses changed the character of the prisoners and gave them adequate skills, so they were accepted in society. Many of them learned lessons during their imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than ordinary people. In addition to psychopathic criminals, an ordinary person who has committed crimes and sentenced to imprisonment often understands the value of life and, thus, changes radically.
But in many countries, the crime rate among the younger generation has grown significantly over the past decades. I believe that the best way to reduce the level of attack is to hold several meetings and receive feedback from former prisoners who have changed their lives. We hope that with their insights this will open and broaden the understanding of young people about the dangerous side of the crime. They would also become an effective mentor because they understand the condition of these teenagers, as they have already faced the same situation before. We hope that under their guidance many teenagers will improve their lives and become better.
In conclusion, I completely agree that some former prisoners who changed their lives would be a good example for the younger generation. Their unpleasant experience will be a valuable lesson for young people, and they hope that adolescents will not commit a crime in the future.
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DeleteOverall, your essay is nice. You need to keep working on collocations and usage of prepositions.
Delete* have changed themselves- This is look like a translation and it is not clear what you want to say. Did they change their appearance?
* in the next essay- Did you google translate this? next essay means you are going to write one more essay apart from this one and you will explaint it there.
* You could add here an adverb because it will raise your score for grammar: "so they were accepted in society". You could also use "reintegrate into the society" since it is a vocabulary of the Crime and punishment topic
* In addition to psychopathic criminals, - In addition is not correctly used here. You could say : " Apart from psychopathic criminals. I suggest you to learn the meaning of preposition "APART"
* But in many countries,- On the other hand/ However. Do not start your sentences with "But"
*They would also become an effective mentor- effective mentors because you wrote "they"
* who changed their lives - make this clear, change does not contain a word "positive" or "negative"
* Rewrite this "they hope that adolescents will not commit a crime in the future.' who is they?
It is often believed that ex-inmates become law-abiding citizens after serving a sentence. Moreover, others argue that they could explain the whole hazard of offending to juveniles. I strongly agree with that, because prisoners would rethink their own future perspectives. Furthermore, these people have known all about the crimes, and they are only one who can deliver this point to the younger generation.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, ex-prisoners would become a loyalist rather than committing one more crime. This is because prison is considered as a place to ponder past sins and own mistakes. Hence, the majority of offenders becoming good citizens. However, not only does it have such an effect, but prisoners also do not repeat past faults that could have led to jail. On contrast, having carried out a test among offenders in the UK, psychiatrists have revealed that they had not an evil intention anymore, on the contrast prisoners had wished only the freedom. As a result, this way from a crime to a jail real affects people’s behavior in the long run.
Another point to consider is the ex-prisoners are the best people to make a conversation with teenagers. This is because, rarely do people realize about its importance, but inmates are the only ones who can precisely describe the crimes and its adverse consequences. Moreover, ex-prisoners have passed this way at a psychological level too. Thus, by explaining all dangers of offending to youngsters, would decrease juvenile delinquency in the long term. For instance, after serving, people have an invaluable experience to share with children. However, even though they have committed a crime, their importance to teenagers cannot be emphasized too much.
To sum up, people who have served a sentence in jail become good citizens and they are the best people to talk with teenagers about the future risk of committing a crime. This is because they change inside, rethink their lives, and only who passed this horrible way and could share with own experience.
There is a considerable debate among population whether ex-prisoners should give a talk to young generation about the future threats of committing a crime. While some people believe these are the most suitable people to have a conversation with teenagers, others assert that not an every reformed offender becomes an upstanding citizen after a prison. I totally agree that ex-offenders should have a chance to meet with adolescents, as they are finest personalities to talk with.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason why this strategy ought to be implemented is that this is a golden opportunity to share the life experience of rehabilitated delinquents. In other words, the true-life story of a person, who has struggled with severe consequences of crime, might be very helpful to prevent a youngster from potential dangers. For instance, according to the twelfth United Nations congress on crime prevention, the past experience of Brazil depicted that this method is beneficial to youth in terms of providing food for thought to comprehend the future threats of the offence .
