You can post your improved
essays under this thread if you published your Task 1 Version 2 essay. You must
obtain permission to post here directly if you did not post Version 2. Remember
to comment on each other's essays. The comments are not as many as expected.
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteI truly believed that I directed to you a letter, but something went wrong. My last letter somehow disappeared, and I cannot find it on my e-mail box. In that letter I expressed to you about my day. Maybe, you’re feeling what we will talk about. Now, I would like to share with you about my day. Like all teenagers of my age, I spend most of my time at school, eight hours. However, I have sixteen hours for my daily routine. I sleep for six hours, and I have ten hours for my home routine. Fantastic! In the morning, I got up at six o'clock. I brushed my teeth, had a shower, and at seven o'clock I left for school. I boarded bus number forty six, travelled for sixty minutes, and then alighted from it at my bus stop. I spent one hour for a way. I know that I live so far from the school, however I like it. I love getting at school by bus. When my lessons ended at 15:00 o'clock, I went to extra lessons. They were Math, English, Physics, and Chemistry because I had problems in these lessons. However, I practiced, moreover really worked hard. After this I went home by bus. When I got home I helped my mom furthermore did housework. Then I did my homework and read books. I really love reading in the evening because you hug your lovely book and feel asleep. So, it was my day. Bye.
Your pen friend Honey bubble
/*/ Math, English, Physics, and Chemistry -- Math, English, Physics and Chemistry (without comma before and)
Delete/*/ and Chemistry because I had problems in these lessons -- and Chemistry, because I had problems in these lessons (before funboy "BECAUSE" we put comma )
/*/ I practiced, moreover really worked hard -- after "moreover" we put comma
/*/ furthermore -- after this word there is a comma
/*/ Then I did my homework and read books.-- Then I did my homework ,and read books. (before funboy "AND" we put comma , because there is an independed clause)
/*/ in the evening because you -- in the evening ,because you
/*/ book and feel asleep. -- book ,and feel asleep
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am realy, very-very sorry that I have writen toooo many comments, but I liked your essay.
Good job, my DEAR SUCCESSFUL,PUNCTUAL AND FULL OF ENERGY SUDENT!!!!!!!!!
very awesome essay. But you have some mistakes.
DeleteDear Saul;) when you give comments to other bloggers you need to point out their mistakes in order to help them to improve their writings.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteHOW I SPENT MY DAY.
ReplyDeleteThe "sour-sweet" morning started with my awakening at 7:10 a.m. I anticipated the arriving of this day, though I did not feel too excited about it. The forenoon time till 7:30 a.m., I spent preparing myself for holiday trip to the mountains.
I have been in the mountains and it was not too long ago, but when I was offered to go there again, though I knew that it will not be as thrilling as it was recently, I could not decline it.
I went to the mountains with my parents. We got there at 9 a.m. After alighting from the car, first thing we have done is – looked for mushrooms. Initially, we did not find any of them, yet when we started climbing and going deeper to the mountain ridge, it ended up after a couple of hours and sack full of mushrooms. Subsequently, we returned to our camping place, and started to cook food. From food, there were marinated chicken wings that we placed on brazier, after wood turned to coal. Meanwhile, I tried my pneumatic rifle on bins and targets. It was very funny there, and I enjoyed it!
I returned home at 1:30 p.m., had a shower till 2 p.m., and read books till 6 p.m. At 6 o’clock I had a dinner that included mushrooms, we obtained in the mountains. Afterwards, I was doing my homework till 8 p.m., and continued reading books till 11:30 p.m. Usually I start sleeping at time from 11 p.m. to 12 p.m., so I got to the bed and fell asleep.
At this moment, holidays ended…
First time, I thought that your essay was perfect. But:
Delete1. At 6 o'clock I had dinner {without A};
{!} PLEASE, delete the topic "HOW I SPENT MY DAY"
Delete{!} I liked that your essay contains pretty many useful and at that time new words
{!} first thing we have done is – looked for mushrooms --- THE first thing we have done WAS lookING for mushrooms
{!} to cook food - to cook THE food
{!} from food - from THE food
{!} I had a dinner - I had dinner (we do not use articles before breakfast, lunch and dinner, when we have them)
{!} included mushrooms, we obtained in the mountains. - included mushrooms, WHICH we obtained in the mountains.
{!} I was doing my homework till 8 p.m., - I DID my homework till 8 p.m., (because it is not 2 actions which happened at the same time)
{!} and fell asleep.-and felt asleep.
I think your essay is the best. because you used very beautiful words and sentences.Thank for your essay
DeleteYour an essay is looks very beautiful and extraordinary. I am satisfied with your work and wish you become better and better.
DeleteIt does not matter how it seems surprising, but today in the morning I woke up at two o`clock. From my own experience, I can say that this was the successful starting of my day. Accordingly, my mood and my physical state were fantastically good. After fifteen - twenty minutes of putting myself in order, I had a breakfast with my brother. Then I was surfing on the internet, and watching interesting pages on instagram while my brother played his telephone. Moreover, I had a wonderful chance to meet with my best friend. By the way, I want to notice that in this meeting I could combine two useful things such as: walking in the nature and a long-awaited appointment with my lovely friend. It was one of the memorable moments in my fascinating life! Furthermore, I did not forget that it was necessary to do the project related to the Art lesson. After my parents called me to say that they boarded train at 7 a.m. and alight from it at 3 a.m., because they were going to Almaty. In the evening I had my dinner, and I listened to the music almost all time until I went to bed. So, this was the one of the typical output in my daily rush.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think your essay was good.But:
Delete1. Before the word "breakfast" we don't use "a" (In 4 sentence);
2. ...to say that they boarded A train at 7 a.m;(correct version);
3. ...and alightED from it at 3 p.m;
thank you my DEAR SUCCESSFUL,PUNCTUAL AND FULL OF ENERGY STUDENT for your comment;)!!!!!!!!!
