Task 3. Version 2. If you had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them, what wishes would you make and why?
If only I had three wishes about films, what wishes would they be? Well, first of all I would change endings I do not like. It would be fantastic! Can you only imagine if the films end like as you want? Brilliant! I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is fascinating. If I had an opportunity to remake few scenes, I would redo them, believe me. For example, you can make two of your favorite characters start dating and other unique things. My second wish would be to take part during the writing of a plot and while filming the movie itself. If I were given an occasion, I would choose the “The Maze Runner” movie, because it is one of my favorites flicks. I think it would be an interesting experience for me. Moreover, I am interested in the filming industry, so my participation in the creation of a movie would give me a chance to meet the famous actors and actresses. If I work hard, I will achieve a lot. In addition to, the last wish would be about making my own film. It would help not only to earn money but spend my time with a pleasure. If I were a producer, I would be making many different flicks. I wish I would have more wishes, but this is impossible…
Hey, Hopefull Girl. You have minor mistake in your essay such as: •"one of my favorites flicks" should be "one of my favorite flicks". It is all, I did not saw any other mistakes in your writing. XOXO♥
I advice you to divide your essay into paragraphs. I think you need to write more senrences in your conclusion. Moreover, I liked your way of using conditionals. Good luck!
(!) first of all - please, after this linking word put a comma (,) (!) like as you want - as you want (because like = as a meaning is the same ) (!) I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is fascinating. --- it is a too long sentence, so this version is better " I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel upset. Therefore,in my opinion, having a chance to change something is fascinating. " (!) My second wish would be to take part during the writing of a plot and while filming the movie itself. -- My second wish would be taking a part in the writing of a plot and at the filming a movie.
Everyone wants that his wishes become true. Let’s think, what I would to request, if I had wishes about films, art and music. If only, my wishes become true, they will look like this. If I had a chance to wish everything what I want. First thing will be about one of my favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. Therefore I want to see cast of this film. Moreover, I want to become acquainted with Audrey Hepburn. Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless”. This film was made in 1995, it about 90’s slang “as if”. If only I have three wishes, I will request to take part in filming of this movie. Maybe become main character of this film. Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”. In my mind Linkin Park is one of the best groups. Furthermore, a person who was at their concert is lucky person. If these wishes came true, I would become gladdest person all around the world. XOXO♥
We use IF ONLY and I WISH with 2nd conditional and 3rd conditional. Put a comma after THEREFORE. maybe become -> maybe to become it about -> it is about is lucky person -> is a lucky person
Your essay is fascinating, but you made some mistakes. It will be better, if you will write “…a chance to wish anything I want” instead of “…a chance to wish everything what I want”; You don’t need to put comma after “Second” and “film” in sentence “Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless””; You needed to write “Maybe, to become a main character of this film” instead of “Maybe become main character of this film”. I hope that I helped you and I am waiting for your improved essay. XOXO
Hello, •everybody loves me•. I liked your essay very much. It was trully interesting to knew about your wishes. 1."Everyone wants his wishes become true" sounds better" I have learned from your writing, because you have used new words that I did not know. So, thank you and good luck)
The majority of us want to make wishes when we watch a cartoon “Aladdin”. The same situation happens with me. Sometimes I think about my three wishes. If I had three wishes, it would be about following music since it is a part of my life which I can not remove. My first wish is to have a musical education. If only I had this education, it would be easier to me to play on various types of the musical instruments. The second wish is to write my own song which is included the lyrics and melody that are created by me. The last one is to meet my favorite singers. Their stories are my motivation. Thanks to them I get inspired. So I want to meet them in real life. There are so many people who think that making wishes is unwisely. However, I do not agree with them because other people live for their dreams. I believe that the wishes come true.
Hey, Margo, I liked your essay. However you mistakes. • "it would be easier to me to play on various types of" should be " it would be easier for me to play with various types of" •"which is included" should be "which includes " •"live for their dreams" should be " live in their dreams". XOXO♥
Hello, Margo. I have read your essay and noticed that you do not have many mistakes. Great job! 1. "...the cartoon "Aladdin"" I guess, because you talk about a certain movie in this sentence 2. "...on various types of musical instruments" in this case you do not need to use preposition, because you talk about general. Moreover, the word is plural. Good luck)
Hi Margo ! You did very nice job.Your wishes are facinating.Bot i know some good expressions for you. Instead of using "have education",better to use "to get a degree"
Everybody have thought about their three wishes related to something, but have you ever thought about your wishes related to music or film or art?
My hobby is listening to music, so in one day I want to become a rock star. This wish has very good advantages, because, I would meet my favorite singer or group if only I were a rocker. Moreover, it is not only a wish. This is also my little dream.
What about films? In my opinion, every person did not like the ending of at least one film or series. So, sometimes I want to change the ending of films like “Bridge to Terabithia”, “Before meeting you” and other. Moreover, I want some characters to be together, which are still not together. I wish I had to be a producer or act in my favorite films to experience feeling of main characters.
As a conclusion, we can dream about anything we want or then these are only plans for tomorrow.
Hey, Hannah21, your essay is really interesting. However, you have mistakes. •"Everybody have thought" should be "Everybody has thought" •"“Before meeting you” and other." should be "“Before meeting you” and others." •"act in my favorite films to experience feeling of main characters." should be "act on my favorite films to experience the feeling of the main characters." XOXO♥
Do not use questions in your essays. I wish I had to be a producer -> I wish I had been a producer because the formulas of using I WISH with conditionals are: second type:"I wish + verb2/ed" third type:"I wish + had + verb3/ed"
If only I had 3 wishes, It would have changed my life. The chance of having 3 wishes is only in fairy tales and films. Now I have a chance, even though it is just writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are material. Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or blog, there is a 50% chance that your dreams will come true. According to Will Smith, never stop dreaming! You must dream, write it in anywhere, and act immediately! I have 3 wishes in music, movies, and Art industries.
I really want to play on a guitar and piano. If I play on a guitar and piano like professional, I will be happy, because I enjoy listening to music. I could produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones.
My second wish is related to film industry. I really want to be a famous and talented actor in Hollywood. If only this wish was reality, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. For example, Avengers: Infinity War, Never back down and others.
