For the last few years cosmetic surgery became truly popular and known. Especially, among the female half of the planet. Here comes the question: “Why do women turn to cosmetic surgery?” Well, some people got complexes while looking at models pictures in magazines with their ideal bodies, perfect skin tones and fashionable haircuts. However, not each of us suspects about the effects that cosmetic surgery causes.
Plastic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with that statement. First of all, because it costs a lot! There were some situations when women sold their cars, clothes and jewelries just to save some money for that such an expensive pleasure. Moreover, unsuccessful surgery can cause problems with health at least. Nowadays, there are many swindlers and rogues all around. So people need to be very careful in choosing doctors. If they do not, this story will have very sad consequences. Fortunately, the fashion for natural beauty appeared recently. So, more than a half of young girls prefer their personal charm instead of having a cosmetic surgery. That gives me a hope about our modern society.
In other hand plastic surgery have its positive sides as well. In situations when people got injured, for example fire, surgery gives them the chance to get back to their normal life before accident. Cosmetic surgery increases person’s self-esteem and this is really fascinating.
However, frankly speaking I think that people do not need something special to love themselves. Each of us is beautiful in our own way. No matter what other people say, just remember that!
This is a wonderful piece of writing - well done! You have very good topical vocabulary and are clearly interested in the subject. Here are my suggestions for you:
cosmetic surgery became truly popular and known – cosmetic surgery has become more popular and acceptable Especially, among the female half of the planet – keep this part with the first sentence: especially among half of the females on our planet Here comes the question – better, “let’s ask ourselves this:” some people got complexes – some people become body conscious However, not each of us suspects about the effects that cosmetic surgery causes – a little unclear, are you questioning cosmetic surgery or the effect of magazines on young people There were some situations – There have been situations when Jewellery - spelling swindlers and rogues all around. – EXCELLENT, but it’s better to say ‘swindlers and rogues everywhere’ to be very careful in choosing doctors - to be very careful when choosing doctors. Fortunately, the fashion for natural beauty appeared recently – fortunately, people are moving towards natural beauty In other hand plastic surgery have its positive sides as well - On the other hand plastic surgery has its positive sides as well as negative.
Hello, "Hopefull Girl". Your essay is superbly written. Just by looking at it, it makes me feel better. Your ideas are interesting, but you say surgery is pleasure?? (...)
Also, about natural beauty. The fact is that many people use cosmetics to get "natural beauty" and this kind of cosmetics are very popular, though I also believe that natural beauty is the best.
Thank you for your hard work!
Some mistakes I found: 2 paragraph, 4 sentence. "for that such an expensive pleasure." - I think that you need to put "," here or change a sentence. For example: There were some situations when women sold their cars, clothes and jewelries just to save some money for such an expensive "pleasure". 2 paragraph, 5 sentence. "Moreover, unsuccessful surgery can cause problems with health at least." - Here "at least" is used at the end of the sentence. I think, "at the very least" will sound better because I have not heard anything about "at least" being used at the end of the sentence.(parenthetical sentences are exceptions) 2 paragraph, last sentence. No story has consequences. so try to change the word "story". For instance, "this act will have very sad consequences." 4 paragraph, 2 sentence. Here tenses are mixed - In situations when people got injured ... surgery gives them the chance to get back to their normal life before accident. - First you say "got injured", then "surgery gives", this is odd. "When people got injured ... surgery gave them the chance" or "When people get injured ... surgery gives them the chance" is more correct sounding.
Right now is 21st century; there are a lot of new technologies, breakthroughs in science, generally a lot of interesting things. Furthermore, there is cosmetic surgery too.
First surgery in world made in Ancient Egypt about 3600 years ago. Surgery here used when person is ill or he has some deformation, and they very rarely made on the face. It was treacherous for their life, some people thought that it is easier to stay ill or breathe their last breath instead of doing this dangerous thing. However, right now there a lot of types of surgery and people don’t scare to do it, most of them like it. You can use rhynoplasty for your nose, blepharoplasty for your eyes, mammoplasty, abdominoplasty, liposuction, oh my god, I think that if I will say all of them it will be too long.
Cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. So, why did people using it? Maybe you will ask this question, answer is easily they don’t like their face (I know, that I am captain obvious). At that cause they go to doctor and say their problem. Some of doctors are swindlers, their goal is to take money easily, they will do poorly executed job. After that people may have problems with their health, defects at their faces, some of surgery like this end critically with passing away or they will not look like them before. Cosmetic surgery is really dangerous thing, because your body, face “at the hands” of doctor. What's more, face it is first thing that people see, so person should not use a lot of surgery, or go to untried doctor, only because there is not expensive.
I can say some advantages of plastic surgery. People may correct their defects on face. Person may become more confidently.
I think people may use cosmetic surgery. However, they should not use it always and do it only at good doctor even it is expensive.
Hello, "•everybody loves me•". I see you are well informed, you even mentioned the time when people started to use plastic surgery. Although, I know that internet globalizes all knowledge, but the fact that you found it shows that you are very meticulous person, it is very good. Your essay is long and informative. Thank you for your hard work!
Some mistakes I found: 1 paragraph, last sentence. There is "a" cosmetic surgery too. 2 paragraph, 1 sentence. In "the" world "was" made. 2 paragraph. 2 sentence. Do not forget using "to be" in your sentences and also here you talk about "surgery"(singular), so you need not use "they" - "Surgery here "was" used when person was ill or he ha"d" some "kind of" deformation, and "it was" rarely "caried out" on the face." 2 paragraph, 3 sentence. Treacherous is a complex word and it has many meanings. However, "it was treacherous for their life" sounds incorrect. Better to say "it was dangerous to their lives" or "it threatened their lives". "It "threatened their lives", "so" people thought that it "was" easier to stay ill or breathe their last instead of doing this dangerous thing." 2 paragraph, 4 sentence. Do not forget to use "to be" please. "there "are" a lot of ... "are not scared" to do it". 2 paragraph, last sentence. "if I will say all of them it will be too long." - do not use "will" after "if". "If I say all of them it will be too long". 3 paragraph, 2 sentenvce. Do not start your sentence with "so" and maintain the tense please. "Then, why do people use it?" 3 paragraph, 3 sentence. "Perhaps you will ask this question, actually the answer is very obvious - they do not like their appearance" Actually, your mistakes are mostly in tenses... TENSES please repeat them!!! I encourage you to repeat the general grammar and correctly use the words.
Now is a new century of technologies. Science is developing every year. Today, technologies have new capabilities and people with them. One of scientific achievements is cosmetic surgery. So, let’s talk about it. Some people say that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with them. We have some situations like an issues or accidents, so we need cosmetic surgery in that cases to recover. It is very useful nowadays, because nowadays everybody can turn up in this situation. However, today most of people use it for other things. Some people do not enjoy with their naturally look. Some of them use just maquillage and others cosmetic surgery. People use cosmetic surgery because of their external shortcomings. Societies can be cruel and they can criticize you because of your limitation and measures. Not everyone, who used plastic surgery, has thought about its hazards of usage. Cosmetic surgery has some effects for organism. We all heard about the unsuccessful operations of stars. It really changed their lives and we need to think about our decisions hundred times before doing it.
I like your essay. You don't have much mistakes, which is really good)). But I think, your essay will be better, if you take one big point and write about it. So your idea will be more easy to get. If you take many many points, it's hard sometimes to understand. This is my advice
Nowadays cosmetic surgery is very popular. Many celebrities and stars do cosmetic surgery to make their appearance better. After all, if one wants to attract others, first thing one will need to have is beauty. However, what if the beauty we seek brings more harm than good?
Undergoing plastic surgery is not easy. The process itself is unpleasant and money spent to undergo plastic surgery is an enormous sum. However, mostly this does not obstruct people from beautifying themselves.
Beauty has many advantages. It could show your status, make others impressed and change the view people have about yourself. Some people use beauty to advance in their careers, another use it to attract people. It has many uses and could make people’s self-confidence rise.
Nevertheless, undergoing plastic surgery to make ourselves attractive is a very risky process. By the doctor’s mistake one’s face could become disfigured. There is also a risk of getting unknown diseases. Moreover, some people could become disgusted by the fact, that your beauty is “artificial”. There are many people and a lot of them are not good. Of course, if you could completely disregard that kind of people, then it is no problem for you. However, the main point is that plastic surgery brings harm to our health.
Health’s significance in our lives is ginormous. You could disregard all, but your life will end if you try to disregard your health. There are many people that regret consuming drugs, smoking, drinking large amounts of alcohol. Those activities make our health worse and before we notice many fatal problems start to appear in our lives because of bad health. Plastic surgery could bring much harm in health aspect as well and if you are not too sure that plastic surgeon is reliable better not try undergoing the surgery.
In the end, the best option is to be content with what we have. In my opinion, the most attractive part of person is not appearance but temperament. I know that almost nobody looks at our inner-selves, but there is no reason to be discouraged by it. The fact that your soul is beautiful itself shows that you are outstanding. There is no need to be judged by somebody else.
BrokenSapphire you continue to grow and evolve as a writer. I enjoy reading your thoughts and ideas and how you express yourself. Your use of transition and linking words is being done correctly and is excellent. Your vocabulary is noteworthy as well (keep using those uncommon words)! Here are a few things to help you continue to improve… Paragraph 1: • Your use of articles is improving, but keep this in mind: • “After all, if one wants to attract others, the first thing” • Good use of transitions like “after all” and “however” • Nice rhetorical question at the end of the paragraph “what if the beauty we seek brings more harm than good?” Paragraph 2: • No mistakes this paragraph. Good use of uncommon vocabulary like “undergoing”, “unpleasant” and “beautifying”. Paragraph 3: • Your topic sentences are clear and concise. This mainly is because you are using simple sentences as topic sentences. Continue to do this; it is a good practice! • “and change the view people have about yourself themselves” • “another and others use it to attract people”
Paragraph 4: • “By the With a doctor’s mistake, one’s face could become disfigured.” • “disgusted by the fact that” --no comma
Paragraph 5: • “There are many people that regret consuming drugs, smoking, and drinking large amounts of alcohol • “Those activities make our health worse and before we notice, many fatal problems start to appear in our lives because of bad health.” • “Plastic surgery could bring much a lot of harm in to your health aspect as well, and if you are not too sure that the plastic surgeon is reliable, you’d better not try undergoing the surgery.
Paragraph 6: “In my opinion, the most attractive part of a person…” “The fact that your soul is beautiful, itself, shows that you are outstanding.”
P.S.--I wrote this in a word document that had the ability to make words bold, underline and do strike outs. I will send the original document to Miss Nagima if you want to see that :)
Everybody wants be beautiful. For beautiful girl people start wars. For example, Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena. Its war between Greek and Trojan, on the Troada, starts when Pares abduct wife of Menelai. We can do all things for beautiful girl. However, How far we can go for be beautiful girl?
