Task 3. Version 3. If you had three wishes about the following: music or film or Art or pair of these or all of them, what wishes would you make and why?
Everybody has thought about their three wishes related to something, but not everyone has thought about his wishes related to music or film or art. If only my wishes become true I would have desires like this.
My hobby is listening to music. So, firstly, in one day I want to become a rock star. This wish has very good advantages, because, I would meet my favorite singer or group if only I were a rocker. Moreover, it is not only a wish. This is also my little dream.
Secondly, I have wishes about films too. In my opinion, every person did not like the ending of at least one film or series. So, sometimes I want to change the ending of films like “Bridge to Terabithia”, “Before meeting you” and others. Moreover, I want some characters to be together, which are still not together. I wish I had been a producer or act on my favorite films to experience the feeling of the main characters.
Thirdly, we all know about the most famous artist in our world, like Leonardo Da Vinci, Van Gogh and others. So, sometimes I want to be one of the best artists like them, because in my free time I like to draw some nice sketches.
As a conclusion, we can dream about anything we want or then these are only plans for tomorrow.
I like your job and creative wishes, because they are unusual and I have the same opinion. Wish your desires become true.
1.In my opinion, it will be better to use comma in this sentence after the "music" "related to music or film or art.". 2.Better to use "everybody" or "the majority of us did not like - - -" instead of "every person did not like". 3. "I want some characters to be together, which are still not together."- use change the word "together" with synonym, because in one sentence you used it two times. 4. One more time, try tu use one word nomore than one time. You used the expression "So, sometimes" and the word "like" very often. You can use "as" instead of "like" and may find a lot of synonyms for the word "so" and "sometimes".
HEllo , HANNAH 21! Your essay is a of a high standard, however you some moments. 1)If only my wishes become true I would have desires like this. " a) Structure of "IF I wish/Only" is "if only + past verb forms to talk about a wish for the present:" So you wrote verb "become " in the first form , however we need to use verb in the second form. Probably your essay would be correct ,if you applied this "If only my wishes became true I would have desires like this. " sentance.
Hi dear Hannah ! Your essay was very sincere.I think that many people have a same dreams with you.There some mistackes: *Rockstar writes together. *It could be better if you do not use the same words twice in one sentence.In those sentence instead of being together you need to use being a pare.
If only I had 3 wishes, it would have changed my life. The chance of having 3 wishes is only in fairy tales and films. Now I have a chance, even though it is just a writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are materialize. I have 3 wishes in music, movies, and Art industries.
I really want to play the guitar and piano. If I play the guitar and piano like professional, I will be happy, because I enjoy listening to music. I could produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones.
My second wish is related to film industry. I am willing to be a famous and talented actor in Hollywood. If only this wish became true, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. For example, Avengers: Infinity War, Never back down and others.
You know that Art in our country is not developed as well as in other countries. I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention to rules of art, not to creativity. I would like to change it! Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or blog, there is a 50% chance that your dreams will come true. According to Will Smith, never stop dreaming! You must dream, write it in anywhere, and act immediately!
Hey, ♦The Hero of our world♦ I liked your essay. Moreover, in youe essay you used confident words. In my mind, it is really good. However, you have some mistakes. Such as: •"If only this wish became true,..." "If only this wish had became true,..." •I think, that you should write more information about your third wish, since I did not undestood it. However, it is only my opinion. •"if you write your own dreams..." instant of " if you write own dreams..." it sounds better. It is all your mistakes. I liked your essay, good job! XOXO♥
If only this wish became true, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. -> If only this wish came true, I would star in all... write it in anywhere -> write it anywhere
You wrote very good essay. I really like it as well as adree with you. However in English try to write short sentenses. I mean, you need to stop writing very large sentenses because you can make mistakes. Try to use linking words. For example,"Now I have a chance, even though it is just a writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are materialize." there wou need to use "However" or another linking word, but be careful with synonims. Good luck!
I enjoyed reading your essay, I won't repeat what others have advised.
You need to remember the usage of articles a, an, the - some articles are missing or misused in your story. it is just a writing - it should be it is just in writing.
If only I had three wishes about films, what wishes would they be? Well, first of all I would like to get more wishes, but if I have to play by the rules I would make only the biggest desires I ever had. Let me think…
I would change endings I do not like. It would be fantastic! Can you only imagine if the films end like as you want? Brilliant! I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is enthralling. If I had an opportunity to remake few scenes, I would redo them, believe me. For example, you can make two of your favorite characters start dating and other unique things.
My second wish would be to participate in the writing the scenario of the film and filming the movie as well. If I were given an opportunity to choose, I would pick the “The Maze Runner” movie, because it is one of my favorite flicks. In my opinion, it would be a fascinating experience for me. Moreover, the idea of learning something about the filming industry appeals to me, so my participation in the creation of a movie would give me a chance to meet the famous actors and actresses. If I work hard, I will achieve a lot.
In addition to, I am willing to make my own film. It would help me not only to earn money but spend my time with a pleasure. If I were a producer, I would be making many different movies.
I wish I would have more wishes, but this is impossible… However it does not make me feel upset, because I know people do not need magic to achieve their desires.
Hello, Hopefull Girl. Your essay one of the best in my opinion. +298 words +lots of academic words (enthralling, appeals) +very good grammer and sentences structure
Dear Hopefull Girl, I like your essay and thank you; 1. Try to to use word "well" in your essay, it is kind of not academic; 2. "I would change endings I do not like"---" I would change THE endings THAT/WHICH are I do not like"--I think like that meaning is would be more correct; 3.After "in my opinion" we need to put a comma; 4."...because it is one of my favorite flicks.."---"...because it is one of THE my favorite flicks.."; 5. After "however" we should take a comma;
I like your essay, spacially I like that you have a struckture as well as you to divide into paragraphs. However you need to use some academic expressions and words, so I am willing to show you this link http://www.thesaurus.com/ which helled me as well as I hope going to help you. Good luck!
1)First of all do not ask questoin in essay. 2)In academic writings do not start sentences with well. 3)Again, question. 3)You can replace few words. For example, chance to possibility and other words. 4)After "However" put a comma. It is conjunctive adverbs.
Hello Hopefful Girl!In my point of wiev,your essay is the most creative in this blog)It was facinating to read your dreams !It was sincere!There was few mistackes.
Hello Hopeful Girl! Thank you for sharing this awesome essay with all of us. Your enthusiasm and excitement for the task was very obvious to the reader. I thought you did a great job creating suspense and I found myself genuinely on the edge of my seat wondering "what could Hopeful Girl's next wish be!?". I liked your use of humour in the beginning about wishing for more wishes! Your use of academic vocabulary showcases your strong ability as a writer, and that you put a lot of time and effort into writing your essay. Thanks! You even had a very good concluding sentence that reminded the reader that even though having magical wishes could be a lot of fun, we don't need magic to achieve our dreams. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
In my opinion, there are many people who have their own wishes, which are totally different from another people. I have my own wishes too, so I want to share with you about them. I have a lot of various wishes. I think that there will be time, when the wishes come true. Furthermore, I have the wishes which are connect with the music and film industry. My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry, about how to make the good music, which is the people like to listen many times and to take the information about statistics of which genre of songs people like listen the most. All my wishes are not end just on music industry. However, if I had a chance to try myself in the cinema, I would go and try to do my best. How I told, I want to make own film or to participate in that. That is my second wish, which I would like to realize. The third of my wishes is to learn how to play the guitar. I started to learn basic level of playing the guitar last summer. However, I stopped to do that. I wish to continue learning how to play the guitar anew on the next summer. I want to play the guitar because of I take pleasure from listening the guitar melody, sounds and the songs which are making using the guitar. That was my three wishes. However, that was more wishes which did not related to the music, film or art.
Good afternoon , my dear friend! I liked your essay , but i suggest you to apply word "concerning " . Concerning - a synonym of word about. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
(+) Good job, young Jake! You could combine all your ideas in 264 words, which is excellent! (+) good structure of the essay, you gave detailed information about your each wish! however, your essay will become better, if you pay attention to these moments: (!) However, that was more wishes - However, thERE wERE lots of wishes (!) wishes which did not related to the music, film or art. - wishes which ARE not related to music, film or art. (!) I stopped to do that - I stopped DOING that (as says the grammar rule : TO STOP + GERUND (V+ing) )
1."I think that there will be time, when the wishes come true."-In my opinion it will be better to write "I hope, one day all of my wishes become true". 2. "Industry" is a beautiful word, however you used it several times. Try to use one word no more than one time. 3. "My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry because I want to learn how to create good, popular music. Furthermore , I would like to gather information in order to have statistics on people's favorite genre and songs ". Pay attention, I have changed the third sentence of second paragraph. Do not write long sentences as this because you can make a few mistakes. 4. "My wishes are not related to music, but also I interested in film production"- instead of "All my wishes are not end just on music industry. ". Use a good sentence structure. 5. "to try myself in the cinema, " - use the word "cinematography" instead of "cinema". 6. "How I told, I want to make own film" - "As I told before,". 7. "to participate in that." - "to be a part of this processes".
Hello. I wrote your essay,and find some mistakes. ^We must use another with singular, so you couldn't use it with people. ^Try to don't use "I think" because it isn't academic. "Use I share the view that". ^Also I find little mistake where you wrote "on music industry", which need to be "in the music industry" ^I hope that tou will write in correct odder. Moreover, I am unwillind to criticise you. Good bue!
Everyone wants that his wishes become true. Let us think, what I would request, if I had wishes about films, art and music. If only my wishes come true, they would l look like this.
If I had a chance to wish everything what I wanted. The first thing would be about one of my favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. I really like this film. Moreover, I watched it about 10 times. In my mind this is one of the best films all around the world. Furthermore, I would like to see the cast of this film. Additionally, I am willing to get acquainted with Audrey Hepburn.
Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless”. This film was made in 1995; it is about 90’s slang “as if”. There is filming my favorite actress, Alicia Silverstone. If only I have three wishes, I will request to take part in filming of this movie. Maybe become one of the characters of this film.
Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”. In my mind Linkin Park is one of the best groups. I started listen rock music due to this group. My favorite song is “Numb”; it is the first song of this group. Furthermore, a person who was at their concert is a lucky person, because Linkin Park will not do a concert anymore…
In my mind music and films is one of the most important things in our life. Exactly because of this reason I have wishes like this. XOXO♥
(+) I was amazed by the perfect structure of your eassay! Moreover, your essay is very understandable and written with open heart. (!) they would l look like this - they would be these kind of following wishes. (!) If I had a chance to wish everything what I wanted. - this sentence did not finish, due to here you need to catch up on your idea
In English everyone isn't academic word, so try to use other words. For example, each person, every single person and something like this. Thing is also not academic. Use synonyms,and wish, desire are correct, too. Morever, try to play with the words. For example, In the first time use sickness, then use illness and something like this. However, I like your essay thanks to your vacoubulary and despite your mistakes, this essay is good!
The majority of us want to make wishes when we watch the cartoon “Aladdin”. The same situation occurs with me. Sometimes I think about my three wishes. If I had three wishes, it would be about following music since it is a part of my life which I can not remove. My first wish is to get a music degree. If only I had this education, it would be easier to me to play with various types of musical instruments. The second wish is to write my own song which includes lyrics and melody that are created by me. The last one is to meet my favorite singers. Their stories are my motivation. Thanks to them I get inspired. So I am willing to meet them in real life. There are so many people who think that making wishes is not wise. However, I do not agree with them because having dreams might help people to live their lives happily. For example, if a person sets a goal, he or she will start making action plans towards achieving his or her goals. Therefore, I believe that if you make the wishes, they will come true.
Margo, your writting is very well and I liked it. However, you have some mistakes such as "to live their liFes happily" and "it would be easier FOR me " I tnink that the rest is clear. Futhermore, you have good english grammar and structure. Thanks for your hard work!
Margo, I like the structure of your essay and the usage of the words related to music as "lyrics","melody". You used linking words and justified your choice. Moreover, it was nice to see some beautiful expressions as "willing". Also, very good conclusion.
Hello, Margo 1)Sometimes I think about my three wishes. It would be: Sometimes, ~ comma 2)My first wish is to get a music degree: My first wish is to enter university and get a degree in music. 3)Subject+verb;
Dear, Margo, I am happy with your grammar and structure of your essay. It was easy to read it! Moreover, you used the structures like If I had and If only very well! However, you need to pay attention to these moments: 1) If I had three wishes, it would be about following music - If I had three wishes, it would be about music (because if you say "following" then you need to put (;) and then give several variants, items) 2) Moreover, the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph has not correct structure. You can write like : "If I had three wishes, it would be about music. Since it is a part of my life which I can not remove." 3) if you make the wishes, - if you make wishes, (without "the" because you are not indicating special type of wishes, or you did not use the word wishes in the previous sentence ) 4) it would be easier to me to play - it would be easier to play 5) to play with various types of musical instruments. - to play various types of musical instruments. (no preposition in this case the structure says "play instruments")
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also a creativity, an imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter how talented you are, you can develop it. Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process. If only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART. The second wish is a knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting, if I knew how art will change after 100 years. The last one is about types of ART in different cultures around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture. There are lots of types of cultures in our world. I think that learn about all of them impossible, but really fascinating. The majority of us started dream from childhood and do not stop wish dreams even they are 50. Every person have their own dreams, so that it can be completely different. Remember that all wishes will come true, you need just believe it.
1)It is also a creativity, an imagination and technical skills of authors. It would be better if you say: It can indicate the level of creativity and imagination as well as technical skills of authors. 2)ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting: Art plays a crucial role in my life.It is more than just somebody's painting for me. 3)Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process: Sometimes I like drawing, and I enjoy the proces itself 4) period, such as: Before such as do not use comma. 5)pictures and painting: It is one meaning / paintings.
Many people have got wishes. If my wishes come true it would be related to film and music. Since now we have got a lot of great films and genre. For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy.
Firstly, I want meet with my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, because film with him was unreal comical. I will be talking with him how he creates this good scenario in to film. I watch the last film of this actor they means “The Hitman's Bodyguard”, and I can’t didn’t laugh. I know about bad words in this film, but I think all of the new film has got words like this.
Secondly, I want to meet Ed Sheeran. If I met him I would take some lessons on the playing the guitar and some lessons on vocal. Then I want to sing a song with him on my birthday, and if I did this I would sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran”.
Finally, I want be in the professional movie with serious cats. Moreover, I want play in the film with my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, Ice Cube, Dwayne Johnson and other. I think it’s will be one of the greatest film in the world.
In my opinion, all people must dream big, because dream makes us happy.
Good afternoon, Marshal Lee. You really improoved your writings since we started writing on the blog. This time you made a great job! 1. "Firstly, I want to meet my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, because the films he was starring in are unreal..." sounds better 2. "and some vocal lessons"
1) For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy. It is better to write : "For example, if it is related to my... 2) I can’t didn’t laugh--> I can't laugh. 3) ...and if I did this I would sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran”-->... and if I will do this I will sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran” Be accurate with a grammar
1) I watch the last film of this actor they means “The Hitman's Bodyguard”, and I can’t didn’t laugh: I was watched. It is essay do not write shortly version of some words. 2)To Young Jake: Do not use will after IF 3)For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy: For example, (comma) it can connect with my FAVOURITE film ...
Hi Marshal Lee, as always I enjoyed reading your stories, I like Sam Jackson too :)
I agree with the three posters above in regards to how you can improve your story grammatically. The good thing is that your story was easy to understand and your use of tenses has improved :)
If I could change music, film or art industries with my three wishes, I would consider opinions of other people, so that everyone could be happy. However, this time I am going to be a bit selfish and make these wishes myself.
Firstly, I wish that music would be alive. I want music to choose the people with clear conscience, so that those people could summon music as easy as lifting their hands. They could make people happier with it and their lives would become more colorful. Nevertheless, if they do evil, do not redeem their mistakes or become guilty, music will leave them and they would become deaf for the rest of their lives.
Secondly, I wish that films would become other worlds. They would be open for people with brave hearts, so that those people could become any character of the film. The plot will change according to the choices they make and they could experience it real time. If they encounter any dangerous or unhappy event they could just return to their previous world, but the death in the world of films will be equivalent to death in real life.
Thirdly, I wish that people with pure mind and broad imagination would get an ability to draw and make paintings alive. Paintings would become real as time passes and artists who have drawn them will have an ability to control those paintings. However, if those artists become evil hearted, an ability to make paintings alive will leave them and misfortunes would follow them.
Those three wishes are extraordinary and I put many restrictions on the usage of abilities my wishes gave. However, I think that those supernatural things are appealing to all people and even with restrictions people wielding those abilities would be very happy. As for why I placed restrictions on the utilization of skills, it is all for the purpose of making people safer. After all, any supernatural things could be dangerous and abilities my wishes bestow to people are no exceptions.
Interesting and fantasy esssay.I like your essay structure and new academic words such as guilty, extraordinary and others. More than > 150 words(337words) Good job!
It is a pleasure to once again be able to read your essay. I often think about what I would do if I had three wishes, so this is a very interesting topic for an essay.
First off I want to compliment you on your wishes, as they are very unusual and creative. Also I would like to commend your use of transition words and uncommon vocabulary (Nevertheless, summon, wielding, redeem, equivalent, misfortunes, supernatural, etc...--Outstanding!)
Here are the mistakes you are making:
Paragraph 1: If I could change "the" music, film or art industries...
I would consider "the" opinions of...
...and make these wishes "about" myself
Paragraph 2: I want music to choose people (no "the")
...music "would" leave them "," and they would become...
Paragraph 3: The plot "would" change according...
...dangerous or unhappy "events"...
Paragraph 4: I wish that people with pure "minds" and broad "imaginations" would get "the" ability to draw and make paintings "come" alive.
...drawn them will have "the" ability to control...
"the" ability to make paintings "come" alive "would" leave..
Paragraph 5: Those three wishes are extraordinary"," and I put...
...to all people"," and even with restrictions"," people wielding...
Be careful with your use of articles (Here is link to a video that can help you improve your use of articles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zZau_dttRY)
Watch your use of commas when making compound sentences.
Remember when you are talking about hypothetical situations (like "If I had 3 wishes), then you want to use "would" not "will".
3 wishes Everyone has a dream.Someone wants to fly to the space,one wants to be very rich or meet a love of his life.Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes. Firstly,I want to connect my career with Holywood.The majority of people likes to watch films at night together.However,I want to act in this film,so first wish is about becoming famous actor and get Oscar award as a main actor of the film. My second wish is about becoming famous singer.Nowadays,music is essential part of people`s life.If only I were famous singer,I would make my own clip,which will get billion views in YouTube. My last wish is related to art.Certainl groups of people like ancient compositions,sculptures and pictures.If only I were renowned drawer,I would give my works to the famous exhibitions,that people who understand and likes art very much can see my compositions. In conclusion,I am willing to tell you,that dreams can become true.Everything is in our own hands.Dreams motivate us to materialize them.
Hello , TONIKROSS. I would like to tell you that "The majority" is an adjective , so "The majority of people likes" - "The majority of people like". Moreover i suggest you to apply word"Concerning" .It is a synonym of word "about".
1)Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes: Now, I am going to tell you what I would like to do if I a ... 2)Use space after comma, full stop
-"Someone wants to fly to the space,one wants to be very rich or others will be happy with meeting a love of all his life" (try to make your sentences more beautiful, not "dried") -What I would like to WISH (not to do, because it depends on your title of essay) -so, THE first wish (usage of articles) -of people's LIVES (not only one life) -certainlY (forgot the letter) Good job!
Hi Toni Kross, thank you for sharing your wishes! Hopefully you will one day become an Oscar winning actor and a YouTube sensation with over 1 billion views!
I have a few general suggestions to help improve the essay. 1) You should always have a space after a comma or after a period. 2) Holywood -> Hollywood 3) Certainl -> certain
I really enjoyed your last sentence "dreams motivate us to materialize them". It is very deep and leaves the reader motivated and thinking about their own dreams. Great job!