You know that Art in our country is not developed as well as in other countries. I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention to rules of art, not to creativity. I would like to change it!)
Good job! -to play the guitar and piano (do not use ON) It is a rule, when you talk about a musical instrument, always use THE, without ON. Moreover, for exaple, you want to talk about sport, it will be "play basketball", without prepositions. Please, pay attention to the usage of preposition with the word "play".
(+) very good usage of the "If only" in the first sentence (+) I liked that you write the one wish for each category and explained it for us (!) it is just writing - it is just a writing (!) dreams and thoughts are material - dreams and thoughts are Materializes ( must be a verb in the structure)
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also creativity, imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter if you have a talent or not, you can develop it. Furthermore, I like draw sometimes and enjoy with this process. If only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART. The second wish is knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting , if I knew how art will change after 100 years. The last one is about types of ART in different culture around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture. Remember that all wishes will come true, just believe it.
Hello good_reader! I enjoyed reading your essay.You showed,that you really like ART.However,i found some grammatic mistackes. Do not forgot about "to","to draw".
-I like TO draw sometimes -I would make A wonderful and fascinating wishes -is A knowledge about... Good job! I think, you have a really good imagination!)
oh , good reader i very like your essay. However , i have found some mistakes about " No matter if you have a talent or not" sentance . :You use no matter in expressions such as 'no matter how' and 'no matter what' to say that something is true or happens in all circumstances.: For example "No matter what your age, you can lose weight by following this program." You see that after "no matter " we need to apply "how or what " However , your first part of this sentance is correct or you can say " No matter what kind of talent you have " or "No matter how talented you are" . Will be better if you write " No matter how talented you are , you need work on it."
If I could change music, film or art industries with my three wishes, I would have considered opinions of other people, so that everyone could be happy. However, this time I am going to be a bit selfish and make these wishes myself.
First, I wish that music would be alive. I want music to choose the people with clear conscience, so that those people could summon music as easy as lifting their hands. They could make people happier with it and their lives would become more colorful. Nevertheless, if they do evil, do not redeem their mistakes or become guilty, music will leave them and they would become deaf for the rest of their lives.
Second, I wish that films would be other worlds. They would be open for people with brave hearts, so that those people could become any character of the film. The plot will change according to the choices they make and they could experience it real time. If they encounter any dangerous or unhappy event they could just return to their previous world, but the death in the world of films will be equivalent to death in real life.
Third, I wish that people with pure mind and broad imagination would get an ability to draw and make the paintings alive. Paintings would become real as time passes and artists, who have drawn them will have an ability to control those paintings. However, if those artists become evil hearted, an ability to make paintings alive will leave them and misfortunes would follow them.
(+) Dear, this is an excellent structure of an essay. I liked it very much, good job! (+) I have noticed that you write your essay with open heart and open mind. I could feel your soul at once as I started to read) (!) I would have considered - sounds not good it should be like "I would like to consider" (!) First - First of all or Firstly (better) (!) I wish that films would be other worlds. - I wish that an every film would be an another world.
In my opinion, there are many people who have their own wishes, which is totally different from another people. I have my own wishes too, so I want to share with you about that. There are many wishes I have. I think that it will be a time, when the wishes come true. Furthermore, I have the wishes which are connect with the music and film industry. My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry, about how to make the good music, which the people like to listen many times and to take the information about statistics of which genre of songs which people like listen the most. All my wishes are not end just on music industry. However, if I had a chance to try myself in the cinema, I would go and try to do my best. How I told, I want to make own film or to participate in that. That is my second wish, which I would like to realize. The third of my wishes is to learn how to play the guitar. I started to learn basic level of playing the guitar last summer. However, I stopped to do that. I wish to continue learning how to play the guitar anew on the next summer. That was my three wishes. However, that was more wishes which did not related to the music, film or art.
(+) I liked that you used words such as "film industry" and "basic level of playing" (+) good structure of the essay, however it would be better if you try to add some attracting details) (!) their own wishes, which is totally different - their own wishes, which ARE totally different (because we are talking in the plural form) (!) wishes too, so I want to share with you about that. - wishes too, so I want to share with you about THEM (because of "wishes") (!) There are many wishes I have. - according to the sentence structure it should be like "I have a lot of various wishes." (!) it will be a time, - it will be time (because we are not talking about several times, so in this case it is uncountable) Good job at all, my dear friend!)
A majority of people in our grand world have their own wishes. Does not matter is it a big or just little wish, but it is a vital part of everybody’s life. Wishes can give our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these experiments will help to our future life. If I had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them, I will wish about all of them. In my point of view, these three wishes are make our life better and more interesting! If only one Kazakh music group can conquer other countries, not only Kazakhstan, they would celebrate our homeland! I wish that our films will reach the top of that type of “film-making”. Our country’s competitive ability will rise, if our domestic films can improve the quality. If only, our national types of art will be famous, it can develop a lot of kids and teenagers of KZ to all this arts. I hope my wishes come true!
Hello "BlackPink". By reading your essay, I can see that you are a patriot. All your wishes are about Kazakhstan. However, don't you think that it will be more interersting if not only people related to arts, music or films become happier? Anyways, thank you for your hard work!
There are some mistakes I found: 1. 1 paragraph, 2 sentence. Do not start your sentence with Do, does or did. Only questions could be written like that. It will be better if you say: "It does not matter "if" it "is" a big or just "a" little wish" 2. 2 paragraph, 2 sentence. "These three wishes are make our life" - This three wishes make our life... . You do not need to add "are" here, because you use present simple form of verb. 3. About usage of conditionals. Your usage of them is normal. I did not find any unusual senteces with conditionals, though I think you did well. 4. 3 paragraph. I have not understood your sentence. Please try changing it. Make meaning clearer, so that readers would not be confused.
1) Does not matter is it a big or just little wish...--> It does not matter if it is a big or just little wish... 2) If our domestic films can improve the quality.--> If our domestic films will improve the quality(I did not understand the quality of what?) 3) "If only" we can use merely with past verbs. Do not use "If only + will".
