Dear inspirational
writers,
I believe you have been enjoying writing on our
blog. Our next task is to be written in 150 words. In your writing use Conditional
sentences (If only/I wish). Your aim is to communicate your message to the
reader as clearly as possible. I will look forward to reading your essays.
Mrs. Nagima
Every people have dream about a three wishes. People wish money, sport cars or everybody know him. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of thing.
ReplyDeleteMy first wish near films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most popular places. One of them walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of them. In my opinion it is very popular wish.
My second wish roughly music. I do not listen to music lots of time, but I wish that see a super stars in music. It is one of the best dreams, for example team “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna.
My third wish about art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci alive, I will wish he painted me. Why?, because I really wish to have a portert.
In conclusion I will say dreams ot wishes come true.
ho-ho) I liked your creativity and 3 wishes related to 3 aspeects of the topic very much. It is captivating to read your wishes, and at the several times it was funny!)
DeleteHowever, you need to change these places (I notised a looot of simple mistakes of the simple panda). Just think about it, and then I will get home, I will write a detailed comment.See you later, hear!
-
1.Not "every people"- will be "everybody".
Delete2.Have "A" dream.
3. Instead of "about three wishes" use the expression "including".
4. People wisheS, Present simple.
5. "everybody know him" will be "become famous or superstar".
6. "I will wish lots og thingS"-plural form.
7. My first wish IS REALATED TO THE films and music.
Try to make only one choice and explain why.
8. Reader may not understand this sentence : I wish that a take a photo with all of them.", because you do not write with whom.
9. "In my opinion it is very popular wish." - It is one of the most popular wishes.
10."I do not listen to music lots of time"-I do not listen to music A LOT.
11. "It is one of the best dreams"- It is one of the BIGGEST or DESIRABLE dreams.
12. Imagine Dragons is a not team, it is a group. Team can be football.
I will continue later.
```1. My second wish roughly music. - My second wish IS AN roughly music.
Delete```2. My third wish about art. - My third wish IS about an Art.
```3. If Leonardo Da Vinci alive, - If Leonardo Da Vinci WAS alive, (because we are talking about already died person in the past)
```4. It is good that you have used 4 sentences related to 2nd conditional, but you need to review the structure of that because we face some grammar issues in the sentences.
```5. I am happy with your number of words, exactly 157 words! good jib my dear friend)
```6. a portert. - a portrait
```7. dreams ot wishes - dreams or wishes
```5.
Hello , simple panda.
DeleteI woul like to say that Imagine Dragons is not team, ID is rock- group.
sorry , I would like
DeleteIf somebody came to me and say “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It make me feel better every time .
ReplyDeleteWhy I would like to choose music? Music is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us find ourselves.
If only I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actors talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film.
In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music .
Thank you!
Dear, fatcatdog!
Delete-If somebody came to me and say...(I think, you want to write "said", but not "say", because you use past tense here "came", so all your sentence want to be in past tense.
-I do not KNOW why(you left the word)
-music helps us TO find ourselves
-any actor's talent
Also, I want to say that it will be better if you won't use guestions in essay) Moreover, you can use other words, than use it second time!
Good job!
dear, I have noticed that your difference is that you chose the one item from the following topic , and this aspect makes your essay assembled and concentrated on one specific topic. Therefore, your essay considers wonderful significanсe of music in our lives. However , please, pay attention to:
Delete```1. listen to music - listening to the music
```2. It make me - It makeS me
```3. to choose music? - to choose the music?
```4. Music serves - YThe Music serves
```5. celebration and worship - a celebration and a worship
To sum up, you need to work with putting of the articles. I learned from you a very positive phrase like "paramount part".
Moreover, you need to understand that "If only" and "I wish " are 2 different structures. However, you are using both of them like one structure at the beginning. For example, "If only I wish music I would write a lot of songs " . Think about it, please, thanks to your essay~!
Thank you _demiurge_ for your comment , i hope that it will help me.
Deletehowever , i want to say that i have wrote about music in general, so i did not use an articles.
