Monday, April 2, 2018
Task 4. Version 2. 'Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good.' What do you think- and why? Improved essays only.
You can post your improved essays under this thread. Be careful to take into account the advice shared under the essays in the previous thread. I look forward to reading your essays, my creative and talanted students.
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Today technology and medicine progress very well. Scientists do everything to improve our lives. The majority of people state that technologies have more disadvantages than advantages. However, those people forgot that our fridges, cars and computers were created for themselves. Cosmetic surgery shows how is improving our medicine. It shows hard work of the doctors for other people. They are willing us to live happily.
ReplyDeleteI partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good because it depends on the case. For example, a person wants to make an operation for the reason that he or she thinks something is wrong with his or her appearance or this person has burn on the body. People say that there is no ideal person in the world, but at the same time they keep doing anything to become perfect. Cosmetic surgery is popular in many developed countries such as Korea. For instance, most of girls there do an operation on double eyelid since double eyelid is a symbol of the beauty.
Sometimes a patient might meet the swindlers. Perhaps some people would like to get money in simple way. However, we cannot forget about surgeons with sincere intentions to support. Consequently, I want to say that we may do cosmetic surgery if it is necessary, but we cannot abuse it.
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DeleteGood job, Margo. I am agree with your opinion. I noticed that you changed some moments according to comments. However, in my humble opinion there are not enough arguments. You told about improvement of the medicine, an appereance, eyelid and swindlers. In secon paragraph you started to talk about excellences and disadvantages, please, explain your point of view and give more examples and information.
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DeleteHi Margo! Excellent job. You take some comments seriously. I really admire how you wrote essays because this is ready to go. Your written skill is really good. I salute you for that.
DeleteI agree with Freya that in order for this to be very powerful is that you need to discuss in details the arguments in two sides especially that you are just saying partially agree. You need to discuss when it will be good or not and then own the argument by justifying your own point of view The following will give you ideas on how to improve further this essay.
All the Yes points:
It can alleviate mental illnesses
People have freedom of expression. .
Wealthy people need to spend their money some how
If the person had a car crash or was burned in fire, the might have a cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance
All the No points:
People go into debt copying celebrities
People take what can be good to the extreme.
There will be a severe case of side effects
There are dangers involved in any kind of surgery.
To attempt to dress cosmetic surgery in the flag of feminism is absurd.
The pressures of appearance apply particularly to women.
Doctors should heal, not waste their talent on appearance.
The black market argument applies to everything illegal.
Cosmetic surgery is addictive.
It's intention is to make money.
Some of these arguments, you mentioned already here but if you need more arguments, hope this will help you.
The english part of this is ready to go. Congratulations for a job well done!
Society’s opinion is never stay in its place and evolves. However something which you said in the past and forgot may hurt somebodies heart. It creates a bunch body conscious and stay on a person’s mind forever, until the situation is changed. These types of people are victims of critic and they see the solution under the knife of a surgeon.
ReplyDeleteCosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of modern technologies and medicine. Unpleasant memories from childhood or bullying at school and home, criticism, compare yourself with others, fashion or superstars are the reasons for undergoing plastic surgery.
I partially agree with the statement, because as everything in the world it also has its excellences and disadvantages. At first I am willing to talk about disadvantages. Similar to other medical services, plastic surgery requires a lot of money. Instead of spending a tremendous amount of money on surgery you can spend your money on good deeds. Moreover, nobody can give a guarantee that it will be successful. First time you may look beautiful and fresh, however it may affect your health. In addition, natural beauty looks better than these changes by knife. Thirdly, once a person has done surgery, perhaps he cannot stop. This causes dependence and the person will want to do a second operation.
In my humble opinion, to do the operation or not, only the person decides. Do not criticize if a person has done or is about to do plastic surgery, because the consequences will be experienced by him, and not you. Moreover, money is not spent by you. One expensive operation helps a person feel good. In addition, the operations are carried out not only for the purposes of beauty and youth. People spend it to heal their defects and congenital diseases. For example, uneven skin – acne, rabbit's lip or cleft palate.
Cosmetic surgery is one of the achievements of science. Everyone decides to do it or not, and you cannot judge. The main thing is not to forget about the measure and the boundaries. Respect other people's opinions and choices, and you will become respectable.
Hello Freya,
DeleteGreat job on draft 2!
A few suggestions:
1. For your opening sentence how about something like: “Society’s opinion never stays in one place, shifting and evolving with the passage of time.”