Dear, Hames! In my point of view, we can use comma before "and", because it is FANBOY. Moreover, after "and" I used subject and verb. So, here, before "and" I can use comma)), also I want to write about the 2nd comment. The tpic was like this "If I had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them..." I think, it is right! Thank you for your comments!)
3 wishes Everyone has a dream.Someone want’s to fly to the space,one want’s to be very rich or meet a love of his life.Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes. Firstly,I want to connect my career with Holywood.The majority of people likes to watch films at night together.However,I want to act in this film,so first wish is about becoming famous actor and get Osca award as a main actor of the film. My second wish is about becoming famous singer.Nowadays,music is essential part of people`s life.If only I were famous singer,I would make my own clip,which will get billion views in YouTube. My last wish is related to art.Certainl groups of people like ancient compositions,sculptures and pictures.If only I were renowned drawer,I would give my works to the famous exhibitions,that people who understand and likes art very much can see my compositions. In conclusion,I am willing to tell you,that dreams can become true.Everything is in our own hands.Dreams motivate us to materialize them.
Hello, Toni Kross +you have 171 words +you use conditionals -pictures.If it is not correct. Please write like that: pictures. SPACE If -Osca? OSCAR +you have academic words (exhibitions)
-"want's" in 1st sentence is "wants" -get AN Oscar -can COME true, because here you use "can", so it will be better if you use just "come" than "become" Good job, Toni!!
Everybody have a dream including three wishes. People wishes money, sport cars or everybody know him. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of thing. My first wish related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most popular places. One of them the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the very popular wishes. My second wish is music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see a super stars in music. It is one of the best dreams, for example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna. My third wish is about art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will wish he painted me. Why, because I really wish to have a portrait. In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true.
Hello, panda. I like your essay, especially beggining and some good words that you used as well. However, I found out one mistake, when you wrote:"People wishes money, sport cars or everybody know him.", which need to be "People wishes money, sport cars or that everybody to know him." Good luck and remember that every your wish can become true!
In some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures, which can make their wishes true. The characters always wish around wealth or immortally and many more, but this stories want to show that greed is evil. However, image that you catch golden fish, jinn or other creatures, which can make your wish come true. If only I met them as well as have three wishes, first of all, I would know everything that was, be and will be, everywhere in the space. It simple to understand that humanity do not know majority of thing that was in past or will be in the future, but we want to do it. I am too. By this ability I am going to stop disasters in each time, save people by saying information to people, put us to next stage of development and many more. However, people will want to use my special powers in many other ways, where they need. It will break my life, but they will not find me because I will be always known what they want to do. Second of all, I am willing to be able to do everything perfectly as well as like a million. By this I will be the most popular artist in whole world and bring this fame and fortune to Kazakhstan. Person who can do something like this the person will control communities mind and fillings. Finally, I want to travel in films, music and other works of art. Then I will stay with artist who draw a picture or listen to live music of some musician. However, if artist can do his job you can travel everywhere relating to his work. Good bye!
Hello, smart wood. +you have nice idea +285 words +you write with conditionals. -which can make their wishes true. WISHES COME TRUE -First wish is not related to our topic.
1.not "image"(a noun)----imagine(a verb); In my opinion you wrote an amazing essay. You really improve this writing task and wrote perfectly. keep doing like that))
-in some stories of A lot of cultures (it will be better if you use that, than "of lots of"/compare lots of and a lot of) -Characters always wish something about wealth... -become immortal ("immortially" is adverb here) -It is simple... -a lot of things that was in past... -if AN artist Good Job!
Three wishes: music Music is everything for me. I cannot imagine my life without it because; it gives me energy, positive emotions. When I feel me tired, sad or happy I just listen to music. In my opinion, music can share my feelings. Moreover, for music I have some wishes. My first wish- by using the talent which is the world, the nature gives to me- write my own song. It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not. I wish I would write my own song, since only like that I can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind. Sometimes I want to say about this to somebody, so that’s why I want write a song. I hope that I can find my audience, which will share with me all of this, that will help other people. If only I met my favorite singers I would talk with them, tell about my plans, and suggest working together. It is my second wish. In my opinion benefits of singing with world of stars, not have. (I don’t finish)
1. "Moreover, for music I have some wishes."- "All of my three wishes were related to music". 2. After because, you do not need ";". 3. "is the world, the nature gives to me" - world can not give you talent, in depends on you. 4. " It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not." - "It does not matter if it becomes popular or not". Pay attention to structure. 5. "I wish I would write my own song, since only like that " - change this part. 6. " I can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind"- "By this mucis, I will be able to share my emotions and soul with you". 7. "that’s"- that is why. 8. " so that’s why I want write a song"-" I want to write my own song". 9. "that I can find my audience" - "I will find". 10. "my audience, which will share with me all of this, that will help other people." - "My audience, who will support and help me.". Finish your job and try to pblish as soon as it posiible.
In our world an Art enriches and decorates people`s lives. Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us! In that case, there will not be fascinating attractions, buildings and the architecture at all. Therefore, I decided to write 3 wishes related to the Art. First of all, I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) Art pictures which might stay on the sides of the high buildings in our Taraz city. I consider that this wish could give a positive energy and an inspiration for the people, who have sad mood, or who feel lethargic and pathetic. One clear example is the New-York city`s buildings, which have the 3D advertisements. If only our city had this kind of modern advertisements people would feel fabulous about the environment. Secondly, I would like to have a museum at home, which includes all gorgeous pictures of our time! I wish that from the bottom of my heart. If only I had this great museum at home I could get inspired from it every time. In addition, it will help me become more creative about my work and ideas. So, I wish that I will be accustomed to think globally or as says our teacher to think out of the box, or just no borders of my imagination! Thirdly, I wish that a fascinating exhibition will open in the central park of our city. I consider that the majority of the people will show their willingness to create the exhibition in the nature. If only there was the wonderful exhibition of drawings, we could relax through many creations. To sum up, Art indicates our performance related to our world and indicates our self-expression.
dearfriend, I liked your essay! However, you have some mistakes: *decoretes people's LIFES *AN architecture *we don't say "I have sad mood". will be better if you write "Who fell sad" *three dimensional (3D) pictures WITHOUT ART *ARTwithout AN
Hello "_demiurge_". Your essay is very constructive and creative. Your ideas are good and you use many academic words. However, I think that you need not be too perceptive about details. You write many words and if the content is too "heavy" the words start to prick eyes of the reader. In short, do not be too serious when writing. Your essay is good and I am sure you could become better. Thank you for your hard work!