Now, we have got fashion for cosmetic surgery, it is big risk. One mistake can’t deface human. For example, if person using either botox. We can’t change this, and people undergo change in his life, and this change can be displeasing. Yes, it can help, but I thing if you do cosmetic surgery on the partially of body like lips, it’s be not you. It’s different persone. Cosmetic surgery change human not always for the bad, but not for the good way.
I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful. Save the nature beautiful, because it’s your beautiful
1) "...and people undergo change in his life,...", I think, that it will be better to use "...and undergo changing people life's...". 2) Please, do not use comma before "and". 3) You are not a "thing", how you wrote in "but I thing if you do cosmetic surgery on the partially of body like lips" sentence. Maybe you wanted to wrote "I think". 4) "..., it’s be not you.", it will be better to use "it is not yours.". However, I think that you wanted to use future simple tense in that sentence. If I am right, the sentense will be "it will not yours". 5) "persone"- not correct because the word "person" without "e". Please, work on your grammar. It is not bad to make mistakes, but you will need to correct it. Good luck)))
Good afternoon, Marshal Lee. You did a great job. Here is my advice for you: 1. In your first sentence you forgot to use TO before BE. I think that you do not need to use the ending S with a verb right there, so the correct version is "Everybody want to be beautiful". 2. Instead of using "wars the beautiful girl Elena", it is better to right "fight for" 3. When you talk about wars, try to use Past Tenses. For example, "The war on the Troada startED when..." 4. How far we can go for be beautiful girl? >> How far can go girls to become beautiful? 5. >>it will be not you. It will be a different person. 6. In the last paragraph beautifull comes like a noun, not adjective >> I think, the nature beauty is better than artificial beauty. Moreover, in that case try to use synonims. It was interesting to read your essay. Thank you and good luck)
Hey, •Marshal Lee•. I liked your essay, you used confident words such as:"undergo", "abduct"(I learned this word from your essay, thank you!), "artificial". However, you have some minor mistakes such as: •"Everybody wants be beautiful." you should change to "Everybody wants TO be beautiful." You should use preposition in your sentence. •"For example, Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena." it should be "For example, a Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena". Please, don't forget using articles. •"wife of Menelai." I think it should be "wife of Menelaus." Please, be careful, when you writing names of historical character. •"for beautiful girl." → "for A beautiful girl." You forgot article • "However, How far we can go for be beautiful girl?" I don't understand, what you mean. •" One mistake can’t deface human." oh, I think that you confused in this sentence and it should be "One mistake can deface human" •"if person using either botox." one more time, article. Furthermore, you should write Botox from capital letter. •"people undergo change in his life" →"people undergo A change in his life" article...please use it. •"but I thing" you are not thinG, but you may thinK "but I think" •" partially of body like lips, it’s be not you" → "partially of body THE like lips, it’s be not you" •"different persone" PERSON •"for the bad" → "for the worse" •"I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful." → "I think the natural BEAUTY better than artificial BEAUTY" •"Save the nature beautiful, because it's your beautiful"→ “Save the natural beautifulness, because it’s your beauty" I wish that in future you will not do mistakes like this <3 XOXO, •everybody loves me"♥
There are very good ideas for writing – good job! However, you made some mistakes and here are my suggestions for you: - “Everybody wants be beautiful - Everybody wants to be appealing”, since a word “beautiful” is related only to women; - “For beautiful girl people start wars - People start wars for a beautiful girl in order to gain her attention”; - “We can do all things for beautiful girl – We can do everything for a beautiful girl”; - Do not use questions in your essay; - Sentence, number one in the second paragraph, is not understandable, so I want you to rewrite this sentence; - I think you don’t need a word “either” in third sentence; - “but I thing if you - but I think if you”; - “it’s be not you – it’s will be not you” (I’m not sure about it); - “It’s different persone – It’s different person ”; - “Cosmetic surgery change – Cosmetic surgery changes”; - “I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful - I think the natural beauty is better than artificial beauty ”; - “Save the nature beautiful, because it’s your beautiful - Save the natural beauty, because it’s your beauty”. That’s all. I look forward to seeing your second draft!
Today technology and medicine progress very well. Scientists do everything to improve our lives. The majority of people state that technologies have more disadvantages than advantages. However, those people forgot that our fridges, cars and computers were created for themselves. Cosmetic surgery shows how is improving our medicine. It shows hard work of the doctors for other people. They are willing us to live happily. I partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good because it depends on the case. For example, a person want to make an operation for the reason that he or she thinks something is wrong with his or her appearance or this person has burn on the body. People say that there is no ideal person in the world, but continue doing anything to make it false. Cosmetic surgery is popular in many developed countries such as Korea. For instance, the majority of girls do an operation on double eyelid. Perhaps for someone it is just a way to get money because all of us live for ourselves. Moreover, a patient might meet the criminals who do their works not as well as professionals. However, we cannot forget about surgeons with sincere intentions to support.
COMMENDATIONS: 1. You write very well. You have a good essay already. You make a good start, you express your ideas very clearly and you justify your own point of view reasonably. Good job! Keep up the good work! 2. I am very impressed and contented on how you started this essay. You already have the gift on how to start a good essay 3. The grammar is good. (You just need to double check onsome tenses but in general it is good) 4. I want to see you evolve as a writer because if this is the way you wrote essays, no doubt you will become a good writer someday! SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE YOUR ESSAY MORE INTERESTING: 1. You need to explain further the following statements to communicate your ideas more clearly: - People say that there is no ideal person in the world, but continue doing anything to make it false (what do you mean by this?) - For instance, the majority of girls do an operation on double eyelid (you need to explain and justify this further to make your claim very strong) - Perhaps for someone it is just a way to get money because all of us live for ourselves. (make this clearer…from what point of view you write this?) - Moreover, a patient might meet the criminals who do their works not as well as professionals. (make this statement more simple ….) - We cannot forget about surgeons with sincere intentions to support (explain this further) 2. It will be good to make a good ending of the essay by relating this to your justification so that you have powerful ending.
Nowadays, our century is new technologies’ epoch, where in most had developed countries all life’s conditions in high level. Moreover, due to high level of medicine the length of people’ lives is more long than the ever was. So, since science and medicine are tremendously developing now, fewer time ago the term “cosmetic surgery” appeared. Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good? It is one of the most popular questions. I completely agree with this statement, because we must have own nature beauty, not by surgery and chemicals. As one famous philosopher said : “We should see the problem from different angles”. Cosmetic surgery has advantages, like a lot of people did not like own exterior, so from surgical intervention they are happy for his new loveliness and life. Cosmetic surgery gives people a sense to live, rises his self-evaluation.
On the other hand, cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. One of them is surgical procedure could not be successful, and people became ugly. Secondly, this method of being beautiful can induce some dangerous diseases. Third, substances that added are can carry a hidden threat to the organism.
Health – one of the most valuable things in our world. Please, do not forget own nature beauty. The secret of being beautiful, as said wise and clever people is eating natural fruits and vegetables, moving, and happy of living in this interesting, fabulous and full of mysteries world. Keep calm, and do your best!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this very interesting topic.
A few minor suggestions: more long–> longer fewer time ago -> recently “Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good?” - This is a statement, not a question. -> Does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?” nature beauty -> natural beauty
I think you’re off to a great start and this is a very good first draft of your essay!
There are many people who want their faces, arms, legs or other parts of body become better. However, these people making their part of body better using cosmetic surgery. Most of people can say that the cosmetic surgery is bad; others can say that cosmetic surgery has more advantages than disadvantages. There are no rights or wrong opinions here. All people have their own statement. Let’s try to discuss and find an answer on this question. Firstly, the cosmetic surgery has one big advantage is that you can improve your appearance by to the best side. In my opinion this advantage is big motivation for the people who have planned to do that. Secondly, there are many disadvantages here. For example, this procedure is dangerous for our health. The person can be strong physically, but this person needs to understand that the physical strong will not help to him if something will go wrong while the operation. Furthermore, the person needs morally strong to make the cosmetic surgery. In my opinion, the cosmetic surgery can help to people in different situation, if the person really needs to do this procedure. The person can undergo the cosmetic surgery after different problems with himself. In this case it is not so dangerous for this person’s organism. However, if the person will make the cosmetic surgery many times or if this person will make this procedure in illegal surgery, it will dangerous and bad affect to person’s healthy, it will be not good undergo In conclusion I want to say that I partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I think that the person choose to make this procedure or no by his own self.
Hey, •Young Jake". Your essay is good. However, you have mistakes such as: •before "body" use article"the" •" to the best side." →" to the good side" •"In my opinion, this advantage is a big motivation for the people " insead of " In my opinion this advantage is big motivation for the people who have planned to do that. " •"physical strain will not help him" instead of " physical strong will not help to him" •"different situations," instead of " different situation" •"and badly affect a person’s health, it will be not good undergoing" instead of "and bad affect to person’s healthy, it will be not good undergo" •"person choose"→ "person chooses" XOXO, •everybody loves me•♥
Cosmetic surgery is medicine procedures, which improve person’s appearance. Nowadays, with quick development of medicine, cosmetic surgery is developing as well. The popularity of modern cosmetic surgery continues to grow, because it become available for any person. At one side, advantages of cosmetic surgery are numerous. Cosmetic procedures help people, who lose one part of body or got to some catastrophes, such as accidents and fires. It is a big opportunity to reestablish person’s health or a normal appearance due to operation.
On the other hand, results of cosmetic surgery are not always meet our expectation. For example, if operation will fail, a medicine mistake will last a lifetime. Of course, it always carries a medical risk, even death. The medical fail depends on a doctor’s mistake or other difficulties. Today, there are a lot of half-taught specialists or doctors without special knowledge. In my opinion, it is a big risk about this important problem. Moreover, unsightly scarring is one of disadvantages too. These red and thick scars often difficult hide or get rid of a long time after surgery or never.
Every person undergoes cosmetic surgery for their own goals. These cosmetic procedures are partially impact to people good, but sometimes it can be harm too.However, cosmetic surgery is dangerous and unpredictable thing, so that person must be sure about a decision.
Hello, good_reader. I liked that your essay contains many academic words and phrases. Moreoveer, there are no many mistakes. You did a truly great job! 1. >>Cosmetic procedures help people, who lost one part of body or got... (you need to use one tense in your sentence) 2. >>...a medicine mistake will last for a lifetime 3. In the second paragraphe the last sentence sounds weird, so>> These red and thick scars are often difficult to hide or to rid... 4. Last paragraph, the last sentence>> However, cosmetic surgery is a dangerous... (put your attention on prepositions) Thank you for your hard work!
