Task 2 My winter holidays Version 2 Improved Essays only
You can post your improved essays under this thread. Be
careful to take into account the advice shared under the essays in the previous
thread. I look forward to reading your writings, my creative students.
My winter holidays started at December 22 and lasted for whole 18 days. Due to it is a long period, I decided to spend it useful for myself as soon as I wanted to relax.
The first part of holidays I red the fascinating book, which was called “Gone with the wind” written by Margaret Mitchell. It was about a difficult fate of young woman Scarlett, her troublesome choice during the howl and unrequited love. Although, after reading I understood that it was one of the most wonderful books whatever I red.
I celebrated the New Year with my the family. I cooked traditional dished, salads and prepared a festive table with my mom and little sister. Moreover, at 12.00 pm we and our neighbors went to outside and blew up salutes. Hundreds of colorful salutes highlighted the dark night sky.
In the second part of holidays I just wanted to relax, so that I chose some movies and serials and watched it. My list included movies, such as “Paris at any cost”, “Personal customer”, “The Devil wears Prada” and serial “Stranger things”.
On winter holidays I did not do some grandiose things. However, I satisfied. I even went to former school for meeting my old classmates, that I did not see about year.
Dear, good_reader. Your essay is very fascinating, so I like it. You used a lot of beautiful words, which I did not know before. However, I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, I did not understand what you meant, but in my opinion, it should be “while” instead of “as soon as”. Secondly, I think that you should have written “whatever I read” instead of “whatever I red”, because the second form and the third form in spelling are the same – read. Good job! And have a good luck. Hannah. XOXO
Oh, my dear friend, you wrote wondeful essay. And I want suggest to you use "firework" instead of salute) Then: -I cooked traditional disheS; -I reAd* the fascinating book; In my opinion, thats all, good luck in future)
You do not need to write "the family" because you wrote "my". It seems to me that it will be better, if you think about your conclusion one more time. Good job!
good reader, I liked your essay. While U have mistakes. Such as: •I red the fascinating book. It should be like: I read the fascinating book. • With my the famiily. You should not use "the" after "my". XOXO♥
Dear , good reader your essay is not bad , before me some people recommend you how to improve , develope your own essay . So i just wanna say , that your job is good. Thank you for your hardworking.
In my opinion it is not so bad. But you should improve your essay structure. THere is no any passive voice sentences. Is it correct to write about year? I think we need to write about a year. Good job!
My winter holidays Our winter holidays are the long holydays, so we had eighteen days to relax and I started my holidays with a rest. We had nine days before the New 2018 Year. My sister is studying in Astana and I decided to prepare a gift for her. I knew that she want and I went to the shop Centre to buy a star sky projector and a lot of chocolate. We putted in our home a big and beautiful fir-tree, cooked a lot of food and decorated the house. Every year we celebrated this event at our house. However, this year we met a new year at the sister's house. After I gave my sister a gift, she gave me a book named “The Master and Margarita” and cute pink T-shirt with an inscription “AC/DC Back in Black”. I liked this gift very much. We met the New Year very well. There were a lot of fireworks, happiness and our favorite food. After we met the New Year, I decided to watch movies and shows to cheer up and do my hobbies like drawing and reading. I liked my winter holidays and I think I had a good rest.
I think it would be better, if you write: /*/ Our winter holidays are the long holydays - Our winter holidays are the longEST holydays /*/ that she want - that she wantS /*/ home a big and beautiful fir-tree - home THE big and beautiful fir-tree /*/ Every year we celebrated this event -Every year we celebrate this event very wonderful grammar) Thanks to your work
-holIdays, in first sentense you must write this word with "I" instead of "Y"-HolYdays -It will be better if you write "I knew what she want" in sentence "I knew that she want"(instead of that--What) -Every year we celebrate (without -ed, because it is present simple. You use "Every year" that means a regular actions)) Good job, Hannah21! Very interesting essay)
Hannah21, your essay is interesting and thought-provoking. However, you have a minor mistakes, such as: •At first paragraph, and first sentence you wrote holydays instead of holidays. •Instead of "My sister studying in Astana", I think it will be better if wrote like "My sister studies in Astana". •Instead of "at the sister's house", you should wrote "at my sister's house". In its place, I liked your essay very much. Good job. XOXO♥
Hi, Hannah21. After reading your essey, I see progress. You fix some mistakes that told you your friends. I like that you find a correct version of fri-tree, that you made paragraph and many more. I wish you to develope as well as do your best.
When I was on holidays, I thought that holidays were a wonderful time to relax, to spend time with my family, and enjoy my life. It was nice to start reading or to start doing exciting activities to develop myself. I have planned to do something creative during winter holidays. The first week of our winter holidays I spent time with my family, friends, and relaxed. Also it was a good week; I tried clear my brain of unnecessary information, and start to read the books, and walked. Furthermore, I watched three movies before New Year. It was: "Home alone", "Home alone 2", and "Back to the future". After these films a good mood came to me. On the last days of first week I start preparing for New Year. In my opinion, New Year is the best event, which brings the magic to all people. I met New Year with my family and friends. It was the better time for me. After that event I continued to relax, walk, and spent my time very well. Moreover, it was a trip to ravine on second January, we walked in ravine for 8 hours, passed 14 kilometers, and I did not felt tired after that trip, I felt pleasure. It was good holidays for me, I spent my time productive, and I like it!
I liked your essay structure. However, you have some mistakes: *clear my brain FROM unnecessary information *"STARTED to read" instead of "start to read". Please,do not forget that you write at Past tense *spend instead of "spent", because this world before "continued" "The best time" instead od "the better time". We use better only when compare something. I hope that my advice will help you in future and you will not make grammar mistakes)
Hey, I like youur essay very much!)YOu have a good structure, used linking words) I completely agree with good_reader. Moreover, I found some mistakes and it would be better, if you fix them: 1)"were a wonderful time to relax," - time is uncountable, so that without article "a". 2)" I tried clear my brain" - I am of the view that you should to add "to"." I tried TO clear my brain". 3)"and I did not felt tired" - it would be correctly to write like:"and I did not feel tired".
*Firstly, I liked your style of writing very much.Due to you put your thoughts in order in paradraphs with saving the logical connections between them. *Secondly, it would be bettter, if you correct these moments in your essay: 1) nice to start reading or to start doing exciting activities - nice to start reading or doing exciting activities 2) it was a good week - it was the good week (because you are talking about the week again with describing) 3) clear my brain of unnecessary information - clear my brain from unnecessary information
At the end of the 2nd term winter holidays came. I remember having many activities planned and although I could not complete them all, I am more than satisfied with how much I have already done.
The winter holidays started and I decided to relax from school for the first 3 days. I was not doing anything beneficial for my health, nor was I doing anything exciting or thrilling. I was just relaxing. Taking a nap, playing on my laptop, watching movies or reading interesting stories is what I had done. The First three days passed in a very leisurely pace and I really enjoyed them.
On the fourth day I started planning some activities. I was making my everyday schedule for winter holidays. Physical and mind exercises were included in that everyday schedule, it was really detailed.
Following the schedule, I devoted some days to improving my skills. For example, I tried working with programs, practicing by editing pictures, making small and simple animations or writing simple programs.
Some days were casual. In spite of the fact that I spent this days following my plans, they passed without anything special. I got up at 7 o’clock, did morning exercises, cooked simple breakfast, practiced German language, got a walk in the park, tried to write a story, read a book and did many similar things.
A small part of the winter holidays were left without anything planned. Those were days in which I watched movies, played games with my big brother, watched him drawing pictures using a graphic tablet or helped my parents.
All in all, those were days I spent interacting with my family.
However, not all days were included in my schedule. Days like New Year, times to go on a mountain trip or celebrations are days which I call “Valuable time”, so I spent them without any plans. “Valuable time” is not to be spent with plans, because it is time to meet something unexpected. Release dates of movies and books, which I am interested in, are also included in “Valuable time” list.
That is how I spent my winter holidays with many details about what I usually do on holidays and on my free time. I always try to enjoy free time to the full. So, this time I got much pleasure by mixing resting time with exercise time.
Hey, dear Broken Sapphire, your essay is very interesting essay with a very good structure, complicated words and linking words. Moreover, I learnt something new from your essay. It is a structure of the sentence " Following the schedule, I devoted some days to improving my skills. " 1)It would be better synonyms of the word "simple". "simple animations or writing simple programs. " You can use "uncomplicated" or "elementary" words. 2)Moreover, in this sentence:"watched him drawing pictures " In this sentence "drawing" is estimated as a noun. So please fix this sentence, like:"watched how he was drawing pictures" In main, your essay is very good, and I like it very much!)
Tremendous job! I like that you gave as much details as it possible. In the task was written 150-200 words, howeover you wrote approximately 400 words. I'm not saying that this is bad, but next time try to mould your ideas.
*First of all,thank you for your hard work by writing this wonderful and captivating essay!) *Second of all, it would be better, if you take care of these moments in your work: 1) A small part of the winter holidays were left -A small part of the winter holidays was left (because you are talking about just one part of winter holidays) 2) Days like New Year, - The Days such us New Year, 3) is not to be spent with plans - is not to be spent with plans - is not denoted to spend your time with plans *Good luck in the future)
Great job on the edit of your original essay. Now you see how the writing process works. A good writer will go through many drafts before he/she has created a "final draft". You are well on your way!
here are a few more things to look at...