Dear Fatcatdog,
DeleteI read and understood your central message. Your explanations were brief and to the point. However, the reading was difficult because you did not pay sufficient attention to tiny errors as you wrote. Your punctuation needs to be re-examined carefully. Your arguments needs to stay within the task. The part about why you did not select other wishes is for a different essay. The sentence that starts with 'Although' should start with 'moreover'. Work on your grammar rules step by step so that your sentences are made more clear as you write.
Three wishes: music
ReplyDeleteMusic is my all. I cannot image my life without this, because, it gives to me energy, emotions, happiness. When I feel me tired, sad or happy I just listen to music. In my opinion, music can share my feelings. Moreover, for music I have some wishes.
My first wish- by using the talent which is the world, the nature gives to me- write my own song. It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not. I wish I would write a song. I would write my own song, because, only like that I can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind. Sometimes I want say about this to somebody, so that’s why I want write a song. I hope that I can find my audience, which will share with me all of this, that will help to other people.
If only I met my favorite singers I would talk with them, tell about my plans, and suggest to work together. It is my second wish. In my opinion benefits of singing with world of stars, not have. ( I dont finish)
I wish you that you will write own song and become star.Your essay about wish is interesting.But in the essay you can not use shortest word like dont~do not.
Delete* It is good that you used If only and I wish for 1 time
Delete** also number of words is excellent, more than 150
*** Now let`s look at:
- I cannot - I can not
- image my life - imagine my life
- this, because - before because we do not put comma, it is not a funboy
- it gives to me energy - it gives me an energy
- I feel me tired - I feel myself tired
- music can - the music can (work with your articles)
- so that’s why - you can change this word with THEREFORE it is more academic word for your level
good job, I liked the style of your writing. I could know right away that your essay was written with opened heart and opened mind!
3 wishes
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a dream.Someone want’s to fly to the space,somebody want’s to be very reach or meet love of his life.Now,I would like to tell you,if I had 3 wishes,what I would like to do.
Firstly,I want to connect my career with Holywood.The majority of people likes to watch films at night together.However,I want to act in this film,so 1 wish is abot becoming famous actor and get Oscar as a main actor of the film.
My second wish is about becoming famous singer.Nowadays,music is essesntial part of people life.If only I were famous singer,I would make my own clip,which will get billion views in YouTube.
My last wish is connected with Art.Speclial groups of people like ancient compositions,sculptures and pictures.If only I were renowned drawer,I would give my works to the famous exhibitions,that people who understand and likes art very much can see my compositions.
In conclusion,I want to tell you,that dreams can become true.Everything is in our own hands.Dreams motivate us to materialize them.
Dear Toni Kross thank you for your essay, it was nice to read it. Also I want to tell you about your mistakes:
Delete1. "Someone want’s..."--correct version---"Someone wantS..." {x2};
2. "..to be very reach.."---c.v---".. to be very RICH"-if you talk about person who ha a lots of money;
3. "people likes.."---c.v---"people like". Without "S", because word people answer to question "who? They are";
4. "..abot becoming famous actor/singer.."---c.v.---"..aboUt becoming A famous actor/singer";
5. "...If only I were renowned drawer,I would..", here you do not put comma, after "If only";
Thank tyou for paying attention.
Hello,Toni Kross!
DeleteI would like to say that your essay is of a high standard.
You have applied (If only/wish ) .
I have found out tiny mistakes :
1) reach - RICH
2) essesntial - ESSENTIAL
Good luck!
* meet love of his life - meet a love of his life
Delete** Now,I would like to tell you,if I had 3 wishes,what I would like to do. (SOUNDS not good) - Now,I would like to tell you what I will do if I had 3 wishes.(more better)
*** so 1 wish is abot becoming famous actor - so 1 wish is to become famous actor
**** and get Oscar as a main actor - and get the Oscar award as a main actor
***** I liked your natural using of the Of only senrence very much, very good one! However, it would be better If at the next time you add 2-3 more sentences with I wish/If only )
Thanks for your eassay my dear friend!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA majority of people in our big world have their own wishes. No matter is it a big or just little wish, but it is a vital part of everybody’s life. Wishes can give to our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these experiments will help to our next life, future.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them, I will wish about all of them. In my point of view, these three wishes are make our life better and more interesting!