All of us must know that we could not choose how beautiful we going to be. So sometimes somebody is making negative pressure and humiliation including to another person with ugly unpleasant appearance. This problem can cause dealing suicide actions, which is, obviously, not good. However, by developing technologies we can make our face more beautiful, which is also good, but this type of surgery has disadvantages, too. All of us know that nature is giving and making us by evolution’s rules, and in your opinion it can make mistake? No. We are individual and beautiful in our own way. First of all, it can bring harm to our body, especially if you went to low experienced surgeon, who can do something wrong as result you will be uglier or disabled. Second of all, nature made us how born, so we cannot break rules because each one made by this difficult biochemical processes. Finally, everyone, who did it play a dangerous game and somebody really playing game by making monster from him. It called cosmetic surgery and has lots of advantages. First of all, you can make your appearance beautiful, how you are willing to. If only some characters could do it, their life would become better. Second of all, how said one scientist: “If something is not developing, this type will have issues.” which mean that humanity is not last stage. I am sharing your opinion about new stage of our evolution. Some scientists really think that robots will be better than us, and to be able to compete with them we going to be cyborgs. It looking strange, I agree with you, but each event be ugly and not usual, and everybody using it today. Perhaps it leads to something great and big, so why do we need to resist it? Good luck!
this difficult biochemical processes -> this difficult process it can bring harm to our body -> it may cause us physical injury/it may bodily harm us It looking strange -> it looks everybody using it today -> everybody uses we going to be cyborgs -> we are going to become cyborgs everybody/everyone/nobody/no one + verb+s(in Present Simple, third person singular) . For example, everybody wants, nobody knows. Do not write "Good luck!" in your essay.
21 century – technology time. Now cosmetic surgery is becoming very popular. Stars or famous people undergo surgery and become beautiful. First cosmetic surgery was do in Ancient Egyptian. Plastic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration of the human body. In some countries in 18th birthday give the certificate for cosmetic surgery. I partially agree with that, because for example one person’s skin burned or have some bodies’ defects. Some people born with ugly nose or eyes. Furthermore, surgery gives them to have new face.
Everything has two sides. In bad way people give lots of money, for money people do everything. For example, in one hospital may be work not competition doctor. He may kill or make person uglier.
In conclusion I want to say, that cosmetic surgery has two sides like coin. Surgery gives us a big technology and in my opinion it is good.
Hello, "Simple Panda"! Your essay is short and informative. There is a history of cosmetic surgery and its pluses. However, I can not fully agree with your opinion regarding people. You say people could do anything for money, but I think otherwise. We can not estimate all people by doings of some of them. Anyways, Thank you for your hard work!!!
There are some mistakes I found: 1 paragraph, 3 sentence. It is not grammar mistake but it is about meaning of the sentence - It is better to say "Stars and other celbrities" rather than "Stars or famous people" because "Stars" and "famous people" is practically the same. 1 paragraph, 4 sentence. You can not say "was do". In Passive Voice when you use "to be" it is usually followed by "past participle"(http://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/past_participles.htm) of a Verb - "cosmetic surgery was done"("do" is an irregular verb, so when it forms past participle it does not have "ed"). Also, there is a mistake in the word "Egyptian". Usually this word is used to describe people from Egypt and the land itself should be called "Ancient Egypt". 1 paragraph, last sentence. In your sentence there is no subject and tense is messed up. Who gives or who receives the certificate on 18th birthday? - Answer is -"On 18th birthday people receive certificates for cosmetic surgery". 2 paragraph, 1 sentence. It is better not to say "one person's" when you talk about "people". Say "One's skin "is" burned or other's bodies have defects" 2 paragraph, 2 sentence. "Some people "are" born" 2 paragraph, last sentence."Surgery gives them an opportunity to get normal body parts" 3 paragraph, 3 sentence. "There might exist a hospital where rivalry among doctors is very strong". Do not say "one (hospital or whatever else)" because when you talk about situations happening to people in general you can not use "one". 3 paragraph, last sentence. "He may kill or make people uglier.". "People", not "person" because you are talking about general situiations again...
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good Nowadays medicine is rapidly developing. It is difficult to overstate its role in our life. Moreover, cosmetic surgery is a type of medicine, and it has an effect on our lives, too. Cosmetic surgery is a normal part of modern life. However, it has a good and bad side to our health. I partially agree with that statement. Now, a lot of people start to doing this surgery, someone tries to make his body more beautiful, another wants to fix their defects. It all can change our physical body. In addition, it will change our thoughts about us. First of all, people make a cosmetic surgery to look better. We are not ideal, so to make ourselves more beautiful and attractive, we hope for this medicine type. Botox and other anti-aging treatments can do our body as we like and need it. Moreover, it influence to our thoughts. If we have a body that we like, we will feel ourselves confident. We will not complex our big nose or thin lips. Secondly, it can make negative things, too. In my point of view, we cannot be young always. Chemical things that went our body during the surgery can spoil, and have bad effects. In conclusion, I partially agree that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. We just want to understand its role and influence fully.
Hi BlackPink, Thank you for using mature ideas as you wrote. You used a good range of words that are relevant to the task. There is some repetitiveness in your writing. Your second and third paragraphs should be combined into one coherent one. Like some of your colleagues, you use the word 'things' but it is imprecise for formal writing. Specify what you need to say with better clarity. There are grammatical hiccups such as 'make a cosmetic surgery' and 'it influence to our thoughts.'. Surgery is uncountable. The use of 'to' in the second example is inappropriate. 'it influences our thoughts.' is better.
Hello BlackPink, You provided some plausible arguments in your essay. Since, you partially agree with the statement. You could argue the positive and the negative effects in separate paragraphs. Rather than moving back and forth in the same paragraph. In addition, some sentences could be revised. See some examples below: However, it has a good and bad side to our health. However, it affects our health both positively and negatively. …a lot of people start to doing this surgery… a lot of people start to do this surgery … In addition, it will change our thoughts about us. …it will change how we view ourselves. First of all, people make a cosmetic surgery to look better. First of all, people do cosmetic surgery to look better. Moreover, it influence to our thoughts. Moreover, it influences our thoughts. …we will feel ourselves confident. We will not complex our big nose or thin lips… …we will feel confident about ourselves. We will not want to adjust our big nose or thin lips… Chemical things that went our body during the surgery can spoil, and have bad effects. Chemicals that are used during surgery may be expired, and could have severe side effects. All the best! Continue to improve your writing.
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. Every day, week, centuries something is changing endless. Our world is evolving. Today’s day many people want undergo surgery. Somebody’s think that cosmetic surgery is more harm than good, somebody’s think otherwise. Most of situation a surgery patient is women. This category of surgery can realize human wishes and make it real. For example, you can do not like your face form or want change eye’s color, cosmetic surgery can change it all.
I agree with this statement partially. I share of the view if you use this surgery way more than one time your health will become bad by reason of not natural as well as chemical interference. All these lasers, silicones, chemicals devices are bad influence for human health.
Secondly, surgery will cost a lot. It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery. Despite the whole operation, it costs a lot of money for today; it is a big problem for a majority people. It is worth considering whether an surgery is needed at all.
In conclusion, for whom the operation is very beneficial and for someone it does not. But you cannot come to the exact conclusion that the operation is harmful or not.
Dear Hames, your essay is very well. Excellent usage of academic words. There are mistakes:
1)"Somebody’s think that cosmetic surgery is more harm than good, somebody’s think otherwise." --> " Some people may be of the view that undergoing cosmetic surgery is harmful." Develop a paragraph after this sentence. For the second part of the sentence :" On the other hand, some might consider it good"
2)"Most of situation a surgery patient is women." --> "In most situations a patient of cosmetic surgery is women'
3)"can realize human wishes" --> "can realize human's wishes".
4)"you can do not like your face form or want..." --> "you may not like your face form or want...".
5)"I share of the view if you use..." --> "I share of the view THAT if you use..."
6)"It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery." - repeated once - "It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is".
7) "for a majority people." --> "for majority of people."
8)"It is worth considering whether an surgery is needed at all." --> "This worth is considering whether an surgery is needed at all."
9)The word "partially" means - not complemetely. You said
"I agree with this statement partially." But you said only bad sides of cosmetic surgery. It seems that you have good vocabulary. Keep working!)
Cosmetic surgery does more than harm than good Nowadays, people which not satisfied with their beauty and appearance, undergo cosmetic surgery. Some people know harms of that but, although they are going to do surgery. In my point of view, it is normally, especially in 21century. If person overdo with this so, kindly, it is harm. People make theirselves ugly with own hands by undergoing. However, people should understand the harms and do it in limit of reasonable.
It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery and become normal, beautiful. Here I am not about the people which do this that they do not like their “crooked nose” or “little lips”, like that. No, I am about people that undergo surgery after injury or burn. You know, this people really become normal, they feel that they like others. They undergo, due to they have complexes and inconvenience after injury. It is understandably why they do. Moreover, here I am afraid that I not agree with this statement.
However, some people, especially Hollywood stars, famous people undergo. As you know sometimes it is successful, however, sometimes not. Firstly, it can damage people’s health and it can has lamentable consequences. Secondly, if not stop at time doing surgery, you will overdo. It has a lot’s of famous people, and you know about them more and better than me.
So, what I want to say, I am in neutral opinion about this statement and that everything depends on people, it is in their own hand.
1. "Nowadays, people which" - "people WHO". 2. "undergo cosmetic surgery" - "undergoes". 3. "Some people know harms of that but," - no comma after the "but". 4. "21century" - "21 century". 5. I cannot understand the usage of the word "kindly" in this sentence "If person overdo with this so, kindly, it is harm. ", so you need to check the meaning and use the synonym or another word. 6. "theirselves" - "their selves" 7. "It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery" - "There are lots of people who do - - -". 8. "It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery and become normal, beautiful." - you do not need the word "normal", because everybody in the world is normal. However, it sonds not good and somebody may not understand it. Be careful with your words. 9. "People make theirselves ugly with own hands" - change this sentence. Especially "with own hands". 10. "Here I am not about the people which do this that they do not like their “crooked nose” or “little lips”, like that." - "IN THIS CASE I am not about the people WHO do a surgery because of their "crooked nose" or "little lips and others". You do not need the "like that". Instead of it use "others" or another synonym.
Please, open a book and repeat the usage of the "who, which, where". Moreover, I noticed that you often use "this" and "that" instead of the name of the thing or process. Readers may not understand what is at stake.
11." No, I am about people WHO undergoES" - do not use the words "yes" or "no" in your essay.
12."You know, this people really become normal, they feel that they like others." - sentence structure is not correct. "After surgery, people with disabilities change their appearance and feel better". 13. "Moreover, here I am afraid that I not agree with this statement." - "However, I am not agree with the statement.". 14. "However, some people, especially Hollywood stars, famous people undergo." - "Some people like celebrities and famous stars often goes under the knife". 15. "As you know sometimes it is successful, however, sometimes not." - "As you know not all operations are successful". 16. "Secondly, if not stop at time doing surgery, you will overdo." - "Secondly, a person can become addicted if he does not stop on time"
17." It has a lot’s of famous people, and you know about them more and better than me." - What do you mean?