Everybody want to be successful and talented in their lives. Someone wants be a singer , an actor or actress .However not everyone have talent , so people do their best to be successful in their own lives. People dream about three wishes , so if somebody came to me and ask me “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not know why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It makes me feel better every time . Why I would like to choose music ,it is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us to find ourselves.
If I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actor’s talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film. In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music . Thank you!
Hello, "fatcatdog". Your grammar is a bit muffled, though I understood you. I think that your passsion to music is a good sign. Continue to sing and one day may be you would become a famous singer. Thank you for your hard work!
My advise to you: You should read many books and improve your grammar. Revise tenses and learn more grammar. About conditionals: "In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music . " - "if only" conditional should not be used in the end of the sentence. The right form of this sentence - "In the end, if only my wishes about music came true, it would make our world much better"
Hi, dear! I noticed that you wrote only 1 wish related to the music. Therefore, it would be better if you add 2-3 wishes with good structure in your essay. Moreover, please, change these moments: 1) Everybody want to be - Everybody wantS to be 2) Everybody want to be successful and talented in their lives - here, you have to put subject after the adjectives such as successful and talented, because without a subject your sentense will not be correct. So, we can change it like this : "Everybody wantS to be a successful and talented person in HIS or HER life."( since you said "everybody" accordingly it should be "his/her life" 3) Someone wants be a singer - Someone wants TO be a singer 4) everyone have talent - everyone haS a talent 5) if somebody came to me and ask me - if somebody came to me and askED me ( the 2 verbs,or words must be in one tense) So, dear, I really recomend you to work on your grammar) Please, check your essay once again!
Dear Fatcatdog, 1. The rule for: Everybody, everything, nobody, nothing+(in Present Simple)+third person, singular. For example, Everybody knows/everyone knows(все знают), Everything is ready(все готово), nobody knows(не кто не знает), nothing is redy(нечего не готово). Everybody can be replased by she/he/it. For example, Everybody speaks English. He speaks English(of course the meaning is not same, but have a look at the usage of a verb) 2.The usage of although is not correct in the sentence:" Although music helps us to find ourselves." It shoud be 'Furthermore'. 3. " I think film and art are not close to me ." it would be better if you wrote 'I am of the view that,sub.+verb'.
Everybody have a dream including three wishes. People wishes money, sport cars or that everybody to know him. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of thing. My first wish is related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most popular places. One of them the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the very popular wishes. My second wish is music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see superstars in music. It is one of the best dreams, for example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna. My third wish is about art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will ask him to draw me. Why, because I really wish to have a portrait. In my opinion Da Vinci is the best artist. In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true.
Dear, Simple panda. I compared your version 1 and version 3. I like that you change the structure and some words, however you does not pay attention to comments. People do not criticize you, they gave you advices and wanted you to improve your English. Please, read your comments carefully. I do not want to write old comments again, but I need. Go back to the version 1, and read. 1. "everybody to know him" will be "become famous or superstar". 2. "I will wish lots og thingS"-plural form. 3. "you will see THE most popular places" or "most of popular places". 4. "One of them IS the Hollywood walk of fame.". 5." I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars."-" "I wish that I take a photo". 6. "It is one of the very popular wishes."- "It is one of the most popular wishes". 7. "My second wish is music"-"My second wish is related to". 8. " It is one of the best dreams,". Something wrong with this sentence. Please, change it. 9. "for example group"-"The group". Imagine dragons is one in the world, futhermore you need to use article "The". 10." is about art"-"An art". 11. "a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa"-"painting of Mona Lisa". 12. "If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will ask him to draw me."- "I would ask him to draw my portrait". 13. " Why, because". Do not ask the questions in your essay. 14. "In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true"-"In conclusion I want to say that". I recommend you to improve your vocabulary, work on your grammar and especially work on the articles.
Everybody have a dream including three wishes. They wish to have a lot of money, sport cars or become a famous superstars. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of things.
My first wish is related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most of popular places. One of them is the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the most popular wishes.
My second wish is related to music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see famous superstars in music and sing song with them. For example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna.
My third wish an art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I would ask him to draw my portrait, because I really wish to have a portrait. In my opinion Da Vinci is the best artist.
In conclusion I want to say that dreams or wishes come true.
Our childhood is full of fairytales and we believe in a magic and miracles. Our parents usually read exciting fairytales for us. I am sure that everybody knows the history of a fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin. As any child I also wanted to have my own three wishes, and now I am willing to share my experience with you all. I would like to tell you how my childhood dream came true.
A few days ago I went to walk with my family, and my Mum asked me to buy a box of orange juice and a bar of chocolate. While I was going to the nearest shop, I met an old man. He was all in black and there was a mysterious smile on his face. At first, I thought that he just wanted to ask something. However he quickly asked me «Dear, please make a choice – a film, music or an art? ». At this moment, I was in headphones and without any thinking, I replied «Music! ». After this short dialogue, he offered me to make three wishes. It looks impossible, fortunately it was real.
Usually, I listen to Mozart’s masterpieces and I always wanted to meet him. He is a classic music titan. Every time, I imagine our meeting. If only I met him I would say him thank you and hold master’s hands. This was my first wish.
Second wish was to give a chance for people who cannot hear or listen. In the world, there are lots of people without chances as we have and who wanted to hear any sound or any melody. Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate their opportunities and are always dissatisfied. I wish every blind person can see and every deaf person can hear.
Third wish was to visit concerts of all my favorite groups and singers. This is one of my big dreams. If only I made a world tour I would take a photo and become acquainted with each of them. These were my three wishes. I will always remember this unforgettable adventure.
Dear Freya,your writig was astonoshing.You made it in creative form,and i liked it. Your wishes was very noble.However,you made wishes realated to other topics.You musted to write about art and films too.
-"I wish every blind person an ability to see, and every deaf person to hear", not (wish him CAN see) -"dream" is uncountable, you cannot write "dreamS". You can rewrite your sentence like this-"This is one of my biggest dream" Good job! Your essay's structure is exiting)
Firstly, I want to say that it is a wonderful essay! However, it is time to pay attention to these following advice and improvements: 1) Our childhood is full of fairytales and we believe in a magic and miracles. - since the word "and" is a funboy, you need to put a comma before it(the 1st reason). Moreover, here you connected 2 sentences ("Our childhood is full of fairytales" & "we believe in a magic and miracles" ), therefore, you need to put a comma (the 2nd reason). 2) the history of a fisher, golden fish - the history of a fisher, A golden fish 3) As any child - As AN any child (a child is a noun so we need to put an article before it) 4) He was all in black - this expression sounds as a russian phrase (он был весь в черном), so here you need to put a verb, and it would be better if we write like "he was wearing black clothes" 5) or an art? - or Art? (we found that before the word Art no article )
Three wishes: music Music is everything for me. I cannot imagine my life without it because it gives me energy, positive emotions. When I feel me tired, sad or happy I just listen to music. In my opinion, music can share my feelings. Moreover all of my three wishes were related to music. My first wish- by using the talent which is the nature gives to me- write my own song. It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not. I wish I would write my own song, since only like that I will be able to share my emotions and can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind. Sometimes I want to say about this to somebody, so that is why I want to write my own song. I hope that I will find my audience, who will support and help me. If only I met my favorite singers I would talk with them, tell about my plans, and suggest working together. It is my second wish. In my opinion benefits of singing with world of stars, not have. So that is why I want to connect my wishes with music.
(!) cannot - can not (we write these words separately) (!) me energy, positive emotions. - me some energy and positive emotions (!) I feel me tired, - I feel tired (!) music can share my feelings. - I think, this should be better: "music can express my feelings." (!) Moreover - Moreover, (after linking words we put a comma) (!) My first wish- by using the talent which is the nature gives to me- write my own song. --- here, the sentence`s structure is not correct. Therefore, it would be better if you write as "My first wish is to write my own song by using my talant, which gave me the nature."
Thank you "_demiurge_". I want to say than "cannot" is also correct. Before writing like that I research fot thats word and both "cannot" and "can not" are acceptable spellings, but the first is much more usual. You would use can not when the ‘not’ forms part of another construction such as ‘not only’. That is why I keep writing like that, it is correct.
In general, Art enriches and decorates people`s lives. Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us. In that case, people would miss an opportunity to see all wonders of the world. Therefore, I decided to write 3 wishes related to Art.
First of all, I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) pictures which might stay on the sides of the high buildings in our Taraz city. I consider that this wish could give a positive energy and an inspiration for the people, who feel sad, lethargic or pathetic. One clear example is the New-York city`s buildings, which have the 3D advertisements. If only our city had this kind of modern advertisements people would feel fabulous about the environment.
Secondly, I would like to have a museum at home, which includes all gorgeous pictures of our time! I wish that from the bottom of my heart. If only I had this great museum at home I could get inspired from it every time. In addition, it will help me become more creative about my work and ideas. So, I wish that I will be accustomed to think out of the box. Moreover, I wish I would have no borders in my imagination.
Thirdly, I wish that a fascinating exhibition will open in the central park of our city. I consider that the majority of the people will show their willingness to create the exhibition in the nature. If only there was the wonderful exhibition of drawings, we could relax by looking at many creations of Art and nature. To sum up, Art indicates people`s views related to the world and specifies our self-expression.
1. You can use the expression "beautify" instead of "decorate". 2. In my humble opinion, it will be better to write "Life would be colourless if there was no Art" instead of "Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us.", because your sentence sounds as question and not academic. 3. " I wish that from the bottom of my heart." check the meaning of this expression, because if you translate it, it has another meaning. Usually people use it to make a wish for somebody. Structure is "From the bottom of my heart I wish creative and successful work". Be careful with synonyms. You can just write "I really want it". 4. Do not use the exclamation mark. 5. I have a little question about this sentence "If only I had 'this" great museum at home". ". About which museum are you talking? 6. "it will help me become more creative " - " it will develop my creativity". I like your first and third wishes. Ideas that you offered are really creative and unusual. Good job.