If only one Kazakh music group can conquer other countries, not only Kazakhstan, they would celebrate our homeland!
I wish that our films will reach the top of that type of “film-making”.
If only,our national types of art will be famous, it can develop a lot of kids and teenagers of KZ to all this arts.
I hope my wishes come true!
*1.big world - grand world
Delete*2. No matter is it a - Does not matter is it a ( we use does because we are talking about it=world)
*3. give to our life - give our life (remember that as rule says after the verb "give" we never and ever use any preposition = it means no preposition after "give". Just give me a book, give us a bag)
*4. help to our next life, future.(the expression next life - seems strange and we need to take it to consideration that future can not be our next life. Our life contains from that future,past and present) - help to our future life.
If I had a three wishes about: music, film and an art. I will be choosing two of them it is a film and music. Because with this components you can relax and calm .
ReplyDeleteWhy I had chosen it?
Because, this thing is indispensable part of my life, human life. Music and film had own special genre. For example, Music: jazz, metal, pop and etc. Film: action, thriller, horror, romantic, fantastic and etc.
Every person have own taste for music and film. The taste of a person can emphasize his character and lifestyle. If person liked to listen music, he should have a mp3 player. I liked to listen music. Moreover If I do homework, I will play music. But, from a good movie, I would not have refused too.
In conclusion, I want to say that person special own and have own lifestyle. He can listen music, watch film, draw arts.
Not finished
Delete*1. a three wishes - three wishes
Delete*2. about: music, film and an art. - about a music, a film and an Art.
*3. is indispensable part - is AN indispensable part
*4. Music and film - The Music and the film (work on the articles)
1) *I would be choose...*
Delete2) *this things are...* if you wrote about music and films at all.
3)*Music and film has own special genre*
4) *Each person has their own taste for music and film*
5) *If a person likes...*
During our childhood our parents usually read us exciting fairytales and I am sure that everybody knows the history of fisher, golden fish and three wishes. As every child I also wanted to have my own three wishes, and now I want to save with you my experience and realizing of my childhood dream.
ReplyDeleteFew days ago I went to walk with my family, and my Mum asked me to buy an orange juice and chocolate bar. While I went to the nearest shop, I met old man all in black with mysterious smile. At first, I thought that he just want to ask something. However he quickly asked me “Dear, please make a choice – a film, music or an art?” . At this moment, I was in headphones and without thinking, I replied “Music!” . After this short dialogue, he offered me three wishes. It looks impossible, fortunately it was real.
Usually, I listen to Mozart’s masterpieces and I always want to meet him. Every time, I imagine our meeting. If only I met him I would say him thank you and hold master’s hands. This was my first wish.
Second wish was to give a chance for people who cannot hear or listen. In the world, there are lots of people without chances as we have and who very wanted to hear any sound or any melody. Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate their opportunities and always dissatisfied. I wish every blind person can see and every deaf person can hear.
Third wish was to visit concerts of all my favorite groups and singers. This is one of my big dreams. If only I made a world tour I would take a photo and become acquainted with each of them.
This were my three wishes. I will never gorget this adventure.
Dear, Freya! Your essay was written with imagination and fantasy, I liked it. However, you have some minor mistakes, such as:
Delete*”As any child” instead of “as every child” it is more correct
* Now I want to SHARE with you my experience and realizED my childhood dream. Moreover, it will be clear if you write it such as new sentence
* “A box of orange juice”, because juice is uncountable
*While I was go to the nearest shop” instead of “While I went to the nearest shop”
*We don’t need VERY in “who very wanted to hear”
*”THESE WERE” instead of “This were”
If somebody came to me and say “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It make me feel better every time .
ReplyDeleteWhy I would like to choose music? Music is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us find ourselves.
If only I wished music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actors talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film.
In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music .
Thank you!
Hello, fatcatdog. I read your essay which hasgood struccher and vacaubulary. However, some times you translate some expressions wrong from your language. Moreover, you need to use conditions. Good bye!
DeleteHi dear Hames!