18."So, what I want to say" - do not asl the questions.
Not bad. However, in my opinion you need to work on your gramma and structure. Try to read more books, because you used very simple and daily words, so you need to improve your vocabulary. I could not see the freedom of your thoughts. Think out of the box and work hard.
Your written work is developing well. I enjoy reading your ideas. Your use of transition words and phrases is effective and your work flows well. However, please take note of the following points below: Para. 1: people who are not satisfied/although people are aware of its side-effects, they still go through with the surgery/People have grown to accept cosmetic surgery in the 21st century/Clearly, too much cosmetic surgery is harmful/People run the risk of making themselves uglier/However, people should understand the risks involved. Para. 2: Many people who have cosmetic surgery often look more beautiful/People who undergo surgery after an injury or accident do so to feel normal and like other people. It is clear why they do it. Para. 3: However, many Hollywood stars undergo cosmetic surgery. Para. 5: There is the risk of overdoing cosmetic surgery. It’s happened to a lot of people. Para. 6: It is in their own hands.
I would suggest that you read more books to help with the flow of the language and further enrich your vocabulary. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Everyday our world is changing. Everyday people are changing . Their world outlook , thoughts , knowledges evolve. Now people began to judge people in appearance, but neither in his inner world. People are starting pay attention on people’s clothes , appearance . People have become cynical. Today people have a very good chance to change their lives. Now if people had much money , they would reconstruct all their bogy. Special surgeons who works on reconstruction body can confirm with me. Cosmetic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration, reconstruction, or alteration of the human body. Why people want to change their appearance . Probably , it is childhood trauma because not all people are beautiful , or on adolescence teenagers not look beautiful. They have start their complexes. Cosmetic surgery can help them to change their lives . However , are cosmetic surgery does more harm than good . I partially agree, because people can not forget their mockery and it is not real appearance , moreover people would understand this after a few time , but they can forget about their complexes. I agree, because it is just a simple shell . After cosmetic surgery , people who undergo surgery can feel themselves like they changed all their life , however it is just smoke and mirrors. If surgery was successful , people would go to doctor every year . Sometimes , through the surgery people can get infected, so it is very dangerous . Surgery can not change people’s all body , in the depths of their hearts they will understand that appearance is not so important. So , surgery is harmful :1) it is dangerous . 2) It can not change people’s lives , they will understand that appearance is not very important . I disagree , because cosmetic surgery is people’s choice . It is their lives , moreover they have all rights to change their own lives. If they feel comfortable , they can do anything that they want . If they wanted to spend their money on surgery , they would. In conclusion , I would like to say that no matter what did you do with appearance , the main thing is to find balance in soul.
You have a wonderful and interesting essay! I enjoy reading it, because your grammar is very clear, it is hard find some grammar mistakes here. Moreover, there is an excellent usage of science academic words related to topic. Here is my little suggestion, such as: \\ ‘people began to judge people in appearance, but neither in his inner world’ is not totally correct. You should use an expression “judge BY/ON appearance” \\” it is A childhood trauma” do not forget the article \\” However , cosmetic surgery does” instead of “However , are cosmetic surgery does” \\ I think that it would be correct to say “After cosmetic surgery, people can feel themselves such as they changed all their life” Moreover, after this sentence you must to put comma and start next sentence with “However, it is just smoke and mirrors” \\ “It is their lives , moreover they have all rights to change their own lives for the better” it is a good usage of Moreover in the center of sentence. In addition to, expression ‘change lives for the better’ is totally English expression
I like your opening sentence – it makes the reader want to know more. Great expressions in the body of the text – well done! Here are my suggestions: Para. 1: but neither in his inner world – unclear/ starting to pay attention to people’s clothes Para. 2: a very good chance of changing their lives/ special surgeons who work on reconstructing bodies can confirm this/ Why do people want to change their appearance?/It is possibly due to childhood trauma because not all people are beautiful / or on adolescence teenagers not look beautiful - unclear/ Para. 3: does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?/ understand this after a while Para. 4: people who undergo surgery can feel as if they have a new life/ surgery cannot change a person’s entire body Para. 5: cosmetic surgery is a person’s choice/ It is their own life/If they want to spend their money on surgery , they can/ Para. 6: no matter what changes you make to your appearance, the main thing is that you find balance in your soul. I enjoyed reading your work! I look forward to seeing your second draft.
In the beginning let`s talk about cosmetic surgery in general. Nowadays, a demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing from day to day. Therefore, we can declare with the confidence that today approximately 20% of women around the world had cosmetic surgery. The major aims of undergoing cosmetic surgery are wishes of females to change and fix their faces. Due to they just do not like some parts of their faces, which seem for them farcically. Actually, a history of cosmetic surgery begins from 18th century, when some countries of Asia start transforming ears. As a result, Asian country - South Korea now is considered as a developed country according to the cosmetic surgery work.
What about me, then I partially agree with the statement. In my opinion, cosmetic surgery has both positive and negative sides. In addition, lots of people get confused when they meet a question as: “Does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?”. First of all, I consider that it injures one`s health and ruins people`s uniqueness. The main thing is that cosmetic surgery`s results are unpredictable. When people cannot decide to undergo it or not, they have terrible feelings about its consequences. Secondly, in my opinion, everybody has unique personality, so it is not good to change our essential beauty.
On the other hand, if people undergo cosmetic surgery, when they have complexes about their appearance, it would give them confidence in real life. In addition, if person loves himself or herself, and only then ambient people will respect you.
To sum up, I would like to say that undergoing cosmetic surgery depends on life situations, in which that person is. Everybody has his or her own option to choose this way or not. However, first think about it wisely and make confident selection.
Dear,Demiurage! I am sure that your essay is the best one here. There is a wonderful usage of linking words in beginnings of sentences, I liked it. Moreover, you have clear and correct grammar and your work wrote in one tense.In adiition to, I see good expressions such as "from day to day" and " ruins uniqueness". Thank you for your hardworking, keep do it!
Nowasays people think about their appearance more than before.If they have complexses about their look,cosmetic surgery might help them.People divided into two camps.Someone supports it,someone thinks that it is not correct.Now I would like to share you my point of view about it. Majority of people undergoes to public opnion,moreover they stay under the pressure.It is difficult for me to argue about it.Lets talk about pluses and minuses.From one side,cosmetic surgery helps people to sweat out from their complexes.The main plus of plastic surgery is the elimination of defects. Plastic surgery helps many people live further after accidents, fires, disasters. Now,disadvantages of plastic surgery.The main minus is terrible consequences.Cosmetic surgery may has bad after-effects on your skin. People should be satisfied about their appereance.They must be grateful for the creator,beacuse other people have more essential issues in their life.
Hi Micky, Your essay has the correct structure and is largely understandable. I copied and pasted into MS Word which revealed 18 punctuation errors. Check it out yourself and correct it. Your word count will increase about the limit if you fix the punctuation. The following words are misspelled in your essay; Nowadays, complexes, opinion, Let’s, appearance and because. Fix them. There are phrases that need repair. They ought to be like the following: ‘their looks’; ‘people are divided, some for- and some against it’; ‘to share with you’; ‘The majority of people go by’; ‘moreover they live under’; ‘about the pluses and minuses’; ‘On one hand, cosmetic surgery helps…’; ‘to deal with their complexes’; ‘elimination of facial defects’; ‘live with better self-esteem after accidents’; ‘fires and disasters’. ‘minus is that it can have terrible’ ‘surgery may have’ Replace ‘Now, disadvantages of plastic surgery’ with ‘On the other hand plastic surgery has one main disadvantage’; ‘satisfied with their’, and ‘grateful to the creator because there are more essential issue in life’ Overall, there are many grammatical mistakes that you must seriously work on if your writing is to be truly excellent. You have great potential. Keep on working. I look forward to reading your improved essay.
Society opinion is never stay in its place and evolves. However something which you said in the past and forgot, may heart somebodies heart. It creates a bunch body conscious and stay on a person’s mind forever, until the situation is changed. These types of people are victims of critic and they see the solution under the knife of a surgeon. Cosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of modern technologies and medicine. Unpleasant memories from childhood or bulling at school and home, criticism, compare yourself with others, fashion or superstars are the reasons for undergoing plastic surgery. I partially agree with the statement, because as everything in the world it also has its advantages and disadvantages. At first I am willing to talk about disadvantages. Similar to other medical services, plastic surgery requires a lot of money. Instead of spending a tremendous amount of money on surgery you can spend your money on good deeds. Moreover, nobody can give a guaranty that it will be successful. First time you may look beautiful and fresh, however it may affect your health. In addition, natural beauty looks better than these changes by knife. Thirdly, once a person has done surgery, perhaps he cannot stop. This causes dependence and the person will want to do a second operation.
In my humble opinion, to do the operation or not, only the person decides. Do not criticize if a person has done or is about to do plastic surgery, because the consequences will be experienced by him, and not you. Moreover, money it is not spent by you. One expensive operation helps a person feel good. In addition, the operations are carried out not only for the purposes of beauty and youth. People spend it to heal their defects and congenital diseases. For example, uneven skin – acne, rabbit's lip or cleft palate.
Cosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of science. Everyone decides to do it or not, and you cannot judge. The main thing is not to forget about the measure and the boundaries.
Thank you for putting so much time and effort into writing such a great essay. You have many interesting thoughts and opinions to share about this topic.
A few small mistakes: society opinion – society’s opinion bulling = bullying gauranty = guarantee
I like that in the second to fifth paragraphs you bring up interesting points about both sides of the issue. You are very empathetic and are not quick to judge people and their decisions about plastic surgery. That’s great!
However, your opening paragraph was a little bit difficult to follow as you jump from one idea to another. I think that rewriting or modifying your opening paragraph will help to improve your essay. Overall, well done!
For the last few years cosmetic surgery became truly popular and known. Especially, among the female half of the planet. Here comes the question: “Why do women turn to cosmetic surgery?” Well, some people got complexes while looking at models pictures in magazines with their ideal bodies, perfect skin tones and fashionable haircuts. However, not each of us suspects about the effects that cosmetic surgery causes.
ReplyDeletePlastic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with that statement. First of all, because it costs a lot! There were some situations when women sold their cars, clothes and jewelries just to save some money for that such an expensive pleasure.
Moreover, unsuccessful surgery can cause problems with health at least. Nowadays, there are many swindlers and rogues all around. So people need to be very careful in choosing doctors. If they do not, this story will have very sad consequences.
Fortunately, the fashion for natural beauty appeared recently. So, more than a half of young girls prefer their personal charm instead of having a cosmetic surgery. That gives me a hope about our modern society.