This is a lovely piece with very nice expressions. Well done. Please look at the suggestions below on how to improve parts of your text:
1. Just imagine what it would be LIKE 2. In that case – If this were the case 3. Therefore, I decided – Therefore, I have decided 4. I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) pictures – think of another way of saying this 4. pathetic – choose another adjective, ‘pathetic’ seems too strong here 5. Art indicates people`s views related to the world – Art helps people express their views or feelings towards the world Good work. I look forward to seeing your amendments. I will then review your work again!
If I had three wishes about: music, films and Art. I would choose films and music. In my opinion, thanks to films and music people can relax and become peaceful. When people relaxed and peaceful he want, wish to study, work, this person do some works very well and good. Moreover that people never go down, never be aggressed and stressed. Films and music can help to people a lot.
This music, films is an indispensable part of my life, human life. The music and the film has own special genre. For example, music: jazz, metal, pop and others. Film: action, thriller, horror, romantic, fantastic and others. Each person have own taste for music and film. The taste of a person can emphasize his character and lifestyle. If a person likes to listen music, he/she should have a mp3 player. I liked to listen music. Moreover, if I do homework, I will take headphones and play music. However, from a good movie, I would not have refused too. Although, of course this is just my opinion. In my place, other people would choose something different. I respect his choice.
In conclusion, I want to say that music, a film; an art has special places on a human life. The main thing is person himself must choose his own way.
Hames thank you for your good and wondeful essay. However to improve your essay I want to tell your some mistakes: 1. After "morever" we need to put a comma. It is conjunctive adverbs, so do not forget this; 2. "Films and music can help to people a lot"--After the word "help" no preposition, you should write without "to"; 3.Each person HAS his or her own taste [3rd c];
4. "If a person likes to listen TO music, he OR she [try to not put '/', t is not academic].[5th c]; 5. "I liked to listen TO music;[listen always together with preposition "to"] 6. Art[without articile "an"] has special places in [not preposition "on"] a human's lives; Good luck!
Dear, Hames. I compared your second and third job, and it was nice to see that you followed my advices and changed your job. I hope you understand your mistakes. This essay and its structure is better that last one. I am very proud of you, because you make a progress. Continue as this, Hames. Moreover, try to use one expression no more than one time. Good job!
In some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures, which can make their wishes come true. The characters always wish to become wealth or immortal and many more, but these stories want to show that greed is evil. However, imagine that you meet a golden fish, released a gin or another creature, who is going to obey your orders. If only I met them as well as have three wishes, first of all, I would ask them to turn me into a person, who is able to know everything that was, be and will be. It is simple to understand that humanity don’t know majority of thing that was in the past or will be in the future, but we want to do it. I am too. By this ability I am going to stop disasters in each time, save people by telling information to the people by observing in all time, which can put us to next stage of development and many more. Second of all, I am willing to be able to do everything perfectly as well as like a million. By this I will be the most popular artist in whole world and bring this fame and fortune to Kazakhstan. Person who can do something like this the person will control communities mind and fillings. Finally, I want to travel in films, music and other works of art. Then I will stay with artist who draw a picture or listen to live music of some musician. However, if artist can do his job you can travel everywhere relating to his work. Good bye!
Good job! -everything that was, being and will be (because you talk about things that happening now, so it is "being"-now). -do not use *'* in your sentences, write "do not", than "don't" or "cannot", not "can't". - In my point of view, "Humanity do not know a lot of things that happened in the past or will happen in the future. By this ability, I can stop disasters and...". -"Person who can do something like this, will control communities mind and fillings". -"Works of art", in my opinion, it will be better if you use here the word "types", than "works", because it depends on the situation.
Dear, Smart Wood. I totally agree with Hames, I say you in version 2 and say second time. Your essay not related to topic, but you correct some sentences and words
Commendations: 1. I like the fact that you want us to use our imaginations to bring us to a certain situation to deliver your three wishers. The attempt is creative and innovative. Good job! 2. I love your idea of helping others and be a good citizen of Kazakhstan. You are destined to do great things for your country and I admire this from you. You are selfless because your wishes are for your country. 3. You know already how to develop an essay. You have a good start and then you develop your own point of view.
Recommendations and Suggestions: 1. It will be good to bring us to a scenario where you can express your wishes that are related to music, film or art. It is only on your third wish that you discuss related to this and yet for me it was very general. You have already a very good start, it will be good that the wishes that you will expand will be about on music, film or art and establish the connections to your introduction. 2. Some clarifications on the use of words: a. released a gin or another creature- are you referring to a genie that is inside the bottle? b. In some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures- it will be good to say this in this way: In some stories of the different cultures of people, we can find stories that involve some creatures which can make our wishes come true. c. Need to change wealth to wealthy d. However, imagine that you meet a golden fish, released a gin or another creature, who is going to obey your orders. It will be good to say this in this manner: Given a chance that you met a golden fish or you were able to release a genie or other creature from a bottle that has the capacity to obey your orders, what will be your three wishes? e. who is able to know everything that was, be and will be It will be good to write this in this manner: who knows everything from the past, the present and the future. 3. Take note of the consistencies of your tenses 4. You already have a powerful introduction and you were able to develop your three wishes. I hope that you will also have a powerful ending that will put all your ideas in one paragraph. Saying goodbye is not enough for a very wonderful start and middle part of the essay.
OVERALL: You have very good and admirable ideas. Just keep on writing and no doubt, you will be a good writer someday. Just believe in yourself! Good job!
A majority of people in our grand world have their own wishes. It does not matter if it is a big or just a little wish, but it is a vital part of everybody’s lives. Wishes can give to our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these will help to our future life. When people have dream, it motivates them to work and set his goals. People do everything to make dreams a reality. If I had three wishes about music or film or Art, I will wish about all of them. In my point of view, these three wishes are make our life better and more interesting. Music effect on our mental state, films on mood, art also can influence our emotions. If only one Kazakh music group can conquer other countries, not only Kazakhstan, they would celebrate our homeland. Owing to the development of singing style, Kazakh music groups can make a songs, like an American and other styled music. It can help us to enter global leveled countries. I wish that our films will reach the top of that type of “film-making”. “Film-making” business in our county is developing now. We are in a new step, and doing fascinating films with exiting plot. If only, our national types of art could be famous, it develop a lot of teenagers of KZ to all this arts, and become a honorable citizen in special kind of art. I hope my wishes come true!
Hello , Black Pink , i liked your essay , however: 1) "A majority" - "THE Majority" 2) "It does not matter if it is a big or just a little wish" - it is very good sentence , however you may apply to this sentence " It does not matter what kind of wisk it is" because after "no matter" WE need to apply "WHAT OR HOW" 3) "Wishes can give to our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these will help to our future life." - "Having wishes can give meaning and chances to our life." 4) " and all these will help to our future life."- we do not use "to " after " help " . "Just help our future". 5) "When people have dream, it motivates them to work and set his goals"- " When people have a dream , it motivates them to work and make them set goals . " 6)
I enjoyed reading your essay and found it very inspirational! I just have a few minor suggestions to help the essay flow a little better, or to fix up some minor errors. fatcatdog and lucky Dr. Robert made some excellent points so I won't repeat those ones.
1) You spoke about a Kazakh music group "conquer"ing other countries. Although this is a powerful adjective which is good, it usually implies that the military is involved. Some suggested alternatives could be "I wish that a Kazakh music group could break out in other countries", "or sometimes the term "blow up" is used to describe a band that goes from unknown to globally popular very quickly.
6)"If I had three wishes about music or film or Art, I will wish about all of them."- it is not correct , structure is " If + V2+...... , Subject + would +...." So our sentence need to be " If i had three wished concerning music , film or art, I would wish all of them." 7) " Music effect on our mental state " - Music is singular , so "Music effectS on our mental state". GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also creativity, imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter if you how talented you are, you need work on it. Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process. If only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART. The second wish is a knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting, if I knew how art will change after 100 years. In course of time everything is develop, branch of art actually changes too. People define a period of time by type and features of art, which using at that moment. The last one is about types of ART in different cultures around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture. I would know more about ancient and fascinating cultures. Remember that all wishes will come true, just believe it.
Everybody has thought about their three wishes related to something, but not everyone has thought about his wishes related to music or film or art. If only my wishes become true I would have desires like this.
ReplyDeleteMy hobby is listening to music. So, firstly, in one day I want to become a rock star. This wish has very good advantages, because, I would meet my favorite singer or group if only I were a rocker. Moreover, it is not only a wish. This is also my little dream.
Secondly, I have wishes about films too. In my opinion, every person did not like the ending of at least one film or series. So, sometimes I want to change the ending of films like “Bridge to Terabithia”, “Before meeting you” and others. Moreover, I want some characters to be together, which are still not together. I wish I had been a producer or act on my favorite films to experience the feeling of the main characters.
Thirdly, we all know about the most famous artist in our world, like Leonardo Da Vinci, Van Gogh and others. So, sometimes I want to be one of the best artists like them, because in my free time I like to draw some nice sketches.
As a conclusion, we can dream about anything we want or then these are only plans for tomorrow.
I like your job and creative wishes, because they are unusual and I have the same opinion. Wish your desires become true.
Delete1.In my opinion, it will be better to use comma in this sentence after the "music" "related to music or film or art.".
2.Better to use "everybody" or "the majority of us did not like - - -" instead of "every person did not like".
3. "I want some characters to be together, which are still not together."- use change the word "together" with synonym, because in one sentence you used it two times.
4. One more time, try tu use one word nomore than one time. You used the expression "So, sometimes" and the word "like" very often. You can use "as" instead of "like" and may find a lot of synonyms for the word "so" and "sometimes".
HEllo , HANNAH 21!
DeleteYour essay is a of a high standard, however you some moments.
1)If only my wishes become true I would have desires like this. "
a) Structure of "IF I wish/Only" is "if only + past verb forms to talk about a wish for the present:" So you wrote verb "become " in the first form , however we need to use verb in the second form. Probably your essay would be correct ,if you applied this "If only my wishes became true I would have desires like this. " sentance.
Hi dear Hannah !
DeleteYour essay was very sincere.I think that many people have a same dreams with you.There some mistackes:
*Rockstar writes together.