Some mistakes I found: 1. 1 paragraph, 1 sentence. You wrote "an Art". It does not sound correct because in this sentence "ART" is plural. Right version will be - "In our world Art enriches and decorates people`s lives." 2. 1 paragraph, 2 sentence. If you add "any" the grammar in your sentence will become better - "In that case, there will not be any fascinating attractions, buildings and the architecture at all." 3. Do not use "The" with plural forms of words - 1 paragraph, 3 sentence - "related to the Art", 2 paragraph, 1 sentence - "the high buildings", 2 paragraph, 3 sentence - "the 3D advertisements" 4. 3 paragraph. Museum at home? I understand your meaning, but it sounds funny:D. Also, in the last sentence you say "think globally" is equal to "think out of the box". However, the meaning of an expression "think out of the box" is "to think in an original or creative way". 5. Last paragraph, 3 sentence. "We could relax by looking at many creations of art and nature" - will be more correct because word "creations" could be used as "artificial creations" and "natural creations". First are made by people, while second are living things made by nature. Point out specifically your meaning if you talk about "creations". 6. Last paragraph, last sentence. Our performance related to our world??? Could you explain your meaning please...
If I had three wishes about: music, a film and an art. I would be choosing two of them it is a film and music. Because with this components you can relax and calm. Why I had chosen it? Because, this thing is an indispensable part of my life, human life. The Music and the film has own special genre. For example, Music: jazz, metal, pop and etc. Film: action, thriller, horror, romantic, fantastic and etc. Each person have own taste for music and film. The taste of a person can emphasize his character and lifestyle. If a person likes to listen music, he/she should have a mp3 player. I liked to listen music. Moreover, if I do homework, I will take headphones and play music. But, from a good movie, I would not have refused too. But of course this is just my opinion. In my place, you would choose something different. I respect your choice.
In conclusion, I want to say that person special own and have own lifestyle. He/she can to listen music, to watch a film, draw arts.
1. First of all you were need to justify your choices. In your job, you just wrote about films. music and your routine. 2. Second sentence. "they are film and music" instead of "it is a film and music.". Hope, that you will understand why. 3. Do not ask a questions in yur job, because it is an essay. "Why I had chosen it?". There are lot of expressions to explain. 4. Do not start your sentences with "Because" 5. In the middle of sentence you can not write with capital letters. If your word is a proper noun, for example Taraz, then the word should capitalized. 6. In academic writing, using "etc" is not good. Moreover, I am confused, that you wrote the genres. The assignment was about your three wishes. 7. "Each person" - "Everybody". 8. "Because with this components you can relax and calm." - you need to change this sentence. 9. Again. Do not start your sentences with "But". Also, you used it two more times, which is not professional. 10. "In conclusion, I want to say that person special own and have own lifestyle.". I think, conclusion should be related to task. 11. I could not understand the end of your job and recomend you to be careful. At all, your job is not bad, however you still need to improve it. Futhermore, before starting any job, please, carefully read the instructions, because your job is a little bit far away from task.
During our childhood our parents usually read us exciting fairytales and I am sure that everybody knows the history of fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin. As any child I also wanted to have my own three wishes, and now I am willing to share my experience with you all. I would like to tell you how my childhood dream came true. Few days ago I went to walk with my family, and my Mum asked me to buy a box of orange juice and a bar of chocolate. While I was going to the nearest shop, I met an old man. He was all in black and there was a mysterious smile on his face. At first, I thought that he just wanted to ask something. However he quickly asked me «Dear, please make a choice – a film, music or an art? » At this moment, I was in headphones and without thinking, I replied «Music! » After this short dialogue, he offered me three wishes. It looks impossible, fortunately it was real. Usually, I listen to Mozart’s masterpieces and I always want to meet him. Every time, I imagine our meeting. If only I met him I would say him thank you and hold master’s hands. This was my first wish. Second wish was to give a chance for people who cannot hear or listen. In our world, there are lots of people without chances as we have and who wanted to hear any sound or any melody. Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate their opportunities and are always dissatisfied. I wish every blind person can see and every deaf person can hear. Third wish was to visit concerts of all my favorite groups and singers. This is one of my big dreams. If only I made a world tour I would take a photo and become acquainted with each of them. These were my three wishes. I will always remember this unforgettable adventure.
Your essay is really interesting. However I have found some mistakes: - “…read for us…” instead of “…read us…” - “…I always wanted to…” instead of “…I want to…” That’s all. Good job!
Great job!) Your essay is very interesting and distinctive. Correct usage of "If only...". Good structure, you used linking words, and also academic words.) It would be very good if yo fix some minor mistakes: 1)"During everybody's childhood their parents..." seems more correct. 2)"the history of fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin." It would be correctly to write :" The Fairy Tale of Fisherman and Fish" or Aladdin's lamp. 3)"share my experience with you all. " you should write :"share my experience with all of you. " 4)"I went to walk with my family, " you should write :"I walked with my family, " 5)"was all in black and ..." correctly to write :"was all in black wears and..." 6)"any sound or any melody. " --> "any sound or melody."
If somebody came to me and said “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not know why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It make me feel better every time . Why I would like to choose music? Music is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us to find ourselves.
If I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actor’s talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film. In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music . Thank you!
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ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about films, what wishes would they be?
ReplyDeleteWell, first of all I would change endings I do not like. It would be fantastic! Can you only imagine if the films end like as you want? Brilliant! I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is fascinating. If I had an opportunity to remake few scenes, I would redo them, believe me. For example, you can make two of your favorite characters start dating and other unique things. My second wish would be to take part during the writing of a plot and while filming the movie itself. If I were given an occasion, I would choose the “The Maze Runner” movie, because it is one of my favorites flicks. I think it would be an interesting experience for me. Moreover, I am interested in the filming industry, so my participation in the creation of a movie would give me a chance to meet the famous actors and actresses. If I work hard, I will achieve a lot. In addition to, the last wish would be about making my own film. It would help not only to earn money but spend my time with a pleasure. If I were a producer, I would be making many different flicks.