In other hand plastic surgery have its positive sides as well. In situations when people got injured, for example fire, surgery gives them the chance to get back to their normal life before accident. Cosmetic surgery increases person’s self-esteem and this is really fascinating.
However, frankly speaking I think that people do not need something special to love themselves. Each of us is beautiful in our own way. No matter what other people say, just remember that!
This is a wonderful piece of writing - well done! You have very good topical vocabulary and are clearly interested in the subject. Here are my suggestions for you:
Deletecosmetic surgery became truly popular and known – cosmetic surgery has become more popular and acceptable
Especially, among the female half of the planet – keep this part with the first sentence: especially among half of the females on our planet
Here comes the question – better, “let’s ask ourselves this:”
some people got complexes – some people become body conscious
However, not each of us suspects about the effects that cosmetic surgery causes – a little unclear, are you questioning cosmetic surgery or the effect of magazines on young people
There were some situations – There have been situations when
Jewellery - spelling
swindlers and rogues all around. – EXCELLENT, but it’s better to say ‘swindlers and rogues everywhere’
to be very careful in choosing doctors - to be very careful when choosing doctors.
Fortunately, the fashion for natural beauty appeared recently – fortunately, people are moving towards natural beauty
In other hand plastic surgery have its positive sides as well - On the other hand plastic surgery has its positive sides as well as negative.
I look forward to seeing your second draft!
I notice that you read a lot - well done! Keep it up! This is the best way to improve your language skills!
DeleteHello, "Hopefull Girl". Your essay is superbly written. Just by looking at it, it makes me feel better. Your ideas are interesting, but you say surgery is pleasure?? (...)
DeleteAlso, about natural beauty. The fact is that many people use cosmetics to get "natural beauty" and this kind of cosmetics are very popular, though I also believe that natural beauty is the best.
Thank you for your hard work!
Some mistakes I found:
2 paragraph, 4 sentence. "for that such an expensive pleasure." - I think that you need to put "," here or change a sentence. For example: There were some situations when women sold their cars, clothes and jewelries just to save some money for such an expensive "pleasure".
2 paragraph, 5 sentence. "Moreover, unsuccessful surgery can cause problems with health at least." - Here "at least" is used at the end of the sentence. I think, "at the very least" will sound better because I have not heard anything about "at least" being used at the end of the sentence.(parenthetical sentences are exceptions)
2 paragraph, last sentence. No story has consequences. so try to change the word "story". For instance, "this act will have very sad consequences."
4 paragraph, 2 sentence. Here tenses are mixed - In situations when people got injured ... surgery gives them the chance to get back to their normal life before accident. - First you say "got injured", then "surgery gives", this is odd. "When people got injured ... surgery gave them the chance" or "When people get injured ... surgery gives them the chance" is more correct sounding.
Right now is 21st century; there are a lot of new technologies, breakthroughs in science, generally a lot of interesting things. Furthermore, there is cosmetic surgery too.
ReplyDeleteFirst surgery in world made in Ancient Egypt about 3600 years ago. Surgery here used when person is ill or he has some deformation, and they very rarely made on the face. It was treacherous for their life, some people thought that it is easier to stay ill or breathe their last breath instead of doing this dangerous thing. However, right now there a lot of types of surgery and people don’t scare to do it, most of them like it. You can use rhynoplasty for your nose, blepharoplasty for your eyes, mammoplasty, abdominoplasty, liposuction, oh my god, I think that if I will say all of them it will be too long.
Cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. So, why did people using it? Maybe you will ask this question, answer is easily they don’t like their face (I know, that I am captain obvious). At that cause they go to doctor and say their problem. Some of doctors are swindlers, their goal is to take money easily, they will do poorly executed job. After that people may have problems with their health, defects at their faces, some of surgery like this end critically with passing away or they will not look like them before. Cosmetic surgery is really dangerous thing, because your body, face “at the hands” of doctor. What's more, face it is first thing that people see, so person should not use a lot of surgery, or go to untried doctor, only because there is not expensive.
I can say some advantages of plastic surgery. People may correct their defects on face. Person may become more confidently.
I think people may use cosmetic surgery. However, they should not use it always and do it only at good doctor even it is expensive.
XOXO, •everybody loves me•
Hello, "•everybody loves me•". I see you are well informed, you even mentioned the time when people started to use plastic surgery. Although, I know that internet globalizes all knowledge, but the fact that you found it shows that you are very meticulous person, it is very good. Your essay is long and informative. Thank you for your hard work!
DeleteSome mistakes I found:
1 paragraph, last sentence. There is "a" cosmetic surgery too.
2 paragraph, 1 sentence. In "the" world "was" made.
2 paragraph. 2 sentence. Do not forget using "to be" in your sentences and also here you talk about "surgery"(singular), so you need not use "they" - "Surgery here "was" used when person was ill or he ha"d" some "kind of" deformation, and "it was" rarely "caried out" on the face."
2 paragraph, 3 sentence. Treacherous is a complex word and it has many meanings. However, "it was treacherous for their life" sounds incorrect. Better to say "it was dangerous to their lives" or "it threatened their lives". "It "threatened their lives", "so" people thought that it "was" easier to stay ill or breathe their last instead of doing this dangerous thing."
2 paragraph, 4 sentence. Do not forget to use "to be" please. "there "are" a lot of ... "are not scared" to do it".
2 paragraph, last sentence. "if I will say all of them it will be too long." - do not use "will" after "if". "If I say all of them it will be too long".
3 paragraph, 2 sentenvce. Do not start your sentence with "so" and maintain the tense please. "Then, why do people use it?"
3 paragraph, 3 sentence. "Perhaps you will ask this question, actually the answer is very obvious - they do not like their appearance"
Actually, your mistakes are mostly in tenses... TENSES please repeat them!!! I encourage you to repeat the general grammar and correctly use the words.
Now is a new century of technologies. Science is developing every year. Today, technologies have new capabilities and people with them. One of scientific achievements is cosmetic surgery. So, let’s talk about it.
ReplyDeleteSome people say that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with them. We have some situations like an issues or accidents, so we need cosmetic surgery in that cases to recover. It is very useful nowadays, because nowadays everybody can turn up in this situation.
However, today most of people use it for other things. Some people do not enjoy with their naturally look. Some of them use just maquillage and others cosmetic surgery. People use cosmetic surgery because of their external shortcomings. Societies can be cruel and they can criticize you because of your limitation and measures.
Not everyone, who used plastic surgery, has thought about its hazards of usage. Cosmetic surgery has some effects for organism. We all heard about the unsuccessful operations of stars. It really changed their lives and we need to think about our decisions hundred times before doing it.
1)Use "undergo"
DeleteI like your essay. You don't have much mistakes, which is really good)). But I think, your essay will be better, if you take one big point and write about it. So your idea will be more easy to get. If you take many many points, it's hard sometimes to understand. This is my advice
DeleteNowadays cosmetic surgery is very popular. Many celebrities and stars do cosmetic surgery to make their appearance better. After all, if one wants to attract others, first thing one will need to have is beauty. However, what if the beauty we seek brings more harm than good?
ReplyDeleteUndergoing plastic surgery is not easy. The process itself is unpleasant and money spent to undergo plastic surgery is an enormous sum. However, mostly this does not obstruct people from beautifying themselves.
Beauty has many advantages. It could show your status, make others impressed and change the view people have about yourself. Some people use beauty to advance in their careers, another use it to attract people. It has many uses and could make people’s self-confidence rise.
Nevertheless, undergoing plastic surgery to make ourselves attractive is a very risky process. By the doctor’s mistake one’s face could become disfigured. There is also a risk of getting unknown diseases. Moreover, some people could become disgusted by the fact, that your beauty is “artificial”. There are many people and a lot of them are not good. Of course, if you could completely disregard that kind of people, then it is no problem for you. However, the main point is that plastic surgery brings harm to our health.
Health’s significance in our lives is ginormous. You could disregard all, but your life will end if you try to disregard your health. There are many people that regret consuming drugs, smoking, drinking large amounts of alcohol. Those activities make our health worse and before we notice many fatal problems start to appear in our lives because of bad health. Plastic surgery could bring much harm in health aspect as well and if you are not too sure that plastic surgeon is reliable better not try undergoing the surgery.
In the end, the best option is to be content with what we have. In my opinion, the most attractive part of person is not appearance but temperament. I know that almost nobody looks at our inner-selves, but there is no reason to be discouraged by it. The fact that your soul is beautiful itself shows that you are outstanding. There is no need to be judged by somebody else.
BrokenSapphire you continue to grow and evolve as a writer. I enjoy reading your thoughts and ideas and how you express yourself. Your use of transition and linking words is being done correctly and is excellent. Your vocabulary is noteworthy as well (keep using those uncommon words)! Here are a few things to help you continue to improve…
DeleteParagraph 1:
• Your use of articles is improving, but keep this in mind:
• “After all, if one wants to attract others, the first thing”
• Good use of transitions like “after all” and “however”
• Nice rhetorical question at the end of the paragraph “what if the beauty we seek brings more harm than good?”
Paragraph 2:
• No mistakes this paragraph. Good use of uncommon vocabulary like “undergoing”, “unpleasant” and “beautifying”.
Paragraph 3:
• Your topic sentences are clear and concise. This mainly is because you are using simple sentences as topic sentences. Continue to do this; it is a good practice!
• “and change the view people have about yourself themselves”
• “another and others use it to attract people”
Paragraph 4:
• “By the With a doctor’s mistake, one’s face could become disfigured.”
• “disgusted by the fact that” --no comma
Paragraph 5:
• “There are many people that regret consuming drugs, smoking, and drinking large amounts of alcohol
• “Those activities make our health worse and before we notice, many fatal problems start to appear in our lives because of bad health.”
• “Plastic surgery could bring much a lot of harm in to your health aspect as well, and if you are not too sure that the plastic surgeon is reliable, you’d better not try undergoing the surgery.
Paragraph 6:
“In my opinion, the most attractive part of a person…”
“The fact that your soul is beautiful, itself, shows that you are outstanding.”
P.S.--I wrote this in a word document that had the ability to make words bold, underline and do strike outs. I will send the original document to Miss Nagima if you want to see that :)
Everybody wants be beautiful. For beautiful girl people start wars. For example, Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena. Its war between Greek and Trojan, on the Troada, starts when Pares abduct wife of Menelai. We can do all things for beautiful girl. However, How far we can go for be beautiful girl?
ReplyDeleteNow, we have got fashion for cosmetic surgery, it is big risk. One mistake can’t deface human. For example, if person using either botox. We can’t change this, and people undergo change in his life, and this change can be displeasing. Yes, it can help, but I thing if you do cosmetic surgery on the partially of body like lips, it’s be not you. It’s different persone. Cosmetic surgery change human not always for the bad, but not for the good way.