2nd Paragraph: "The First three days passed in a very leisurely pace and I really enjoyed them." Use "at" instead of "in"
3rd Paragraph: " I was making my everyday schedule for winter holidays" This should not be in the continuous tense and there should be a "the" before winter. "I made my everyday schedule for the winter holidays"
Paragraph 5: "I got up at 7 o’clock, did morning exercises, cooked simple breakfast, practiced German language, got a walk in the park, tried to write a story, read a book and did many similar things." In the above sentence, watch your articles. You want to say: "..cooked a simple breakfast" and "practiced the German language" or better yet "practiced German" Lastly, you want to say: "...took a walk in the park"
8th Paragraph: "Days like New Year, times to go on a mountain trip or celebrations are days which I call “Valuable time”, so I spent them without any plans." Days like New Years, time to go on a mountain trip, or special celebrations are days...
Final Paragraph: "That is how I spent my winter holidays with many details about what I usually do on holidays and on my free time. I always try to enjoy free time to the full." Should be: That is how I spent my winter holidays in detail. I always try to enjoy free time to the fullest.
Very minor mistakes! You are doing a good job; keep up the good work!
Twenty first December it`s a last day of second term. I enjoyed in this day. My school made winter ball, and more of my classmates were to this party. I danced with some of my friends, and became acquainted with a lot of interesting people. Then I was home, and my holiday started.
First time I didn`t do anything, I just slept or surfed in the internet. However, after I helped my mom cooked salad and food for met New Year. It`s be cool. Nevertheless, came my sister from Almaty and this was one of the greatest moment in 2017. Unfortunately, my father can`t came, because he must worked. However, when we celebrated holiday we called to him with «WhatsApp», and were on connection.
After New Year I am strolled with my friend. More time I played with my little brother and helped to him with lesson. I was to the celebrated of New Year in the kind garden, and he splendidly told two poems. I went proud with him. Then Santa Claus gave more goodies to my little brother.
In last day of vacation I thought what I do in 2017, and disappointed. I understood a lot time I just wasted. I surfed in the «VK», watched video in «YouTube» , but I could read books, developed English. So I thing I must change myself, and spent my time useful. When I go to school sure with this, and I thing changing it`s my first goal in this year.
hi)I liked that you used analising in your essay, however it would be better if you correct some places such as: [.1.] Twenty first December - 21st of December [.2.] it`s a last day of second term - it was the last day of second term [.3.] I enjoyed in this day - I enjoyed this day [.4.] made winter ball, - made the winter ball, [.5.] more of my classmates were to this party - most of my classmates were in this party [.6.] Then I was home - Then I came home [.7.] I helped my mom cooked salad -I helped my mom to prepare salad [.8.] food for met New Year - food for meeting the New Year [.9.] It`s be cool - It was cool [.10.] my father can`t came - my father could not come dear Marshal Lee, please pay attention to the tenses that you are using : present or past. To sum up, I liked the content of your essay and just keep working!
Marshal Lee, I liked your essay. However you should notice to the tenses. You have minor mistakes such as: •I helped my mom cooked salad - I helped my mom to make salad. • Developed English - develope my English. XOXO♥
Hello, Marshal Lee, I am glad that you improved your essay. We can see that you worked on your gramma. For example, I saw that you fixed mistakes with tenses. However, you need to work more and do not stop on your path. It will help you then.
Your essay got better, but, still you should look for the grammar again. You changed all verbs to past form, but you just changed all of them. When you write the date REMEMBER:--- THE 21ST OF december. You must write THE and OF.
Winter holidays are my favorite because they are long. However, these two weeks passed quickly. I looked after my niece most of the time. It has been only three months since she was born, but I attached to her. Thanks to my niece I understood the importance of the family one more time. The New Year is a long-awaited event. My family and I celebrate the New Year Eve every time. Moreover, I would like to do it with my friends too. Perhaps it will be fascinating. By the way I did not have the New Year’s mood this time. Maybe it was because of the lack of the snow. I had a lot of free time on the holidays. Furthermore, my sleep regimen violated. I woke up at 12.00 PM and went to bed at 2.00 AM. I interested in Korean pop groups by the end of 2017 year. I watched shows such as “Producer 101” and “Bon Voyage”. “Producer 101” is a reality show about trainees who want to debut. It gave me the motivation. “Bon Voyage” is about travelling of the BTS k-pop group. After watching this show I wrote a list of the countries which I want to visit. Moreover, I planned my own English lessons at home. I spent all days of the holidays with my family at home and I do not worry about it. I had enough time to create new goals. Moreover, I noticed that writing your plans is a good idea. It helps you to concentrate on studies and do not forget significant things. I will try to do my best after this rest. I hope that my next holidays will be more productive.
[.1.] the importance of the family one more time -the importance of the family again [.2.] My family and I - My family and me [.3.] My family and I celebrate the New Year Eve every time - As usually, every year My family and me celebrate the New Year together [.4.] my sleep regimen - my sleeping regimen [.5.] pop groups by the end of 2017 year. - pop groups in the end of the 2017 year.
My winter holidays lasted for 18 days. I thought that it was really long. However, it passed quickly. I did not do anything incredible. Firstly my dad and I went to the village for 2 days. Furthermore, I read a thought-provoking book, which is called “Liar’s Club” from the “True Story” publishing house. After I arrived home, I went to the opening of women’s clothing store “Bakonya”. My family and I celebrated the New Year. We made preparations such as a festive table, decorated a Christmas tree and cleaned up home. Furthermore, my family visited my uncle’s house, there we blew up salutes and it was fascinating. After the New Year celebration I started to watch Korean dramas, like “While you slept” and read a book, which is called “Gone with the wind” written by Margaret Mitchell. I met my friends, and we hung out. On Saturday, 6 January guests came to our house. We celebrated birth of my niece to the world. I really liked my winter holidays. However I spent time with my parents and relatives.
Dear, writer! I think that "my family and I" and "my dad and I" is correct! But: -use "fireworks" instead of "salutes" -"we met guests at home" will be better Good job!
Hello, person adored by everyone! You have obvios improvements than in your previos essay. I saw impvorements that you change stuction of the sentense correctly or you fix mistakes with some tenses and many more.
It was a very unusual winter holidays. Nothing like this happened before in my life. The decision to spend an extraordinary weekend was offered to me by my aunt. I went to her house to another city. There was a start for unforgettable time. After a long trip by train I was slightly tired, but the next day I went out for a walk around the city. All day I spent outside on the snow-covered streets and during the evening my aunt and I had a dinner, while watching the Christmas films such as: “Home alone” and more. I stayed with my aunt for the New Year's party. Then, my aunt, her friend and I went abroad. For a long time I was far from my family and ordinary life. As a result, I did not meet the celebration with my parents, but I spent it with a person, who is no less close to me. In a place where I was there was no snow, so the New Year's mood was not there, too. Frankly speaking, this truly upset me, because for me the New Year is associated with the real winter. However, it was an incredible and fascinating time full of beauty and New Year’s magic. My aunt and I met the celebration with loud music and dancing. I can say with a confidence that I will not forget this winter holidays soon.
Hello Toni Kross, I enjoyed reading your very well written post about your winter holidays! I have 2 points for feedback, the first is about phrasing, and the second is just a suggestion for how you can enhance your descriptive writing in order to create a more complete picture of your holidays for your readers. 1. "its a great chance not to get up early" is a little bit awkward. "its a great chance to sleep in late" might be better. 2. When you said you watch TV you could tell us about your favourite shows. When you said people cook delicious food, you could tell us more about the food. When you said play computer games, watch films, etc you can elaborate by telling the reader more about the computer games or films you enjoy and why.
My winter holidays I cannot say that my winter holidays was amazing, wonderful and perfect; Nevertheless, it let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing. So what I did?! Majority of my holiday, I was in Almaty, with my family, we went to my father. Until the New Year, I came to school, prepared for olimpyada by chemistry, read the book, and all of that. I tried to work on my mistakes in English grammar, so I also read English book, too. Unfortunately, when the New Year came, I prepared for that, so I forgot about that. I cleaned my home, it was general cleaning, OMG, after that I was so tired. Also I help my mother with setting the table to celebration. Well, I, with my family, met the New Year together and great. Okay! After all of that, like any typical teenager, I was surfer in social network, watch serials and cartoons, because, this kind of pastime let me feel myself relax. During the holiday I found new friend, and every day we talked until the midnight, sometimes until the 5 o’clock. It was crazy and amazing. All of this happened in Almaty, because of, at third day of the holiday we went to there. So it was my winter holidays, regardless I did not do something helpful, I love it.
Hey, I like your essay very much because of good structure, beautiful words and also emotions) However you have some mistakes: 1)" winter holidays was amazing, " holidays are plural, so that you must write:" winter holidays were amazing, " 2)"Nevertheless, it let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing." You must write like :"Nevertheless, these days let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing." because you said about holiday. 3)"Majority of my holiday" Correctly to write:"The majority of my holidays". 4)"I was in Almaty, with my family, we went to my father. " correctly to write:"My family and I were in Almaty, so we went to my father." 5) " olimpyada by chemistry" correctly to write "Olympiad in chemictry" 6)"read A English book, too." 7)" Unfortunately, when the New Year came, I prepared for that, so I forgot about that." this sentence is not seems correct. " Unfortunately, I prepared for celebration of the New Year,so when it came I forgot about that." 8) "Well, I, with my family, met the New Year together and great." correctly to write :" Well,my family and I met the New Year together and it was very exciting!" 9)" I was surfer in social network, watch serials" do not forget past tense." I surfered in social network, watched serials" 10)" I found A new friend," In main, I really like your eassay very much. Keep improving yourself!"