I wish I would have more wishes, but this is impossible…
Hey, Hopefull Girl. You have minor mistake in your essay such as:
Delete•"one of my favorites flicks" should be "one of my favorite flicks".
It is all, I did not saw any other mistakes in your writing.
XOXO♥
I advice you to divide your essay into paragraphs. I think you need to write more senrences in your conclusion. Moreover, I liked your way of using conditionals. Good luck!
Delete(!) first of all - please, after this linking word put a comma (,)
Delete(!) like as you want - as you want (because like = as a meaning is the same )
(!) I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is fascinating. --- it is a too long sentence, so this version is better " I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel upset. Therefore,in my opinion, having a chance to change something is fascinating. "
(!) My second wish would be to take part during the writing of a plot and while filming the movie itself. --
My second wish would be taking a part in the writing of a plot and at the filming a movie.
Everyone wants that his wishes become true. Let’s think, what I would to request, if I had wishes about films, art and music. If only, my wishes become true, they will look like this.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a chance to wish everything what I want. First thing will be about one of my favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. Therefore I want to see cast of this film. Moreover, I want to become acquainted with Audrey Hepburn.
Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless”. This film was made in 1995, it about 90’s slang “as if”. If only I have three wishes, I will request to take part in filming of this movie. Maybe become main character of this film.
Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”. In my mind Linkin Park is one of the best groups. Furthermore, a person who was at their concert is lucky person.
If these wishes came true, I would become gladdest person all around the world.
XOXO♥
We use IF ONLY and I WISH with 2nd conditional and 3rd conditional. Put a comma after THEREFORE.
Deletemaybe become -> maybe to become
it about -> it is about
is lucky person -> is a lucky person
Your essay is fascinating, but you made some mistakes.
DeleteIt will be better, if you will write “…a chance to wish anything I want” instead of “…a chance to wish everything what I want”;
You don’t need to put comma after “Second” and “film” in sentence “Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless””;
You needed to write “Maybe, to become a main character of this film” instead of “Maybe become main character of this film”.
I hope that I helped you and I am waiting for your improved essay.
XOXO
Hello, •everybody loves me•. I liked your essay very much. It was trully interesting to knew about your wishes.
Delete1."Everyone wants his wishes become true" sounds better"
I have learned from your writing, because you have used new words that I did not know. So, thank you and good luck)
The majority of us want to make wishes when we watch a cartoon “Aladdin”. The same situation happens with me. Sometimes I think about my three wishes.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes, it would be about following music since it is a part of my life which I can not remove. My first wish is to have a musical education. If only I had this education, it would be easier to me to play on various types of the musical instruments. The second wish is to write my own song which is included the lyrics and melody that are created by me. The last one is to meet my favorite singers. Their stories are my motivation. Thanks to them I get inspired. So I want to meet them in real life.
There are so many people who think that making wishes is unwisely. However, I do not agree with them because other people live for their dreams. I believe that the wishes come true.
Hey, Margo, I liked your essay. However you mistakes.
Delete• "it would be easier to me to play on various types of" should be " it would be easier for me to play with various types of"
•"which is included" should be "which includes "
•"live for their dreams" should be " live in their dreams".
XOXO♥
Hello, Margo. I have read your essay and noticed that you do not have many mistakes. Great job!
Delete1. "...the cartoon "Aladdin"" I guess, because you talk about a certain movie in this sentence
2. "...on various types of musical instruments" in this case you do not need to use preposition, because you talk about general. Moreover, the word is plural.
Good luck)
Hi Margo !
DeleteYou did very nice job.Your wishes are facinating.Bot i know some good expressions for you.
Instead of using "have education",better to use "to get a degree"
Everybody have thought about their three wishes related to something, but have you ever thought about your wishes related to music or film or art?
ReplyDeleteMy hobby is listening to music, so in one day I want to become a rock star. This wish has very good advantages, because, I would meet my favorite singer or group if only I were a rocker. Moreover, it is not only a wish. This is also my little dream.
What about films? In my opinion, every person did not like the ending of at least one film or series. So, sometimes I want to change the ending of films like “Bridge to Terabithia”, “Before meeting you” and other. Moreover, I want some characters to be together, which are still not together. I wish I had to be a producer or act in my favorite films to experience feeling of main characters.
As a conclusion, we can dream about anything we want or then these are only plans for tomorrow.
Hey, Hannah21, your essay is really interesting. However, you have mistakes.
Delete•"Everybody have thought" should be "Everybody has thought"
•"“Before meeting you” and other." should be "“Before meeting you” and others."
•"act in my favorite films to experience feeling of main characters." should be "act on my favorite films to experience the feeling of the main characters."
XOXO♥
Do not use questions in your essays.
DeleteI wish I had to be a producer -> I wish I had been a producer
because the formulas of using I WISH with conditionals are:
second type:"I wish + verb2/ed"
third type:"I wish + had + verb3/ed"
If only I had 3 wishes, It would have changed my life. The chance of having 3 wishes is only in fairy tales and films. Now I have a chance, even though it is just writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are material. Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or blog, there is a 50% chance that your dreams will come true. According to Will Smith, never stop dreaming! You must dream, write it in anywhere, and act immediately! I have 3 wishes in music, movies, and Art industries.
ReplyDeleteI really want to play on a guitar and piano. If I play on a guitar and piano like professional, I will be happy, because I enjoy listening to music. I could produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones.
My second wish is related to film industry. I really want to be a famous and talented actor in Hollywood. If only this wish was reality, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. For example, Avengers: Infinity War, Never back down and others.
You know that Art in our country is not developed as well as in other countries. I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention to rules of art, not to creativity. I would like to change it!)
Good job!
Delete-to play the guitar and piano (do not use ON)
It is a rule, when you talk about a musical instrument, always use THE, without ON. Moreover, for exaple, you want to talk about sport, it will be "play basketball", without prepositions. Please, pay attention to the usage of preposition with the word "play".