I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful. Save the nature beautiful, because it’s your beautiful
1) "...and people undergo change in his life,...", I think, that it will be better to use "...and undergo changing people life's...".
Delete2) Please, do not use comma before "and".
3) You are not a "thing", how you wrote in "but I thing if you do cosmetic surgery on the partially of body like lips" sentence. Maybe you wanted to wrote "I think".
4) "..., it’s be not you.", it will be better to use "it is not yours.". However, I think that you wanted to use future simple tense in that sentence. If I am right, the sentense will be "it will not yours".
5) "persone"- not correct because the word "person" without "e".
Please, work on your grammar. It is not bad to make mistakes, but you will need to correct it. Good luck)))
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteGood afternoon, Marshal Lee. You did a great job. Here is my advice for you:
Delete1. In your first sentence you forgot to use TO before BE. I think that you do not need to use the ending S with a verb right there, so the correct version is "Everybody want to be beautiful".
2. Instead of using "wars the beautiful girl Elena", it is better to right "fight for"
3. When you talk about wars, try to use Past Tenses. For example, "The war on the Troada startED when..."
4. How far we can go for be beautiful girl? >> How far can go girls to become beautiful?
5. >>it will be not you. It will be a different person.
6. In the last paragraph beautifull comes like a noun, not adjective >> I think, the nature beauty is better than artificial beauty.
Moreover, in that case try to use synonims.
It was interesting to read your essay. Thank you and good luck)
Hey, •Marshal Lee•. I liked your essay, you used confident words such as:"undergo", "abduct"(I learned this word from your essay, thank you!), "artificial". However, you have some minor mistakes such as:
Delete•"Everybody wants be beautiful." you should change to "Everybody wants TO be beautiful." You should use preposition in your sentence.
•"For example, Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena." it should be "For example, a Trojan wars the beautiful girl Elena". Please, don't forget using articles.
•"wife of Menelai." I think it should be "wife of Menelaus." Please, be careful, when you writing names of historical character.
•"for beautiful girl." → "for A beautiful girl." You forgot article
• "However, How far we can go for be beautiful girl?" I don't understand, what you mean.
•" One mistake can’t deface human." oh, I think that you confused in this sentence and it should be "One mistake can deface human"
•"if person using either botox." one more time, article. Furthermore, you should write Botox from capital letter.
•"people undergo change in his life" →"people undergo A change in his life" article...please use it.
•"but I thing" you are not thinG, but you may thinK "but I think"
•" partially of body like lips, it’s be not you" → "partially of body THE like lips, it’s be not you"
•"different persone" PERSON
•"for the bad" → "for the worse"
•"I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful." → "I think the natural BEAUTY better than artificial BEAUTY"
•"Save the nature beautiful, because it's your beautiful"→ “Save the natural beautifulness, because it’s your beauty"
I wish that in future you will not do mistakes like this <3
XOXO, •everybody loves me"♥
There are very good ideas for writing – good job! However, you made some mistakes and here are my suggestions for you:
Delete- “Everybody wants be beautiful - Everybody wants to be appealing”, since a word “beautiful” is related only to women;
- “For beautiful girl people start wars - People start wars for a beautiful girl in order to gain her attention”;
- “We can do all things for beautiful girl – We can do everything for a beautiful girl”;
- Do not use questions in your essay;
- Sentence, number one in the second paragraph, is not understandable, so I want you to rewrite this sentence;
- I think you don’t need a word “either” in third sentence;
- “but I thing if you - but I think if you”;
- “it’s be not you – it’s will be not you” (I’m not sure about it);
- “It’s different persone – It’s different person ”;
- “Cosmetic surgery change – Cosmetic surgery changes”;
- “I think the nature beautiful better than artificial beautiful - I think the natural beauty is better than artificial beauty ”;
- “Save the nature beautiful, because it’s your beautiful - Save the natural beauty, because it’s your beauty”.
That’s all. I look forward to seeing your second draft!
Today technology and medicine progress very well. Scientists do everything to improve our lives. The majority of people state that technologies have more disadvantages than advantages. However, those people forgot that our fridges, cars and computers were created for themselves. Cosmetic surgery shows how is improving our medicine. It shows hard work of the doctors for other people. They are willing us to live happily.
ReplyDeleteI partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good because it depends on the case. For example, a person want to make an operation for the reason that he or she thinks something is wrong with his or her appearance or this person has burn on the body. People say that there is no ideal person in the world, but continue doing anything to make it false. Cosmetic surgery is popular in many developed countries such as Korea. For instance, the majority of girls do an operation on double eyelid. Perhaps for someone it is just a way to get money because all of us live for ourselves. Moreover, a patient might meet the criminals who do their works not as well as professionals. However, we cannot forget about surgeons with sincere intentions to support.
COMMENDATIONS:
Delete1. You write very well. You have a good essay already. You make a good start, you express your ideas very clearly and you justify your own point of view reasonably. Good job! Keep up the good work!
2. I am very impressed and contented on how you started this essay. You already have the gift on how to start a good essay
3. The grammar is good. (You just need to double check onsome tenses but in general it is good)
4. I want to see you evolve as a writer because if this is the way you wrote essays, no doubt you will become a good writer someday!
SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE YOUR ESSAY MORE INTERESTING:
1. You need to explain further the following statements to communicate your ideas more clearly:
- People say that there is no ideal person in the world, but continue doing anything to make it false (what do you mean by this?)
- For instance, the majority of girls do an operation on double eyelid (you need to explain and justify this further to make your claim very strong)
- Perhaps for someone it is just a way to get money because all of us live for ourselves. (make this clearer…from what point of view you write this?)
- Moreover, a patient might meet the criminals who do their works not as well as professionals. (make this statement more simple ….)
- We cannot forget about surgeons with sincere intentions to support (explain this further)
2. It will be good to make a good ending of the essay by relating this to your justification so that you have powerful ending.
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, our century is new technologies’ epoch, where in most had developed countries all life’s conditions in high level. Moreover, due to high level of medicine the length of people’ lives is more long than the ever was. So, since science and medicine are tremendously developing now, fewer time ago the term “cosmetic surgery” appeared.
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good? It is one of the most popular questions. I completely agree with this statement, because we must have own nature beauty, not by surgery and chemicals. As one famous philosopher said : “We should see the problem from different angles”.
Cosmetic surgery has advantages, like a lot of people did not like own exterior, so from surgical intervention they are happy for his new loveliness and life. Cosmetic surgery gives people a sense to live, rises his self-evaluation.
On the other hand, cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. One of them is surgical procedure could not be successful, and people became ugly. Secondly, this method of being beautiful can induce some dangerous diseases. Third, substances that added are can carry a hidden threat to the organism.
Health – one of the most valuable things in our world. Please, do not forget own nature beauty. The secret of being beautiful, as said wise and clever people is eating natural fruits and vegetables, moving, and happy of living in this interesting, fabulous and full of mysteries world. Keep calm, and do your best!
Hello The Hero of Our World,
DeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts on this very interesting topic.
A few minor suggestions:
more long–> longer
fewer time ago -> recently
“Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good?” - This is a statement, not a question. -> Does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?”
nature beauty -> natural beauty
I think you’re off to a great start and this is a very good first draft of your essay!
There are many people who want their faces, arms, legs or other parts of body become better. However, these people making their part of body better using cosmetic surgery. Most of people can say that the cosmetic surgery is bad; others can say that cosmetic surgery has more advantages than disadvantages. There are no rights or wrong opinions here. All people have their own statement. Let’s try to discuss and find an answer on this question.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, the cosmetic surgery has one big advantage is that you can improve your appearance by to the best side. In my opinion this advantage is big motivation for the people who have planned to do that.
Secondly, there are many disadvantages here. For example, this procedure is dangerous for our health. The person can be strong physically, but this person needs to understand that the physical strong will not help to him if something will go wrong while the operation. Furthermore, the person needs morally strong to make the cosmetic surgery.
In my opinion, the cosmetic surgery can help to people in different situation, if the person really needs to do this procedure. The person can undergo the cosmetic surgery after different problems with himself. In this case it is not so dangerous for this person’s organism. However, if the person will make the cosmetic surgery many times or if this person will make this procedure in illegal surgery, it will dangerous and bad affect to person’s healthy, it will be not good undergo
In conclusion I want to say that I partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I think that the person choose to make this procedure or no by his own self.
it will dangerous and bad affect to person’s healthy -> it will be dangerous and bad affect to person's health
Deletethe person choose -> the person chooses
Hey, •Young Jake". Your essay is good. However, you have mistakes such as:
Delete•before "body" use article"the"
•" to the best side." →" to the good side"
•"In my opinion, this advantage is a big motivation for the people " insead of " In my opinion this advantage is big motivation for the people who have planned to do that. "
•"physical strain will not help him" instead of " physical strong will not help to him"
•"different situations," instead of " different situation"
•"and badly affect a person’s health, it will be not good undergoing" instead of "and bad affect to person’s healthy, it will be not good undergo"
•"person choose"→ "person chooses"
XOXO, •everybody loves me•♥
Cosmetic surgery is medicine procedures, which improve person’s appearance. Nowadays, with quick development of medicine, cosmetic surgery is developing as well. The popularity of modern cosmetic surgery continues to grow, because it become available for any person.
ReplyDeleteAt one side, advantages of cosmetic surgery are numerous. Cosmetic procedures help people, who lose one part of body or got to some catastrophes, such as accidents and fires. It is a big opportunity to reestablish person’s health or a normal appearance due to operation.
On the other hand, results of cosmetic surgery are not always meet our expectation. For example, if operation will fail, a medicine mistake will last a lifetime. Of course, it always carries a medical risk, even death. The medical fail depends on a doctor’s mistake or other difficulties. Today, there are a lot of half-taught specialists or doctors without special knowledge. In my opinion, it is a big risk about this important problem. Moreover, unsightly scarring is one of disadvantages too. These red and thick scars often difficult hide or get rid of a long time after surgery or never.
Every person undergoes cosmetic surgery for their own goals. These cosmetic procedures are partially impact to people good, but sometimes it can be harm too.However, cosmetic surgery is dangerous and unpredictable thing, so that person must be sure about a decision.
Hello, good_reader. I liked that your essay contains many academic words and phrases. Moreoveer, there are no many mistakes. You did a truly great job!
Delete1. >>Cosmetic procedures help people, who lost one part of body or got... (you need to use one tense in your sentence)
2. >>...a medicine mistake will last for a lifetime
3. In the second paragraphe the last sentence sounds weird, so>> These red and thick scars are often difficult to hide or to rid...
4. Last paragraph, the last sentence>> However, cosmetic surgery is a dangerous... (put your attention on prepositions)
Thank you for your hard work!