* dear, I find it appealing that you could combine all information about your winter holidays in shorten form with significance. * please, pay attention to: [.1.] celebrate New Year - celebrate the New Year [.2.] People decorate their home - People decorate their homeS [.3.] after summative assessment. - after the summative assessment. [.4.] were not very interesting - were not very enthralling [.5.] one of the best serial - one of the best serialS
Dear, Amy! How are you? How your winter holiday is going? I would like to write about my winter holiday. It was very exciting. Most of the time, I was at home with my family. Before the Christmas day my siblings and I went to the cinema. We chose to watch a cartoon called “Ferdinand”. I liked it very much, because it is about bulls that can teach us about a real love for your friends. I am of the view that justice always wins. In general, I think it is about spiritual beauty. At 8 o’clock we sat with my family to meet a New Year. Everybody at home was happy and started to share with their positivity. Moreover, we made wishes to each other on coming New Year. Later we decided to take a family photo with Christmas tree. It was a really miracle night! I like this New Year atmosphere! Next day my grandmother visited us like Santa Claus. She came with a lot of presents for her grandchildren! In conclusion, I want to say that my winter holidays have passed fascinating!
Your essay is pretty good. I saw first version of your article. Futhermore, I able to say that second time you wrote much better. Good job, dear. XOXO♥
I love the effort that you have put into writing your essay. Keep up the good work!
Here are a few adjustments regarding use of verbs, prepositions etc.:
1. How your winter holiday is going? (How is your winter holiday going?) 2. Before the Christmas day my siblings and I went to the cinema. (My siblings and I went to the cinema the day before Christmas.) 3. …teach us about a real love for your friends (teach us about real love for our friends.) 4. At 8 o’clock we sat with my family to meet a New Year. (At 8 o’clock I sat with my family to meet the New Year.) 5. Everybody at home was happy and started to share with their positivity. (Everybody at home was happy and started to share their positivity.) 6. Moreover, we made wishes to each other on coming New Year (Moreover, we made wishes to each other as we anticipated the New Year)/(as the New Year approaches). 7. Later we decided to take a family photo with Christmas tree. (Later, we decided to take a family photo with the Christmas tree)/ (…photo under the Christmas tree). 8. It was a really miracle night! (It was a really miraculous night!) 9. In conclusion, I want to say that my winter holidays have passed fascinating! (Overall, my winter holidays were fascinating!) /…my winter holidays exceeded my expectations.
My winter holiday started on 22nd of December and has finished yesterday. Moreover, this holidays were very special for me, I was found new friends, already helped my brother and mum with homework’s. When my friends returned to their hometown, I was deciding to write letters for them and it was very interesting. We exchanged thoughts, shared and just chat. Every day, I and my friends go to the outside. We were strolled or played a computer games / PS4 such as Fifa 18 in the computer / PS4 clubs. Also we celebrated birthday of my friend. It was so cool and unimaginable. In the same time we were preparing to the New Year. Yes, I know that it was difficult but we did not give up. But it was so sad that we did not buy fireworks. Furthermore, I practiced my hobby of reading books. I bought the few books, like Harry Potter and the cursed child, I am legend and etc. but I read only one of them. When I was reading books I did not notice that New Year is near as well as my family celebrated the New Year 2018! In my opinion, this New 2018 year was very unusual and fascinating.
Hames, I noticed that all 2 version of the essay is wondeful, youth is also too. I suggest to you use more academic words instead of simple as "very interesting", you can use "appealing/captivating". It is better to you)
[.1.] started on 22nd of December - started on THE 22nd of December [.2.] this holidays were - these holidays were [.3.] I was found new friends - I found new friends [.4.] it was very interesting - it was very enthralling [.5.] just chat - just chatted or kept in touch
You always write "My friends and I" or "My family and I". Do not begin your sentence with BUT.(replace it to HOWEVER) It will be better if you write "My winter holidays"(I am not shure about using "My winter holiday")
Dear Hames, I am really glad with your new version because you add lots of ditails as well as correct some mistakes. That is really well. For example, you fix some problems with tenses, and you use new vocabulary like unimaginable, which is accademic word. I hope that you will not stop this developement and become better as well as more experienced. Bye!
Today is the second day of our new 3rd term. Now, I would like to share with you some information about my winter holidays. Ok, let`s start! In fact, our holiday lasted for 15 days, but if the weekends were included, then we had about 20 days of holidays at all. I spent my winter holidays in Taraz, at home actually. The first activity that I did is going to additional lessons on subjects such as English and World History. This lasted for the 5-6 days. Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To be a perfect daughter I prepared some food including breakfast, lunch and dinner. Furthermore, I cleaned my home and took care of my brother and sister. Moreover, I watched soap operas and was surfing in the internet in my free time. Furthermore, in holidays I could read 2 books from the world literature. At the end of the holidays, I felt very satisfied about my work and results. In addition, I consider that these activities indicate my self- development I think that the activities I did over the holidays indicate my passion for learning and self-improvement’. To sum up, in my winter holidays I did not just waste my time, and as a result I came to school with the wonderful mood!
Nice work Chocolate! I enjoyed reading your second draft. However,try to be a little more careful with your tenses: 'The first activity that I did was..." (not 'is'). Please take another look at my feedback from your first draft as you have missed some of the corrections. Keep going, you are doing well!
Hey, dear chocolate__! Excellent work. I like your essay very much because of good structure, beautiful words and phrases, linking words. Moreover, I learnt a phrase "to sum up". It would be good if you fix some minor mistakes: 1) "Today is the second day of our new 3rd term." It seems a little bit incorrect because when I read this sentence I thought that 3rd term was several times. So that you can write "Today is the second day of our 3rd term." or "Today is the second day of our new term." 2) "I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum." you forget an article. The correct version of the sentence is:" I was a ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum." 3)"Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To be a perfect daughter I prepared" There "perfect daughter" repeated twice. So that you can replaced it in second sentence "Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To get this rank I prepared..." 4)"I prepared some food including breakfast" it would be correctly to write "I cooked some food including breakfast". 5)"Furthermore, in holidays I could read 2 books from the world literature." In this sentence you can just write without "could". "Furthermore, in holidays I read 2 books from the world literature."
For every student-winter holidays are one of the most enjoyable parts of each academic year. On my winter holidays I was at home with my family. Sleeping as long as I want, reading books which I had planned to read, watching interesting films, eating tasty meals by myself, spending time with my best friend and other activities like these – made my holidays colorful. When my mind felt fresh and body felt freedom there became inspiration to make something new. I thought about my priorities and made some conclusions about my bad habits and good qualities. I hope, this year will change more than I can image. Moreover, I am very happy that these holidays gave me a chance to think about things, which I thought important. I have desire to make myself better and I will do it. At school time, I usually see my family only in the evening, after school. So think, after these holidays, we get closer. What about New Year? As every year, we sit together with my family, eating New Year dinner and just enjoy the moment. I think this is a good chance to start some things again. Fresh mind, new ideas and support of my family will help me to achieve my goals. I like these holidays and believe, that this is just beginning.
[.1.] there became inspiration- there was an inspiration [.2.] bad habits - unpleasant habits [.3.] good qualities - desirable qualities [.4.] Fresh mind - A Fresh mind [.5.] veery- very neat essay, it right away feels that you wrote it with open heart!) thanks that you could give some motivation to your readers)
I spent my winter holidays travelling around. I had a little shock for the first time, when I knew, that my winter holidays lasted 20 days. I was worried about third term, moreover about all knowledge I will lose for 20 days. My mom called me in the day before holidays. She said that I must go to Almaty immediately. Here, started my first trip. The way was difficult. However, after nine hours I was in Almaty. I met my relatives and my parents. It is strange feeling: everybody kisses you, says that you become an adult girl; moreover they always ask questions like “Do you remember me?” or “Do you know my name?” The problem is that you never ever see this person. My mission (to celebrate New Year in Almaty) completed, so I went to Taraz. In that nine hours I started to hate everything connected buses or sprinters. Despite the fact that I feel ill, I read the book called “Fighting club” by Chuck Palahniuk. I noticed, that people needs people. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Loneliness borders with madness. That’s what happened with main unnamed character (We will call him A). The story starts from A’s insomnia and ends with A’s split personality. I noticed that Chuck Palahniuk’s books are not for all. He writes something, what others are afraid to write. He says words louder than a shout. He opens people’s mind, but closes it too. He is the author, who found a way to my heart. However, at the same time he is a person, I hate the most. He said in his book, that our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. As a Muslim, I cannot agree with author. He is a person, who propagandize his wrong ideology. To be continued[2]
[.1.] I liked that you wrote your essay jocularly and I am confident that by this you will attract a lot of readers) [.2.] however, I must notice that you are not writing about your winter holidays as the main point. The centre of attraction is your book [.3.] On the other hand, your essay has deeply meaning . Especially, here "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. " [.4.] Although, you repulse from the title of your essay, I find your essay appealing and recommend you to continue))) Thanks for the minutes of philosophy!
"My mom called me in the day before holidays." - My mom called me the day before holidays. "The problem is that you never ever see this person." - The problem is that you never ever saw this person. "connected buses or sprinters." - connected to buses and sprinters(and because it fits here the most)
Thank you for your hard work! It is good to read books and everybody who read your essay could see your passion for books and also for this particular author. However, please do not forget the main topic of the essay, though I think that you already have some ideas of what to write in "to be continued" section.
Continue writing, proceed with your ideas and live happy life!