*It could be better if you do not use the same words twice in one sentence.In those sentence instead of being together you need to use being a pare.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had 3 wishes, it would have changed my life. The chance of having 3 wishes is only in fairy tales and films. Now I have a chance, even though it is just a writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are materialize. I have 3 wishes in music, movies, and Art industries.
ReplyDeleteI really want to play the guitar and piano. If I play the guitar and piano like professional, I will be happy, because I enjoy listening to music. I could produce or repeat music without using computer and mobile phones.
My second wish is related to film industry. I am willing to be a famous and talented actor in Hollywood. If only this wish became true, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. For example, Avengers: Infinity War, Never back down and others.
You know that Art in our country is not developed as well as in other countries. I would like to say that in most schools of Kazakhstan teachers pay attention to rules of art, not to creativity. I would like to change it!
Moreover, if you write own dreams on a paper or blog, there is a 50% chance that your dreams will come true. According to Will Smith, never stop dreaming! You must dream, write it in anywhere, and act immediately!
Hey, ♦The Hero of our world♦ I liked your essay. Moreover, in youe essay you used confident words. In my mind, it is really good. However, you have some mistakes. Such as:
Delete•"If only this wish became true,..." "If only this wish had became true,..."
•I think, that you should write more information about your third wish, since I did not undestood it. However, it is only my opinion.
•"if you write your own dreams..." instant of " if you write own dreams..." it sounds better.
It is all your mistakes. I liked your essay, good job!
XOXO♥
If only this wish became true, I played in all famous movies with my favorite actor. -> If only this wish came true, I would star in all...
Deletewrite it in anywhere -> write it anywhere
HEllo, "THE HERO OF OUR WORLD"
DeleteI LIKED YOUR ESSAY , HOWEVER WE MUST NOT START OUR ESSAY WITH IF , WE NEED TO HAVE A GOOD STRUCTURE.
THANK YOU !
You wrote very good essay. I really like it as well as adree with you. However in English try to write short sentenses. I mean, you need to stop writing very large sentenses because you can make mistakes. Try to use linking words. For example,"Now I have a chance, even though it is just a writing, but I also know that dreams and thoughts are materialize." there wou need to use "However" or another linking word, but be careful with synonims. Good luck!
DeleteI enjoyed reading your essay, I won't repeat what others have advised.
DeleteYou need to remember the usage of articles a, an, the - some articles are missing or misused in your story. it is just a writing - it should be it is just in writing.
Keep up the good work! :)
If only I had three wishes about films, what wishes would they be? Well, first of all I would like to get more wishes, but if I have to play by the rules I would make only the biggest desires I ever had. Let me think…
ReplyDeleteI would change endings I do not like. It would be fantastic! Can you only imagine if the films end like as you want? Brilliant! I have watched many movies and sometimes the conclusions made me feel sad or upset, so in my opinion having a chance to change something is enthralling. If I had an opportunity to remake few scenes, I would redo them, believe me. For example, you can make two of your favorite characters start dating and other unique things.
My second wish would be to participate in the writing the scenario of the film and filming the movie as well. If I were given an opportunity to choose, I would pick the “The Maze Runner” movie, because it is one of my favorite flicks. In my opinion, it would be a fascinating experience for me. Moreover, the idea of learning something about the filming industry appeals to me, so my participation in the creation of a movie would give me a chance to meet the famous actors and actresses. If I work hard, I will achieve a lot.
In addition to, I am willing to make my own film. It would help me not only to earn money but spend my time with a pleasure. If I were a producer, I would be making many different movies.
I wish I would have more wishes, but this is impossible… However it does not make me feel upset, because I know people do not need magic to achieve their desires.
Hello, Hopefull Girl. Your essay one of the best in my opinion.
Delete+298 words
+lots of academic words (enthralling, appeals)
+very good grammer and sentences structure
Dear Hopefull Girl, I like your essay and thank you;
Delete1. Try to to use word "well" in your essay, it is kind of not academic;
2. "I would change endings I do not like"---" I would change THE endings THAT/WHICH are I do not like"--I think like that meaning is would be more correct;
3.After "in my opinion" we need to put a comma;
4."...because it is one of my favorite flicks.."---"...because it is one of THE my favorite flicks..";
5. After "however" we should take a comma;
I like your essay, spacially I like that you have a struckture as well as you to divide into paragraphs. However you need to use some academic expressions and words, so I am willing to show you this link http://www.thesaurus.com/ which helled me as well as I hope going to help you. Good luck!
Delete1)First of all do not ask questoin in essay.
Delete2)In academic writings do not start sentences with well.
3)Again, question.
3)You can replace few words. For example, chance to possibility and other words.
4)After "However" put a comma. It is conjunctive adverbs.
Hello Hopefful Girl!In my point of wiev,your essay is the most creative in this blog)It was facinating to read your dreams !It was sincere!There was few mistackes.
DeleteHello Hopeful Girl! Thank you for sharing this awesome essay with all of us. Your enthusiasm and excitement for the task was very obvious to the reader. I thought you did a great job creating suspense and I found myself genuinely on the edge of my seat wondering "what could Hopeful Girl's next wish be!?". I liked your use of humour in the beginning about wishing for more wishes! Your use of academic vocabulary showcases your strong ability as a writer, and that you put a lot of time and effort into writing your essay. Thanks! You even had a very good concluding sentence that reminded the reader that even though having magical wishes could be a lot of fun, we don't need magic to achieve our dreams.
DeleteI look forward to reading more from you in the future!
In my opinion, there are many people who have their own wishes, which are totally different from another people. I have my own wishes too, so I want to share with you about them.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of various wishes. I think that there will be time, when the wishes come true. Furthermore, I have the wishes which are connect with the music and film industry. My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry, about how to make the good music, which is the people like to listen many times and to take the information about statistics of which genre of songs people like listen the most.
All my wishes are not end just on music industry. However, if I had a chance to try myself in the cinema, I would go and try to do my best. How I told, I want to make own film or to participate in that. That is my second wish, which I would like to realize.
The third of my wishes is to learn how to play the guitar. I started to learn basic level of playing the guitar last summer. However, I stopped to do that. I wish to continue learning how to play the guitar anew on the next summer. I want to play the guitar because of I take pleasure from listening the guitar melody, sounds and the songs which are making using the guitar.
That was my three wishes. However, that was more wishes which did not related to the music, film or art.
Good afternoon , my dear friend!
DeleteI liked your essay , but i suggest you to apply word "concerning " . Concerning - a synonym of word about.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
(+) Good job, young Jake! You could combine all your ideas in 264 words, which is excellent!
Delete(+) good structure of the essay, you gave detailed information about your each wish!
however, your essay will become better, if you pay attention to these moments:
(!) However, that was more wishes - However, thERE wERE lots of wishes
(!) wishes which did not related to the music, film or art. - wishes which ARE not related to music, film or art.
(!) I stopped to do that - I stopped DOING that (as says the grammar rule : TO STOP + GERUND (V+ing) )
1."I think that there will be time, when the wishes come true."-In my opinion it will be better to write "I hope, one day all of my wishes become true".
Delete2. "Industry" is a beautiful word, however you used it several times. Try to use one word no more than one time.
3. "My first wish is to take some lessons from the popular singers about the music industry because I want to learn how to create good, popular music. Furthermore , I would like to gather information in order to have statistics on people's favorite genre and songs ". Pay attention, I have changed the third sentence of second paragraph. Do not write long sentences as this because you can make a few mistakes.
4. "My wishes are not related to music, but also I interested in film production"- instead of "All my wishes are not end just on music industry. ". Use a good sentence structure.
5. "to try myself in the cinema, " - use the word "cinematography" instead of "cinema".
6. "How I told, I want to make own film" - "As I told before,".
7. "to participate in that." - "to be a part of this processes".
Hello. I wrote your essay,and find some mistakes.
Delete^We must use another with singular, so you couldn't use it with people.
^Try to don't use "I think" because it isn't academic. "Use I share the view that".
^Also I find little mistake where you wrote "on music industry", which need to be "in the music industry"
^I hope that tou will write in correct odder. Moreover, I am unwillind to criticise you. Good bue!
Everyone wants that his wishes become true. Let us think, what I would request, if I had wishes about films, art and music. If only my wishes come true, they would l look like this.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a chance to wish everything what I wanted. The first thing would be about one of my favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. I really like this film. Moreover, I watched it about 10 times. In my mind this is one of the best films all around the world. Furthermore, I would like to see the cast of this film. Additionally, I am willing to get acquainted with Audrey Hepburn.
Second, thing will be about another favorite film, named “Clueless”. This film was made in 1995; it is about 90’s slang “as if”. There is filming my favorite actress, Alicia Silverstone. If only I have three wishes, I will request to take part in filming of this movie. Maybe become one of the characters of this film.
Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”. In my mind Linkin Park is one of the best groups. I started listen rock music due to this group. My favorite song is “Numb”; it is the first song of this group. Furthermore, a person who was at their concert is a lucky person, because Linkin Park will not do a concert anymore…
In my mind music and films is one of the most important things in our life. Exactly because of this reason I have wishes like this.
XOXO♥
1)"Third thing it is to be on concert of my favorite rock group, “Linkin Park”" better to say : the third wish is to go to the concert ...
Delete(+) I was amazed by the perfect structure of your eassay! Moreover, your essay is very understandable and written with open heart.
Delete(!) they would l look like this - they would be these kind of following wishes.
(!) If I had a chance to wish everything what I wanted. - this sentence did not finish, due to here you need to catch up on your idea
In English everyone isn't academic word, so try to use other words. For example, each person, every single person and something like this.
DeleteThing is also not academic. Use synonyms,and wish, desire are correct, too. Morever, try to play with the words. For example, In the first time use sickness, then use illness and something like this.
However, I like your essay thanks to your vacoubulary and despite your mistakes, this essay is good!
The majority of us want to make wishes when we watch the cartoon “Aladdin”. The same situation occurs with me. Sometimes I think about my three wishes.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes, it would be about following music since it is a part of my life which I can not remove. My first wish is to get a music degree. If only I had this education, it would be easier to me to play with various types of musical instruments. The second wish is to write my own song which includes lyrics and melody that are created by me. The last one is to meet my favorite singers. Their stories are my motivation. Thanks to them I get inspired. So I am willing to meet them in real life.