2. The heart belongs to somebody so it is “somebody’s heart” (not somebodies heart)
3. Instead of “critic” you are either looking for “critique” or “criticism”
4. “fashion models” instead of “fashion”
5. “are among the reasons for undergoing”, because you haven’t listed every single reason
6. I like that you’ve tried to use the word “excellences” instead of just writing “advantages” but it’s a bit awkward. How about “benefits” instead of “excellences”
Otherwise I really enjoyed your arguments and very non judgmental opinion
Thanks for sharing!
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ReplyDeleteFor the last few years cosmetic surgery has become more popular and acceptable especially, among the female half of the planet. Let`s ask ourselves this: “Why do women turn to cosmetic surgery?” Well, some people become body conscious while looking at models pictures in magazines with their ideal bodies, perfect skin tones and fashionable haircuts.
ReplyDeletePlastic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with that statement. First of all, because it costs a lot! There have been situations when women sold their cars, clothes and jewelleries just to save some money for that such an expensive "pleasure".
Moreover, unsuccessful surgery can cause problems with health at the very least. Nowadays, there are many swindlers and rogues everywhere. So people need to be very careful when choosing doctors. If they do not, this act will have very sad consequences.
Fortunately, people are moving towards natural beauty. So, more than a half of young girls prefer their personal charm instead of having a cosmetic surgery. That gives me a hope about our modern society.
On the other hand plastic surgery has its positive sides as well as negative. In situations when people get injured, for example fire, surgery gives them the chance to get back to their normal life before accident. Cosmetic surgery increases person’s self-esteem and this is really fascinating.
However, frankly speaking I think that people do not need something special to love themselves. Each of us is beautiful in our own way. Does not matter what other people say.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work. Well done on implementing the corrections. Well done you! However, there are some additional errors which I would like you correct for your third draft.
DeleteWhile looking at models pictures – while looking at the pictures of models
I partially agree with that statement – I partially agree with this statement
There have been situations when women have sold their cars, clothes and jewellery just to have enough money to spend on this expensive treatment.
Problems with health – health problems
Having a cosmetic surgery – having cosmetic surgery
Before accident – to get back to the life they had before an accident
Each of us is beautiful in or own way – Each one of us is beautiful in our own way
Does not matter – It does not matter
You wrote very good essay!
Delete-First of all, it costs a lot (I think, better without "because"
-...when they are choosing doctors
-If they not taking it seriosly, this act will bring sad consequences
-...get back to life that was before an accident
-I does not matter what other people think
Everyday our world is changing. Everyday people are changing . Their world outlook , thoughts , knowledges evolve. Now people began to judge people by appearance, but forgot that the most important thing is the human soul . People are starting pay attention on people’s clothes , appearance . People have become cynical.
ReplyDeleteToday people have a very good chance to change their lives. Now if people had much money , they would reconstruct all their bogy. Special surgeons who works on reconstruction body can confirm with me. Cosmetic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration, reconstruction, or alteration of the human body. Why people want to change their appearance . Probably , it is childhood a trauma because not all people are beautiful , or on adolescence teenagers not look beautiful. They have start their complexes.
Cosmetic surgery can help them to change their lives . However , cosmetic surgery does more harm than good . I partially agree, because people can not forget their mockery and it is not real appearance , moreover people would understand this after a few time , but they can forget about their complexes.
I agree, because it is just a simple shell . After cosmetic surgery, people can feel themselves such as they changed all their life .However, it is just smoke and mirrors. If surgery was successful , people would go to doctor every year . Sometimes , through the surgery people can get infected, so it is very dangerous . Surgery can not change people’s all body , in the depths of their hearts they will understand that appearance is not so important. So , surgery is harmful :1) it is dangerous . 2) It can not change people’s lives , they will understand that appearance is not very important .
I disagree , because cosmetic surgery is people’s choice . It is their lives , moreover they have all rights to change their own lives for the better. If they feel comfortable , they can do anything that they want . If they wanted to spend their money on surgery , they would.
In conclusion , I would like to say that no matter what did you do with appearance , the main thing is to find balance in your soul.
-Our world is changing everyday (the sent. structure "subject+verb")
Delete-People are changing everyday
-If people have enough money (it is better, sent.2 in 2 paragraph)
-it is a childhood trauma (location of this article in the sent.)
-Try to not use in your essay marks, like : or 1)
Good job!
Hello, your work certainly reads better this time. However, I notice that you have not made all the changes that I suggested last time. Please look again at the comments I left under your first version. Once you have done this, please make the additional changes below. Good work!