All of us must know that we could not choose how beautiful we going to be. So sometimes somebody is making negative pressure and humiliation including to another person with ugly unpleasant appearance. This problem can cause dealing suicide actions, which is, obviously, not good. However, by developing technologies we can make our face more beautiful, which is also good, but this type of surgery has disadvantages, too.
ReplyDeleteAll of us know that nature is giving and making us by evolution’s rules, and in your opinion it can make mistake? No. We are individual and beautiful in our own way. First of all, it can bring harm to our body, especially if you went to low experienced surgeon, who can do something wrong as result you will be uglier or disabled. Second of all, nature made us how born, so we cannot break rules because each one made by this difficult biochemical processes. Finally, everyone, who did it play a dangerous game and somebody really playing game by making monster from him.
It called cosmetic surgery and has lots of advantages. First of all, you can make your appearance beautiful, how you are willing to. If only some characters could do it, their life would become better. Second of all, how said one scientist: “If something is not developing, this type will have issues.” which mean that humanity is not last stage. I am sharing your opinion about new stage of our evolution. Some scientists really think that robots will be better than us, and to be able to compete with them we going to be cyborgs.
It looking strange, I agree with you, but each event be ugly and not usual, and everybody using it today. Perhaps it leads to something great and big, so why do we need to resist it? Good luck!
this difficult biochemical processes -> this difficult process
Deleteit can bring harm to our body -> it may cause us physical injury/it may bodily harm us
It looking strange -> it looks
everybody using it today -> everybody uses
we going to be cyborgs -> we are going to become cyborgs
everybody/everyone/nobody/no one + verb+s(in Present Simple, third person singular) . For example, everybody wants, nobody knows.
Do not write "Good luck!" in your essay.
21 century – technology time. Now cosmetic surgery is becoming very popular. Stars or famous people undergo surgery and become beautiful. First cosmetic surgery was do in Ancient Egyptian. Plastic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration of the human body. In some countries in 18th birthday give the certificate for cosmetic surgery.
ReplyDeleteI partially agree with that, because for example one person’s skin burned or have some bodies’ defects. Some people born with ugly nose or eyes. Furthermore, surgery gives them to have new face.
Everything has two sides. In bad way people give lots of money, for money people do everything. For example, in one hospital may be work not competition doctor. He may kill or make person uglier.
In conclusion I want to say, that cosmetic surgery has two sides like coin. Surgery gives us a big technology and in my opinion it is good.
Hello, "Simple Panda"! Your essay is short and informative. There is a history of cosmetic surgery and its pluses. However, I can not fully agree with your opinion regarding people. You say people could do anything for money, but I think otherwise. We can not estimate all people by doings of some of them. Anyways, Thank you for your hard work!!!
DeleteThere are some mistakes I found:
1 paragraph, 3 sentence. It is not grammar mistake but it is about meaning of the sentence - It is better to say "Stars and other celbrities" rather than "Stars or famous people" because "Stars" and "famous people" is practically the same.
1 paragraph, 4 sentence. You can not say "was do". In Passive Voice when you use "to be" it is usually followed by "past participle"(http://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/past_participles.htm) of a Verb - "cosmetic surgery was done"("do" is an irregular verb, so when it forms past participle it does not have "ed"). Also, there is a mistake in the word "Egyptian". Usually this word is used to describe people from Egypt and the land itself should be called "Ancient Egypt".
1 paragraph, last sentence. In your sentence there is no subject and tense is messed up. Who gives or who receives the certificate on 18th birthday? - Answer is -"On 18th birthday people receive certificates for cosmetic surgery".
2 paragraph, 1 sentence. It is better not to say "one person's" when you talk about "people". Say "One's skin "is" burned or other's bodies have defects"
2 paragraph, 2 sentence. "Some people "are" born"
2 paragraph, last sentence."Surgery gives them an opportunity to get normal body parts"
3 paragraph, 3 sentence. "There might exist a hospital where rivalry among doctors is very strong". Do not say "one (hospital or whatever else)" because when you talk about situations happening to people in general you can not use "one".
3 paragraph, last sentence. "He may kill or make people uglier.". "People", not "person" because you are talking about general situiations again...
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good
ReplyDeleteNowadays medicine is rapidly developing. It is difficult to overstate its role in our life. Moreover, cosmetic surgery is a type of medicine, and it has an effect on our lives, too. Cosmetic surgery is a normal part of modern life. However, it has a good and bad side to our health.
I partially agree with that statement. Now, a lot of people start to doing this surgery, someone tries to make his body more beautiful, another wants to fix their defects. It all can change our physical body. In addition, it will change our thoughts about us.
First of all, people make a cosmetic surgery to look better. We are not ideal, so to make ourselves more beautiful and attractive, we hope for this medicine type. Botox and other anti-aging treatments can do our body as we like and need it. Moreover, it influence to our thoughts. If we have a body that we like, we will feel ourselves confident. We will not complex our big nose or thin lips.
Secondly, it can make negative things, too. In my point of view, we cannot be young always. Chemical things that went our body during the surgery can spoil, and have bad effects.
In conclusion, I partially agree that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. We just want to understand its role and influence fully.
Hi BlackPink,
DeleteThank you for using mature ideas as you wrote. You used a good range of words that are relevant to the task. There is some repetitiveness in your writing. Your second and third paragraphs should be combined into one coherent one. Like some of your colleagues, you use the word 'things' but it is imprecise for formal writing. Specify what you need to say with better clarity. There are grammatical hiccups such as 'make a cosmetic surgery' and 'it influence to our thoughts.'. Surgery is uncountable. The use of 'to' in the second example is inappropriate. 'it influences our thoughts.' is better.
Hello BlackPink,
DeleteYou provided some plausible arguments in your essay. Since, you partially agree with the statement. You could argue the positive and the negative effects in separate paragraphs. Rather than moving back and forth in the same paragraph.
In addition, some sentences could be revised. See some examples below:
However, it has a good and bad side to our health.
However, it affects our health both positively and negatively.
…a lot of people start to doing this surgery… a lot of people start to do this surgery …
In addition, it will change our thoughts about us. …it will change how we view ourselves.
First of all, people make a cosmetic surgery to look better.
First of all, people do cosmetic surgery to look better.
Moreover, it influence to our thoughts. Moreover, it influences our thoughts.
…we will feel ourselves confident. We will not complex our big nose or thin lips…
…we will feel confident about ourselves. We will not want to adjust our big nose or thin lips…
Chemical things that went our body during the surgery can spoil, and have bad effects.
Chemicals that are used during surgery may be expired, and could have severe side effects.
All the best! Continue to improve your writing.
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, week, centuries something is changing endless. Our world is evolving. Today’s day many people want undergo surgery. Somebody’s think that cosmetic surgery is more harm than good, somebody’s think otherwise. Most of situation a surgery patient is women. This category of surgery can realize human wishes and make it real. For example, you can do not like your face form or want change eye’s color, cosmetic surgery can change it all.
I agree with this statement partially. I share of the view if you use this surgery way more than one time your health will become bad by reason of not natural as well as chemical interference. All these lasers, silicones, chemicals devices are bad influence for human health.
Secondly, surgery will cost a lot. It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery. Despite the whole operation, it costs a lot of money for today; it is a big problem for a majority people. It is worth considering whether an surgery is needed at all.
In conclusion, for whom the operation is very beneficial and for someone it does not. But you cannot come to the exact conclusion that the operation is harmful or not.
Dear Hames, your essay is very well. Excellent usage of academic words. There are mistakes:
Delete1)"Somebody’s think that cosmetic surgery is more harm than good, somebody’s think otherwise." --> " Some people may be of the view that undergoing cosmetic surgery is harmful." Develop a paragraph after this sentence. For the second part of the sentence :" On the other hand, some might consider it good"
2)"Most of situation a surgery patient is women." --> "In most situations a patient of cosmetic surgery is women'
3)"can realize human wishes" --> "can realize human's wishes".
4)"you can do not like your face form or want..." --> "you may not like your face form or want...".
5)"I share of the view if you use..." --> "I share of the view THAT if you use..."
6)"It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery." - repeated once - "It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is".
7) "for a majority people." --> "for majority of people."
8)"It is worth considering whether an surgery is needed at all." --> "This worth is considering whether an surgery is needed at all."
9)The word "partially" means - not complemetely. You said
"I agree with this statement partially." But you said only bad sides of cosmetic surgery.
It seems that you have good vocabulary. Keep working!)
Cosmetic surgery does more than harm than good
ReplyDeleteNowadays, people which not satisfied with their beauty and appearance, undergo cosmetic surgery. Some people know harms of that but, although they are going to do surgery. In my point of view, it is normally, especially in 21century. If person overdo with this so, kindly, it is harm. People make theirselves ugly with own hands by undergoing. However, people should understand the harms and do it in limit of reasonable.
It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery and become normal, beautiful. Here I am not about the people which do this that they do not like their “crooked nose” or “little lips”, like that. No, I am about people that undergo surgery after injury or burn. You know, this people really become normal, they feel that they like others. They undergo, due to they have complexes and inconvenience after injury. It is understandably why they do. Moreover, here I am afraid that I not agree with this statement.
However, some people, especially Hollywood stars, famous people undergo. As you know sometimes it is successful, however, sometimes not.
Firstly, it can damage people’s health and it can has lamentable consequences.
Secondly, if not stop at time doing surgery, you will overdo. It has a lot’s of famous people, and you know about them more and better than me.
So, what I want to say, I am in neutral opinion about this statement and that everything depends on people, it is in their own hand.
1. "Nowadays, people which" - "people WHO".
Delete2. "undergo cosmetic surgery" - "undergoes".
3. "Some people know harms of that but," - no comma after the "but".
4. "21century" - "21 century".
5. I cannot understand the usage of the word "kindly" in this sentence "If person overdo with this so, kindly, it is harm. ", so you need to check the meaning and use the synonym or another word.
6. "theirselves" - "their selves"
7. "It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery" - "There are lots of people who do - - -".
8. "It has a lot’s of people that do cosmetic surgery and become normal, beautiful." - you do not need the word "normal", because everybody in the world is normal. However, it sonds not good and somebody may not understand it. Be careful with your words.
9. "People make theirselves ugly with own hands" - change this sentence. Especially "with own hands".
10. "Here I am not about the people which do this that they do not like their “crooked nose” or “little lips”, like that." - "IN THIS CASE I am not about the people WHO do a surgery because of their "crooked nose" or "little lips and others". You do not need the "like that". Instead of it use "others" or another synonym.
Please, open a book and repeat the usage of the "who, which, where". Moreover, I noticed that you often use "this" and "that" instead of the name of the thing or process. Readers may not understand what is at stake.
11." No, I am about people WHO undergoES" - do not use the words "yes" or "no" in your essay.
12."You know, this people really become normal, they feel that they like others." - sentence structure is not correct. "After surgery, people with disabilities change their appearance and feel better".