DeleteVery good essay. But pls fix your mistakes with artickles.
DeleteDear Saul;), 'It is A very.....' . Do not start your sentences with 'BUT'. 'Articles'
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow I spent my day.
ReplyDeleteYesterday was Thursday and my morning started at 7.00 a.m. I brushed my teeth, combed hair and ironed clothes for 30 minutes. I needed to be at school at 8 o'clock, because of this I left home at 7.34 a.m. I boarded bus number 33 and alighted from it at my school bus stop.
I met my classmates on the third floor in school. I usually have 7 or 8 lessons every day. I had my breakfast at 8 o'clock before the lessons. It included some bread with butter, porridge and some tea with milk. I went to the dining hall to have lunch at 12.20 a.m. The cooks prepare various types of food for us every day. For example: chicken and rice or mashed potatoes with fish. Furthermore we eat it with pleasure. I stayed at school to go to the extra lessons and do the homework after lunch.
I came home at 5.48 p.m. and started doing a computer science project. My mother came home at 7.27 p.m. and we had our dinner with her. I watched news on the social media after having dinner. Then I went to sleep at 10.13 p.m. It was an ordinary day at school. However, summer is coming. I believe that my holidays will be fascinating.
{^} comded hair - you must put an article or just write "COMBED MY HAIR"
Delete{^} boarded bus - boarded A bus
{^} , porridge and some tea with milk. - , SOME or A BOWL OF porridge and some tea with milk.
{^} instead of the phrase "For example:", you can use "SUCH US"
{^} after the word "Furthermore" you need to put a comma
{^} we eat it with pleasure.- we ATE it with A pleasure.
{^} and do the - and TO do the
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYou wrote your essay with a lot of mistakes. Nonetheless, if you analyse, understand this mistakes, you will prove your writing. I promise.
DeleteYesterday was a simple day. I woke up, approximately at half past five. Since the next was the last day of our summative exams, I prepared for chemistry and Kazakh history. Then at seven o’clock, when everybody at home woke up, I went to run. Next, I went to school at seven past twenty. I read a book while others prepared for summative exams. After exams, I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to go out and stroll a little bit. When I went to alcove, I saw mushrooms and tasted them, but they were not delicious. I regretted that I tasted them. Afterwards, we had a snack, however, at snack - there were not so many students. Therefore we had loads of bananas and too many cups of the cherry juice. When I came home I helped my grandmother with doing housework. Meanwhile my mother came back from her job, and we had dinner. After dinner, I read a book and watched TV. I went to sleep at half past eleven.
ReplyDeleteLucky Dr.Robert, you write like a star. Your account of events is quite entertaining. Take note of the following: 'twenty past seven' is the correct way to state time; 'to an alcove' would help the reader to understand that you are referring to something which is not specific;'...snack. However, at snack time...'. Overall you did a wonderful job.
DeleteVery interesting and unusual essay. But you have mistakes in the sentences about artickles
DeleteDear Saul;), you have to work on your grammar. It is supposed to be 'A very interesting and unusual essay. The word essay is a countable noun, so you have to use an article before it. 'articles'
DeleteMy dear clever friend-penbrightly, thank you very much, I will pay attention in next essays.
DeleteI woke up early in the morning. It was a Victory day, 9th of May. So, my family and I boarded our car, and departed to a parade, to an immortal regiment. I was glad, because everybody remembers their grandparent's work and courage. We alighted from it and decided to watch a film at the cinema, and we chose a movie called "Guards of a Galaxy". At first, I thought that it is a film, like other million films. But, now I can say that this movie is best of the best. It is fascinating by its unique plot and a skill of each actor. After our really good relax time we departed to the café to have lunch. Later in the Victory Avenue we came across our relatives. We were excited to see them. My little sister was among them and we played together. It was a thrilling holiday with my little sisters and family. It was remarkable end of my bright day!
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting narration funny Raccoon. With a little tweaking, your essay should be perfect. Note that: '...May so...' otherwise drop the word 'So,'; '...the parade of The Immortal Regiment...' or restate what you mean more clearly; 'We alighted from it' is unclear as it could mean you alighted from the car though that should be rendered as 'We alighted from the car'. In other cases the phrase remains vague; 'chose a movie entitled'; 'like millions of other films.'; 'good relaxation time'; 'Victory Avenue,'. Happy editing.
Delete.
DeleteI liked your writing because it has a deep meaning. Moreover, you used many academical and new words for me like regiment, alight.
DeleteHowever, I am of the view that you should use Therefore or Consequently in the beginning instead of So.
Secondly, use However or Conversely in the beginning instead of But.
Dear, Funny Raccoon, I think you should have started your essay from a Beginning. May be you need to with sentence such as "My day is started from na-na-na" and etc. Your writing is very nice, especially I like that you used many academic words instead of daily and simple phrases. Continue at the same pace,Funny Raccoon!