Another reason why it is superior to adopt this method is that it will serve as an untraditional way of educating pupils. Therefore, student`s interest and willingness would be increased very much, thus being an effective tool of removing dispel ideas of youth. In addition, by allowing ex-prisoners to act for the sake of people they are going to be granted with a great chance of successfully integrating back to community. As a result, there will be an enormous advantage to both members of society.
To conclude, I am firmly convinced that it is an excellent idea to give reformed offenders an opportunity to make a contribution to the development of the community by educating young generation to avoid committing a crime.
I enjoyed reading the essay because you captured my attention because of the following really good points:
Delete* The English is really good
* The introduction is really great
* The choice and use of words are really good and in place.
* The use of your vocabulary is really good.
* You have strong arguments which are all valid because you gave evidences
* The end is good
For now, I could not find something that you need to work on for this essay because as what I said, you got me in this essay. Instead, I am encouraging you to continue writing in this manner because I think you have the gift for this. Great job. Looking forward for your other essays.
Dear, brilliant dumdumbullet, I am truly grateful for your response! Thank you very much! It is a great honour for me to get such a positive feedback from you. Yes, I will definitely try my best for other essays, too ;)
DeleteIt is believed that some former prisoners become solid citizens after a time, and they are the most influential people to teach teenagers about the risks of committing a crime. I totally agree that ex-prisoners might become a role models in demonstrating younger generation the negative influence of committing offences.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason why ex-inmates can provide an essential example of criminal participation is that they can share their own crime-related past. By contributing experience, these people can demonstrate what it leads to. The stories of former prisoners would be a huge help to youth to interpret the implications of delinquency and fosters a conscious and role model personality. For example, special organizations can invite young adults to the meetings with law-breakers, so they could be aware of difficulties that can be faced and its hazardous effects on their future by taking a lesson.
Another reason why it is significant for teenagers to talk with some who was an offender is that ex-criminalists can be the only ones who will be able to understand the thoughts of young people who have similar thoughts as people who are going to commit a crime. These people have the same ideas and mindset. For example, people who used to be interested in crime know how it works and what can be done to stop the pernicious thoughts and actions. Therefore, it’s possible to prevent the acts that can be committed by teenagers by talking and explaining them the negative sides. If they work with each other, it also will decrease the level of juvenile delinquency.
In conclusion, I absolutely agree that conversations between ex-inmates and teenagers should be considered as an effective way to deal with the crime among young generation. This is due to the fact that adolescents will clearly be able to understand the devstating effect of committing an offence.
Hello, Cooper! You improved so much!
DeleteNow your essay became more clear and structured. Also, you use a wide range of vocabulary and word collocations properly. Generally, it is very great! Keep working in this way! Good luck!
Nowadays, it is significantly important to raise teenagers’ consciousness of crime.
ReplyDeleteIn that case, some people believe that ex-prisoners who become decent residents are the best people to adolescents to tell about the threat posed by a crime. I partly agree with this statement and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly, criminals are the people who knows a lot about the risk of crime. The time they spend behind the bars usually forces them to think about their commitment, so in the end, prison works as a particularly good way to rehabilitate most of criminals. For instance, when prisoners understand the negativity of that they harmed other people, they may want to repay society by teaching would-be criminals or teenagers to not offend. Therefore, it is important to let inmates talk about their experience as it does not only enrich the knowledge of adolescence about crime, but also helps criminals to start fitting in back into society.
Turning to the other side of the argument, It should be noted that а teenager can react in a number of different ways to the speech told by prisoners. Teens tend to interpret the stories as they want. Nowadays, due to the internet and TV, criminals’s role, image of them are changing and unfortunately it causes a lot of biases and stereotypes among adolescence. So, offenders can become a new idol for them if they meet them, for example.
As a result, this idea when people talk about the dangers of crime fails because the reaction of teenagers are unpredictable.
In conclusion, I agree that some prisoners who completely changed their life can be a good advisor for the young generation. They will make valuable lessons for them. However, in the age of computer, criminals’s image is ambiguous for teenagers, so they can show different reactions after meeting them.