DeleteKnowledges – knowledge
Began to judge – have started judging
But forgot – but have forgotten
Starting to pay attention on – starting to pay attention to
People had much money – people have too much money
Reconstruction body – plastic surgery
Surgical specialty – special surgical procedure
Why people want to change their appearance – why do people want to change their appearance?
The last sentence of paragraph two is very unclear. Please try to rephrase.
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good
ReplyDeleteNowadays medicine is rapidly developing. It is difficult to overstate its role in our life. Moreover, cosmetic surgery is a type of medicine, and it has an effect on our lives, too. Cosmetic surgery is a normal part of modern life. However, it affects our health both positively and negatively.
I partially agree with that statement. Now, a lot of people start to do this surgery, someone tries to make his body more beautiful, another wants to fix their defects. It all can change our physical body. In addition, it will change how we view ourselves.
First of all, people do cosmetic surgery to look better. We are not ideal, so to make ourselves more beautiful and attractive, we hope for this medicine type. Botox and other anti-aging treatments can do our body as we like and need it. Moreover, it influences our thoughts. If we have a body that we like, we will feel confident about ourselves. We will not want to adjust our big nose or thin lips…
Secondly, it can make negative things, too. In my point of view, we cannot be young always. Chemicals that are used during surgery may be expired, and could have severe side effects. In conclusion, I partially agree that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. We just want to understand its role and influence fully.
Dear, you have such a neat essay,thus readers may understand your ideas very easily =) However, I have some advices to make it better:
Delete* Nowadays medicine - Nowadays, a medicine
* a normal part - a conventional or accustomed part (a normal is a very simple word, so it is better to use the words like these)
* it affects our health - it affects ON our health
* people start to do this surgery - people start DOING this surgery
* another wants to fix their defects - another ONE wants to fix his defects (you say "wants", but you are using the word "their", which is not properly)
* We are not ideal, so to make ourselves more beautiful and attractive, we hope for this medicine type. - We are not ideal. Therefore, in order to make ourselves more beautiful and attractive, we take a risk trying this type of medicine. (just to make your point clear)
* what about your structure, then please, try to write it separately as paragraphs.
_demiurge_
Delete1. Advice is an uncountable noun. We say give me some advice. Thank you for your advice. He gave me a piece of advice.
2. We say:"It affects or it may affect our health"
In the beginning let`s talk about cosmetic surgery in general. Nowadays, a demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing from day to day. Therefore, we can declare with the confidence that today approximately 20% of women around the world had cosmetic surgery. The major aims of undergoing cosmetic surgery are wishes of females to change and fix their faces. Due to they just do not like some parts of their faces, which seem for them farcically. Actually, a history of cosmetic surgery begins from 18th century, when some countries of Asia start transforming ears. As a result, Asian country - South Korea now is considered as a developed country according to the cosmetic surgery work.
ReplyDeleteWhat about me, then I partially agree with the statement. In my opinion, cosmetic surgery has both positive and negative sides. In addition, lots of people get confused when they meet a question as: “Does cosmetic surgery do more harm than good?”.
First of all, I consider that it injures one`s health and ruins people`s uniqueness. The main thing is that cosmetic surgery`s results are unpredictable. When people cannot decide to undergo it or not, they have terrible feelings about its consequences. Secondly, in my opinion, everybody has unique personality, so it is not good to change our essential beauty.
On the other hand, if people undergo cosmetic surgery, when they have complexes about their appearance, it would give them confidence in real life. In addition, if person loves himself or herself, and only then ambient people will respect you.
To sum up, I would like to say that undergoing cosmetic surgery depends on life situations, in which that person is. Everybody has his or her own option to choose this way or not. However, first think about it wisely and make confident selection.
Hello! I enjoyed reading your work, it was very interesting. Your writing flows well and your grammar is very accurate on the whole.
DeletePlease take note of my comments below:
The major aims of undergoing cosmetic surgery are wishes of females to change and fix their faces – For women, the main purpose of going under the knife is to change their faces
Due to they just do not like some parts of their faces, which seem for them farcically – better: I find this ludicrous!
some countries of Asia start – some Asian countries started
As a result, Asian country – As a result, one Asian country, namely South Korea
What about me, then I partially agree with the statement – As for me, I partially agree with the statement above.
Meet a question as – get asked a question such as
cannot decide to undergo it or not – are undecided whether to go for it or not
everybody has unique personality – everybody has a unique personality
In addition, if person loves himself or herself, and only then ambient people will respect you – *try to rephrase
Dear, _demiurge_
Delete-It will be better if you start your essay with "Nowadays, a demand for..." (without In the beginning let`s talk about...")