(+) very good usage of the "If only" in the first sentence
Delete(+) I liked that you write the one wish for each category and explained it for us
(!) it is just writing - it is just a writing
(!) dreams and thoughts are material - dreams and thoughts are Materializes ( must be a verb in the structure)
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also creativity, imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter if you have a talent or not, you can develop it. Furthermore, I like draw sometimes and enjoy with this process.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART.
The second wish is knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting , if I knew how art will change after 100 years.
The last one is about types of ART in different culture around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture.
Remember that all wishes will come true, just believe it.
Hello good_reader!
DeleteI enjoyed reading your essay.You showed,that you really like ART.However,i found some grammatic mistackes.
Do not forgot about "to","to draw".
-I like TO draw sometimes
Delete-I would make A wonderful and fascinating wishes
-is A knowledge about...
Good job! I think, you have a really good imagination!)
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Deleteoh , good reader i very like your essay.
DeleteHowever , i have found some mistakes about " No matter if you have a talent or not" sentance .
:You use no matter in expressions such as 'no matter how' and 'no matter what' to say that something is true or happens in all circumstances.:
For example "No matter what your age, you can lose weight by following this program."
You see that after "no matter " we need to apply "how or what "
However , your first part of this sentance is correct or you can say " No matter what kind of talent you have " or "No matter how talented you are" .
Will be better if you write " No matter how talented you are , you need work on it."
If I could change music, film or art industries with my three wishes, I would have considered opinions of other people, so that everyone could be happy. However, this time I am going to be a bit selfish and make these wishes myself.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wish that music would be alive. I want music to choose the people with clear conscience, so that those people could summon music as easy as lifting their hands. They could make people happier with it and their lives would become more colorful. Nevertheless, if they do evil, do not redeem their mistakes or become guilty, music will leave them and they would become deaf for the rest of their lives.
Second, I wish that films would be other worlds. They would be open for people with brave hearts, so that those people could become any character of the film. The plot will change according to the choices they make and they could experience it real time. If they encounter any dangerous or unhappy event they could just return to their previous world, but the death in the world of films will be equivalent to death in real life.
Third, I wish that people with pure mind and broad imagination would get an ability to draw and make the paintings alive. Paintings would become real as time passes and artists, who have drawn them will have an ability to control those paintings. However, if those artists become evil hearted, an ability to make paintings alive will leave them and misfortunes would follow them.
(+) Dear, this is an excellent structure of an essay. I liked it very much, good job!
Delete(+) I have noticed that you write your essay with open heart and open mind. I could feel your soul at once as I started to read)
(!) I would have considered - sounds not good it should be like "I would like to consider"
(!) First - First of all or Firstly (better)
(!) I wish that films would be other worlds. - I wish that an every film would be an another world.
In my opinion, there are many people who have their own wishes, which is totally different from another people. I have my own wishes too, so I want to share with you about that.
ReplyDeleteThere are many wishes I have. I think that it will be a time, when the wishes come true. Furthermore, I have the wishes which are connect with the music and film industry. My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry, about how to make the good music, which the people like to listen many times and to take the information about statistics of which genre of songs which people like listen the most.
All my wishes are not end just on music industry. However, if I had a chance to try myself in the cinema, I would go and try to do my best. How I told, I want to make own film or to participate in that. That is my second wish, which I would like to realize.
The third of my wishes is to learn how to play the guitar. I started to learn basic level of playing the guitar last summer. However, I stopped to do that. I wish to continue learning how to play the guitar anew on the next summer.
That was my three wishes. However, that was more wishes which did not related to the music, film or art.
(+) I liked that you used words such as "film industry" and "basic level of playing"
Delete(+) good structure of the essay, however it would be better if you try to add some attracting details)
(!) their own wishes, which is totally different - their own wishes, which ARE totally different (because we are talking in the plural form)
(!) wishes too, so I want to share with you about that. - wishes too, so I want to share with you about THEM (because of "wishes")
(!) There are many wishes I have. - according to the sentence structure it should be like "I have a lot of various wishes."
(!) it will be a time, - it will be time (because we are not talking about several times, so in this case it is uncountable)
Good job at all, my dear friend!)
A majority of people in our grand world have their own wishes. Does not matter is it a big or just little wish, but it is a vital part of everybody’s life. Wishes can give our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these experiments will help to our future life.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them, I will wish about all of them. In my point of view, these three wishes are make our life better and more interesting!
If only one Kazakh music group can conquer other countries, not only Kazakhstan, they would celebrate our homeland!
I wish that our films will reach the top of that type of “film-making”. Our country’s competitive ability will rise, if our domestic films can improve the quality.
If only, our national types of art will be famous, it can develop a lot of kids and teenagers of KZ to all this arts.
I hope my wishes come true!
*Before and we do not use comma
Delete*or a film or An Art
*If only had
Good job!
Hello "BlackPink". By reading your essay, I can see that you are a patriot. All your wishes are about Kazakhstan. However, don't you think that it will be more interersting if not only people related to arts, music or films become happier? Anyways, thank you for your hard work!
DeleteThere are some mistakes I found:
1. 1 paragraph, 2 sentence. Do not start your sentence with Do, does or did. Only questions could be written like that. It will be better if you say: "It does not matter "if" it "is" a big or just "a" little wish"
2. 2 paragraph, 2 sentence. "These three wishes are make our life" - This three wishes make our life... . You do not need to add "are" here, because you use present simple form of verb.
3. About usage of conditionals. Your usage of them is normal. I did not find any unusual senteces with conditionals, though I think you did well.
4. 3 paragraph. I have not understood your sentence. Please try changing it. Make meaning clearer, so that readers would not be confused.
1) Does not matter is it a big or just little wish...--> It does not matter if it is a big or just little wish...
Delete2) If our domestic films can improve the quality.--> If our domestic films will improve the quality(I did not understand the quality of what?)
3) "If only" we can use merely with past verbs. Do not use "If only + will".