311 words
This is good work Raj. You have used a few idioms and you have nice sentence structures, which is commendable. It is however advisable to take one side of the argument and support it throughout your essay. You may lose points if you try and support both sides of the argument. I have highlighted some corrections below. Paragraph 1, line 3 – quite some repetition; ‘best people to adolescents to tell’ should read ‘best people to tell adolescents’
DeleteParagraph 2 line 1 – people who ‘know’ not ‘knows’ (3rd person present); line 3 – rehabilitate most criminals not most ‘of’ criminals. Line 4 – ‘the negativity of that they harmed other people’. This sentence should be rephrased to look like ‘the negativity of what they had done to other people’. Note that harm is already a negative aspect and so try to avoid repetition. Line 7 ‘fitting in back into’ should just read ‘fitting back into’. Again, this is repetition.
Paragraph 3, line 2 ‘speech told’ should be ‘speech made or speech given’, remember a speech is a formal talk so again, repetition. Line 3 Criminals’s is incorrect. Since the noun is plural (or ends in s), just add an apostrophe after the s to show the possessive form. Do not add an extra s. Your conclusion is good, however it leaves the reader not sure whether you did support the motion or not. This should be clear right from the beginning. Overall, a good essay, word count is perfect, keep up and do more practice.
Good afternoon, simba!
DeleteThank you a lot.I really appreciate your feedback. I tried to consider all things that you mention and have written a new version of my essay:
Nowadays, it is significantly important to raise teenagers’ consciousness of crime.
In that case, some people believe that ex-prisoners who become decent residents are the best people to tell adolescents about the threat posed by a crime. I agree with this statement and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly, criminals are the people who know a lot about the risk of crime. The time they spend behind the bars usually forces them to think about their commitment, so in the end, prison works as a particularly good way to rehabilitate most criminals. For instance, when prisoners understand the negativity of what they had done to other people, they may want to repay society by teaching would-be criminals or teenagers to not offend. Therefore, it is important to let inmates talk about their experience as it does not only enrich the knowledge of adolescence about crime, but also helps criminals to start fitting back into society.
Another reason why I agree with this idea is that prisoners’ meetings with teenagers can be considered effective. Those teens tend to have a lot of question, so inmates will have a powerful influence on the fresh minds if they answer properly. Also, it is efficient because students will not accept that as class lectures where they usually forced to be and dismiss information, but as a meeting where real-life stories told. As a result, educating teenagers through stories can result in increasing their consciousness.
In conclusion, I agree that some prisoners who completely changed their life can be a good advisor for the young generation. They will make valuable lessons for them can be considered as great teachers in this topic of crime.
284 words
Great improvement seen here Raj. Good piece. You have clearly supported one side of the motion which is commendable. Your flow is also great. Just a few grammatical eras, nothing much to worry about. Paragraph 2 line 5, I'd have preferred if you used 'not to offend' rather than 'to not offend'. Paragraph 3 line 1-2, this sentence is incomplete. You are expected to give the reason before you conclude your sentence. For instance; ....considered effective is that teenagers tend to have a lot of unanswered questions(use plural), and so inmates..... Line 5, paragraph 3, not clear what you mean by 'dismiss' information. Your conclusion is very impressive. Well done. Keep practicing. As you know, practice makes perfect.
DeleteCitizens with a crime sentence who had been able to reestablish and return back to the normal life are considered to be the best mentors for adolescents in providing information about dangers of breaking the law. I totally agree with the statement as former prisoners are well-experienced with the consequences of committing a crime, and their communication with the youth could benefit not only the fresh minds but also ex-prisoners themselves.
ReplyDeleteTo begin with, ex-criminals have had a hand-on trial about the prison life and conditions that offenders are living in. Hence, they are capable to share this experience and picture it in details. Moreover the adolescents are more likely to take accept advice from someone who speaks from a real life situation. It would be a valuable chance for every adolescent to be aware of how people get involved into committing a crime and now they feel going through this tough part of their lives. The most educated people who can answer every question about this kind of sensitive topic are no one but former criminals. Therefore, they are suitable to teach and guide teenagers.