DeleteHow I spent my day.
ReplyDeleteYesterday I woke up at 7:00. I brushed my teeth and got dressed at 7:30. I don’t have a breakfast because I’m not hungry in the morning. So, I came to school and had my lessons . After fifth lesson I had lunch. Then I had three more lessons. After the main lessons I went to the extra lessons : math, physics and chemistry. After school I came home and changed my clothes. Then at 18:00 I had my dinner. My mom cooked fried chicken and potatoes. Then I watched new episode of “ Big bang theory” , and finished watching “House M. D.” . I didn’t do my homework because I didn’t know it. So, when I finished watching TV shows at 22:00, I started to engage in sports. I finished it at 23:30, and then I had a shower.
At 00:30 I went to bed, and fell asleep approximately at 1:00.
I like your essay,but I did not quite understand what you wamted ti say in this sentence:I’m not hungry in the morning.Maybe you wanted to say I was not hungry in the morning or you always not hungry in the morning? Can you explain to me this thing? And it would be better if you used more synonyms
DeleteDo not forget to use articles.
DeleteShould be *the fifth lesson* and *a fried chicken*.
Good luck!
Dear House M.D, sorry, but your essay little bit boring. There are many unnecessary detailes, like- you changed your clothes after school, may be there you can say- what was about your movie, that you watched. Also before the word breakfast you don't use article, just "breakfast". Then the word "episode" is countable, so you say "A new episode...". I wish you a good luck in the future. I believe you can write better than this time.(I am not judging you, sorry if I am criticize you, but it is not like that).
DeleteHello, dear House M.D.! In spite of the fact, that you've got the mistakes, I found your essay a captivating one. You describe your day truly, withot pafos. However, you should write more better than now. Do not forget about comas, which is crucial to bring the idea. For example, *I do not have breafast,(COMA) because I am not hungry in the morning.* Here is another mistake. I noticed, that you put articles, where it is not so necessary. We do not say A BREAKFAST or A LUNCH. NO.
DeleteNow, I would like to talk about next: *I started to engage in sportS*. I could not understand, what you were meaning. I came across this fact, that in American English we say, for example, *I like watching sports on TV*, and in British English it will be, *I like watching sport on TV*.
Awesome essay, my dear friend!
Use more academic words!
DeleteHow I spent my day
ReplyDeleteOn Monday I got up at 7:30 am, got dressed, went to brush my teeth, and washed my face. After this I went to prepare breakfast. Frequently I have one sandwich, and a cup of tea on breakfast, at this day I had it too. After drank tea, I went to the hairdresser. I was going to hairdresser, and listened to music. When I came out from barber, I met my friends and we went to walk in the park. We boarded bus number 27, travelled for 20 minutes, and then alighted from it at center bus stop. The weather was good. While walking one of my friend said us that we can go to swim. At 15.00 we took money from home and went to the swimming pool. We went to the bus stop, boarded bus number 46, travelled for 20 minutes, and alighted from it at “Taraz-Arena” bus stop. It was amazing, because I firstly went to “Taraz-Arena” this spring.
When I came home, I started to read my book about person psychology, while reading I listened to nice music. At 19.00 I got dinner till 19:15. Then I sat in the social network and just relaxed till 21:00. I like this day, because of meeting my friends and spending my time with pleasure.
Please delete the topic, we do not need it
DeleteI have one - I haD one
on breakfast - you can say FOR the breakfast
after drank tea - after drINKING SOME tea
listened to music - listened to THE music
Hello ! Your essay is good, however i read a lot of essay and this essay not so interesting. I am sorry, if i wrote bad comment , but i want to recomend write very interesting essay. I can make mistake in my sentences, however i read a lot of essay and each essay like each other,similar stories, similar sentences . I just want to help you. Do not think thet I am bad dog.
DeleteSo thank you for your job . for your hard working.
I wish that in future youn will write very interesting essay.
good luck, Young Jake!
fatcatdog
Today’s morning was really nice, because I started it with my family. We went to a café in the center of town, which called “Sunshine”, we boarded a taxi, and alighted from it at the center. I am ordered English breakfast, which consist of eggs, salad, and lots of vegetables, my family took other kind of food. My order was very beautiful, so I took a photo and post it on instagram. The cool music was playing in the café. I wanted to listen to this sounds again, that’s why “Sunshine” become my favorite place. Then I wanted to spend my time with friends, I phoned my best sidekicks, and we went to the shopping. This is my second favorite hobby. First of all we went to Cotton, because there are lots of beautiful clothes. I found a really cute dress. It had many flowers. In one word a perfect summer dress. I bought it, because if I did not by it, then I would regret. Then we went to the coffee shop, it was cozy. After all this I returned home. That weekend was excellent, because I spent my free time with my friends and family.
ReplyDelete#It will be better if you write like : we went to a cafe in the center of town... - we went to s cafe, WHICH IS LOCATED in the center of OUR CITY, AND called "Sunshine"
Delete# then you need to start a new sentence from the words "we boarded ..... center"
# I am ordered English breakfast, which consist of ... of food - I ordered AN English breakfast, which consistED of eggs, SOME salad and lots of vegetables meanwhile, my family HÀD AN other kind of food.
In my opinion, beginning will be better if you use " because,I started this wonderful day with my family"
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ReplyDeleteHow I spent my time.