ReplyDeleteYou sad us why did you chose them,but you didn't tell us your wishes(It was main task),so it was strange.In the beginning of the essay,you divided one sentence into 2,it musted to be one sentence.
But your arguments why did you choose them was good.
In our world an Art enriches and decorates people`s lives. Just imagine what it would be without the components of the Art, which are rounded around us! In that case, there will not be fascinating attractions, buildings and the architecture at all. Therefore, I decided to write 3 wishes related to the Art.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to wish 3D Art pictures which might stay on the sides of the high buildings in our Taraz city. I consider that this wish could give an energy and an inspiration for the people,who have sad mood , or who feel lethargic and pathetic . One clear example is the New-York city`s buildings, which have the 3D advertisements. If only our city had this kind of modern advertisements people would feel fabulous about the environment.
Secondly, I would like to have a museum at home, which includes all gorgerous pictures of our time! I wish that from the bottom of my heart. If only I had these great museum at home every time I could inspire from them. In addition , It will help me to become more cretive about my work and ideas. So, I wish that I will be addapted to think globaly or as says our teacher to think out of the box, or just no borders of my imagination!
To be continued…
I think that your essay is of a high level. Continue write like that. However, it seems to me that there is a mistake in the following sentense:
DeleteIf only I had these great museum at home every time I could inspire from them. -> If only I had these great museum at home, I could get inspired by them every time.
1) In my opinion it will be better to write "these great museumS" or to write "THIS great museum", because using "these" means plural.
Delete2) "gorgeous" instead of "gorgerous".
3) "I will be accustomed to think globally"
Hello, chocolate__! Your essay is very well.
Delete+ you used "if only"
+your essay is over 150 words.
However, you have some mistakes:
1) " which are rounded around us!" It would correctlyto write:" which are around us!".
2)creAtive.
3)adapted.
Although, the essay is not finished, it feels like you have perspective thinking. You used a lot of academic words, that is excellent) I really like your essay. Keep working!)
Hello ma dear!
Delete1)You can don't use "the components of the " , and just write "without Art"
2) Instead of 3D in academic writing the following expresion is used : three dimensional
3)Help + infinitive without to
DeleteIn some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures, which can make their wishes true. The characters always wish around wealth or immortally and many more, but this stories want to show that greed is evil. However, what you will do if you catch golden fish, jin or other creatures, who can make your wish come true?
ReplyDeleteIf only I met them as well as have three wishes, first of all, I would know everything that was, be and will be, everywhere in the space. It simple to understand that humanity do not know majority of thing that was in past or will be in the future, but we want to do it. I am too. By this ability I going to stop disasters in each time, save people by saying information to people, put us to next stage of development and many more. However, people will want to use my special powers in many other ways, where they need. It will break my life, but they will not find me because I will be always know what they want to do.
Your essay is fascinating. I like it but you needed to write about Art, music or films. You used the second conditional in correct way. By the way do not use questions in your essays.
DeleteI going to stop disasters -> I am going to stop disasters
Dear, Black pink you write a good essay and you not think about yourself, your think about all Kazakhstan.
Delete+ You write without any mistake
+ You write 163 words
+ You use If only, wish that and 2nd conditional
-You not use 1st conditional
-Some words repeted 2-3 times. For example, wish please write desire or want
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about films, what wishes would they be?
ReplyDeleteWell, first of all I would change endings I do not like. It would be fantastic! Can you only imagine if the films end like as you want? Brilliant! I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is fascinating. For example, you can make two of your favorite characters start dating and other unique things. My second wish would be to take part during the writing a plot and while filming the movie itself. I think it would be an interesting experience for me. Moreover, I am interested in the filming industry, so participate in the making of movie would give me a chance to meet the famous actors and actresses. The last wish would be about making my own film. It would help not only to earn money but spend my time with a pleasure.
I wish I would have more wishes, but this is impossible…
Good day Hopefull Girl! I read your essay and it looks like you were filled with much enthusiasm when writing it. It was interesting to know about your desicions. Thank you for your hard work!