Moreover, the former law-breakers are going to benefit from this arrangement too, because telling their own stories might bring them some sort of mental relive, they would sense a deeper connection with society and feel great from doing something that is right, which will prevent them from recommitting crime again. Communication with adolescent and the process of educating the youth might help the former prisoner with their further reintegration in society.
In conclusion, experience of real ex-criminals and advantages of bilateral training and assistance are the best for preventing law-breaking among young adults.
Hello hopeful girl. This is a very good essay as you have dwelt on supporting only one side of the coin. This is how these essays are to be approached. This is commendable. However, consider to revise the highlighted sections hereunder.
DeleteParagraph 1, line 1; use hyphen in re-establish. However, re-establish refers to inanimate things and so you could also use rehabilitate rather than re-establish since you are referring to prisoners. You could also use ‘re-establish back’ into society not re-establish and ‘return’ back(repetition), you could say ‘turn’ back instead. In line 3, well-versed would sound better than well-experienced, although it can still be used.
Paragraph 2, line 1; ‘hands-on’ not ‘hand-on’. Line 5, ‘how’ not ‘now’ since now brings in mixing of tense. I believe this is a typographical error. Last line, ‘no one but’, I would prefer ‘no other than’.
Paragraph 3, line 2; ‘relieve’ not ‘relive’. This is a simple spelling mistake. Your conclusion is simple and clear, and you word count is perfect.
You have shown excellent use of language and included a wide range of good vocabulary and idioms. This is good work, keep practicing your language and you shall do extremely well. You have brilliant ideas clearly explained. Keep up.
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ReplyDeleteSome people believe that by participating in conversations with decent residents who have been imprisoned in the past, adolescents will be fully warned that every act has a huge responsibility. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.
ReplyDeleteThere are many reasons why offenders who have been released can contribute to raising youth awareness of the dangers of crime. The first reason is that the stories of ex-offenders may attract additional attention compared to regular parental exercises. As a result, the teenager realizes the seriousness of the consequences of his actions, and understands the message that adults are trying to convey to him. In addition, participating in these conversations, adolescents will have the opportunity to discuss with a person who has violated the law. Since each student has a personal point of view, he can draw his own conclusions.
In addition to the practical advantages mentioned above, the participation of offenders in the education of adolescents can have a beneficial effect on society, for example, reducing government spending on education. If past criminals play a critical role in student learning, the state budget will not be spent on instructors. For example, after his term in prison, Jordan Belford, an American financial criminal, visited various universities in the United States to tell his story and its negative consequences, as well as the punishment he suffered. Thanks to these helpful warnings, students can become aware of the dangers they face in committing a financial crime without any significant cost to schools.
In conclusion, I believe that both students and the public could benefit from the participation of former criminals in education.
Hello Heisenberg. A good introduction here, you clearly support the motion. This is a well-ordered sequence of events in an article. Good job. However, consider the few points below.
DeleteParagraph 2 line 2 …youth awareness ‘of’… replace ‘of’ with ‘about’…. Same line;…’the stories’ could be replaced by ‘the experiences’. Line 3 ‘parental exercises’ could be replaced by ‘parental advice’. You have developed your argument well but at the end of the second paragraph you seem to let the adolescents decide for themselves. I would have preferred if you stated that these prison experiences are likely to make teenagers avoid crime. This supports the argument in your introductory paragraph.
In paragraph 3, you have sighted an excellent example which practically supports your argument. This is superb since it shows you did some research on this. This definitely improves your score. The sentence structures and flow are very good here.
The conclusion is good but you need to draw attention to the arguments you have displayed in the main body of the essay.
Overall, this is a very good essay, keep practicing and you will perfect.
Some individuals claim that the most effective way to educate young people to avoid crime by ex-detainees , who is being good people after their first punishment.I disagree fully with this assertion as I believe that ex-prisoners remain one of the most dangerous individuals in society even after their extreme punishment.
ReplyDeleteI recognize that certain ex-criminals, but not all of them, become decent men.In jail, convicts do not do much valuable, they play poor card games, vape and even plot a new offense for other experienced criminals, for example in the United States about 55 per cent are prisoners who committed offences second, third or fourth.