ReplyDeleteHello everybody! Today’s date is May 11, 2017. I want to tell you about my day and how I spent my time today.
I woke up at seven o’clock and then I washed my teeth and took a shower. I think that it is don’t important procedure to describe it, so I will continue. I quickly dressed and put my school things into my bag. My dad was free to bring me to school, so I got to the school by car. In school I had breakfast and went to the first lesson. It was a Russian language. Next was an Art lesson. There we drew our portraits. Then was a physical Culture lesson, where we played volleyball. The last lesson was chemistry. At half-past twelve o’clock I had a lunch. Next hours I read English books and went home by bus. There I listened to music during 45 minutes. After that I had dinner with family. I did some homework but not all because I was too tired. Then I watch films and I went to bed at twelve pm. I think that this day was usual and nothing interesting events happened today. May be tomorrow day will be not boring and typical.
So for today blogger’s work finished.
Hi!
DeleteIn my opinion, in sentence "I think that it is don't important procedure to..."
-it is better to write "it is not"
-"It is not important to describe procedures"
In sentence "I think this day was usual and..."
-"..nothing interesting happened today" is sounds better))
Good essay, good job!
How I spent my day.
ReplyDeleteIt was a usual summer day in my life. Nothing strange could happen. It was a day that I was going to forget in the future. Nevertheless, a surprise was waiting for me. Consequently it turned to a gripping and fascinating day owing to that surprise.
To begin with the day started quietly when I woke up and lied a little on my bed. According to my mum, I was moody. It seemed that nobody and nothing could make me happy. This day was grey, even though it was sunny. I went to the bathroom to wash my teeth and face. After a while I ate appetizing breakfast which consisted of porridge with milk and tea, two apples and a small part of watermelon. My parents were at work. Unfortunately, my sister and brother were at English courses. Consequently, I had not a chance to play with my brother, so that I started reading an interesting book called “Graf Monte-Kristo”.
At one o’clock I was glad to see them when they came back home. It was time to eat dinner. We ate rice soup with tomato and cucumber salad. The dinner was delicious. Since they were very tired, after eating dinner they went to their bedrooms and relaxed.
In the afternoon it was hot. I did not like it took a shower. After that I played football with my friends from my neighborhood. It was fascinating, consequently my mood increased.
When I came home, a surprise waited for me. My Mom said that we are going to Astana for two weeks. I was glad to hear it.
your essay is very well! In my opinion it's no mistakes here. I recomend you to use more academic words and coordinating conjuctions. I like this
Delete{+] please, do not write tooo long essay, so if your essay short and comprehensible you wil be able to attract readers
Delete{+] It was a usual summer day - It was AN usual summer day
{+] after "Consequently" put a comma ,please
{+] and face - and A / THE face
Your essay very long. To the readers your essay due to longest may be bore.
DeleteDear Saul;), please be nice to your friends. Give them constructive feedback in order to improve their essays.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhy????
Delete
ReplyDeleteYesterday I woke up at 07:15. Then I got dressed, washed my face, teeth and hands. Later, at 7:25 I had breakfast. At 7:35 I dressed in school uniform and I left my home at 7:45 and I came to school at 8:00. Yesterday there were 8 lessons, Kazakh language, Russian language, Mathematics, Kazakh literature. The first lesson, Kazakh language began at 8:30. I had lunch at 12:20 and lunch ended at 13:10. My lunch consisted of pea soup, pasta, black breads and compote. Last lesson, the Kazakh literature ended at 15:20. After lesson I went to extra lesson at 15:40. Later, I came home at 17:00. When I came home I rested until 18:00. At 18:00 I had dinner and finished at 18:25. After dinner I did my homework for an hour. From 19:25 to 21:30 I surfed on the Internet, played computer games, sat in the VK and listened to music. I went to bed at 22:00.
Hello, biser!
Delete-do not use a lot of numbers (times, etc), you can describe your day, but not just "at ... I do...")) -Try to write your essay, that readers want to read and with open heart comment your job!
It was 17th of May. During the day, I received a lots of a positive emotions. It was special for me, that is way I woke up very early.
ReplyDeleteI woke up at 7:00 and brushed my teeth. Afterwards, I had a wonderful breakfast with my family. For the breakfast I had cottage cheese with strawberry jam. Then, I went to music school and, I passed the exam. This exam from Solfeggio was very important for me, and it could change my future. I was a little bit scared and tired. After a few hours, I boarded bus number forty seven, and alighted from the bus near my home. Additionally, I was busy with doing projects and continued to do my homework.
I was tired after those exams and doing ART project. In spite of it, I think that this day was successful for me. I went to bed at 00:00.This is how i spent my day.
Not *A lots of*, but *a lot of* or *lots of.
DeleteDo not use *a* and *an* with words in plural. Should be *after few hours*.
Good luck)
Your essay is good,but you have some mistakes.I think you need to write lot of , because you wrote emotions so you don't need to use 'S' in this word.In my opinion you should use the article the here(I went to the music school).In the end I want to say that I liked your essay
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVersion 3
ReplyDeleteHow I spent my day.