DeleteBelow are some grammar mistakes I found in your essay:
7th sentence. "take part during the writing a plot" - sounds incorrect. Add "of" - "take part during the writing of a plot"
9th sentence. "so participate in the making of movie" - You can say "so my participation in the creation of a movie"
According to the success criteria you must write your essay with the usage of conditionals. However, your essay does not have many of them. Next time be more carefull when writing and always remember the success criteria, so that your essay could help you achieve the lesson objectives.
♥Everyone wants that his wishes become true. Let’s think, what I would to request, if I had wishes about films, art and music. If only, my wishes become true, they will look like this.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a chance to wish everything what I want. First thing will be about one of my favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s, therefore I want to see cast of this film. And become acquainted with Audrey Hepburn.
Second thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless”. This film was made in 1995, it about 90’s slang “as if”. If only I have three wishes, I will request to take part in filming of this movie. Maybe become main character of this film.
Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”. In my mind Linkin Park is one of the best groups. Furthermore, a person who was at their concert is lucky person.
XOXO♥
Hello my dear.
DeleteThis is some mistaces.
1) Put second (“) after (“Breakfast at Tiffany’s).
2) Don`t use "therefore" in the middle of sentence .
3) Don`t start sentence with "and" . You must use linking words.
4) Use comma after "Second".
5) Don`t use "s" after "group".
6) In this " Maybe become main character of this film." sentence we haven`t got subject.
If only I had 3 wishes, it would change my life. It is only in books and films. And now I have a chance, even though it is just writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are material. Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or blog, it is 50% of success. According to Will Smith, never stop dreaming! You must to dream, to write it in anywhere, and act immediately! I have 3 wishes in music, movies, and Art industries.
ReplyDeleteI really want to play on a guitar and piano. If I play on a guitar and piano like professional, I will be happy, because I enjoy listening to music. I can produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones.
My second wish is related to movie. I really want to be a famous and talented actor in Hollywood. If only this wish was reality, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. For example, Avengers: Infinity War, Never back down and others.
You know that Art in our country is not develop as well as . I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention on rules of art, not in creativity. I would like to change it!)
Dear, the hero of our world! your grammar is good, but here my suggestions about your essay:
Delete*If only this wish came true, I would play in all famous movies with my favourite actors" instead of "If only this wish was reality, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor.", because the formule is if only+subj+past simhle, subj+would+infinitive
{2 conditional}
* You have more than 200 words in you essay, well.
You use conditionals and If only/ I wish correct,so that I hope that you use that in future
Hello "The Hero of Our World", I like your optimism! Your guess that wtiting wishes would bring a 50 percent of success is very positive. Furthermore, the fact that you believe in wishes showes that not all people became numb to this kind of thing. I like to dream and like other people dreaming. Dream world is the best!
Delete123:...
Lets return to your essay. It has some mistakes:
1. Firstly, I want to tell you about "If only/I wish"
Usually, it is used alone. For example, If only I had 3 wishes or I wish I could buy a computer. In my opinion, it is not completely incorrect to use "If only/I wish" in a complex sentence. However, when you use it pay attention to the tense.
"If only I had 3 wishes, it would change my life. " - If only I had 3 wishes, it would have changed my life.
2. Pay attention to the general grammar, there are a lot of mistakes.
-For example, you start to talk about 3 wishes and then suddenly switch your topic to "books and films" (2 sentence).
-Also, I do not recommend you to start your sentence with "AND".
-About , "it is 50% of success." in 1 paragraph, 4 sentence. It does not sound right. "Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or "a" blog, "there is a 50% chance that your dreams will come true"."
- "You must to dream, to write it in anywhere, and act immediately!" - "You must dream, write about your dreams and act according to what you wrote!" Do not use "to+Verb" after "MUST".
- "I can produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones." - Because you want to talk about possible "future" you use "could" - I could.
- "My second wish is related to movie." - to movies or film industry.
-You know that Art in our country is not develop as well as . I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention on rules of art, not in creativity. I would like to change it!)
1) As well as is unneccecary - it would be "not developed well" or it could be "You know that Art in our country is not developed as well as in other countries."
2)"not in creativity" - when use "PAY ATTENTION" we say "pay attention to smth", so it would be: "not to creativity"
3. As for CONDITIONALS, there are some in your essay, but another person had already mentioned them, so I would not say anything.