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DeleteHi, Young Jake! Thanks for your comment. In 2 advice, you ask me about the quality. I ment "the quality of film-making))
DeleteDear, Hames! In my point of view, we can use comma before "and", because it is FANBOY. Moreover, after "and" I used subject and verb. So, here, before "and" I can use comma)),
Deletealso I want to write about the 2nd comment. The tpic was like this "If I had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them..." I think, it is right! Thank you for your comments!)
3 wishes
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a dream.Someone want’s to fly to the space,one want’s to be very rich or meet a love of his life.Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes.
Firstly,I want to connect my career with Holywood.The majority of people likes to watch films at night together.However,I want to act in this film,so first wish is about becoming famous actor and get Osca award as a main actor of the film.
My second wish is about becoming famous singer.Nowadays,music is essential part of people`s life.If only I were famous singer,I would make my own clip,which will get billion views in YouTube.
My last wish is related to art.Certainl groups of people like ancient compositions,sculptures and pictures.If only I were renowned drawer,I would give my works to the famous exhibitions,that people who understand and likes art very much can see my compositions.
In conclusion,I am willing to tell you,that dreams can become true.Everything is in our own hands.Dreams motivate us to materialize them.
Hello, Toni Kross
Delete+you have 171 words
+you use conditionals
-pictures.If it is not correct. Please write like that: pictures. SPACE If
-Osca? OSCAR
+you have academic words (exhibitions)
-"want's" in 1st sentence is "wants"
Delete-get AN Oscar
-can COME true, because here you use "can", so it will be better if you use just "come" than "become"
Good job, Toni!!
Everybody have a dream including three wishes. People wishes money, sport cars or everybody know him. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of thing.
ReplyDeleteMy first wish related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most popular places. One of them the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the very popular wishes.
My second wish is music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see a super stars in music. It is one of the best dreams, for example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna.
My third wish is about art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will wish he painted me. Why, because I really wish to have a portrait.
In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true.
Hello, panda. I like your essay, especially beggining and some good words that you used as well. However, I found out one mistake, when you wrote:"People wishes money, sport cars or everybody know him.", which need to be "People wishes money, sport cars or that everybody to know him."
DeleteGood luck and remember that every your wish can become true!
*My first wish IS
Delete*to THE Hollywood
*without A - see super stars.
* I would ask him to write portrait.
In some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures, which can make their wishes true. The characters always wish around wealth or immortally and many more, but this stories want to show that greed is evil. However, image that you catch golden fish, jinn or other creatures, which can make your wish come true.
ReplyDeleteIf only I met them as well as have three wishes, first of all, I would know everything that was, be and will be, everywhere in the space. It simple to understand that humanity do not know majority of thing that was in past or will be in the future, but we want to do it. I am too. By this ability I am going to stop disasters in each time, save people by saying information to people, put us to next stage of development and many more. However, people will want to use my special powers in many other ways, where they need. It will break my life, but they will not find me because I will be always known what they want to do.
Second of all, I am willing to be able to do everything perfectly as well as like a million. By this I will be the most popular artist in whole world and bring this fame and fortune to Kazakhstan. Person who can do something like this the person will control communities mind and fillings.
Finally, I want to travel in films, music and other works of art. Then I will stay with artist who draw a picture or listen to live music of some musician. However, if artist can do his job you can travel everywhere relating to his work.
Good bye!
Hello, smart wood.
Delete+you have nice idea
+285 words
+you write with conditionals.
-which can make their wishes true. WISHES COME TRUE
-First wish is not related to our topic.
1.not "image"(a noun)----imagine(a verb);
DeleteIn my opinion you wrote an amazing essay. You really improve this writing task and wrote perfectly. keep doing like that))
-in some stories of A lot of cultures (it will be better if you use that, than "of lots of"/compare lots of and a lot of)
Delete-Characters always wish something about wealth...
-become immortal ("immortially" is adverb here)
-It is simple...
-a lot of things that was in past...
-if AN artist
Good Job!
Three wishes: music
ReplyDeleteMusic is everything for me. I cannot imagine my life without it because; it gives me energy, positive emotions. When I feel me tired, sad or happy I just listen to music. In my opinion, music can share my feelings. Moreover, for music I have some wishes.
My first wish- by using the talent which is the world, the nature gives to me- write my own song. It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not. I wish I would write my own song, since only like that I can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind. Sometimes I want to say about this to somebody, so that’s why I want write a song. I hope that I can find my audience, which will share with me all of this, that will help other people.
If only I met my favorite singers I would talk with them, tell about my plans, and suggest working together. It is my second wish. In my opinion benefits of singing with world of stars, not have. (I don’t finish)
1. "Moreover, for music I have some wishes."- "All of my three wishes were related to music".
Delete2. After because, you do not need ";".
3. "is the world, the nature gives to me" - world can not give you talent, in depends on you.
4. " It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not." - "It does not matter if it becomes popular or not". Pay attention to structure.
5. "I wish I would write my own song, since only like that " - change this part.
6. " I can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind"- "By this mucis, I will be able to share my emotions and soul with you".
7. "that’s"- that is why.
8. " so that’s why I want write a song"-" I want to write my own song".
9. "that I can find my audience" - "I will find".
10. "my audience, which will share with me all of this, that will help other people." - "My audience, who will support and help me.".
Finish your job and try to pblish as soon as it posiible.
In our world an Art enriches and decorates people`s lives. Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us! In that case, there will not be fascinating attractions, buildings and the architecture at all. Therefore, I decided to write 3 wishes related to the Art.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) Art pictures which might stay on the sides of the high buildings in our Taraz city. I consider that this wish could give a positive energy and an inspiration for the people, who have sad mood, or who feel lethargic and pathetic. One clear example is the New-York city`s buildings, which have the 3D advertisements. If only our city had this kind of modern advertisements people would feel fabulous about the environment.
Secondly, I would like to have a museum at home, which includes all gorgeous pictures of our time! I wish that from the bottom of my heart. If only I had this great museum at home I could get inspired from it every time. In addition, it will help me become more creative about my work and ideas. So, I wish that I will be accustomed to think globally or as says our teacher to think out of the box, or just no borders of my imagination!