-The main reason of undergoing cosmetic surgery are women's wishes to change and fix their faces(better, if you write "women's wishes", than "wishes of females)
-Now, South Korea is considered
Very good job!
Cosmetic surgery does more than harm than good
ReplyDeleteNowadays, people who not satisfied with their beauty and appearance, undergo cosmetic surgery. Although people are aware of its side-effects, they still go through with the surgery. In my point of view, it is normally, especially in 21 century. If person overdo with this so it is harm. People make their selves ugly with own hands by undergoing. However, people should understand the harms and do it in limit of reasonable.
It has a lot’s of people who do cosmetic surgery and become beautiful. In this case I am not about the people who do a surgery because of their "crooked nose" or "little lips and others. No, I am about people that undergo surgery after injury or burn. After surgery, people with disabilities change their appearance and feel better. They undergo, due to they have complexes and inconvenience after injury. It is understandably why they do. Moreover, here I am afraid that I am not agree with this statement.
Some people like celebrities and famous stars often goes under the knife. As you know not all operations are successful.
Firstly, it can damage people’s health and it can has lamentable consequences.
Secondly, a person can become addicted if he does not stop on time. Moreover, it is a lot of people who do in this way.
So, what I want to say, I am in neutral opinion about this statement and that everything depends on people, it is in their own hand.
1)It has a lot’s of people --> It has a lot of people
Delete2)Some people like celebrities and famous stars often goes under --> Some people like celebrities and famous stars often go under... because celebrities and famous stars are plural.
3)Some people like celebrities and famous stars often goes under --> Some people such as celebrities and famous stars often goes under... it is correctly to write "such as".
It is truly excellent work because of prospective thinking and good structure. I learnt some academic words like "lamentable", "overdo".
Hey, "Lucky Dr. Robert". I liked your essay, for the reason that you have a lot of words, that I didn't knew before e.g.:
Delete•"Aware";
•"Lamentable";
•"inconvenience";
Also, you used confident words, like:
•"Undergo";
•"Due to";
•"Overdo";
You used linking words, like "Moreover", "However"
"Lucky Dr. Rpbert", you have some mistakes, such as:
•"21 century" → "21 centuries"
•"so it is harm" → "so it is harmED"
•"that I am not agree" → "that I DON'T agree"
Your work is really good, I liked it, good job!
XOXO, •everybody loves me•
21 century – technology time. Now cosmetic surgery is becoming very popular. Stars or other celebrities people undergo surgery and become beautiful. First cosmetic surgery was done in Ancient Egypt. Plastic surgery is a surgical specialty involving the restoration of the human body. In some countries on 18th birthday people receive certificates for cosmetic surgery.
ReplyDeleteI partially agree with that, because for example one's skin is burned or other's bodies have defects. Some people are born with ugly nose or eyes. Furthermore, surgery gives them an opportunity to get normal body parts.
Everything has two sides. In bad way people give lots of money, for money people do everything. For example, in hospital may be work not competent doctor. He may kill or make people uglier.
In conclusion I want to say, that cosmetic surgery has two sides like coin. Surgery gives us a big technology and in my opinion it is good.
Hello, Simple panda. You did a great job. I would like to write some advice to you, so your work will become better.
Delete1. In the first sentence "21 century - a technology time"
2. In the third sentence use the word "celebrities" without word "people" after it.
3. "In conclusion, I want to say that cosmetic surgery has two sides like a coin."
4. The last sentence is little bit unclear, try to replace word "technology"
Good luck!
There are many people who want their faces, arms, legs or other parts of the body become better. However, these people making their part of body better using cosmetic surgery. Most of people can say that the cosmetic surgery is bad; others can say that cosmetic surgery has more advantages than disadvantages. There are no rights or wrong opinions here. All people have their own statement. Let’s try to discuss and find an answer on this question.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, the cosmetic surgery has one big advantage is that you can improve your appearance by to the good side. In my opinion, this advantage is a big motivation for people.
Secondly, there are many disadvantages here. For example, this procedure is dangerous for our health. The person can be strong physically, but this person needs to understand that the physical strain will not help him if something will go wrong while the operation. Furthermore, the person needs morally strong to make the cosmetic surgery.
In my opinion, the cosmetic surgery can help to people in different situations, if the person really needs to do this procedure. The person can undergo the cosmetic surgery after different problems with himself. In this case it is not so dangerous for this person’s organism. However, if the person will make the cosmetic surgery many times or if this person will make this procedure in illegal surgery, it will be dangerous and badly affect to a person’s health, it will be not good undergoing.