My winter holidays! My winter holidays started...I was so glad to become aware of this event. I had many different plans for these holidays. On my first days I anticipated the arrival of my lovely sister and mother. So when they came back home I was really happy to see them. Moreover, I spent my free time with my friends by going to the sports field and training there. Street workout is an idea to train with only your body weight in the special sports field, without sports equipment and paying money in the gym. My friends and I love this so much, because it is really funny and at the same time has big benefits. Happy New Year!!! I with impatience expect that event. My family and I made a lot of delicious salads. We also went to the bazaar to buy tasty fruits, cake, spices. We met New Year in domestic surroundings with happy mood. Furthermore, I had my birthday. It is a special day of each human in the world. I was so happy on that day, but at the same time I had a little bit sadness. I became fifteen years old teenager. This age require me being responsible and serious. Unfortunately, my childhood passed, and now I must think about future. Moreover, I went with my friends to the cinema to watch the film called "The greatest showman". In main characters were Hugh Jackman, Zak Efron and others famous actors.I actually enjoyed watching this interesting film with my friends. At the same time I did a lot of activities in my leisure time. I started reading books for time management and self-development. Moreover, I had a challenge of watching all Harry Potter's movies:) It was funny and gripping. While I watched these films, I did not think about anything, I just relaxed. In conclusion, I would like to say that these winter holidays were very exciting, unforgettable and productive. At this time I had a lot of important events that I will remember. I became aware that time is running out and I should have good moments and enjoy right now!)
Hello, my dear friend. Your essay is very well, In my opinion your writing skills on high level. But you also have some grammar and punctuation mistakes. it isn't so big mistakes, but you need to work on them. For example: -After "At the same time" and "At this time" you need to put a COMMA. -You have start your first paragraph using past simple tense, but the sixth sentence you start to write using present simple. I hope that I helped you. Good luck!
[.1.] by going to the sports field and training there. - by going and training at the sport field [.2.] Street workout is an idea - A Street workout is an idea [.3.] My friends and I - My friends and me [.4.] has big benefits.- have big benefits. [.5.] expect that event -expected that event ***By reading this essay ,I have noticed your perspective thinking ,which is very necessary guality of future world`s citizen. Just keep going towards and you will achieve a lot!)
Hello The Hero of Our World! Great job with your second post! You had great use of adjectives and did an excellent job describing your feelings and emotions throughout each of the many activities you participated in throughout the winter holidays.
My only suggestion is instead of "I with impatience expected that event" it would sound better as "I eagerly awaited that event".
My winter holiday I like all holiday, no matter it is summer or winter. I am trying did not think about study. In recent times I so like watch movies in the movie theater. At the time showed "Jumanji" and "Business in Kazakh". I went to the movies with my friends and family. The remaining time I spent on the preparation of the new year. After holiday I read the book half. Soon I had to go school.
I think that the structure of your essay is good, of course you need to work on your lexicon. Furthermore, try to use linking words. In my opinion, linking words help to develop your writing skills. Good luck!
Dear, Beautiful Moon. You did a nice job. However, I have some adveces for you to improove your essay. 1. "... if it is a summer or a winter." 2. In your second sentence it is better to say: "I was trying to not think..." 3. "After holidays I read a half of the book." will be much better. 4. "Soon I have to go to school" is correct one. Wish you good luck ;)
Dear, Beautiful Moon!) I like your essay because of its good structure, words, and also your style of introducing thoughts)
However you have soma grammar mistakes: 1)"I like all holiday, no matter it is summer or winter." it would be more correctly to write:"I like all holidayS, no matter IF it is summer or winter." 2)"I am trying did not think about study." it should write:"I am trying not to think about a school." 3) "In recent times..." you should write it with comma. 4) "I so like watch movies in the movie theater." it would be correctly to write:"I enjoy watching movies in the cinema" 5)"I went to the movies with my friends and family. " you can replace it:"My family, friends and I went to the movies together."
I recommend to use linking words. You should to write more than 150 words. Please, do not limit yoursef!)Do not give up!)
My winter holidays I spented my winter holidays the same as how the majority of people celebrated their winter holidays. What about you? For example, I was playing computer games, watching serials, cleaning home and other stuff. I didn`t do something special and just relaxed. My family was home only half of all my holidays, so we were home and preparing to New Year. New Year was funny as well as encouraging. However, we didn`t buy firework. Subsequently it was little bit sad thing for me because it is my favorite action in this celebration. Consequently, I hope next year we will buy it. We prepared two days before the celebration. On New Year’s Day starting from 18 o`clock neighbors and relatives came and we went their home too. At twelve o`clock we watched Nursultan Nazarbayev`s speech and drank beverages. As you see my holidays was full of positive, relax and other different positive feelings. I was playing with my best friend, watching serials and other good as well as my favorite stuff. These holidays were simple as usual days, but it gave me energy and power to learn new information in the lessons.
spented -> spent my family was home -> my family was at home in the lessons -> on the lessons (or you may replace it to "to learn new information at school") Do not ask reader in the essays.(using questions in English writings is not good compared with the Russian language) "Consequently, I hope next year we will buy it. We prepared two days before the celebration." It seems to me that it is wrong to use CONSEQUENTLY in this case. It will be better if you use other linking word.(CONSEQUENTLY we usually use in the conclusion) I hope that you will remember my advices.
hello, I think that the structure of your essay si very good, it will be better if you'll fix some mistakes: 1. you need to use "spent" in past simple tense, because of the second form of verb "spend" is "spent". There is no -ED- here. 2. In my opinion, it will be correct to write "However, we did not buy fireworks" instead of "However, we didn`t buy firework", because you are not need to use contractions here and I think that you wanted to tell about "firework" in plural. So, I think that I helped you and I learned adverb "subsequently" from your essay. Good luck!
I like your essay style and structure. For example, you used a linking and different words. Good job! Moreover, I am notice that you fixed your mistakes from a 1 version essay.
Hello My Dear Friends When we write the essay we don`t use a rhetorical question , because in essay we answer respond the question . I thing you must use the synonyms of word.For example, you twice say "home" in one sentence, you can change this word to word "house". You forget more comma.For example before this word "because " .
It is obvious, that winter holidays begin at the end of December and last about two weeks. During the holidays, people celebrate the New Year. Some people believe that the New Year is a family holiday and we have to celebrate it at home. However, many people like to spend their winter holidays somewhere far from home. In my family the New Year is not celebrated. So, i spend my winter holidays meeting my relatives.
In winter, many people travel to Shimbulak, in Almaty, because they like skiing. I also enjoy skiing, but could not go there because of cold weather. As I said, I visited my relatives. They live in Karaganda and i got there by train, because I consider this mode of transport to be safe. I had a great time with all of them.
But the time during the holidays flies so quickly. So, In other times, I read some books which I dreamt to read but I did not have free time for this. I played the dombyra and watched some TV programmes, helped my parents about the house. I cleaned our flat, cooked meals, cakes and washed up.
I like my winter holidays very much. I think I will memorize them for ever.
Hi Braveheart, The creativity in adapting your first and second paragraphs is commendable if it helps you to learn to structure your sentences. However, its similarity to the writing at http://www.dinternal.com.ua/topics/my-winter-holidays/ cannot be missed. With the exception of the first sentence in the third paragraph, the rest of the sentences in the third paragraph are original, which is very good. Good job there. The last sentence with "...I will memorize them for ever" has a different meaning than you intend it to convey. A better phrase is "...I will remember them forever". Now rewrite your essay with less direct reliance on an existing piece. The effort will exert you but you will become a superb writer.
My winter holidays started at December 22 and lasted for whole 18 days. Due to it is a long period, I decided to spend it useful for myself as soon as I wanted to relax.
ReplyDeleteThe first part of holidays I red the fascinating book, which was called “Gone with the wind” written by Margaret Mitchell. It was about a difficult fate of young woman Scarlett, her troublesome choice during the howl and unrequited love. Although, after reading I understood that it was one of the most wonderful books whatever I red.
I celebrated the New Year with my the family. I cooked traditional dished, salads and prepared a festive table with my mom and little sister. Moreover, at 12.00 pm we and our neighbors went to outside and blew up salutes. Hundreds of colorful salutes highlighted the dark night sky.
In the second part of holidays I just wanted to relax, so that I chose some movies and serials and watched it. My list included movies, such as “Paris at any cost”, “Personal customer”, “The Devil wears Prada” and serial “Stranger things”.
On winter holidays I did not do some grandiose things. However, I satisfied. I even went to former school for meeting my old classmates, that I did not see about year.
Dear, good_reader. Your essay is very fascinating, so I like it. You used a lot of beautiful words, which I did not know before. However, I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, I did not understand what you meant, but in my opinion, it should be “while” instead of “as soon as”. Secondly, I think that you should have written “whatever I read” instead of “whatever I red”, because the second form and the third form in spelling are the same – read. Good job! And have a good luck.
DeleteHannah. XOXO
Oh, my dear friend, you wrote wondeful essay. And I want suggest to you use "firework" instead of salute) Then:
Delete-I cooked traditional disheS;
-I reAd* the fascinating book;
In my opinion, thats all, good luck in future)
You do not need to write "the family" because you wrote "my". It seems to me that it will be better, if you think about your conclusion one more time. Good job!
Deletegood reader, I liked your essay. While U have mistakes. Such as:
Delete•I red the fascinating book. It should be like: I read the fascinating book.
• With my the famiily. You should not use "the" after "my".
XOXO♥
Good job. In the last sentence, there is no comma after "my old classmates that i did not see". At all, like it.
DeleteDear , good reader your essay is not bad , before me some people recommend you how to improve , develope your own essay . So i just wanna say , that your job is good. Thank you for your hardworking.
DeleteIn my opinion it is not so bad. But you should improve your essay structure. THere is no any passive voice sentences. Is it correct to write about year? I think we need to write about a year. Good job!
DeleteMy winter holidays
ReplyDeleteOur winter holidays are the long holydays, so we had eighteen days to relax and I started my holidays with a rest. We had nine days before the New 2018 Year.
My sister is studying in Astana and I decided to prepare a gift for her. I knew that she want and I went to the shop Centre to buy a star sky projector and a lot of chocolate. We putted in our home a big and beautiful fir-tree, cooked a lot of food and decorated the house. Every year we celebrated this event at our house. However, this year we met a new year at the sister's house. After I gave my sister a gift, she gave me a book named “The Master and Margarita” and cute pink T-shirt with an inscription “AC/DC Back in Black”. I liked this gift very much. We met the New Year very well. There were a lot of fireworks, happiness and our favorite food. After we met the New Year, I decided to watch movies and shows to cheer up and do my hobbies like drawing and reading.