Thirdly, I wish that a fascinating exhibition will open in the central park of our city. I consider that the majority of the people will show their willingness to create the exhibition in the nature. If only there was the wonderful exhibition of drawings, we could relax through many creations. To sum up, Art indicates our performance related to our world and indicates our self-expression.
dearfriend, I liked your essay! However, you have some mistakes:
Delete*decoretes people's LIFES
*AN architecture
*we don't say "I have sad mood". will be better if you write "Who fell sad"
*three dimensional (3D) pictures WITHOUT ART
*ARTwithout AN
Hello "_demiurge_". Your essay is very constructive and creative. Your ideas are good and you use many academic words. However, I think that you need not be too perceptive about details. You write many words and if the content is too "heavy" the words start to prick eyes of the reader. In short, do not be too serious when writing. Your essay is good and I am sure you could become better. Thank you for your hard work!
DeleteSome mistakes I found:
1. 1 paragraph, 1 sentence. You wrote "an Art". It does not sound correct because in this sentence "ART" is plural. Right version will be - "In our world Art enriches and decorates people`s lives."
2. 1 paragraph, 2 sentence. If you add "any" the grammar in your sentence will become better - "In that case, there will not be any fascinating attractions, buildings and the architecture at all."
3. Do not use "The" with plural forms of words - 1 paragraph, 3 sentence - "related to the Art", 2 paragraph, 1 sentence - "the high buildings", 2 paragraph, 3 sentence - "the 3D advertisements"
4. 3 paragraph. Museum at home? I understand your meaning, but it sounds funny:D. Also, in the last sentence you say "think globally" is equal to "think out of the box". However, the meaning of an expression "think out of the box" is "to think in an original or creative way".
5. Last paragraph, 3 sentence. "We could relax by looking at many creations of art and nature" - will be more correct because word "creations" could be used as "artificial creations" and "natural creations". First are made by people, while second are living things made by nature. Point out specifically your meaning if you talk about "creations".
6. Last paragraph, last sentence. Our performance related to our world??? Could you explain your meaning please...
If I had three wishes about: music, a film and an art. I would be choosing two of them it is a film and music. Because with this components you can relax and calm.
ReplyDeleteWhy I had chosen it?
Because, this thing is an indispensable part of my life, human life. The Music and the film has own special genre. For example, Music: jazz, metal, pop and etc. Film: action, thriller, horror, romantic, fantastic and etc.
Each person have own taste for music and film. The taste of a person can emphasize his character and lifestyle. If a person likes to listen music, he/she should have a mp3 player. I liked to listen music. Moreover, if I do homework, I will take headphones and play music. But, from a good movie, I would not have refused too. But of course this is just my opinion.
In my place, you would choose something different. I respect your choice.
In conclusion, I want to say that person special own and have own lifestyle. He/she can to listen music, to watch a film, draw arts.
1. First of all you were need to justify your choices. In your job, you just wrote about films. music and your routine.
Delete2. Second sentence. "they are film and music" instead of "it is a film and music.". Hope, that you will understand why.
3. Do not ask a questions in yur job, because it is an essay. "Why I had chosen it?". There are lot of expressions to explain.
4. Do not start your sentences with "Because"
5. In the middle of sentence you can not write with capital letters. If your word is a proper noun, for example Taraz, then the word should capitalized.
6. In academic writing, using "etc" is not good. Moreover, I am confused, that you wrote the genres. The assignment was about your three wishes.
7. "Each person" - "Everybody".
8. "Because with this components you can relax and calm." - you need to change this sentence.
9. Again. Do not start your sentences with "But". Also, you used it two more times, which is not professional.
10. "In conclusion, I want to say that person special own and have own lifestyle.". I think, conclusion should be related to task.
11. I could not understand the end of your job and recomend you to be careful.
At all, your job is not bad, however you still need to improve it. Futhermore, before starting any job, please, carefully read the instructions, because your job is a little bit far away from task.
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DeleteDuring our childhood our parents usually read us exciting fairytales and I am sure that everybody knows the history of fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin. As any child I also wanted to have my own three wishes, and now I am willing to share my experience with you all. I would like to tell you how my childhood dream came true.
ReplyDeleteFew days ago I went to walk with my family, and my Mum asked me to buy a box of orange juice and a bar of chocolate. While I was going to the nearest shop, I met an old man. He was all in black and there was a mysterious smile on his face. At first, I thought that he just wanted to ask something. However he quickly asked me «Dear, please make a choice – a film, music or an art? » At this moment, I was in headphones and without thinking, I replied «Music! » After this short dialogue, he offered me three wishes. It looks impossible, fortunately it was real.
Usually, I listen to Mozart’s masterpieces and I always want to meet him. Every time, I imagine our meeting. If only I met him I would say him thank you and hold master’s hands. This was my first wish.
Second wish was to give a chance for people who cannot hear or listen. In our world, there are lots of people without chances as we have and who wanted to hear any sound or any melody. Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate their opportunities and are always dissatisfied. I wish every blind person can see and every deaf person can hear.
Third wish was to visit concerts of all my favorite groups and singers. This is one of my big dreams. If only I made a world tour I would take a photo and become acquainted with each of them.
These were my three wishes. I will always remember this unforgettable adventure.
Your essay is really interesting. However I have found some mistakes:
Delete- “…read for us…” instead of “…read us…”
- “…I always wanted to…” instead of “…I want to…”
That’s all. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job!) Your essay is very interesting and distinctive. Correct usage of "If only...". Good structure, you used linking words, and also academic words.) It would be very good if yo fix some minor mistakes:
1)"During everybody's childhood their parents..." seems more correct.
2)"the history of fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin." It would be correctly to write :" The Fairy Tale of Fisherman and Fish" or Aladdin's lamp.
3)"share my experience with you all. " you should write :"share my experience with all of you. "
4)"I went to walk with my family, " you should write :"I walked with my family, "
5)"was all in black and ..." correctly to write :"was all in black wears and..."
6)"any sound or any melody. " --> "any sound or melody."
If somebody came to me and said “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not know why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It make me feel better every time .
ReplyDeleteWhy I would like to choose music? Music is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us to find ourselves.
If I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actor’s talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film.
In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music .
Thank you!