There are so many people who think that making wishes is not wise. However, I do not agree with them because having dreams might help people to live their lives happily. For example, if a person sets a goal, he or she will start making action plans towards achieving his or her goals. Therefore, I believe that if you make the wishes, they will come true.
Margo, your writting is very well and I liked it. However, you have some mistakes such as "to live their liFes happily" and "it would be easier FOR me " I tnink that the rest is clear. Futhermore, you have good english grammar and structure. Thanks for your hard work!
DeleteMargo, I like the structure of your essay and the usage of the words related to music as "lyrics","melody". You used linking words and justified your choice. Moreover, it was nice to see some beautiful expressions as "willing". Also, very good conclusion.
DeleteHello, Margo
Delete1)Sometimes I think about my three wishes. It would be:
Sometimes, ~ comma
2)My first wish is to get a music degree:
My first wish is to enter university and get a degree in music.
3)Subject+verb;
Dear, Margo, I am happy with your grammar and structure of your essay. It was easy to read it! Moreover, you used the structures like If I had and If only very well! However, you need to pay attention to these moments:
Delete1) If I had three wishes, it would be about following music - If I had three wishes, it would be about music (because if you say "following" then you need to put (;) and then give several variants, items)
2) Moreover, the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph has not correct structure. You can write like : "If I had three wishes, it would be about music. Since it is a part of my life which I can not remove."
3) if you make the wishes, - if you make wishes, (without "the" because you are not indicating special type of wishes, or you did not use the word wishes in the previous sentence )
4) it would be easier to me to play - it would be easier to play
5) to play with various types of musical instruments. - to play various types of musical instruments. (no preposition in this case the structure says "play instruments")
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also a creativity, an imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter how talented you are, you can develop it. Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART.
The second wish is a knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting, if I knew how art will change after 100 years.
The last one is about types of ART in different cultures around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture. There are lots of types of cultures in our world. I think that learn about all of them impossible, but really fascinating.
The majority of us started dream from childhood and do not stop wish dreams even they are 50. Every person have their own dreams, so that it can be completely different. Remember that all wishes will come true, you need just believe it.
Hello, good_reader.
Delete*ART~Art
It can indicate the level of creativity and imagination as well as technical skills of authors
1)It is also a creativity, an imagination and technical skills of authors. It would be better if you say:
DeleteIt can indicate the level of creativity and imagination as well as technical skills of authors.
2)ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting:
Art plays a crucial role in my life.It is more than just somebody's painting for me.
3)Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process:
Sometimes I like drawing, and I enjoy the proces itself
4) period, such as:
Before such as do not use comma.
5)pictures and painting:
It is one meaning / paintings.
Many people have got wishes. If my wishes come true it would be related to film and music. Since now we have got a lot of great films and genre. For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I want meet with my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, because film with him was unreal comical. I will be talking with him how he creates this good scenario in to film. I watch the last film of this actor they means “The Hitman's Bodyguard”, and I can’t didn’t laugh. I know about bad words in this film, but I think all of the new film has got words like this.
Secondly, I want to meet Ed Sheeran. If I met him I would take some lessons on the playing the guitar and some lessons on vocal. Then I want to sing a song with him on my birthday, and if I did this I would sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran”.
Finally, I want be in the professional movie with serious cats. Moreover, I want play in the film with my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, Ice Cube, Dwayne Johnson and other. I think it’s will be one of the greatest film in the world.
In my opinion, all people must dream big, because dream makes us happy.
P.S.
let all your dreams come true
Good afternoon, Marshal Lee. You really improoved your writings since we started writing on the blog. This time you made a great job!
Delete1. "Firstly, I want to meet my favorite actor Samuel L. Jackson, because the films he was starring in are unreal..." sounds better
2. "and some vocal lessons"
P.S.
Let all your dreams come true, as well ;)
1) For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy. It is better to write : "For example, if it is related to my...
Delete2) I can’t didn’t laugh--> I can't laugh.
3) ...and if I did this I would sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran”-->... and if I will do this I will sing “Photograph-Ed Sheeran”
Be accurate with a grammar
1) I watch the last film of this actor they means “The Hitman's Bodyguard”, and I can’t didn’t laugh:
DeleteI was watched. It is essay do not write shortly version of some words.
2)To Young Jake: Do not use will after IF
3)For example it does can connect with my favorite film “Django Unchained”, or with my favorite genre: comedy:
For example, (comma) it can connect with my FAVOURITE film ...
Hi Marshal Lee, as always I enjoyed reading your stories, I like Sam Jackson too :)
DeleteI agree with the three posters above in regards to how you can improve your story grammatically. The good thing is that your story was easy to understand and your use of tenses has improved :)
Keep up the good work.
If I could change music, film or art industries with my three wishes, I would consider opinions of other people, so that everyone could be happy. However, this time I am going to be a bit selfish and make these wishes myself.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I wish that music would be alive. I want music to choose the people with clear conscience, so that those people could summon music as easy as lifting their hands. They could make people happier with it and their lives would become more colorful. Nevertheless, if they do evil, do not redeem their mistakes or become guilty, music will leave them and they would become deaf for the rest of their lives.
Secondly, I wish that films would become other worlds. They would be open for people with brave hearts, so that those people could become any character of the film. The plot will change according to the choices they make and they could experience it real time. If they encounter any dangerous or unhappy event they could just return to their previous world, but the death in the world of films will be equivalent to death in real life.
Thirdly, I wish that people with pure mind and broad imagination would get an ability to draw and make paintings alive. Paintings would become real as time passes and artists who have drawn them will have an ability to control those paintings. However, if those artists become evil hearted, an ability to make paintings alive will leave them and misfortunes would follow them.
Those three wishes are extraordinary and I put many restrictions on the usage of abilities my wishes gave. However, I think that those supernatural things are appealing to all people and even with restrictions people wielding those abilities would be very happy. As for why I placed restrictions on the utilization of skills, it is all for the purpose of making people safer. After all, any supernatural things could be dangerous and abilities my wishes bestow to people are no exceptions.
Interesting and fantasy esssay.I like your essay structure and new academic words such as guilty, extraordinary and others. More than > 150 words(337words)
DeleteGood job!
Hello BrokenSapphire,
DeleteIt is a pleasure to once again be able to read your essay. I often think about what I would do if I had three wishes, so this is a very interesting topic for an essay.
First off I want to compliment you on your wishes, as they are very unusual and creative. Also I would like to commend your use of transition words and uncommon vocabulary (Nevertheless, summon, wielding, redeem, equivalent, misfortunes, supernatural, etc...--Outstanding!)
Here are the mistakes you are making:
Paragraph 1: If I could change "the" music, film or art industries...
I would consider "the" opinions of...
...and make these wishes "about" myself
Paragraph 2: I want music to choose people (no "the")
...music "would" leave them "," and they would become...
Paragraph 3: The plot "would" change according...
...dangerous or unhappy "events"...
Paragraph 4: I wish that people with pure "minds" and broad "imaginations" would get "the" ability to draw and make paintings "come" alive.
...drawn them will have "the" ability to control...
"the" ability to make paintings "come" alive "would" leave..
Paragraph 5: Those three wishes are extraordinary"," and I put...
...to all people"," and even with restrictions"," people wielding...
Be careful with your use of articles (Here is link to a video that can help you improve your use of articles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zZau_dttRY)
Watch your use of commas when making compound sentences.
Remember when you are talking about hypothetical situations (like "If I had 3 wishes), then you want to use "would" not "will".
3 wishes
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a dream.Someone wants to fly to the space,one wants to be very rich or meet a love of his life.Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes.
Firstly,I want to connect my career with Holywood.The majority of people likes to watch films at night together.However,I want to act in this film,so first wish is about becoming famous actor and get Oscar award as a main actor of the film.
My second wish is about becoming famous singer.Nowadays,music is essential part of people`s life.If only I were famous singer,I would make my own clip,which will get billion views in YouTube.
My last wish is related to art.Certainl groups of people like ancient compositions,sculptures and pictures.If only I were renowned drawer,I would give my works to the famous exhibitions,that people who understand and likes art very much can see my compositions.
In conclusion,I am willing to tell you,that dreams can become true.Everything is in our own hands.Dreams motivate us to materialize them.
Hello , TONIKROSS.
DeleteI would like to tell you that "The majority" is an adjective , so "The majority of people likes" - "The majority of people like".
Moreover i suggest you to apply word"Concerning" .It is a synonym of word "about".
1)Now,I, am going to tell you,what I would like to do.if I had 3 wishes:
DeleteNow, I am going to tell you what I would like to do if I a ...
2)Use space after comma, full stop
-"Someone wants to fly to the space,one wants to be very rich or others will be happy with meeting a love of all his life" (try to make your sentences more beautiful, not "dried")
Delete-What I would like to WISH (not to do, because it depends on your title of essay)
-so, THE first wish (usage of articles)
-of people's LIVES (not only one life)
-certainlY (forgot the letter)
Good job!
Hi Toni Kross, thank you for sharing your wishes! Hopefully you will one day become an Oscar winning actor and a YouTube sensation with over 1 billion views!
DeleteI have a few general suggestions to help improve the essay.
1) You should always have a space after a comma or after a period.
2) Holywood -> Hollywood
3) Certainl -> certain
I really enjoyed your last sentence "dreams motivate us to materialize them". It is very deep and leaves the reader motivated and thinking about their own dreams. Great job!
Everybody want to be successful and talented in their lives. Someone wants be a singer , an actor or actress .However not everyone have talent , so people do their best to be successful in their own lives. People dream about three wishes , so if somebody came to me and ask me “wish one thing : music , art or film “ I would like to choose music . I do not know why, however listen to music is very close to my soul. It makes me feel better every time .
ReplyDeleteWhy I would like to choose music ,it is one of the paramount part of our lives. Music serves many purposes, celebration and worship. Music unites many generations and countries. Through music we learn a new culture of other countries. Although music helps us to find ourselves.
If I wish music I would write a lot of songs and sing it . I want that my songs will unites a lot of generations and countries. Yes , it is my wish.