In conclusion I want to say that I partially agree with the statement that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I think that the person chooses to make this procedure or no by his own self.
Hello, my dear friend. You have a very well essay bacause of prospective thinking, good structure and beautiful words.
DeleteYou have some mistakes:
1)"rights or wrong opinions" --> "right or wrong opinions"
2)"if something will go wrong while the operation. " - it would more correctly to write "during" --> "if something will go wrong during the operation.
3)It would be very good if you divide advantages and disadvantages. I mean "firstly, secondly" use in both. For example."There are many disadvantages here. FIRSTLY, this procedure is dangerous for our health. The person can be strong physically, but this person needs to understand that the physical strain will not help him if something will go wrong while the operation. SECONDLY, the person needs morally strong to make the cosmetic surgery."
"In conclusion" --> write with comma.
In main, I very like ypur essay!)
-However, these people making better their parts of body using cosmetic surgery
Delete-Firstly, the cosmetic surgery has one big advantage, it can improve your appearance to the good side. In my opinion, this advantage can be a reason for people to undergo the cosmetic surgery
-Person can be strong physically, but this person needs to understand that he needs to be morally strong and prepared to make the cosmetic surgery
-it will bring a bad results to person's health
Make a conclusion without "I think". It must be a completion))
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, our century is new technologies’ epoch, where in most had developed countries all life’s conditions in high level. Moreover, due to high level of medicine the length of people’ lives is longer than the ever was. So, since science and medicine are tremendously developing now, the term “cosmetic surgery” recently appeared.
“Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good”. I completely agree with this statement, because we must have own nature beauty, not by surgery and chemicals. As one famous philosopher said : “We should see the problem from different angles”.
Cosmetic surgery has advantages, like a lot of people did not like own exterior, so from surgical intervention they are happy for his new loveliness and life. Cosmetic surgery gives people a sense to live, rises his self-evaluation.
On the other hand, cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. One of them is surgical procedure could not be successful, and people became ugly. Secondly, this method of being beautiful can induce some dangerous diseases. Third, substances that added are can carry a hidden threat to the organism.
Health – one of the most valuable things in our world. Please, do not forget own natural beauty. The secret of being beautiful, as said wise and clever people is eating natural fruits and vegetables, moving, and happy of living in this interesting, fabulous and full of mysteries world. Keep calm, and do your best!
Hey, "The Hero of Our World". I liked your essay, while you have some mistakes, such as:
Delete• You forgot an article at first sentence "is A new technologies’ epoch".
• "due to high levelS", 1 paragraph, 2 sentence.
• 2 paragraph, 2 sentence "natural beauty" insted of "nature beauty".
•"clever people is eating" should be "clever people are eating"
•"happy of living" → "happy about living"
XOXO, •everybody loves me•
Right now is the 21st century; there are a lot of new technologies, breakthroughs in science, generally a lot of interesting things. Furthermore, there is a cosmetic surgery too.
ReplyDeleteFirst surgery in a world was made in Ancient Egypt about 3600 years ago. Surgery here used when a person was ill or he has some deformation, and they very rarely made on the face. It was treacherous for their life, some people thought that it is easier to stay ill or breathe their last breath instead of doing this dangerous thing. However, right now there a lot of types of surgery and people are not scared to do it, most of them like it. You can use rhynoplasty for your nose, blepharoplasty for your eyes, mammoplasty, abdominoplasty, liposuction, oh my god, I think that if I say all of them it will be too long.
Cosmetic surgery has a lot of disadvantages. Then, why did people using it? Maybe you will ask this question, the answer is easily, they don’t like their face (I know, that I am captain obvious). At that cause they go to doctors and say their problem. Some of the doctors are swindlers, their goal is to take money easily, they will do poorly executed job. After that person may have problems with their health, defects at their faces, some of surgery like this end, critically with passing away or they will not look like them before. Cosmetic surgery is really dangerous thing, because your body, face “in the hands” of a doctor. What's more, face it is the first thing that people see, so people should not use a lot of surgery, or go to untried doctor, only because there is not expensive.
I can say some advantages of plastic surgery. People may correct their defects on the face. A person may become more confidently.
I think people may use cosmetic surgery. However, they should not use it always and do it only at good doctor even it is expensive.
XOXO, •everybody loves me•
I think that if I say all of them it will be too long.-> I think that if I say all of them, it will be too long.