I liked my winter holidays and I think I had a good rest.
I think it would be better, if you write:
Delete/*/ Our winter holidays are the long holydays - Our winter holidays are the longEST holydays
/*/ that she want - that she wantS
/*/ home a big and beautiful fir-tree - home THE big and beautiful fir-tree
/*/ Every year we celebrated this event -Every year we celebrate this event
very wonderful grammar) Thanks to your work
putted- put
DeleteMy sister is studying in Astana- My sister studies in Astana
These are your mistakes but you did a great job!
-holIdays, in first sentense you must write this word with "I" instead of "Y"-HolYdays
Delete-It will be better if you write "I knew what she want" in sentence "I knew that she want"(instead of that--What)
-Every year we celebrate (without -ed, because it is present simple. You use "Every year" that means a regular actions))
Good job, Hannah21! Very interesting essay)
It was interesting to read your job. Other people wrote your mistales, so good luck!
DeleteThank you for ypu essay , I hope that you will improve your grammar.
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DeleteHannah21, your essay is interesting and thought-provoking. However, you have a minor mistakes, such as:
Delete•At first paragraph, and first sentence you wrote holydays instead of holidays.
•Instead of "My sister studying in Astana", I think it will be better if wrote like "My sister studies in Astana".
•Instead of "at the sister's house", you should wrote "at my sister's house".
In its place, I liked your essay very much. Good job.
XOXO♥
Hi, Hannah21. After reading your essey, I see progress. You fix some mistakes that told you your friends. I like that you find a correct version of fri-tree, that you made paragraph and many more. I wish you to develope as well as do your best.
DeleteWhen I was on holidays, I thought that holidays were a wonderful time to relax, to spend time with my family, and enjoy my life. It was nice to start reading or to start doing exciting activities to develop myself. I have planned to do something creative during winter holidays.
ReplyDeleteThe first week of our winter holidays I spent time with my family, friends, and relaxed. Also it was a good week; I tried clear my brain of unnecessary information, and start to read the books, and walked. Furthermore, I watched three movies before New Year. It was: "Home alone", "Home alone 2", and "Back to the future". After these films a good mood came to me. On the last days of first week I start preparing for New Year.
In my opinion, New Year is the best event, which brings the magic to all people. I met New Year with my family and friends. It was the better time for me.
After that event I continued to relax, walk, and spent my time very well. Moreover, it was a trip to ravine on second January, we walked in ravine for 8 hours, passed 14 kilometers, and I did not felt tired after that trip, I felt pleasure.
It was good holidays for me, I spent my time productive, and I like it!
I liked your essay structure. However, you have some mistakes:
Delete*clear my brain FROM unnecessary information
*"STARTED to read" instead of "start to read". Please,do not forget that you write at Past tense
*spend instead of "spent", because this world before "continued"
"The best time" instead od "the better time". We use better only when compare something.
I hope that my advice will help you in future and you will not make grammar mistakes)
Hey, I like youur essay very much!)YOu have a good structure, used linking words) I completely agree with good_reader. Moreover, I found some mistakes and it would be better, if you fix them:
Delete1)"were a wonderful time to relax," - time is uncountable, so that without article "a".
2)" I tried clear my brain" - I am of the view that you should to add "to"." I tried TO clear my brain".
3)"and I did not felt tired" - it would be correctly to write like:"and I did not feel tired".
Dear, youngJake i liked your essay structure. However, I want to recommend you write your essay with one tense.
Delete*Firstly, I liked your style of writing very much.Due to you put your thoughts in order in paradraphs with saving the logical connections between them.
Delete*Secondly, it would be bettter, if you correct these moments in your essay:
1) nice to start reading or to start doing exciting activities - nice to start reading or doing exciting activities
2) it was a good week - it was the good week (because you are talking about the week again with describing)
3) clear my brain of unnecessary information - clear my brain from unnecessary information
Nice essay. I like it, but it will be good and beatyfull to use one tense because it will be more beatyfull and easy to read it. Good luck.
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DeleteDear Smart Wood, give me an examples and a correct version if there are mistakes here. Otherwise, your words are complete nonsense.
DeleteAt the end of the 2nd term winter holidays came. I remember having many activities planned and although I could not complete them all, I am more than satisfied with how much I have already done.
ReplyDeleteThe winter holidays started and I decided to relax from school for the first 3 days. I was not doing anything beneficial for my health, nor was I doing anything exciting or thrilling. I was just relaxing. Taking a nap, playing on my laptop, watching movies or reading interesting stories is what I had done. The First three days passed in a very leisurely pace and I really enjoyed them.
On the fourth day I started planning some activities. I was making my everyday schedule for winter holidays. Physical and mind exercises were included in that everyday schedule, it was really detailed.
Following the schedule, I devoted some days to improving my skills. For example, I tried working with programs, practicing by editing pictures, making small and simple animations or writing simple programs.
Some days were casual. In spite of the fact that I spent this days following my plans, they passed without anything special. I got up at 7 o’clock, did morning exercises, cooked simple breakfast, practiced German language, got a walk in the park, tried to write a story, read a book and did many similar things.
A small part of the winter holidays were left without anything planned. Those were days in which I watched movies, played games with my big brother, watched him drawing pictures using a graphic tablet or helped my parents.
All in all, those were days I spent interacting with my family.
However, not all days were included in my schedule. Days like New Year, times to go on a mountain trip or celebrations are days which I call “Valuable time”, so I spent them without any plans. “Valuable time” is not to be spent with plans, because it is time to meet something unexpected. Release dates of movies and books, which I am interested in, are also included in “Valuable time” list.
That is how I spent my winter holidays with many details about what I usually do on holidays and on my free time. I always try to enjoy free time to the full. So, this time I got much pleasure by mixing resting time with exercise time.
Hey, dear Broken Sapphire, your essay is very interesting essay with a very good structure, complicated words and linking words. Moreover, I learnt something new from your essay. It is a structure of the sentence " Following the schedule, I devoted some days to improving my skills. "
Delete1)It would be better synonyms of the word "simple". "simple animations or writing simple programs. "
You can use "uncomplicated" or "elementary" words.
2)Moreover, in this sentence:"watched him drawing pictures " In this sentence "drawing" is estimated as a noun. So please fix this sentence, like:"watched how he was drawing pictures"
In main, your essay is very good, and I like it very much!)
Good job! But:
Delete-THE winter holidays came(1st sentence)
-I remember that I have planned many activities...
Tremendous job! I like that you gave as much details as it possible. In the task was written 150-200 words, howeover you wrote approximately 400 words. I'm not saying that this is bad, but next time try to mould your ideas.
Delete*First of all,thank you for your hard work by writing this wonderful and captivating essay!)
Delete*Second of all, it would be better, if you take care of these moments in your work:
1) A small part of the winter holidays were left -A small part of the winter holidays was left (because you are talking about just one part of winter holidays)
2) Days like New Year, - The Days such us New Year,
3) is not to be spent with plans - is not to be spent with plans - is not denoted to spend your time with plans
*Good luck in the future)
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DeleteHello BrokenSapphire,
DeleteGreat job on the edit of your original essay. Now you see how the writing process works. A good writer will go through many drafts before he/she has created a "final draft". You are well on your way!
here are a few more things to look at...
2nd Paragraph: "The First three days passed in a very leisurely pace and I really enjoyed them."
Use "at" instead of "in"
3rd Paragraph: " I was making my everyday schedule for winter holidays"
This should not be in the continuous tense and there should be a "the" before winter.
"I made my everyday schedule for the winter holidays"
Paragraph 5: "I got up at 7 o’clock, did morning exercises, cooked simple breakfast, practiced German language, got a walk in the park, tried to write a story, read a book and did many similar things."
In the above sentence, watch your articles. You want to say: "..cooked a simple breakfast" and "practiced the German language" or better yet "practiced German"
Lastly, you want to say: "...took a walk in the park"
8th Paragraph: "Days like New Year, times to go on a mountain trip or celebrations are days which I call “Valuable time”, so I spent them without any plans."
Days like New Years, time to go on a mountain trip, or special celebrations are days...
Final Paragraph: "That is how I spent my winter holidays with many details about what I usually do on holidays and on my free time. I always try to enjoy free time to the full."
Should be:
That is how I spent my winter holidays in detail. I always try to enjoy free time to the fullest.
Very minor mistakes! You are doing a good job; keep up the good work!
Twenty first December it`s a last day of second term. I enjoyed in this day. My school made winter ball, and more of my classmates were to this party. I danced with some of my friends, and became acquainted with a lot of interesting people. Then I was home, and my holiday started.
ReplyDeleteFirst time I didn`t do anything, I just slept or surfed in the internet. However, after I helped my mom cooked salad and food for met New Year. It`s be cool. Nevertheless, came my sister from Almaty and this was one of the greatest moment in 2017. Unfortunately, my father can`t came, because he must worked. However, when we celebrated holiday we called to him with «WhatsApp», and were on connection.
After New Year I am strolled with my friend. More time I played with my little brother and helped to him with lesson. I was to the celebrated of New Year in the kind garden, and he splendidly told two poems. I went proud with him. Then Santa Claus gave more goodies to my little brother.