I firmly agree that the only one that should educate juveniles to avoid breaches of the law is their mother, instructors or police officials, even those who truly matter about their children should encourage them to comply by rule. Without any preparation,ex-offenders even cannot say something to children. The only vocabulary ex-offenders that can use is dirty vocabulary.It is why,I think that children should avoid the contact with any ex-covicts.
Finally, I agree deeply that if a suspect is not necessarily a convict, but who is a true criminal is not willing to alter his mind. Even children can be guided by parents and instructors, but not criminals.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that some ex-inmates can become law abiding citizens.Moreover,it is thought by somes that those people may urge teenagers not to commit a crime by conversation about its dangers.I totally agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to prevent future crimes.This essay will discuss its influence on young generation mind including efficiency, some risks and comparison with other methods of struggle.
To begin with, teens are more likely to take advice from someone who can speak from experience. Criminal offenders can tell young people how they began to engage in criminal activity, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison really looks like.I believe that it would be extremely interesting for teenagers to hear the stories of the former criminal.
Not only can it prevent a lot of crimes planned by young people but also will have a strong influence on them.
Although there are some risks of the fact that not mature adolescents will begin to imitate such activities, in most cases they can turn away from this thought, the consequences of which are hazardous and terrible . On the other hand,other methods aimed at reducing juvenile delinquency rates such as documentary films and lessons with police or other government officials.However, it shows less efficiency.
In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who change their lives after serving their sentences in prison can help deter teens from committing crimes.
* What does "somes" mean? Reconsider these sentences please: "It is true that some ex-inmates can become law abiding citizens.Moreover,it is thought by somes that those people may urge teenagers not to commit a crime by conversation about its dangers".
Delete* After putting full stop leave a space.
Overall, it is well-written essay with a range of good vocabulary and grammar. However you need to work on how to write an introduction part since it is crucial.
The public believes that the culprits that have reformed after prison are reliable sign of the adverse consequences breakings the law. I fully agree with this statement due to they had seen all the difficulties of prison life; also know the price of freedom.
ReplyDeleteThe prisoners have an experience in committing a crime whether it is minor or major. Once they have broken a law, it will lead to the various kinds of punishments such as imprisonment, where they would do some unpaid community service. People, who have overcome all of this, would know how it is better live in freedom, independently. In jail, a person will be far away from his/her immediate relatives, which leads to feel homesick and lonely. Likewise, ex-prisoners could be the most relevant and appropriate people to talk to teenagers.
Offenders know that the person’s momentary action does not worth the penalty that would destroy his/her future. As we know, for the felons, it is really difficult to find a job, and build their career. In majorities of cases, people do not trust them; moreover, regard them as unreliable and dangerous. For the criminals, that served their sentences in prison, are deprived most of the opportunities. Therefore, by committing crime, a person may block the chances for the bright future.
In conclusion, I believe that people should take into account the experiences of some people. Parents should make their children talk to lawbreakers, that know the consequences of disobeying rules and the value of free life, could prevent teenagers from destroying their life.
Many people say that those who have been through a prison sentence, and changed their behavior for the better, are among the best people to consult regarding the risks of going against the law with teenagers. I totally agree with the opinion stated above.
ReplyDeleteAccording to social studies conducted throughout the years and referenced in “tengrinews”, personal experience is one of the deciding factors when consulting others about topics such as dangers of committing a crime. Considering the amount of knowledge of crime related dangers either exaggerated or downplayed by the media, the person who has already broken the law at least once will be able to point out the truth. Just as the theoretic knowledge contains differences from practical knowledge, the information obtained through rumors differs from the first-hand information.
Another vital factor to examine is the effectiveness of the advisor's recommendations. Advice from the former prisoner on the dangerous sides of not abiding by the law will not only contain more credibility, but bigger practical value as well. As is already proven by history, teenagers are more likely to listen to those with bigger authority on the subject. Thus, ex-prisoners willing to reform will be held in higher regard than conventional teachers would, which increases the efficiency of their teachings.