DeleteThen, why did people using it?-> Then, why did people use it?
say their problem-> tell their problems
You have a truly good essay, actually with academic words) However, there are some mistakes:
Delete*he has some deformationS
*defects ON their faces
*'Some of surgeries' instead of 'some of surgery', because using some is a plural form
*some of surgeries end like this{it is less weird}
*cosmetic surgery is A really dangerous thing, do not forget about prepositions
Hello, •everybody loves me•. You did a great job! Your essay is very interesting to read. There are some of my advice for you to improve your writing:
Delete1. Paragraph 2, sentence 1. You need to use preposition "the" before "world", because you mean specifically our world.
2. I think that If I list all of them, it will take too long.
3. Then, why do people turn to surgery?
4. This cause going to doctors and a conversation about their problem.
4. After that person may have some health problems, defects on their faces. Some of surgery end like this: critically with passing away or they will not look like them before the surgery.
5. A person may become more confident.
6. However, they should not use it always and do it only with good doctor even if it is expensive.
Good luck!
Cosmetic surgery is medicine procedures, which improve person’s appearance. Nowadays, with quick development of medicine, cosmetic surgery is developing as well. The popularity of modern cosmetic surgery continues to grow, because it become available for any person.
ReplyDeleteAt one side, advantages of cosmetic surgery are numerous. Cosmetic procedures help people, who lost one part of body or got to some catastrophes, such as accidents and fires. It is a big opportunity to reestablish person’s health or a normal appearance due to operation.
On the other hand, results of cosmetic surgery are not always meet our expectation. For example, if operation will fail, a medicine mistake will last for a lifetime. Of course, it always carries a medical risk, even death. The medical fail depends on a doctor’s mistake or other difficulties. Today, there are a lot of half-taught specialists or doctors without special knowledge. In my opinion, it is a big risk about this important problem. Moreover, unsightly scarring is one of disadvantages too. These red and thick scars are often difficult to hide or to rid for a long time after surgery or never.
Every person undergoes cosmetic surgery for their own goals. These cosmetic procedures are partially impact to people good, but sometimes it can be harm too.However, cosmetic surgery is a dangerous and unpredictable thing, so that person must be sure about a decision.
Hell, goog-reader.
DeleteYour essay is exiting as well as interesting.
1)if operation WILL - after if do not use WILL.
2)You should perephrase any simple and A1-2 words.For example important-vital, or-conversely.
Good job!
Hello, good_reader. You did a good job. Here is my advice for you:
Delete1. You can use the word "enhance" instead of "improve". As it in general, you need to add "s" - "improveS" or "enhanceS".
2."Cosmetic surgery is medicine procedures" - "cosmetic surgery" is the singular noun.
3. "For example, if operation will fail, a medicine mistake will last for a lifetime." - we cannot use "will" after "if".
4."For example, if operation will fail, a medicine mistake will last for a lifetime." - check the Oxford dictionary, before the word "medicine", in this case we do not need "a". "https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/medicine".
1/ medicine as mass noun: "‘the remarkable achievements of modern medicine’".
2/ medicine as count noun:"give her some medicine".
I like that you used some academical words. Thank you.
Nowadays cosmetic surgery is very popular. Many celebrities and stars do cosmetic surgery to make their appearance better. After all, if one wants to attract others, the first thing one will need to have is beauty. However, what if the beauty we seek brings more harm than good?
ReplyDeleteUndergoing plastic surgery is not easy. The process itself is unpleasant and money spent to undergo plastic surgery is an enormous sum. However, mostly this does not obstruct people from beautifying themselves.
Beauty has many advantages. It could show your status, make others impressed and change the view people have about themselves. Some people use beauty to advance in their careers and others use it to attract people. It has many uses and could make people’s self-confidence rise.
Nevertheless, undergoing plastic surgery to make ourselves attractive is a very risky process. With a doctor’s mistake one’s face could become disfigured. There is also a risk of getting unknown diseases. Moreover, some people could become disgusted by the fact that your beauty is “artificial”. There are many people and a lot of them are not good. Of course, if you could completely disregard that kind of people, then it is no problem for you. However, the main point is that plastic surgery brings harm to our health.
Health’s significance in our lives is ginormous. You could disregard all, but your life will end if you try to disregard your health. There are many people that regret consuming drugs, smoking and drinking large amounts of alcohol. Those activities make our health worse and before we notice, many fatal problems start to appear in our lives because of bad health. Plastic surgery could bring a lot of harm to your health as well and if you are not too sure the plastic surgeon is reliable, you would better not try undergoing the surgery.