In last day of vacation I thought what I do in 2017, and disappointed. I understood a lot time I just wasted. I surfed in the «VK», watched video in «YouTube» , but I could read books, developed English. So I thing I must change myself, and spent my time useful. When I go to school sure with this, and I thing changing it`s my first goal in this year.
hi)I liked that you used analising in your essay, however it would be better if you correct some places such as:
Delete[.1.] Twenty first December - 21st of December
[.2.] it`s a last day of second term - it was the last day of second term
[.3.] I enjoyed in this day - I enjoyed this day
[.4.] made winter ball, - made the winter ball,
[.5.] more of my classmates were to this party - most of my classmates were in this party
[.6.] Then I was home - Then I came home
[.7.] I helped my mom cooked salad -I helped my mom to prepare salad
[.8.] food for met New Year - food for meeting the New Year
[.9.] It`s be cool - It was cool
[.10.] my father can`t came - my father could not come
dear Marshal Lee, please pay attention to the tenses that you are using : present or past. To sum up, I liked the content of your essay and just keep working!
Marshal Lee, I liked your essay. However you should notice to the tenses. You have minor mistakes such as:
Delete•I helped my mom cooked salad - I helped my mom to make salad.
• Developed English - develope my English.
XOXO♥
Hello, Marshal Lee, I am glad that you improved your essay. We can see that you worked on your gramma. For example, I saw that you fixed mistakes with tenses. However, you need to work more and do not stop on your path. It will help you then.
DeleteYour essay got better, but, still you should look for the grammar again. You changed all verbs to past form, but you just changed all of them.
DeleteWhen you write the date REMEMBER:--- THE 21ST OF december. You must write THE and OF.
Winter holidays are my favorite because they are long. However, these two weeks passed quickly. I looked after my niece most of the time. It has been only three months since she was born, but I attached to her. Thanks to my niece I understood the importance of the family one more time. The New Year is a long-awaited event. My family and I celebrate the New Year Eve every time. Moreover, I would like to do it with my friends too. Perhaps it will be fascinating. By the way I did not have the New Year’s mood this time. Maybe it was because of the lack of the snow.
ReplyDeleteI had a lot of free time on the holidays. Furthermore, my sleep regimen violated. I woke up at 12.00 PM and went to bed at 2.00 AM. I interested in Korean pop groups by the end of 2017 year. I watched shows such as “Producer 101” and “Bon Voyage”. “Producer 101” is a reality show about trainees who want to debut. It gave me the motivation. “Bon Voyage” is about travelling of the BTS k-pop group. After watching this show I wrote a list of the countries which I want to visit. Moreover, I planned my own English lessons at home.
I spent all days of the holidays with my family at home and I do not worry about it. I had enough time to create new goals. Moreover, I noticed that writing your plans is a good idea. It helps you to concentrate on studies and do not forget significant things. I will try to do my best after this rest. I hope that my next holidays will be more productive.
-Most of the time, I looked after my niece (structure of sent.)
Delete-concentrate on studying
Good job! Just work on sentence's structure)
[.1.] the importance of the family one more time -the importance of the family again
Delete[.2.] My family and I - My family and me
[.3.] My family and I celebrate the New Year Eve every time - As usually, every year My family and me celebrate the New Year together
[.4.] my sleep regimen - my sleeping regimen
[.5.] pop groups by the end of 2017 year. - pop groups in the end of the 2017 year.
Dear, Margo honestly I did not understand your essay structure . You wrote very nice essay, however people can to get confused.
DeleteMy winter holidays lasted for 18 days. I thought that it was really long. However, it passed quickly. I did not do anything incredible. Firstly my dad and I went to the village for 2 days. Furthermore, I read a thought-provoking book, which is called “Liar’s Club” from the “True Story” publishing house. After I arrived home, I went to the opening of women’s clothing store “Bakonya”.
ReplyDeleteMy family and I celebrated the New Year. We made preparations such as a festive table, decorated a Christmas tree and cleaned up home. Furthermore, my family visited my uncle’s house, there we blew up salutes and it was fascinating.
After the New Year celebration I started to watch Korean dramas, like “While you slept” and read a book, which is called “Gone with the wind” written by Margaret Mitchell.
I met my friends, and we hung out. On Saturday, 6 January guests came to our house. We celebrated birth of my niece to the world.
I really liked my winter holidays. However I spent time with my parents and relatives.
[.1.] it was really long. - it wuold be really long.
Delete[.2.] my dad and I went - my dad and me went
[.3.] My family and I - My family and me
Dear, writer! I think that "my family and I" and "my dad and I" is correct! But:
Delete-use "fireworks" instead of "salutes"
-"we met guests at home" will be better
Good job!
Dear , everybodylovesme i liked your essay, some people before me wrote your mistakes , so good Luck!
DeleteHello, person adored by everyone! You have obvios improvements than in your previos essay. I saw impvorements that you change stuction of the sentense correctly or you fix mistakes with some tenses and many more.
DeleteIt was a very unusual winter holidays. Nothing like this happened before in my life. The decision to spend an extraordinary weekend was offered to me by my aunt. I went to her house to another city. There was a start for unforgettable time.
ReplyDeleteAfter a long trip by train I was slightly tired, but the next day I went out for a walk around the city. All day I spent outside on the snow-covered streets and during the evening my aunt and I had a dinner, while watching the Christmas films such as: “Home alone” and more. I stayed with my aunt for the New Year's party. Then, my aunt, her friend and I went abroad. For a long time I was far from my family and ordinary life. As a result, I did not meet the celebration with my parents, but I spent it with a person, who is no less close to me. In a place where I was there was no snow, so the New Year's mood was not there, too. Frankly speaking, this truly upset me, because for me the New Year is associated with the real winter.
However, it was an incredible and fascinating time full of beauty and New Year’s magic. My aunt and I met the celebration with loud music and dancing. I can say with a confidence that I will not forget this winter holidays soon.
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DeleteStructure of your essay pretty good. Second version of your essay is much better than first. I like it☼
DeleteXOXO♥
-"It was a start of unforgettable.." will be better
Delete-"Home alone" and others. Not "more"
Your essay is very interesting!)
Structure of your essay is very good . I agree with everybodylovesme thet ypur second version is more better than your first essay.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEvery year students have their winter holidays. They usually last for 2 weeks: from New Year’s Day till the 9th of January. I am sure that all of us look forward to this time because it’s a great chance not to get up early and to do what we want. As for me I always sleep till 9 a.m. during my winter holidays. Then I turn on my TV and lie in my bed for another hour.
ReplyDeleteWinter holidays are even more exciting because we celebrate New Year. Our mood is joyful. The whole atmosphere is full of magic. People exchange presents, decorate their homes, cook delicious food, visit each other and have parties.
If the weather is cold I prefer to stay at home or visit my friends. They can also come to my place. We play computer games, surf the Internet or watch films. In warm weather we go to the cinema or a café.
This holiday was astonishing ,beacuse i met New Year with my parents and spent time with my friends.I hope that everbody liked their holiday.Happy New Year !
Hello Toni Kross,
DeleteI enjoyed reading your very well written post about your winter holidays! I have 2 points for feedback, the first is about phrasing, and the second is just a suggestion for how you can enhance your descriptive writing in order to create a more complete picture of your holidays for your readers.
1. "its a great chance not to get up early" is a little bit awkward. "its a great chance to sleep in late" might be better.
2. When you said you watch TV you could tell us about your favourite shows. When you said people cook delicious food, you could tell us more about the food. When you said play computer games, watch films, etc you can elaborate by telling the reader more about the computer games or films you enjoy and why.
Good job!
My winter holidays
ReplyDeleteI cannot say that my winter holidays was amazing, wonderful and perfect; Nevertheless, it let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing. So what I did?!
Majority of my holiday, I was in Almaty, with my family, we went to my father. Until the New Year, I came to school, prepared for olimpyada by chemistry, read the book, and all of that. I tried to work on my mistakes in English grammar, so I also read English book, too. Unfortunately, when the New Year came, I prepared for that, so I forgot about that. I cleaned my home, it was general cleaning, OMG, after that I was so tired. Also I help my mother with setting the table to celebration. Well, I, with my family, met the New Year together and great. Okay!
After all of that, like any typical teenager, I was surfer in social network, watch serials and cartoons, because, this kind of pastime let me feel myself relax. During the holiday I found new friend, and every day we talked until the midnight, sometimes until the 5 o’clock. It was crazy and amazing.
All of this happened in Almaty, because of, at third day of the holiday we went to there.
So it was my winter holidays, regardless I did not do something helpful, I love it.
Hey, I like your essay very much because of good structure, beautiful words and also emotions) However you have some mistakes:
Delete1)" winter holidays was amazing, " holidays are plural, so that you must write:" winter holidays were amazing, "
2)"Nevertheless, it let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing." You must write like :"Nevertheless, these days let me feel happy, fun and I was relaxing." because you said about holiday.
3)"Majority of my holiday" Correctly to write:"The majority of my holidays".
4)"I was in Almaty, with my family, we went to my father. " correctly to write:"My family and I were in Almaty, so we went to my father."
5) " olimpyada by chemistry" correctly to write "Olympiad in chemictry"
6)"read A English book, too."
7)" Unfortunately, when the New Year came, I prepared for that, so I forgot about that." this sentence is not seems correct. " Unfortunately, I prepared for celebration of the New Year,so when it came I forgot about that."
8) "Well, I, with my family, met the New Year together and great." correctly to write :" Well,my family and I met the New Year together and it was very exciting!"
9)" I was surfer in social network, watch serials" do not forget past tense." I surfered in social network, watched serials"
10)" I found A new friend,"
In main, I really like your eassay very much. Keep improving yourself!"
How I spent my winter holiday ?
ReplyDeleteWinter holidays are one of the best times to relax, because people celebrate New Year and Christmas. People decorate their home , cook delicious dishes and buy presents.