Nevertheless, leaving the wrongdoers and delinquents with the undeveloped minds is a large risk. Underage exploitation is one of the worst possible outcomes of such practice. Whether this method is efficient or not, in either case the practice should be done with supervision.
Overall, it is not wrong to utilize the prisoners and their knowledge to assist the child education, but only if the children are monitored at the time of education.
A large number of people consider that offenders, who have served their prison sentence, are justified to share their experiences with adolescents since they are presumed to have been corrected. However, I strongly disagree with this suggestion since ex- offenders with criminal background are not the best instructors for younger generation and in some case, their guidance may even be hazardous.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the information of criminals is not guaranteed to be reliable, in addition, young adults are not also sure that they will learn only useful parts of their lesson. I consider that a prison affects prisoners in destructive way, for example, their psychology usually worsens throughout a prison sentence and they gain mental disabilities. Formerly convicted people who have not reformed tend to relapse into criminal behaviour. If they will spread their knowledge to students, the latter may learn an inappropriate experience.
Furthermore, more helpful people would be found if there was need for teaching of teenagers by experienced people. Well-known celebrities, who have come a long way to achieve a success would have much to share with younger learners. For example, our school invite respected businessmen, scientists, physicians and sportsmen and they tell us about principles of well-educated persons, the possible obstacles and the ways to overcome them. In comparison to criminals, who have committed crime once, we believe their words and try to repeat their success.
In conclusion, ex-offenders are not trustworthy individuals to allow them to teach a people at the early ages. Instead, adolescents should pay more attention to the words of authorities, who deserve it
Hello, lazypotato, your essay seems better than it was and I can say that you did a great job. However, I have noticed some grammar mistakes that you should pay attention to not repeat them in your next writing work.
Delete- criminal backgroundS (introduction part)- plural form of the noun
- for THE younger generation (intro part) - an article
- in some caseS (intro) - plural form
- in A destructive way ( BP 1 ) - an article, since the word way is countable
- A need for THE teaching( BP 2 ) - an article
- our school inviteS (BP 2) - since the word schoolis a collective noun
- committed A crime once (BP 2) - an article, crime is a countable noun
- to teach people (BP 2) - without any article, the word people is plural
- if they spread khowledge (BP 1) - after "if", we never write "will"
- also, in your example of BP2, you have used quite a lot "and", try to separate your sentence.
I hope that you will look at this feedback as well as work on it. Good luck!
Hello Lazypotato. I can see great improvement compared to your previous article. Good job.
DeleteYou have a very good introduction, clearly stating that you are against the motion. You have developed the argument very well and you go ahead to give alternatives to the ex-convicts coming into society and teaching the youth. This is commendable.
Remember to include a break between paragraphs and try to draw some information from research which may support your motion. This will increase your score. I will not comment on grammar since it has been outlined above.
Overall, this is an impressive essay. Keep writing and you will soon perfect.
Some people state that in order to prevent juvenile delinquency, an offspring should have conversation about it with felons who become good citizens after their release from a jail. I partially agree that this is the best way to rise good individuals.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, children would benefit from being aware of consequences of crime from prisoner who had committed crime before. This practice would explain them how harmful as well as disastrous is any crime and teach them to be more responsible and well-minded persons. The reason is that they will see the cause-consequence relationship between a wrongdoing and ruining life. To illustrate this, I was told by one person who have been in jail, who said me that he would have never do what caused him to be condemned, if only he could.
On the other hand, not always this kind of action is capable to prevent “early crime” because scientists from USA who have studied about death penalty and its impact on the crime stated that the fact that they will be killed after the crime didn’t stop them. Consequently, if the stiff penalty could not stop this sort of people, why we consider the conversation with the ex-prisoners as possible way? Moreover, juvenile delinquency is the effect of low education, bad parenting, harmful society or other economic as well as social issues that make them to go and robe someone. Good evidence is the fact that the regions, where teenagers have committed crimes more are undeveloped areas with high rate of death, poverty or starvation.
In conclusion, the practice may decrease a crime among youth, but not in all regions because the main cause that leads to crime is low living standards. Consequently, to solve this issue, authorities should consider the problem of living in conditions of family tribulation.