In the end, the only thing I could say is WORK HARD, DO YOUR BEST and THANK YOU FOR YOUR HARD WORK!
Everybody have thought about their three wishes related to something, but have you ever thought about your wishes related to music or film or art?
ReplyDeleteMy hobby is listening to music, so in one day I want to become a rock star. This wish has very good advantages like to be famous or meet your favorite singer or group. Moreover, it is not only a wish. This is also my little dream.
What about films? In my opinion, every person did not like the ending of at least one film or series. So, sometimes I want to change the ending of films like “Bridge to Terabithia”, “Before meeting you” and other. Moreover, I want some characters to be together, which are still not together.
As a conclusion, we can dream anything we want or then these are only plans for tomorrow.
Delete1) I have not find conditionals in your essay. Consequently, there are not interesting usage here.
2) There are one hundred forty one words in your essay. It is nine word you need to write to achive the criteria.
You just need to continue your essay, it is good start.
If I had a chance on determining the changes in music, film or art industries, I would have tried to get as much opinions about the changes as I can from other people and consider them in making my wishes, so that everyone could be happy. However, this time I am going to be a bit selfish and make these wishes myself.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wish that music would be alive. I want music to choose the people with clear conscience, so that those people could wield music as their own limbs. They could make people happier with it and their lives would become more colorful. Nevertheless, if they do much evil, do not redeem their mistakes or become guilty music will leave them and they would not hear anything from then on.
Second, I wish that films would be other worlds. They would open for people with brave hearts, so that they could take any role in the film. The plot will change according to the choices they make and they could experience it real time. If they encounter any dangerous or unhappy event they could just return to their previous world, but the death in the world of films will be equivalent to death in real life.
Third, I wish that people with pure mind and broad imagination would get an ability to draw and make the paintings alive, but if tthey use it to harm others the ability will disappear and they would get punished.
1. "...if tthey use it to harm..." - the only mistake I found
Delete2. You wrote more than 150 words
3. Used If only/I wish
4. Used Conditionals in your writing. However, it will be better if you add more that First Conditional sentences in your essay
I wish I would write essays like you do. Great job!
If you had three wishes about the following: music or film or art or pair of these or all of them, what wishes would you make and why?
ReplyDeleteMore people have got wishes. I have got, too. My wishes can`t be indispensible with film, because now we can see more good film with different genre. For example my favorite genre: comedy.
I want meet with my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, because film with him was unreal comical. I will be talking with him how he creates this good career in to film. Start create film where a take cats.
♥
DeleteMarshal Lee, you wrote good essay. However you have mistakes. Such as:
•You did not finish your essay. You wrote only 100 words, and only one wish. However you should write 150 words and use first and second conditionals.
•"I want meet with my favorite actor" it will be better, if you will write like "I want to meet my favorite actor".
•I did not saw first and second conditional.
•Moreover, you have not identify sentences, which contain if only or I wish.
I think that, your essay is interesting. However, you should finish your essay and use conditional.
XOXO, •everybody loves me•
♥
There are many wishes I have. I think that it will be a time, when the wishes come true. Furthermore, I have the wishes which are connect with the music and film industry. For example: I want to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry, about how to make the good music, which the people like to listen many times and to take the information about statistics of which genre of songs more people like to listen.
ReplyDeleteAll my wishes are not end just on music industry. However If I had a chance to try myself in the cinema, I would go and try to do my best. How I told, I want to make own film or to participate in that.
The number of words in your essay is 126. So you needed to write more sentences.
DeleteYou used conditional clauses correctly which is good. However, I think you could use this structures more.
(We put a comma after linking words such as HOWEVER, MOREOVER. Sorry, but I did not understand what is your wish number 1,2 and 3.)
Hello, Young Jake. I liked your essay, but you have some tiny mistakes:
Delete1.connect to the music...
2.songs people like to listen the most
Wish you good luck)
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also creativity, imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter if you have a talent or not, you can develop it. Furthermore, I like draw sometimes and enjoy with this process.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART.
The second wish is knowledge of future ART.