My day was like other weekends, nothing new. I got up at 9.17 am. For breakfast I have semolina and coffee, it was very tasty. After as I had breakfast I departed to my room and started doing my homework for the weekend. When I finished my homework, I was able to relax for 15 – 20 minutes. Later I started exercising. I exercised approximately 25 -30 minutes. At 2.30 p.m., my friends invited me to the cinema, here was gorgeous film with my favorite actress, but my mom said, that I should to clean the house. I was very sad and start cleaning after 15 minutes I forget about my friends. At 5 p.m. I was very tired and wanted to sleep, but I had lot things that I was should to do. I wanted to start to cook dinner, but I was very lazy. Mom said that I can relax. I wanted to relax and I decided to watch film “Clueless”. While watching the film I dozed off. It was my weekend which I spend amazingly.
'I got up at 9.17 am.'- not am, should be a.m
DeleteYou can write essay without versions and the title.
Deletes.g.boy,
Delete-a lot of things (not lot things)
-9.17 a.m.
How I spent this day
ReplyDeleteI would like to write about how I spent the 9 th of May, the Victory day. This day we celebrate the victory of our
grandparents in the World War II . My grandpa fought for our Motherland and our freedom . We heard, that the name
of our grandpa was written on the Memorial plaque in the honor of veterans of the second World War in
Shymkent.We wanted to check it ,and at one of the weekends we decided to visit this city.
On my way to the South Kazakhstan region ,we saw a lot of beautiful landscapes. It was a boundless steps and high
mountains, also we met a monument of Tyrar Ryskulov.After 2 hours of way we have reached A Shymkent.It was a
gorgeous city.Shymkent is one of the most beautiful and biggest cities of Kazakhstan. It has a lot of types of
entertainment and attractions. We was very starving, so we went to the one of the cafes of Shymkent.This food was a
delicious, because Shymkents kitchen is one of the best.
After lunch, we went to the Monument. Monument was very beautiful.On the monument was written-140 000 names.
We have found the name of our grandpa very qickly.We put 2 carnations on the name. It was a great feelings, when
you saw that your grandpa is a hero.
After monument, we decided to go to the Shpmkents zoo. Zoo was very big, it includes a lot of types of animals. We
saw a dangerous predators like lion, wolf and tiger. We met a different types of birds like a swan, ostrich and
pheasant. It was very funny to see this amazing animals.
This wonderful day came to the end. We returned to the Taraz.I will never forgot this day.
Your essay very fascinating and intertesting. But you should fix some mistakes with the paragraphs.
DeleteDear Saul;), 'Your essay IS very.....'
DeleteExiting!
DeleteBut:
-Second World War
we met different types (article)
Very good!
I had the same daily routines except, it was my birthday. I came to
ReplyDeleteschool, and my classmates gave me lots of chocolate and wished good
health, best scores during summative exams. Next, we went to the
lessons and studied, after 40 minute the bell rang and we just relaxed.
Then, last lesson we went to play basketball. I board bus number 27,
traveled 15 minute, and then came to my bus stop. At 6 o`clock I came
home, my friends and relatives phoned me to say happy birthday.
Moreover, my relatives came to my house. We sat and spoke about
school and work. Afterward, we ate a birthday cake. At 11 o`clock I
went to sleep. I think it was a very good and productive day. Thank you
to my friends, classmates and family.
Youy have some problems with paragraphs too.
DeleteGood!
Delete-thanks to my... (sounds better)
How I spent my day.
ReplyDeleteI spent my day very good and interesting. First of all I was going to the park and cinema with my friends. In a cinema we were saw the film named "Galaxy guardians 2". After the film we were going to the computer club "Cyber sport". We were playing the games and enjoy our holiday. After the film, I boarded bus number 57, travelled for 10-15 minutes, and then alighted when my bus was stopped on my bus station. At the 18:15 o’clock I was changed my clothes, than I was gone to my lovely grandfather and grandmother. I was helping him in home to tidy up and wash. In outside I was helping to my grandfather to grow the tree and take the ripe vegetables. Furthermore, I was look at baby (my sister), because, my uncle and aunt go to do important and hard work. I think it was very interesting, sensational and energy holiday. In conclusion I want to say: “just enjoy your weekend and never give up”.
' First of all I was going to the park and cinema with my friends.'- here is misstake. You can't use 'I was going to' without result of your wish.
DeleteOk. Thanks for the notice. I will fix my mistakes.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy names is Marshal .I am from Astana , Kazakhstan . However in the holiday for one day I going to Almaty .I dedicate visit to my grandmother.
ReplyDeleteI woke up at 7 o`clock while get up at 8 o`clock , because I tired from the rode in the car . Conversely , I saw my grandmother ,and forget about my tired . Furthermore I help her walked from one room to next room.
At my little brother to was birthday , resulting in then we will going to " HappyTown " . However , my grandmother didn`t go ,because his said "I interrupting you " , and so I like my grandmother . Her never thought only for her , she always thought about her child .
Therefore , I didn`t going to " HappyTown " ,and helped my grandmother knitted socks for our family . Moreover , I listened my grandmother and this is was cool.
Dear Marshal Lee, I am of the view that your essay has a deep meaning. Nevertheless, I should say that you have many(sorry) grammatical mistakes.
Delete1. "My name is"
2. Put a comma after linking words like "However", "Moreover" and "Furthemore".
3.# On holidays...
4.#I go to Almaty.
5.# I usually get up at 8 a.m but I woke up at 7 a.m today.
6. You should not use a comma before "and" and "because".
7.# I forgot that I was tired.
8. # I helped her to move to one room from another room.