In the end, the best option is to be content with what we have. In my opinion, the most attractive part of a person is not appearance but temperament. I know that almost nobody looks at our inner-selves, but there is no reason to be discouraged by it. The fact that your soul is beautiful, itself, shows that you are outstanding. There is no need to be judged by somebody else.
Hello, BrokenSapphire.
Delete1)After if do not use will.
2)In academic essay do not ask a questions.
3)Do not use shortly versions of academic words.
Your essay is very good and with minimal mistakes.You used academic words it is very excellent.
Good job!
Now is a new century of technologies. Science is developing every year. Today, technologies have new capabilities and people with them. One of scientific achievements is cosmetic surgery. So, let’s talk about it.
ReplyDeleteSome people say that cosmetic surgery does more harm than good. I partially agree with them. We have some situations like an issues or accidents, so we need cosmetic surgery in that cases to recover. It is very useful nowadays, because these days everybody can turn up in this situation.
However, today most of people use it for other things. Some people do not enjoy with their naturally look. Some of them use just maquillage and others cosmetic surgery. People use cosmetic surgery because of their external shortcomings. Societies can be cruel and they can criticize you because of your limitation and measures.
Not everyone, who used plastic surgery, has thought about its hazards of usage. Cosmetic surgery has some effects for organism. We all heard about the unsuccessful operations of stars. It really changed their lives and we need to think about our decisions hundred times before doing it. Also, not everyone can afford to themselves cosmetic surgery, because, of its cost, which is also a disadvantage.
So, as a conclusion, in my opinion, cosmetic surgery does more harm than good and we always need to remember, that beauty is inside us, and your look doesn’t really matter.
Hannah, my little "essay" that I publish, was comment for you)) I hope you will understand
DeleteThank you for an interesting essay. However, I want to tell you about your mistakes.
ReplyDelete1. "We have some situations like an issues or accidents..." . Here you do not need an article, because "issues and accidents" are plural nouns, so no article.
2. "today most of people use it..". In this case would be like this: " "today most of the people..".
Repost your comment
DeleteNowadays people think about their appearance more than before. If they have complexes about their look, cosmetic surgery might help them. People divided into two camps. Someone supports it. Someone thinks that it is not correct. Now I would like to share with you my point of view about it.
ReplyDeleteMajority of people undergoes to public opinion, moreover they stay under the pressure. It is difficult for me to argue about it. Let’s talk about pluses and minuses. From one side, cosmetic surgery helps people to sweat out from their complexes. The main plus of plastic surgery is the elimination of defects. Plastic surgery helps many people live further after accidents, fires, disasters.
On the other hand, it might have terrible consequences. Cosmetic surgery may have bad after-effects on your skin.
People should be satisfied about their appearance. They must be grateful for the creator, because other people have more essential issues in their life.
Hello, Micky Taryan. Your essay is pretty good. There are some of my advice for you:
Delete1. Nowadays people think about their appearance more than they did before.
2. If they become body conscious, cosmetic surgery might help them.
3. Majority of people undergo the society opinion. Moreover, some of them stay under the pressure.
4. Let’s talk about advantages and disadvantages.
5. From one side, cosmetic surgery helps people to get rid of their complexes.
6. The main advantage of plastic surgery is the elimination of defects.
7. Plastic surgery helps many people to live further after accidents, fires and disasters they faced.
Thank you and good luck!
Cosmetic surgery does more harm than good.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, week, centuries something is changing endless. Our world is evolving. Today’s day many people want undergo surgery. Some people think of the view that undergoing cosmetic surgery is harmful and others think otherwise. In most situations a patient of cosmetic surgery is women. This category of surgery can realize human wishes and make it real. For example, you can do not like your face form or want change eye’s color, cosmetic surgery can change it all.
I agree with this statement partially. I share of the view that if you use this surgery way more than one time your health will become bad by reason of not natural as well as chemical interference. All these lasers, silicones, chemicals devices are bad influence for human health.
Secondly, surgery will cost a lot. It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery. Despite the whole operation, it costs a lot of money for today; it is a big problem for a majority people. It is worth considering whether an surgery is needed at all.
The good sides of cosmetic surgery are a patient can satisfy own expectation, if a patient goes to surgery way as well as change some part of body. In the most of situation human’s does not like own natural beauty, the exit of this position is to rest on a surgery scalpel. Human can delete all of things that he is not like conversely adding something.
In conclusion, for whom the operation is very beneficial and for someone it does not. But you cannot come to the exact conclusion that the operation is harmful or not.