Why I did not wish another wishes . I think film and art are not close to me . Also I can not draw or I have not got any actor’s talent . So I have not got found out any interesting in art and film.
In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music .
Thank you!
Hello, "fatcatdog". Your grammar is a bit muffled, though I understood you. I think that your passsion to music is a good sign. Continue to sing and one day may be you would become a famous singer. Thank you for your hard work!
DeleteMy advise to you:
You should read many books and improve your grammar. Revise tenses and learn more grammar.
About conditionals:
"In the end , I would like to say that I will make our world better , if only I wish music . " - "if only" conditional should not be used in the end of the sentence. The right form of this sentence - "In the end, if only my wishes about music came true, it would make our world much better"
Hi, dear! I noticed that you wrote only 1 wish related to the music. Therefore, it would be better if you add 2-3 wishes with good structure in your essay. Moreover, please, change these moments:
Delete1) Everybody want to be - Everybody wantS to be
2) Everybody want to be successful and talented in their lives - here, you have to put subject after the adjectives such as successful and talented, because without a subject your sentense will not be correct. So, we can change it like this : "Everybody wantS to be a successful and talented person in HIS or HER life."( since you said "everybody" accordingly it should be "his/her life"
3) Someone wants be a singer - Someone wants TO be a
singer
4) everyone have talent - everyone haS a talent
5) if somebody came to me and ask me - if somebody came to me and askED me ( the 2 verbs,or words must be in one tense)
So, dear, I really recomend you to work on your grammar) Please, check your essay once again!
Dear Fatcatdog,
Delete1. The rule for: Everybody, everything, nobody, nothing+(in Present Simple)+third person, singular. For example, Everybody knows/everyone knows(все знают), Everything is ready(все готово), nobody knows(не кто не знает), nothing is redy(нечего не готово). Everybody can be replased by she/he/it. For example, Everybody speaks English. He speaks English(of course the meaning is not same, but have a look at the usage of a verb)
2.The usage of although is not correct in the sentence:" Although music helps us to find ourselves." It shoud be 'Furthermore'.
3. " I think film and art are not close to me ." it would be better if you wrote 'I am of the view that,sub.+verb'.
Everybody have a dream including three wishes. People wishes money, sport cars or that everybody to know him. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of thing.
ReplyDeleteMy first wish is related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most popular places. One of them the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the very popular wishes.
My second wish is music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see superstars in music. It is one of the best dreams, for example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna.
My third wish is about art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will ask him to draw me. Why, because I really wish to have a portrait. In my opinion Da Vinci is the best artist.
In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true.
Dear, Simple panda. I compared your version 1 and version 3.
DeleteI like that you change the structure and some words, however you does not pay attention to comments. People do not criticize you, they gave you advices and wanted you to improve your English. Please, read your comments carefully. I do not want to write old comments again, but I need. Go back to the version 1, and read.
1. "everybody to know him" will be "become famous or superstar".
2. "I will wish lots og thingS"-plural form.
3. "you will see THE most popular places" or "most of popular places".
4. "One of them IS the Hollywood walk of fame.".
5." I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars."-" "I wish that I take a photo".
6. "It is one of the very popular wishes."- "It is one of the most popular wishes".
7. "My second wish is music"-"My second wish is related to".
8. " It is one of the best dreams,". Something wrong with this sentence. Please, change it.
9. "for example group"-"The group". Imagine dragons is one in the world, futhermore you need to use article "The".
10." is about art"-"An art".
11. "a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa"-"painting of Mona Lisa".
12. "If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I will ask him to draw me."- "I would ask him to draw my portrait".
13. " Why, because". Do not ask the questions in your essay.
14. "In conclusion I will say dreams or wishes come true"-"In conclusion I want to say that".
I recommend you to improve your vocabulary, work on your grammar and especially work on the articles.
Freya, especially for you.
DeleteEverybody have a dream including three wishes. They wish to have a lot of money, sport cars or become a famous superstars. If I had three wishes about film, music and art, I will wish lots of things.
My first wish is related to the films and actors. If you go to Hollywood, you will see most of popular places. One of them is the Hollywood walk of fame. I wish that a take a photo with all of superstars. It is one of the most popular wishes.
My second wish is related to music. I do not listen to music a lot, but I wish that see famous superstars in music and sing song with them. For example group “Imagine dragons” or Rihanna.
My third wish an art. All people know a gorgeous painting Mona Lisa. If Leonardo Da Vinci was alive, I would ask him to draw my portrait, because I really wish to have a portrait. In my opinion Da Vinci is the best artist.
In conclusion I want to say that dreams or wishes come true.
Thank you , simple panda!
DeleteOur childhood is full of fairytales and we believe in a magic and miracles. Our parents usually read exciting fairytales for us. I am sure that everybody knows the history of a fisher, golden fish and three wishes or Aladdin. As any child I also wanted to have my own three wishes, and now I am willing to share my experience with you all. I would like to tell you how my childhood dream came true.
ReplyDeleteA few days ago I went to walk with my family, and my Mum asked me to buy a box of orange juice and a bar of chocolate. While I was going to the nearest shop, I met an old man. He was all in black and there was a mysterious smile on his face. At first, I thought that he just wanted to ask something. However he quickly asked me «Dear, please make a choice – a film, music or an art? ». At this moment, I was in headphones and without any thinking, I replied «Music! ». After this short dialogue, he offered me to make three wishes. It looks impossible, fortunately it was real.
Usually, I listen to Mozart’s masterpieces and I always wanted to meet him. He is a classic music titan. Every time, I imagine our meeting. If only I met him I would say him thank you and hold master’s hands. This was my first wish.
Second wish was to give a chance for people who cannot hear or listen. In the world, there are lots of people without chances as we have and who wanted to hear any sound or any melody. Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate their opportunities and are always dissatisfied. I wish every blind person can see and every deaf person can hear.
Third wish was to visit concerts of all my favorite groups and singers. This is one of my big dreams. If only I made a world tour I would take a photo and become acquainted with each of them.
These were my three wishes.
I will always remember this unforgettable adventure.
Dear Freya,your writig was astonoshing.You made it in creative form,and i liked it. Your wishes was very noble.However,you made wishes realated to other topics.You musted to write about art and films too.
DeleteThank you, Toni Kross. Moreover, I could choose only one of them or both, so I choosen the music.
Delete-"I wish every blind person an ability to see, and every deaf person to hear", not (wish him CAN see)
Delete-"dream" is uncountable, you cannot write "dreamS". You can rewrite your sentence like this-"This is one of my biggest dream"
Good job! Your essay's structure is exiting)
Firstly, I want to say that it is a wonderful essay! However, it is time to pay attention to these following advice and improvements:
Delete1) Our childhood is full of fairytales and we believe in a magic and miracles. - since the word "and" is a funboy, you need to put a comma before it(the 1st reason). Moreover, here you connected 2 sentences ("Our childhood is full of fairytales" & "we believe in a magic and miracles" ), therefore, you need to put a comma (the 2nd reason).
2) the history of a fisher, golden fish - the history of a fisher, A golden fish
3) As any child - As AN any child (a child is a noun so we need to put an article before it)
4) He was all in black - this expression sounds as a russian phrase (он был весь в черном), so here you need to put a verb, and it would be better if we write like "he was wearing black clothes"
5) or an art? - or Art? (we found that before the word Art no article )
Three wishes: music
ReplyDeleteMusic is everything for me. I cannot imagine my life without it because it gives me energy, positive emotions. When I feel me tired, sad or happy I just listen to music. In my opinion, music can share my feelings. Moreover all of my three wishes were related to music.
My first wish- by using the talent which is the nature gives to me- write my own song. It does not matter will be this song everybody’s favorite or not. I wish I would write my own song, since only like that I will be able to share my emotions and can tell about what happens in my soul, in my mind. Sometimes I want to say about this to somebody, so that is why I want to write my own song. I hope that I will find my audience, who will support and help me.
If only I met my favorite singers I would talk with them, tell about my plans, and suggest working together. It is my second wish. In my opinion benefits of singing with world of stars, not have.
So that is why I want to connect my wishes with music.
(!) cannot - can not (we write these words separately)
Delete(!) me energy, positive emotions. - me some energy and positive emotions
(!) I feel me tired, - I feel tired
(!) music can share my feelings. - I think, this should be better: "music can express my feelings."
(!) Moreover - Moreover, (after linking words we put a comma)
(!) My first wish- by using the talent which is the nature gives to me- write my own song. --- here, the sentence`s structure is not correct. Therefore, it would be better if you write as "My first wish is to write my own song by using my talant, which gave me the nature."
Thank you "_demiurge_". I want to say than "cannot" is also correct. Before writing like that I research fot thats word and both "cannot" and "can not" are acceptable spellings, but the first is much more usual. You would use can not when the ‘not’ forms part of another construction such as ‘not only’. That is why I keep writing like that, it is correct.
Deletehttps://en.oxforddictionaries.com/usage/cannot-or-can-not here you can find out
DeleteIn general, Art enriches and decorates people`s lives. Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us. In that case, people would miss an opportunity to see all wonders of the world. Therefore, I decided to write 3 wishes related to Art.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) pictures which might stay on the sides of the high buildings in our Taraz city. I consider that this wish could give a positive energy and an inspiration for the people, who feel sad, lethargic or pathetic. One clear example is the New-York city`s buildings, which have the 3D advertisements. If only our city had this kind of modern advertisements people would feel fabulous about the environment.
Secondly, I would like to have a museum at home, which includes all gorgeous pictures of our time! I wish that from the bottom of my heart. If only I had this great museum at home I could get inspired from it every time. In addition, it will help me become more creative about my work and ideas. So, I wish that I will be accustomed to think out of the box. Moreover, I wish I would have no borders in my imagination.
Thirdly, I wish that a fascinating exhibition will open in the central park of our city. I consider that the majority of the people will show their willingness to create the exhibition in the nature. If only there was the wonderful exhibition of drawings, we could relax by looking at many creations of Art and nature. To sum up, Art indicates people`s views related to the world and specifies our self-expression.
Good job, demiurge!