9. I am not allowed to show you all your mistakes, so try to find out yourself. I recommend you to rehearse all grammatical rules.
Good luck)
My every-day life is monotonous, boring and full of school affairs. My day started with getting up at 7 a.m. Then I took a shower, drank a cup of coffee or tea and sometimes I had a breakfast. After that's all I went to school by taxi. I usually had 7-8 lessons every school day from 8.30a.m. to 15.20p.m. However, between 5 and 6 lessons we had a lunch. Next, I had 30-minutes brake, in it I walked as soon as talked with my best friends. Moreover, it helps me relax from too much information in my head and felt myself better. After as I had an afternoon snack I leave school.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got to home I became free, but limited by a lot of homework and soon starting summative assessment. I listened to music, while I did some little works. It is my wonderful motivation and good mood. Moreover, I had a volleyball at Monday, Wednesday and Friday, after this I always tired and can’t do anything. In other time, I musted to do a lot of, but I never can’t do all of my daily plans.
Don't be lazy and smile =)
Good work. In my opinion this is no mistakes here. I like this essay because of words like: "moreover", "monotonous", "while" etc. It's good!
DeleteDear good reader, it is interesting to read your summary. However, you have some grammar mistakes:
Delete1) You said about a certain day in your life, so that you cannot use a present simple tense in this sentence:"Then I took a shower, drank a cup of coffee or tea and sometimes I had a breakfast. " There you must say you had or had not a breakfast.
2)" After as I had an afternoon snack I leave school." - there past tense and you must write "left" instead of the word "leave".
3)" I musted to do a lot..." - correct - "must"not "musted".
Summer holidays are best time at school life. I woke up at 9 o’clock. I drank milkshake and ate some eggs. At 10 am I waited for my little brother. At 12 am I should meet with my friends, so I started to put on my T-Shirt and jeans very fast. I am never late to meetings. We met with them at 11:39 am. We talked about our holidays. After we went to the park and played football. Only at 13:20 we went to the café to eat some ice cream. We opened the cinema web-site and there was a good film at 15:45. We bought tickets. We waited for the movie to start. The film was enjoyable and amusing. At 19:00 I came home. I was surprised when I saw my brother from Almaty. I missed him later in the evening we went to the restaurant. While waiting my food I surfed on Internet and chatted with my friends. I ate delicious Caesar salad with shrimps. We came back at 23:00. I washed my face and went to sleep.
ReplyDeletegood job, I liked your grammar as soon as structure. But you can use complex sentence with words like while, aterwards, moreover, next and etc
DeleteGood job!
Delete-Summer holidays are THE beat time...
-At 10 a.m. will be better, because "am" sounds like an article (to be)
-It will be better, if you write like "We bought tickets, then waited...". Because you all time use "we...".
-You can use "arrived" for "came home".
Yesterday I woke up at 07:15 o’clock. Then I dressed, washed my face, hands and I brushed my teeth. Later, at 7:20 o’clock I had a tasty and delicious breakfast. It consisted of an omelet, porridge, juicy orange, apples and bananas which my mother bought. At 7:35 o’clock I dressed in school uniform and I left my home at 7:45 and I came to school at 8:25.
ReplyDeleteFirst lesson started at 8:30 o’clock and it was Chemistry. During the lesson we did different experiments like water production in reaction of 2 substances. I had lunch at 12:20 o’clock and when lunch finished at 13:10 o’clock, we were full of energy. The lunch was pretty well; our lunch consisted of pilaf and nice salad. Last lesson finished at 15:20 o’clock.
After lesson I went to extra lesson at 15:40 o’clock. Later, I come to home at 17:30 o’clock. When I came home I rested until 18:15 o’clock. At 18:17 o’clock I had dinner and finished at 18:27 o’clock. After dinner I did my homework in a hour. From 19:30 o’clock to 21:45 o’clock I was sitting in the social networks. At 23:00 o’clock I went to bed.
#then I dressed - then I GOT dressed
Delete# in the 2nd sentence you need to put a comma before the funboy "and"
#porridge - SOME porridge
#juicy orange - A juicy orange
I am agree with "awesome_flower", and I want to say, that you need, to add more creative and different words or sentence's to your topic
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThere was no difference between this and other days. I woke up at 6.50 and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I started doing exercises as soon as I finished taking a shower. When I finished exercising, I decided to rehearse the retelling my National Geographic book. After that I brewed some black tea without milk and retold my National Geographic book while I was drinking tea. Then, at 7.50 I started to busk. Initially, I was making unique hairstyle for 20 minutes. After this, I put on my uniform, and then I went to school. During the day, I felt some discomfort and nervous, because I had a hard day and failures during my lessons. Nevertheless, I thought that those problems are not so severe to make me sad, so I tried to smile and laugh. I went to art class as soon as my lessons ended to finish my picture for project. I spent my time very well thanks to my friends. After art class I left school. At home I played volleyball with my neighbors. It was very exciting and funny to see their smiles. This day was full of various emotions.
ReplyDeleteHi Monica, your write very maturely. I understand that the word limit restricts you but many of your sentences make the reader to wonder what else happened. You need to tighten up ome phrases so I propose the following: 6:50 a.m.; ... retelling of my....; After that,...; some black tea... or ...some tea without milk; '...was taking tea' would sound more correct; ...7:50 a.m....; the meaning of busk is unclear. What do you want the reader to understand by it?; ...fashioning a unique...;...discomfort and nervousness; What do you mean by 'and failures during the lesson'? Are those disappointments?; ...too severe to...; ...for a project...; ...well, thanks to my friends...; ...full of mixed...