My winter holidays started on 21st December, after summative assessment. I spent my winter holidays at home with my family. Honestly, my holidays were not very interesting , because I spent it without my grandmother and grandfather , they went to Russia for the winter holidays by plane . However , I had some interesting moments. For example, I went to the cinema with my friend and after the cinema we ate burgers in café.
I spent my New Year at home with my friends and family. It was one of the best moments in the last year.
On holidays , I found out a lot of things by reading books and watching the serials.
I read a lot of books like “He and She – Mark Levy” and I was watching GAME OF THRONES. This serial is one of the best serial in the world.
In my opinion , my winter holidays were not bad , full of funny moments , because I spent it with my family.
fatcatdog, I liked your essay. Your grammatic high-quality. However you should put space after comma, not before.
DeleteXOXO♥
I like that you corrected some moments as "they went to Russia for the winter holiday BY PLANE" and other. At all, your job is very beautiful.
Delete* dear, I find it appealing that you could combine all information about your winter holidays in shorten form with significance.
Delete* please, pay attention to:
[.1.] celebrate New Year - celebrate the New Year
[.2.] People decorate their home - People decorate their homeS
[.3.] after summative assessment. - after the summative assessment.
[.4.] were not very interesting - were not very enthralling
[.5.] one of the best serial - one of the best serialS
ReplyDeleteDear, Amy!
How are you? How your winter holiday is going?
I would like to write about my winter holiday. It was very exciting. Most of the time, I was at home with my family.
Before the Christmas day my siblings and I went to the cinema. We chose to watch a cartoon called “Ferdinand”. I liked it very much, because it is about bulls that can teach us about a real love for your friends. I am of the view that justice always wins. In general, I think it is about spiritual beauty.
At 8 o’clock we sat with my family to meet a New Year. Everybody at home was happy and started to share with their positivity. Moreover, we made wishes to each other on coming New Year. Later we decided to take a family photo with Christmas tree. It was a really miracle night! I like this New Year atmosphere!
Next day my grandmother visited us like Santa Claus. She came with a lot of presents for her grandchildren!
In conclusion, I want to say that my winter holidays have passed fascinating!
Your essay is pretty good. I saw first version of your article. Futhermore, I able to say that second time you wrote much better. Good job, dear.
DeleteXOXO♥
My dear friend, your essay seems to me perfect, due to I couldnot find any mistakes. Keep working like that, you are progressing
DeleteDear , Blackpink i could not find any mistakes . So now i can say , that your essayis perfect.
DeleteDear BlackPink,
DeleteI love the effort that you have put into writing your essay. Keep up the good work!
Here are a few adjustments regarding use of verbs, prepositions etc.:
1. How your winter holiday is going? (How is your winter holiday going?)
2. Before the Christmas day my siblings and I went to the cinema. (My siblings and I went to the cinema the day before Christmas.)
3. …teach us about a real love for your friends (teach us about real love for our friends.)
4. At 8 o’clock we sat with my family to meet a New Year. (At 8 o’clock I sat with my family to meet the New Year.)
5. Everybody at home was happy and started to share with their positivity. (Everybody at home was happy and started to share their positivity.)
6. Moreover, we made wishes to each other on coming New Year (Moreover, we made wishes to each other as we anticipated the New Year)/(as the New Year approaches).
7. Later we decided to take a family photo with Christmas tree. (Later, we decided to take a family photo with the Christmas tree)/ (…photo under the Christmas tree).
8. It was a really miracle night! (It was a really miraculous night!)
9. In conclusion, I want to say that my winter holidays have passed fascinating! (Overall, my winter holidays were fascinating!) /…my winter holidays exceeded my expectations.
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ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMy winter holiday started on 22nd of December and has finished yesterday. Moreover, this holidays were very special for me, I was found new friends, already helped my brother and mum with homework’s. When my friends returned to their hometown, I was deciding to write letters for them and it was very interesting. We exchanged thoughts, shared and just chat.
Every day, I and my friends go to the outside. We were strolled or played a computer games / PS4 such as Fifa 18 in the computer / PS4 clubs. Also we celebrated birthday of my friend. It was so cool and unimaginable.
In the same time we were preparing to the New Year. Yes, I know that it was difficult but we did not give up. But it was so sad that we did not buy fireworks.
Furthermore, I practiced my hobby of reading books. I bought the few books, like Harry Potter and the cursed child, I am legend and etc. but I read only one of them. When I was reading books I did not notice that New Year is near as well as my family celebrated the New Year 2018! In my opinion, this New 2018 year was very unusual and fascinating.
I think that your essay fascinating. Due to you used linking, high level words. Grammatic is also fine. At all I really liked your article.
DeleteXOXO♥
Hames, I noticed that all 2 version of the essay is wondeful, youth is also too. I suggest to you use more academic words instead of simple as "very interesting", you can use "appealing/captivating". It is better to you)
DeleteDear , Hames your essay is readable . I like your essay structure and linkin words thet you use . Thank for your hardworking .
Delete[.1.] started on 22nd of December - started on THE 22nd of December
Delete[.2.] this holidays were - these holidays were
[.3.] I was found new friends - I found new friends
[.4.] it was very interesting - it was very enthralling
[.5.] just chat - just chatted or kept in touch
You always write "My friends and I" or "My family and I".
DeleteDo not begin your sentence with BUT.(replace it to HOWEVER)
It will be better if you write "My winter holidays"(I am not shure about using "My winter holiday")
Dear Hames, I am really glad with your new version because you add lots of ditails as well as correct some mistakes. That is really well. For example, you fix some problems with tenses, and you use new vocabulary like unimaginable, which is accademic word. I hope that you will not stop this developement and become better as well as more experienced. Bye!
DeleteToday is the second day of our new 3rd term. Now, I would like to share with you some information about my winter holidays. Ok, let`s start!
ReplyDeleteIn fact, our holiday lasted for 15 days, but if the weekends were included, then we had about 20 days of holidays at all. I spent my winter holidays in Taraz, at home actually.
The first activity that I did is going to additional lessons on subjects such as English and World History. This lasted for the 5-6 days. Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To be a perfect daughter I prepared some food including breakfast, lunch and dinner. Furthermore, I cleaned my home and took care of my brother and sister. Moreover, I watched soap operas and was surfing in the internet in my free time. Furthermore, in holidays I could read 2 books from the world literature.
At the end of the holidays, I felt very satisfied about my work and results. In addition, I consider that these activities indicate my self- development I think that the activities I did over the holidays indicate my passion for learning and self-improvement’.
To sum up, in my winter holidays I did not just waste my time, and as a result I came to school with the wonderful mood!
I like your essay and your structure. I am notice that you fixed your mistakes from the first version essay. Good job!
DeleteNice work Chocolate! I enjoyed reading your second draft. However,try to be a little more careful with your tenses: 'The first activity that I did was..." (not 'is'). Please take another look at my feedback from your first draft as you have missed some of the corrections. Keep going, you are doing well!
DeleteHey, dear chocolate__! Excellent work. I like your essay very much because of good structure, beautiful words and phrases, linking words. Moreover, I learnt a phrase "to sum up".
DeleteIt would be good if you fix some minor mistakes:
1) "Today is the second day of our new 3rd term." It seems a little bit incorrect because when I read this sentence I thought that 3rd term was several times. So that you can write "Today is the second day of our 3rd term." or "Today is the second day of our new term."
2) "I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum." you forget an article. The correct version of the sentence is:" I was a ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum."
3)"Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To be a perfect daughter I prepared" There "perfect daughter" repeated twice. So that you can replaced it in second sentence "Secondly, I was ‘’perfect daughter’’ to my mum. To get this rank I prepared..."
4)"I prepared some food including breakfast" it would be correctly to write "I cooked some food including breakfast".
5)"Furthermore, in holidays I could read 2 books from the world literature." In this sentence you can just write without "could". "Furthermore, in holidays I read 2 books from the world literature."
For every student-winter holidays are one of the most enjoyable parts of each academic year. On my winter holidays I was at home with my family. Sleeping as long as I want, reading books which I had planned to read, watching interesting films, eating tasty meals by myself, spending time with my best friend and other activities like these – made my holidays colorful. When my mind felt fresh and body felt freedom there became inspiration to make something new. I thought about my priorities and made some conclusions about my bad habits and good qualities. I hope, this year will change more than I can image. Moreover, I am very happy that these holidays gave me a chance to think about things, which I thought important. I have desire to make myself better and I will do it.
ReplyDeleteAt school time, I usually see my family only in the evening, after school. So think, after these holidays, we get closer.
What about New Year? As every year, we sit together with my family, eating New Year dinner and just enjoy the moment. I think this is a good chance to start some things again. Fresh mind, new ideas and support of my family will help me to achieve my goals.
I like these holidays and believe, that this is just beginning.
Freya thank you for your wondeful essay, and you corrected your last mistakes, try to work like this
DeleteI liked your essay. You have good structure. Excellent post
DeleteXOXO ♥
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DeleteDear my Freya, I very liked your essay , because of you wrote not only conserning winter holidays , you wrote the best sides of this event .
Delete[.1.] there became inspiration- there was an inspiration
Delete[.2.] bad habits - unpleasant habits
[.3.] good qualities - desirable qualities
[.4.] Fresh mind - A Fresh mind
[.5.] veery- very neat essay, it right away feels that you wrote it with open heart!) thanks that you could give some motivation to your readers)
I spent my winter holidays travelling around. I had a little shock for the first time, when I knew, that my winter holidays lasted 20 days. I was worried about third term, moreover about all knowledge I will lose for 20 days.
ReplyDeleteMy mom called me in the day before holidays. She said that I must go to Almaty immediately. Here, started my first trip. The way was difficult. However, after nine hours I was in Almaty.
I met my relatives and my parents. It is strange feeling: everybody kisses you, says that you become an adult girl; moreover they always ask questions like “Do you remember me?” or “Do you know my name?” The problem is that you never ever see this person.