Hello, Hames. You did a great job!
Delete1. Every day, week, century something is keep changing.
2. Today many people want to undergo a surgery.
3. In the third sentence the meaning of "of the view" is a bit unclear, so try this sentence without that phrase.
4. In most situations the main users of cosmetic surgery are women. (plural form)
5. ...human wishes and make them real. (plural form again)
6. ...or want to change your eye’s color
7. It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery (be careful with that copy and paste function :D)
8. ...for a majority of people
I am waiting for your third essay version!
8. ...for majority of people*
DeleteThere are some good ideas-well done! However, I have some recommendations for you. Will be better if you will write:
Delete “Every day, week and century everything…” instead of “Every day, week, centuries something…”;
“…people want to undergo…” instead of “…people want undergo…”;
You should write “surgery” without “a” or “an”;
“surgery is required at all” instead of “surgery is needed at all”;
“one of the advantages of cosmetic surgery is that a patient can…” instead of yours;
Full stop after “expectation” and new sentence after it;
“If a patient undergoes surgery as well as changing some parts of the body” instead of yours;
“situation some human beings might not like their own natural beauty” instead of yours and full stop after this sentence;
Also, I think that something is wrong in next sentences, so I want you to change “The exit of this position is to rest on a surgery scalpel. Human can delete all of things that he is not like conversely adding something” to “In that case, the only solution can be undergoing surgery and the main purpose of going under the knife is to change their faces”.
“On the other hand” instead of “Secondly”;
“I partially agree with this statement” instead of “I agree with this statement partially”;
You wrote one thing two times “It is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery is a second thing why I partially agree with surgery”;
Last thing is that I think that you need to rewrite this sentence “Despite the whole operation, it costs a lot of money for today; it is a big problem for a majority people”
I look forward for your new version.
Good luck. XOXO
All of us must know that we could not choose how beautiful we going to be. So sometimes somebody is making negative pressure and humiliation including to another person with ugly unpleasant appearance. This problem can cause dealing suicide actions, which is, obviously, not good. However, by developing technologies we can make our face more beautiful, which is also good, but this type of surgery has disadvantages, too.
ReplyDeleteAll of us know that nature is giving and making us by evolution’s rules, and in your opinion it can make mistake? No. We are individual and beautiful in our own way. First of all, it may bodily harm us, especially if you went to low experienced surgeon, who can do something wrong as result you will be uglier or disabled. Second of all, nature made us how born, so we cannot break rules because each one made by this difficult biochemical processes. Finally, everyone, who did it plays a dangerous game and somebody is really playing game by making monster from their bodies.
It called cosmetic surgery and it also has lots of advantages. First of all, you can make your appearance beautiful as you want. If only some characters could do it, their life would become better. Second of all, how said one scientist: “If something is not developing, this type will have issues.” which mean that humanity is not last stage. I am sharing your opinion about new stage of our evolution. Some scientists really think that robots will be better than us, and to be able to compete with them we are going to become cyborgs.
And yet why do people change their appearance. This a big problem because it affects the opinion of people not only about the people, but also about themselves. This can effect on self-esteem and confidence of people. For teenagers it is well-known issue, and one of the most important. This all made due to our cartilage and selfishness, because we do not try to know ourselves and accept us as we are. Each one is unique, and this all is doesn’t matter because our personal side is main. Good luck!
Hello Woody))I like your way of thinking, and I am also agree with you. You don't have a lot of grammatical mistakes, but you have some mistakes on using words in their correct way.
ReplyDelete-How beautiful we ARE going to be=} don't forget verb 'to be'
-correct form is 'to put pressure', not 'make pressure'
-negative pressure=} the word 'pressure' is already negative word, so you can just write 'somebody is putting pressure'
-humiliating another person' is better
-this problem can cause suicide actions( don't need the word 'dealing)
-bodily harm us=} you can not say in this way, it is not correct. you can harm 'physically'(damage your body)
-as result=} as A result
-Second of all, nature made us how born, so we cannot break rules because each one made by this difficult biochemical processes=} this sentence is a bit complicated and hard to understand, are you sure you wrote it correctly?
-First of all=== you used this word 2 times, it is not good when you use same expressions many times. Find synonyms of this word.
-This a problem== this IS a problem(again verb 'to be)))
-Each one is unique== better to say 'Each person is unique'
-this all is doesn't matter == this all doesn't matter.
As I said above, you have a good essay. If you use correct words and phrases, and it will be perfect! I think you will get it quickly. Good luck my friend.