DeleteI look forward to reading your further, polished essay.
Hello
ReplyDeleteMay 11, 2017/Thursday
I want to tell you about my day
I got up at 7 o’clock. I washed my face, and went to brush my teeth. Then I got dressed. After that I prepared my bag, and went to school. When I came to school I met my friend from another class. We went and talked about physics. So, we said goodbye. Then I went to my locker to take a book. I had my breakfast. I drank hot as well as delicious tea with milk. Moreover I ate porridge. After my breakfast I go out to breathe the fresh air. The weather was very good. Then I had 7 lessons. After 5th I had dinner. It was delicious. I went to library to take a book of National Geographic, because we had 50 minute to do what we want. After lessons I sat with my friends and we played. At 4.30 I went to home. I did my homework. So, then I had free time. I spent my free time for watching new episode of soup opera that is called “FLASH” At 23.00 I went to sleep.
So I had a very nice day. Thanks for reading my blog. Have a good day.
#about physics - about a physics
Delete#ate porridge - ate SOME porridge
#I go out to ... - I went out to...
please, use more beautiful and complex, complex-compound sentences
1.Do not put a comma before "and".
ReplyDelete2. #I went to library...-I went to a library (remember to put articles).
3. You should not put a comma before "because".
4. "Home" is used without prepositions.
5. I recommend you to use academical words and create complex, complex-compound sentences.
Good luck)
There was no difference between this and other days.I woke up at 6.50 a.m and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.I started doing exercises as soon as I finished taking a shower.When I finished exercising, I decided to rehearse the retelling of my National Geographic book.After that, I brewed some black tea without milk and retold my National Geographic book while I was taking tea.Then, at 7.50 a.m I started to hurry up.Initially, I was fashioning an unique hairstyle for 20 minutes.After this, I put on my uniform and then I went to school.During the day, I felt some discomfort and nervousness because I had a hard day and dissapointments during my lessons.Nevertheless, I thought that those problems are not too severe to make me sad, so I tried to smile and laugh.I went to art class as soon as my lessons ended to finish my picture for a project.I spent my time very well, thanks to my friends.After art class I left school.At home I played volleyball with my neighbors.It was very exciting and funny to see their smiles.This day was full of mixed emotions.
ReplyDeleteHow I spent my day
ReplyDeleteOn Monday I got up at 7:30 am, got dressed, went to brush my teeth, and washed my face. After this I went to prepare breakfast. Frequently I had one sandwich, and a cup of tea for breakfast, at this day I had it too. After drinking some tea, I went to the hairdresser. I was going to hairdresser, and listened to the music. When I came out from barber, I met my friends and we went to walk in the park. We boarded bus number 27, travelled for 20 minutes, and then alighted from it at center bus stop. The weather was good. While walking one of my friend said us that we can go to swim. At 15.00 we took money from home and went to the swimming pool. We went to the bus stop, boarded bus number 46, travelled for 20 minutes, and alighted from it at “Taraz-Arena” bus stop. It was amazing, because I firstly went to “Taraz-Arena” this spring.
When I came home, I started to read my book about person psychology, while reading I listened to nice music. At 19.00 I got dinner till 19:15. Then I sat in the social network and just relaxed till 21:00. I like this day, because of meeting my friends and spending my time with pleasure.
My day was like other weekends, nothing new. I got up at 9.17 a.m. For breakfast I have semolina and coffee, it was very tasty. After I had breakfast I departed to my room and started doing my homework. When I finished my homework, I was able to relax for 15 – 20 minutes. Later I started exercising. I exercised approximately 25 -30 minutes. At 2.30 p.m., my friends invited me to the cinema, the film was gorgeous, with my favorite actress, but my mom said, that I should clean the house. I was very sad and start cleaning in 15 minutes I forget about my friends. At 5 p.m. I was very tired and wanted to sleep, but I had a lot of things to do. I wanted to start to cook dinner, but I feel very lazy. Mom said that I can relax. I wanted to relax and I decided to watch film “Clueless”. While watching the film I dozed off. It was my weekend which I spend amazingly.
ReplyDelete-When I finished "doing" my homework
Delete-I wanted to start cooking
Good!
Dear, s.g.boy I consider that your essay was too understandable and captivating in all it`s meanings.So, please, pay attention to:
Delete1/ to watch film “Clueless”. - to watch THE film “Clueless”.
2/ I was very sad and start cleaning - I was very sad and startED cleaning
3/ in 15 minutes I forget about my friends. - in 15 minutes I forgOt about my friends.
4/ For breakfast I have semolina - For breakfast I haD semolina
How I spent my day
ReplyDeleteYesterday was Thursday and my morning started at 7.00 am. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair and ironed clothes for 30 minutes. I needed to be at school at 8 o'clock, because of this I left home at 7.34 am. I boarded a bus number 33 and alighted from it at my school bus stop.
I met my classmates on the third floor in school. I usually have 8 lessons every day. I had my breakfast at 8 o'clock before the lessons. It included some bread with butter, a bowl of porridge and some tea with milk. I went to the dining hall to have lunch at 12.20 a.m. The cooks prepare various types of food for us every day such as chicken and rice or mashed potatoes with fish. Furthermore, we eat it with pleasure. I stayed at school to go to the extra lessons and to do the homework.