13. "Moreover, here I am afraid that I not agree with this statement." - "However, I am not agree with the statement.".
14. "However, some people, especially Hollywood stars, famous people undergo." - "Some people like celebrities and famous stars often goes under the knife".
15. "As you know sometimes it is successful, however, sometimes not." - "As you know not all operations are successful".
16. "Secondly, if not stop at time doing surgery, you will overdo." - "Secondly, a person can become addicted if he does not stop on time"
17." It has a lot’s of famous people, and you know about them more and better than me." - What do you mean?
18."So, what I want to say" - do not asl the questions.
Not bad. However, in my opinion you need to work on your gramma and structure. Try to read more books, because you used very simple and daily words, so you need to improve your vocabulary. I could not see the freedom of your thoughts. Think out of the box and work hard.
My 8 paragraph, it sounds*.
DeleteYour written work is developing well. I enjoy reading your ideas. Your use of transition words and phrases is effective and your work flows well. However, please take note of the following points below:
DeletePara. 1: people who are not satisfied/although people are aware of its side-effects, they still go through with the surgery/People have grown to accept cosmetic surgery in the 21st century/Clearly, too much cosmetic surgery is harmful/People run the risk of making themselves uglier/However, people should understand the risks involved.
Para. 2: Many people who have cosmetic surgery often look more beautiful/People who undergo surgery after an injury or accident do so to feel normal and like other people. It is clear why they do it.
Para. 3: However, many Hollywood stars undergo cosmetic surgery.
Para. 5: There is the risk of overdoing cosmetic surgery. It’s happened to a lot of people.
Para. 6: It is in their own hands.
I would suggest that you read more books to help with the flow of the language and further enrich your vocabulary. I look forward to reading more of your work!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEveryday our world is changing. Everyday people are changing . Their world outlook , thoughts , knowledges evolve. Now people began to judge people in appearance, but neither in his inner world. People are starting pay attention on people’s clothes , appearance . People have become cynical.
ReplyDeleteToday people have a very good chance to change their lives. Now if people had much money , they would reconstruct all their bogy. Special surgeons who works on reconstruction body can confirm with me. Cosmetic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration, reconstruction, or alteration of the human body. Why people want to change their appearance . Probably , it is childhood trauma because not all people are beautiful , or on adolescence teenagers not look beautiful. They have start their complexes.
Cosmetic surgery can help them to change their lives . However , are cosmetic surgery does more harm than good . I partially agree, because people can not forget their mockery and it is not real appearance , moreover people would understand this after a few time , but they can forget about their complexes.
I agree, because it is just a simple shell . After cosmetic surgery , people who undergo surgery can feel themselves like they changed all their life , however it is just smoke and mirrors. If surgery was successful , people would go to doctor every year . Sometimes , through the surgery people can get infected, so it is very dangerous . Surgery can not change people’s all body , in the depths of their hearts they will understand that appearance is not so important. So , surgery is harmful :1) it is dangerous . 2) It can not change people’s lives , they will understand that appearance is not very important .
I disagree , because cosmetic surgery is people’s choice . It is their lives , moreover they have all rights to change their own lives. If they feel comfortable , they can do anything that they want . If they wanted to spend their money on surgery , they would.
In conclusion , I would like to say that no matter what did you do with appearance , the main thing is to find balance in soul.
You have a wonderful and interesting essay! I enjoy reading it, because your grammar is very clear, it is hard find some grammar mistakes here. Moreover, there is an excellent usage of science academic words related to topic. Here is my little suggestion, such as:
Delete\\ ‘people began to judge people in appearance, but neither in his inner world’ is not totally correct. You should use an expression “judge BY/ON appearance”
\\” it is A childhood trauma” do not forget the article
\\” However , cosmetic surgery does” instead of “However , are cosmetic surgery does”
\\ I think that it would be correct to say “After cosmetic surgery, people can feel themselves such as they changed all their life” Moreover, after this sentence you must to put comma and start next sentence with “However, it is just smoke and mirrors”
\\ “It is their lives , moreover they have all rights to change their own lives for the better” it is a good usage of Moreover in the center of sentence. In addition to, expression ‘change lives for the better’ is totally English expression
Thank you , Good Reader .
DeleteI like your opening sentence – it makes the reader want to know more. Great expressions in the body of the text – well done! Here are my suggestions:
DeletePara. 1: but neither in his inner world – unclear/ starting to pay attention to people’s clothes
Para. 2: a very good chance of changing their lives/ special surgeons who work on reconstructing bodies can confirm this/ Why do people want to change their appearance?/It is possibly due to childhood trauma because not all people are beautiful / or on adolescence teenagers not look beautiful - unclear/
Para. 3: does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?/ understand this after a while
Para. 4: people who undergo surgery can feel as if they have a new life/ surgery cannot change a person’s entire body
Para. 5: cosmetic surgery is a person’s choice/ It is their own life/If they want to spend their money on surgery , they can/
Para. 6: no matter what changes you make to your appearance, the main thing is that you find balance in your soul.
I enjoyed reading your work! I look forward to seeing your second draft.
Dear ,Draig Goch I did not understand you comments . Can you write it again but more clearly .
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning let`s talk about cosmetic surgery in general. Nowadays, a demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing from day to day. Therefore, we can declare with the confidence that today approximately 20% of women around the world had cosmetic surgery. The major aims of undergoing cosmetic surgery are wishes of females to change and fix their faces. Due to they just do not like some parts of their faces, which seem for them farcically. Actually, a history of cosmetic surgery begins from 18th century, when some countries of Asia start transforming ears. As a result, Asian country - South Korea now is considered as a developed country according to the cosmetic surgery work.
ReplyDeleteWhat about me, then I partially agree with the statement. In my opinion, cosmetic surgery has both positive and negative sides. In addition, lots of people get confused when they meet a question as: “Does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?”.
First of all, I consider that it injures one`s health and ruins people`s uniqueness. The main thing is that cosmetic surgery`s results are unpredictable. When people cannot decide to undergo it or not, they have terrible feelings about its consequences. Secondly, in my opinion, everybody has unique personality, so it is not good to change our essential beauty.
On the other hand, if people undergo cosmetic surgery, when they have complexes about their appearance, it would give them confidence in real life. In addition, if person loves himself or herself, and only then ambient people will respect you.
To sum up, I would like to say that undergoing cosmetic surgery depends on life situations, in which that person is. Everybody has his or her own option to choose this way or not. However, first think about it wisely and make confident selection.
Dear,Demiurage! I am sure that your essay is the best one here. There is a wonderful usage of linking words in beginnings of sentences, I liked it. Moreover, you have clear and correct grammar and your work wrote in one tense.In adiition to, I see good expressions such as "from day to day" and " ruins uniqueness".
DeleteThank you for your hardworking, keep do it!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNowasays people think about their appearance more than before.If they have complexses about their look,cosmetic surgery might help them.People divided into two camps.Someone supports it,someone thinks that it is not correct.Now I would like to share you my point of view about it.
ReplyDeleteMajority of people undergoes to public opnion,moreover they stay under the pressure.It is difficult for me to argue about it.Lets talk about pluses and minuses.From one side,cosmetic surgery helps people to sweat out from their complexes.The main plus of plastic surgery is the elimination of defects. Plastic surgery helps many people live further after accidents, fires, disasters.
Now,disadvantages of plastic surgery.The main minus is terrible consequences.Cosmetic surgery may has bad after-effects on your skin.
People should be satisfied about their appereance.They must be grateful for the creator,beacuse other people have more essential issues in their life.
Hi Micky,
DeleteYour essay has the correct structure and is largely understandable. I copied and pasted into MS Word which revealed 18 punctuation errors. Check it out yourself and correct it. Your word count will increase about the limit if you fix the punctuation. The following words are misspelled in your essay; Nowadays, complexes, opinion, Let’s, appearance and because. Fix them.
There are phrases that need repair. They ought to be like the following: ‘their looks’; ‘people are divided, some for- and some against it’; ‘to share with you’; ‘The majority of people go by’; ‘moreover they live under’; ‘about the pluses and minuses’; ‘On one hand, cosmetic surgery helps…’; ‘to deal with their complexes’; ‘elimination of facial defects’; ‘live with better self-esteem after accidents’; ‘fires and disasters’. ‘minus is that it can have terrible’ ‘surgery may have’
Replace ‘Now, disadvantages of plastic surgery’ with ‘On the other hand plastic surgery has one main disadvantage’; ‘satisfied with their’, and ‘grateful to the creator because there are more essential issue in life’
Overall, there are many grammatical mistakes that you must seriously work on if your writing is to be truly excellent. You have great potential. Keep on working. I look forward to reading your improved essay.
Society opinion is never stay in its place and evolves. However something which you said in the past and forgot, may heart somebodies heart. It creates a bunch body conscious and stay on a person’s mind forever, until the situation is changed. These types of people are victims of critic and they see the solution under the knife of a surgeon.
ReplyDeleteCosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of modern technologies and medicine. Unpleasant memories from childhood or bulling at school and home, criticism, compare yourself with others, fashion or superstars are the reasons for undergoing plastic surgery.
I partially agree with the statement, because as everything in the world it also has its advantages and disadvantages. At first I am willing to talk about disadvantages. Similar to other medical services, plastic surgery requires a lot of money. Instead of spending a tremendous amount of money on surgery you can spend your money on good deeds. Moreover, nobody can give a guaranty that it will be successful. First time you may look beautiful and fresh, however it may affect your health. In addition, natural beauty looks better than these changes by knife. Thirdly, once a person has done surgery, perhaps he cannot stop. This causes dependence and the person will want to do a second operation.
In my humble opinion, to do the operation or not, only the person decides. Do not criticize if a person has done or is about to do plastic surgery, because the consequences will be experienced by him, and not you. Moreover, money it is not spent by you. One expensive operation helps a person feel good. In addition, the operations are carried out not only for the purposes of beauty and youth. People spend it to heal their defects and congenital diseases. For example, uneven skin – acne, rabbit's lip or cleft palate.
Cosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of science. Everyone decides to do it or not, and you cannot judge. The main thing is not to forget about the measure and the boundaries.
Second sentence: may "hurt" somebodies heart. Sorry.
DeleteHello Freya!
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting so much time and effort into writing such a great essay. You have many interesting thoughts and opinions to share about this topic.
A few small mistakes:
society opinion – society’s opinion
bulling = bullying
gauranty = guarantee
I like that in the second to fifth paragraphs you bring up interesting points about both sides of the issue. You are very empathetic and are not quick to judge people and their decisions about plastic surgery. That’s great!
However, your opening paragraph was a little bit difficult to follow as you jump from one idea to another. I think that rewriting or modifying your opening paragraph will help to improve your essay.
Overall, well done!
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