I really like your essay, even though you have not finished it.
DeleteVery well introduction) You started with yours taste, and write about your wishes.
I would like to say that you can learn a lot about famous artists' works of Art in Internet, museums. You should write "If I knew them, I would learn about their tastes, thoughts and philosophy.
I would like to say that you achieve goals:
1) You used Conditionals.(if only/I wish,1 and 2 conditional).+
2)You write 97 words. You should write at least 150 words.-
3)" No matter if you have a talent or not, you can develop it." It is very interesting usage of 1 conditional. I learnt that modal verb "can" means future, so that it is 1 conditional, not zero conditional.
Moreover, I learnt about "I wish..." by looking on your sentence." First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo."+
So that, I really like your essay!)
Your essay is good, even if you did not finish it. I found some mistakes in your writing:
Delete1. No matter do you have a talent...
2. I like to draw\drawing ...
The majority of us would to make wishes when we watched a cartoon “Aladin”. The same situation happened with me. It was a few years ago. However, I think about my three wishes sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes, it would be about following music. My first wish is to have a musical education. If only I had this education, it would be easier to me to play on various types of musical instruments. The second wish is to write my own song which is included the lyrics and music that are created by me. The last one is to meet my favorite singers. Their stories are my motivation. So I want to meet them in real life.
Dear, Margo. I liked, that you had to use first conditional in your essay. However, it would better if you will write more words in your essay and use second conditional. Also, you needed to write “Aladdin” with two “d” instead of “Aladin” with only one. You made a good job, so, I am waiting for your improved essay. XOXO
DeleteEvery people have their own wishes. If I had to choose one of these wishes, I would make all of these wishes. All of them music, film and art are based on creation. So, would choose all of them.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, if I were a singer, I would be very famous. If you famous, everybody wants come to your concert and you will be rich. If you have enough money, you can contribute other people’s wishes also. Everything would be change, If I had an afford to do it.
Secondly, I would make decision to be a film director also, if I studied this profession. I would make qualitative films about our rich traditions. So, If I were an director, many people would familiarize who was Kazakh people indeed.
Thirdly, if I lived in the century when Leonardo Da Vinci lived, I would be an artist. If I had a chance to meet him I would learn many tricks of drawing from him. I would create a mutual painting.
Hello, BeautifulLife. I liked your essay. However you have some mistakes:
Delete1. Every person has his own...
2. If you are famous...
3. Everything would be changed...
4. So, if I were a director...
5. ...who were Kazakh...
Hope you will become better
Everyone has wishes but most people want to be rich in them to realize their desire helps their professions. If I had three wishes I was singer I I would open my own school and dance and vocals.
ReplyDeleteMy Second wish if I was director I would cinema film about Mohamed then I would have recognized his life more and more. Another reason why I choose a movie I was actress if I would play in the film James Bond. I do like action films. All these professions help to be beautiful always and everywhere. Famous actors and singers are always watching themselves and doing sports.
Good afternoon, Beautiful Moon. I have some advice for you to improove your wrighting
Delete1. Your first sentence a bit unclear to understand. Maybe you wanted to say: "...their desire will help their future professions." or something like this. Be carefull while writing, so that a reader can understand you.
2. "...I would open my own dance and vocal school" or "...I would open my own school related to dancing and singing"
3. "My second wish is..."
4. "I would cinema film about Mohamed" sounds incorrect. You need to use another verb over there. For example: "I would make a movie about Mohamed"
5. "Another reason why I chose a movie is if I was an actress I would play in the film with James Bond" is a correct one
Hope my advice will help you
writing*
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYou have so many grammatical mistakes.
DeleteThe structure of the second conditional is if + subject + past simple, + subject + would + infinitive. Use only one tense in your essay.
My Second wish if I was director I would cinema film about Mohamed then I would have recognized his life more and more -> My second wish is to become a film director. Or If I were a film director, I would make a movie about Mohamed.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleterewrite you essay
DeleteIf somebody came to me and said “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not know why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It make me feel better every time .
ReplyDeleteWhy I would like to choose music? Music is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us to find ourselves.
If I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actor’s talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film.
In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music .
Thank you!