My mission (to celebrate New Year in Almaty) completed, so I went to Taraz. In that nine hours I started to hate everything connected buses or sprinters. Despite the fact that I feel ill, I read the book called “Fighting club” by Chuck Palahniuk. I noticed, that people needs people. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Loneliness borders with madness. That’s what happened with main unnamed character (We will call him A). The story starts from A’s insomnia and ends with A’s split personality. I noticed that Chuck Palahniuk’s books are not for all. He writes something, what others are afraid to write. He says words louder than a shout. He opens people’s mind, but closes it too. He is the author, who found a way to my heart. However, at the same time he is a person, I hate the most. He said in his book, that our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. As a Muslim, I cannot agree with author. He is a person, who propagandize his wrong ideology.
To be continued[2]
[.1.] I liked that you wrote your essay jocularly and I am confident that by this you will attract a lot of readers)
Delete[.2.] however, I must notice that you are not writing about your winter holidays as the main point. The centre of attraction is your book
[.3.] On the other hand, your essay has deeply meaning . Especially, here "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. "
[.4.] Although, you repulse from the title of your essay, I find your essay appealing and recommend you to continue)))
Thanks for the minutes of philosophy!
"My mom called me in the day before holidays." - My mom called me the day before holidays.
Delete"The problem is that you never ever see this person." - The problem is that you never ever saw this person.
"connected buses or sprinters." - connected to buses and sprinters(and because it fits here the most)
Thank you for your hard work! It is good to read books and everybody who read your essay could see your passion for books and also for this particular author. However, please do not forget the main topic of the essay, though I think that you already have some ideas of what to write in "to be continued" section.
Continue writing, proceed with your ideas and live happy life!
My winter holidays!
ReplyDeleteMy winter holidays started...I was so glad to become aware of this event. I had many different plans for these holidays. On my first days I anticipated the arrival of my lovely sister and mother. So when they came back home I was really happy to see them. Moreover, I spent my free time with my friends by going to the sports field and training there. Street workout is an idea to train with only your body weight in the special sports field, without sports equipment and paying money in the gym. My friends and I love this so much, because it is really funny and at the same time has big benefits.
Happy New Year!!! I with impatience expect that event. My family and I made a lot of delicious salads. We also went to the bazaar to buy tasty fruits, cake, spices. We met New Year in domestic surroundings with happy mood.
Furthermore, I had my birthday. It is a special day of each human in the world. I was so happy on that day, but at the same time I had a little bit sadness. I became fifteen years old teenager. This age require me being responsible and serious. Unfortunately, my childhood passed, and now I must think about future.
Moreover, I went with my friends to the cinema to watch the film called "The greatest showman". In main characters were Hugh Jackman, Zak Efron and others famous actors.I actually enjoyed watching this interesting film with my friends.
At the same time I did a lot of activities in my leisure time. I started reading books for time management and self-development. Moreover, I had a challenge of watching all Harry Potter's movies:) It was funny and gripping. While I watched these films, I did not think about anything, I just relaxed.
In conclusion, I would like to say that these winter holidays were very exciting, unforgettable and productive. At this time I had a lot of important events that I will remember. I became aware that time is running out and I should have good moments and enjoy right now!)
Hello, my dear friend. Your essay is very well, In my opinion your writing skills on high level. But you also have some grammar and punctuation mistakes. it isn't so big mistakes, but you need to work on them. For example:
Delete-After "At the same time" and "At this time" you need to put a COMMA.
-You have start your first paragraph using past simple tense, but the sixth sentence you start to write using present simple.
I hope that I helped you. Good luck!
[.1.] by going to the sports field and training there. - by going and training at the sport field
Delete[.2.] Street workout is an idea - A Street workout is an idea
[.3.] My friends and I - My friends and me
[.4.] has big benefits.- have big benefits.
[.5.] expect that event -expected that event
***By reading this essay ,I have noticed your perspective thinking ,which is very necessary guality of future world`s citizen. Just keep going towards and you will achieve a lot!)
Hello The Hero of Our World! Great job with your second post! You had great use of adjectives and did an excellent job describing your feelings and emotions throughout each of the many activities you participated in throughout the winter holidays.
DeleteMy only suggestion is instead of "I with impatience expected that event" it would sound better as "I eagerly awaited that event".
Keep up the awesome writing!
My winter holiday
ReplyDeleteI like all holiday, no matter it is summer or winter. I am trying did not think about study. In recent times I so like watch movies in the movie theater. At the time showed "Jumanji" and "Business in Kazakh". I went to the movies with my friends and family. The remaining time I spent on the preparation of the new year. After holiday I read the book half. Soon I had to go school.
I think that the structure of your essay is good, of course you need to work on your lexicon. Furthermore, try to use linking words. In my opinion, linking words help to develop your writing skills. Good luck!
DeleteBeautiful Moon , I think our task was to write essay with 150 words, however you did not do it .
DeleteDear, Beautiful Moon.
DeleteYou did a nice job. However, I have some adveces for you to improove your essay.
1. "... if it is a summer or a winter."
2. In your second sentence it is better to say: "I was trying to not think..."
3. "After holidays I read a half of the book." will be much better.
4. "Soon I have to go to school" is correct one.
Wish you good luck ;)
Dear, Beautiful Moon!) I like your essay because of its good structure, words, and also your style of introducing thoughts)
DeleteHowever you have soma grammar mistakes:
1)"I like all holiday, no matter it is summer or winter." it would be more correctly to write:"I like all holidayS, no matter IF it is summer or winter."
2)"I am trying did not think about study." it should write:"I am trying not to think about a school."
3) "In recent times..." you should write it with comma.
4) "I so like watch movies in the movie theater." it would be correctly to write:"I enjoy watching movies in the cinema"
5)"I went to the movies with my friends and family. " you can replace it:"My family, friends and I went to the movies together."
I recommend to use linking words. You should to write more than 150 words.
Please, do not limit yoursef!)Do not give up!)
My winter holidays
ReplyDeleteI spented my winter holidays the same as how the majority of people celebrated their winter holidays. What about you? For example, I was playing computer games, watching serials, cleaning home and other stuff. I didn`t do something special and just relaxed. My family was home only half of all my holidays, so we were home and preparing to New Year.
New Year was funny as well as encouraging. However, we didn`t buy firework. Subsequently it was little bit sad thing for me because it is my favorite action in this celebration. Consequently, I hope next year we will buy it. We prepared two days before the celebration. On New Year’s Day starting from 18 o`clock neighbors and relatives came and we went their home too. At twelve o`clock we watched Nursultan Nazarbayev`s speech and drank beverages.
As you see my holidays was full of positive, relax and other different positive feelings. I was playing with my best friend, watching serials and other good as well as my favorite stuff.
These holidays were simple as usual days, but it gave me energy and power to learn new information in the lessons.
spented -> spent
Deletemy family was home -> my family was at home
in the lessons -> on the lessons (or you may replace it to "to learn new information at school")
Do not ask reader in the essays.(using questions in English writings is not good compared with the Russian language)
"Consequently, I hope next year we will buy it. We prepared two days before the celebration." It seems to me that it is wrong to use CONSEQUENTLY in this case. It will be better if you use other linking word.(CONSEQUENTLY we usually use in the conclusion)
I hope that you will remember my advices.
hello, I think that the structure of your essay si very good, it will be better if you'll fix some mistakes:
Delete1. you need to use "spent" in past simple tense, because of the second form of verb "spend" is "spent". There is no -ED- here.
2. In my opinion, it will be correct to write "However, we did not buy fireworks" instead of "However, we didn`t buy firework", because you are not need to use contractions here and I think that you wanted to tell about "firework" in plural.
So, I think that I helped you and I learned adverb "subsequently" from your essay. Good luck!
I like your essay style and structure. For example, you used a linking and different words. Good job! Moreover,
DeleteI am notice that you fixed your mistakes from a 1 version essay.
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ReplyDeleteHello My Dear Friends
ReplyDeleteWhen we write the essay we don`t use a rhetorical question , because in essay we answer respond the question .
I thing you must use the synonyms of word.For example, you twice say "home" in one sentence, you can change this word to word "house".
You forget more comma.For example before this word "because " .
Hello everybody!
ReplyDeleteMy winter holidays
It is obvious, that winter holidays begin at the end of December and last about two weeks. During the holidays, people celebrate the New Year. Some people believe that the New Year is a family holiday and we have to celebrate it at home. However, many people like to spend their winter holidays somewhere far from home. In my family the New Year is not celebrated. So, i spend my winter holidays meeting my relatives.
In winter, many people travel to Shimbulak, in Almaty, because they like skiing. I also enjoy skiing, but could not go there because of cold weather. As I said, I visited my relatives. They live in Karaganda and i got there by train, because I consider this mode of transport to be safe. I had a great time with all of them.
But the time during the holidays flies so quickly. So, In other times, I read some books which I dreamt to read but I did not have free time for this. I played the dombyra and watched some TV programmes, helped my parents about the house. I cleaned our flat, cooked meals, cakes and washed up.
I like my winter holidays very much. I think I will memorize them for ever.
Hi Braveheart,
DeleteThe creativity in adapting your first and second paragraphs is commendable if it helps you to learn to structure your sentences. However, its similarity to the writing at http://www.dinternal.com.ua/topics/my-winter-holidays/ cannot be missed. With the exception of the first sentence in the third paragraph, the rest of the sentences in the third paragraph are original, which is very good. Good job there. The last sentence with "...I will memorize them for ever" has a different meaning than you intend it to convey. A better phrase is "...I will remember them forever". Now rewrite your essay with less direct reliance on an existing piece. The effort will exert you but you will become a superb writer.
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ReplyDelete