I came home at 5.48 pm and started doing a computer science project. My mother came home at 7.27 pm and we had our dinner with her. I watched news on the social media after having dinner. Then I went to sleep at 10.13 pm. Consequently it was my ordinary day at school.
How I spend my day.
ReplyDeleteEverybody live their lives doing something useful or not really. During the day lots of things happen, and sometimes people just cannot guess what will be next minute.
However, each of us has our own plan for every single day. Having a personal arrangement is good for our health. Moreover it helps us to save time!
Like most of people I have my own daily schedule. Usually I wake up at 7 o’clock, because I need to go to school, but sometimes it is very difficult for me to stand up so early. Mostly I spend all my time for learning and doing homework. Being at school from 8a.m. to 5p.m. is not easy. However the feeling when you got home is wonderful. My free time I use for relaxing, watching TV and listening to music. Not truly healthy occupations. Well, at home I become one of the laziest people in the world. I know that it is not good, but I cannot do something to reduce it. Finally, I go to bed at 10 o’clock to repeat all of it next day.
My everyday life seems to be boring, but my friends and family help me to stay happy. Sometimes I can cry, but it is alright. It is my life, and I love it!
My name is Marshal .I am from Astana . Kazakhstan . However, on the holiday for one day I go to Almaty .I dedicate visit to my grandmother.
ReplyDeleteI get up at 8 a.m but I woke up at 7 a.m today , because I tired from the rode in the car . Conversely , I saw my grandmother ,and I forgot that I was tired. Furthermore, I help her walked from one room to next room.
At my little brother to was birthday , resulting in then we will going to " HappyTown " . However , my grandmother didn`t go ,because his said "I interrupting you " , and so I like my grandmother . Her never thought only for her , she always thought about her child .
Therefore , I didn`t going to " HappyTown " ,and helped my grandmother knitted socks for our family . Moreover , I listened my grandmother and this is was cool.
1."I get up at 8 a.m but I woke up at 7 a.m today , because I tired from the rode in the car." I do not understand this sentence. You must write: I get up at 7 a.m but I woke up at 8 a.m today , because I tired from the rode in the car.
DeleteToday’s morning was really nice, because I started it with my family. We went to a café in the center of town, which called “Sunshine”, we boarded a taxi, and alighted from it at the center. I was ordered English breakfast, which consisted of eggs, salad, and lots of vegetables, my family took other kind of food. My order was very beautiful, so I took a photo and post it on instagram. The cool music was playing in the café. I wanted to listen to this sounds again, that’s why “Sunshine” become my favorite place. Then I wanted to spend my time with friends, I phoned my best sidekicks, and we went to the shopping. This is my second favorite hobby. First of all we went to Cotton, because there are lots of beautiful clothes. I found a really cute dress. It had many flowers. In one word a perfect summer dress. I bought it, because if I did not by it, then I would regret. Then we went to the coffee shop, it was cozy. After all this I returned home. That weekend was excellent, because I spent my free time with my friends and family.
ReplyDeleteDear, Happy Flamingo in your essay you use lots of words want ot wanted. I recomend you change to choose, wish, desire, will, like or other words.Than in sentence "After all this I returned home." you must before the word house use at.After all this I returned
Deleteat home.
My every-day life is monotonous, boring and full of school affairs. My day started with getting up at 7 a.m. Then I took a shower, drank a cup of coffee or tea and sometimes I had a breakfast. After that's all I went to school by taxi. I usually had 7-8 lessons every school day from 8.30a.m. to 15.20p.m. However, between 5 and 6 lessons we had a lunch. Next, I had 30-minutes brake, in it I hang out as soon as talk with my best friends. Moreover, it helps me relax from too much information in my head and felt myself better. After as I had an afternoon snack I leave school. When teachers assign me extra lessons, I get home at 5 or 6. In my opinion, it helps me have a rise in some subjects.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got to home I became free, but limited by a lot of homework and soon starting summative assessment. Sometimes I take 30 minutes relax, it involves listening music, chatting with friends and watching TV. For example, I listened to music, while I did some little works. It is my wonderful motivation and good mood. Moreover, I had a volleyball at Monday, Wednesday and Friday, after this I always tired and can’t commit anything. In other time, I musted to do a lot of, but I never can’t do all of my daily plans.
Don't be lazy and smile =)
This essay was a interesting,BUT I was remarked a few mistakes.
Delete^at Monday-on Monday,on my birthday.
^listening music-listening to music.
Dear friend, your essay is very interesting, not boring. But there has many mistakes, like:
Delete1. 'A' breakfast- without any articles;
2. 'FELT' myself better-you wrote your essay in Present Simple, in general- so it should be 'feel';
3. In it I hang out- here to clarify the detail, I think you should write "which";
Good luck!
-*- 1...the word every-day must be written like EVERYDAY(together)
ReplyDelete-*- 2... I had a breakfast. - without article A
-*- 3... I usually had 7-8 lessons every school day - I usually HAVE 7-8 lessons every school day
-*- 4... I had 30-minutes brake - I haVE BRAKE,WHICH CONTINUOUS FOR 30 MINUTES (would be better)
-*- 5...your level of english seems very good, because I saw structure like "have a rise in some subjects."
Thank for your enjoyable essay, I liked it very much! =)