Delete-majority of people (not majority of THE people)
Very interesting wishes))
This comment has been removed by the author.
Delete1. You can use the expression "beautify" instead of "decorate".
Delete2. In my humble opinion, it will be better to write "Life would be colourless if there was no Art" instead of "Just imagine what it would be without the components of Art, which are around us.", because your sentence sounds as question and not academic.
3. " I wish that from the bottom of my heart." check the meaning of this expression, because if you translate it, it has another meaning. Usually people use it to make a wish for somebody. Structure is "From the bottom of my heart I wish creative and successful work". Be careful with synonyms. You can just write "I really want it".
4. Do not use the exclamation mark.
5. I have a little question about this sentence "If only I had 'this" great museum at home". ". About which museum are you talking?
6. "it will help me become more creative " - " it will develop my creativity".
I like your first and third wishes. Ideas that you offered are really creative and unusual. Good job.
This is a lovely piece with very nice expressions. Well done. Please look at the suggestions below on how to improve parts of your text:
Delete1. Just imagine what it would be LIKE
2. In that case – If this were the case
3. Therefore, I decided – Therefore, I have decided
4. I would like to wish three dimensional (3D) pictures – think of another way of saying this
4. pathetic – choose another adjective, ‘pathetic’ seems too strong here
5. Art indicates people`s views related to the world – Art helps people express their views or feelings towards the world
Good work. I look forward to seeing your amendments. I will then review your work again!
If I had three wishes about: music, films and Art. I would choose films and music. In my opinion, thanks to films and music people can relax and become peaceful. When people relaxed and peaceful he want, wish to study, work, this person do some works very well and good. Moreover that people never go down, never be aggressed and stressed. Films and music can help to people a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis music, films is an indispensable part of my life, human life. The music and the film has own special genre. For example, music: jazz, metal, pop and others. Film: action, thriller, horror, romantic, fantastic and others.
Each person have own taste for music and film. The taste of a person can emphasize his character and lifestyle. If a person likes to listen music, he/she should have a mp3 player. I liked to listen music. Moreover, if I do homework, I will take headphones and play music. However, from a good movie, I would not have refused too. Although, of course this is just my opinion.
In my place, other people would choose something different. I respect his choice.
In conclusion, I want to say that music, a film; an art has special places on a human life. The main thing is person himself must choose his own way.
Hames thank you for your good and wondeful essay. However to improve your essay I want to tell your some mistakes:
Delete1. After "morever" we need to put a comma. It is conjunctive adverbs, so do not forget this;
2. "Films and music can help to people a lot"--After the word "help" no preposition, you should write without "to";
3.Each person HAS his or her own taste [3rd c];
4. "If a person likes to listen TO music, he OR she [try to not put '/', t is not academic].[5th c];
Delete5. "I liked to listen TO music;[listen always together with preposition "to"]
6. Art[without articile "an"] has special places in [not preposition "on"] a human's lives;
Good luck!
Dear, Hames. I compared your second and third job, and it was nice to see that you followed my advices and changed your job. I hope you understand your mistakes. This essay and its structure is better that last one. I am very proud of you, because you make a progress. Continue as this, Hames. Moreover, try to use one expression no more than one time. Good job!
DeleteIn some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures, which can make their wishes come true. The characters always wish to become wealth or immortal and many more, but these stories want to show that greed is evil. However, imagine that you meet a golden fish, released a gin or another creature, who is going to obey your orders.
ReplyDeleteIf only I met them as well as have three wishes, first of all, I would ask them to turn me into a person, who is able to know everything that was, be and will be. It is simple to understand that humanity don’t know majority of thing that was in the past or will be in the future, but we want to do it. I am too. By this ability I am going to stop disasters in each time, save people by telling information to the people by observing in all time, which can put us to next stage of development and many more.
Second of all, I am willing to be able to do everything perfectly as well as like a million. By this I will be the most popular artist in whole world and bring this fame and fortune to Kazakhstan. Person who can do something like this the person will control communities mind and fillings.
Finally, I want to travel in films, music and other works of art. Then I will stay with artist who draw a picture or listen to live music of some musician. However, if artist can do his job you can travel everywhere relating to his work.
Good bye!
Your essay is interesting and very informative, but you should be write about three wishes: a music, films, an Art;
DeleteYour essay is about other topics
Good job!
Delete-everything that was, being and will be (because you talk about things that happening now, so it is "being"-now).
-do not use *'* in your sentences, write "do not", than "don't" or "cannot", not "can't".
- In my point of view, "Humanity do not know a lot of things that happened in the past or will happen in the future. By this ability, I can stop disasters and...".
-"Person who can do something like this, will control communities mind and fillings".
-"Works of art", in my opinion, it will be better if you use here the word "types", than "works", because it depends on the situation.
Dear, Smart Wood. I totally agree with Hames, I say you in version 2 and say second time. Your essay not related to topic, but you correct some sentences and words
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteCommendations:
Delete1. I like the fact that you want us to use our imaginations to bring us to a certain situation to deliver your three wishers. The attempt is creative and innovative. Good job!
2. I love your idea of helping others and be a good citizen of Kazakhstan. You are destined to do great things for your country and I admire this from you. You are selfless because your wishes are for your country.
3. You know already how to develop an essay. You have a good start and then you develop your own point of view.
Recommendations and Suggestions:
1. It will be good to bring us to a scenario where you can express your wishes that are related to music, film or art. It is only on your third wish that you discuss related to this and yet for me it was very general. You have already a very good start, it will be good that the wishes that you will expand will be about on music, film or art and establish the connections to your introduction.
2. Some clarifications on the use of words:
a. released a gin or another creature- are you referring to a genie that is inside the bottle?
b. In some stories of lots of cultures people can find some creatures- it will be good to say this in this way: In some stories of the different cultures of people, we can find stories that involve some creatures which can make our wishes come true.
c. Need to change wealth to wealthy
d. However, imagine that you meet a golden fish, released a gin or another creature, who is going to obey your orders.
It will be good to say this in this manner: Given a chance that you met a golden fish or you were able to release a genie or other creature from a bottle that has the capacity to obey your orders, what will be your three wishes?
e. who is able to know everything that was, be and will be
It will be good to write this in this manner: who knows everything from the past, the present and the future.
3. Take note of the consistencies of your tenses
4. You already have a powerful introduction and you were able to develop your three wishes. I hope that you will also have a powerful ending that will put all your ideas in one paragraph. Saying goodbye is not enough for a very wonderful start and middle part of the essay.
OVERALL: You have very good and admirable ideas. Just keep on writing and no doubt, you will be a good writer someday. Just believe in yourself! Good job!
Thanks for your comments!
DeleteA majority of people in our grand world have their own wishes. It does not matter if it is a big or just a little wish, but it is a vital part of everybody’s lives. Wishes can give to our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these will help to our future life. When people have dream, it motivates them to work and set his goals. People do everything to make dreams a reality.
ReplyDeleteIf I had three wishes about music or film or Art, I will wish about all of them. In my point of view, these three wishes are make our life better and more interesting. Music effect on our mental state, films on mood, art also can influence our emotions.
If only one Kazakh music group can conquer other countries, not only Kazakhstan, they would celebrate our homeland. Owing to the development of singing style, Kazakh music groups can make a songs, like an American and other styled music. It can help us to enter global leveled countries.
I wish that our films will reach the top of that type of “film-making”. “Film-making” business in our county is developing now. We are in a new step, and doing fascinating films with exiting plot.
If only, our national types of art could be famous, it develop a lot of teenagers of KZ to all this arts, and become a honorable citizen in special kind of art.
I hope my wishes come true!
Hello , Black Pink , i liked your essay , however:
Delete1) "A majority" - "THE Majority"
2) "It does not matter if it is a big or just a little wish" - it is very good sentence , however you may apply to this sentence " It does not matter what kind of wisk it is" because after "no matter" WE need to apply "WHAT OR HOW"
3) "Wishes can give to our life a meaning and chances to do something important, and all these will help to our future life." - "Having wishes can give meaning and chances to our life."
4) " and all these will help to our future life."- we do not use "to " after " help " . "Just help our future".
5) "When people have dream, it motivates them to work and set his goals"- " When people have a dream , it motivates them to work and make them set goals . "
6)
1.The majority of people...;
Delete2.It motivates individuals to work and set their goals.
3.In my opinion, it more correct if there " music affect"
Hello BlackPink (awesome name by the way!)
DeleteI enjoyed reading your essay and found it very inspirational! I just have a few minor suggestions to help the essay flow a little better, or to fix up some minor errors.
fatcatdog and lucky Dr. Robert made some excellent points so I won't repeat those ones.
1) You spoke about a Kazakh music group "conquer"ing other countries. Although this is a powerful adjective which is good, it usually implies that the military is involved. Some suggested alternatives could be "I wish that a Kazakh music group could break out in other countries", "or sometimes the term "blow up" is used to describe a band that goes from unknown to globally popular very quickly.
2) "exiting plot" should be "exciting plot"
Great job, I also hope your wishes come true!
6)"If I had three wishes about music or film or Art, I will wish about all of them."- it is not correct , structure is " If + V2+...... , Subject + would +...." So our sentence need to be " If i had three wished concerning music , film or art, I would wish all of them."
ReplyDelete7) " Music effect on our mental state " - Music is singular , so "Music effectS on our mental state".
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
ART for me is something more, than just pictures and painting. It is also creativity, imagination and technical skills of authors. No matter if you how talented you are, you need work on it. Furthermore, I like to draw sometimes and enjoy with this process.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had three wishes about ART, I would make wonderful and fascinating wishes. First of all, I wish I met great artists of ancient period, such as Wan Gogh, Salvador, Michelangelo. If I knew them, I would learn about their works of ART.
The second wish is a knowledge of future ART. It would be interesting, if I knew how art will change after 100 years. In course of time everything is develop, branch of art actually changes too. People define a period of time by type and features of art, which using at that moment.
The last one is about types of ART in different cultures around the world. The ART is one of the main part of each culture, which help reveal lifestyle and traditions of this culture. I would know more about ancient and fascinating cultures.
Remember that all wishes will come true, just believe it.